Bringing toddler to lunch with friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, I’m not saying that men NEVER meet up with their male friends for lunch outside of work. Of course it happens. But not as much as women. It’s just not a thing. There ARE some differences between male and female social interactions you know. Stop getting all worked up over something so obvious.

1. You did say that, twice. Three times if you include this post.

"Husbands don’t go out to lunch with their guy friends. Nice try though."
"I said guys don’t get together with their friends for lunch. They just don’t."
"It’s just not a thing."

2. Why does it bother you that men have lunch with their friends? What a bizarre hill to die on.

Of course men have lunch with friends. Of course men have free time without their child. Instead of pretending it doesn't exist, why don't you dig into the cultural and societal issues that make it fine for men but not women. No one is telling men "Oh you're such a bad friend if you don't want to hang around with your friends' children". And yet, some are saying that exact thing about women.

You’re funny.

It’s the “cultural and societal issues” that explain WHY men don’t socialize with other men the way women do with other women — including lunch.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-pathways-of-experience/202304/male-friendship-why-its-hard-for-men-to-bond-closely

People are literally telling you about their men and how they socialize. I think pp is right. You don't have any friends and simply can't fathom a world in which someone invites you to enjoy a meal with them. Sad.

People are telling anecdotes. That’s all. Doesn’t detract from my point. Nor does
getting nasty and personal and hateful because you disagree. Not persuasive, not becoming, and frankly more childish behavior than that of the toddler you want to bring with you to lunch.

Oh snap.
I want to subscribe to your newsletter. You have a way with words and sharp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, I’m not saying that men NEVER meet up with their male friends for lunch outside of work. Of course it happens. But not as much as women. It’s just not a thing. There ARE some differences between male and female social interactions you know. Stop getting all worked up over something so obvious.

Huh? Have you been in public lately? Time to get out of your mommys basement. Plenty of men have lunch with their male friends outside of work. Do you actually believe his doesn't happen?

DP. It’s rare. It’s why you’ve heard “ladies who lunch” and not “gentlemen who lunch.”

Really though this argument is a waste of time and distracting.

oh FFS. "Ladies who lunch" is from the 1970's. Are you seriously trying to use that to say men don't have lunch with their friends? Grasping at straws or what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, I’m not saying that men NEVER meet up with their male friends for lunch outside of work. Of course it happens. But not as much as women. It’s just not a thing. There ARE some differences between male and female social interactions you know. Stop getting all worked up over something so obvious.

Huh? Have you been in public lately? Time to get out of your mommys basement. Plenty of men have lunch with their male friends outside of work. Do you actually believe his doesn't happen?

Not really. It’s like how they don’t go on walks together. It’s out of fear they will be assumed to be gay.

Also considering many men can’t plan or manage a schedule, they are going to struggle to get friends together at a specific time and place.

This makes me wonder why golf isn't coded as gay. It is just walking around.

DP, but depends on who you ask. I view men playing golf, tennis, even basketball or football, as being much more effiminate than say men who box, shoot, hunt, boat, fish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, I’m not saying that men NEVER meet up with their male friends for lunch outside of work. Of course it happens. But not as much as women. It’s just not a thing. There ARE some differences between male and female social interactions you know. Stop getting all worked up over something so obvious.

Huh? Have you been in public lately? Time to get out of your mommys basement. Plenty of men have lunch with their male friends outside of work. Do you actually believe his doesn't happen?

Not really. It’s like how they don’t go on walks together. It’s out of fear they will be assumed to be gay.

Also considering many men can’t plan or manage a schedule, they are going to struggle to get friends together at a specific time and place.

I'd say literally no one avoids these activities for fear they will be assumed to be gay, but clearly this is a big fear of yours. So I will say, MOST people do not avoid activities because of this reason. This is the reason YOU avoid these activities, and it sounds like your social life is none the better for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, I’m not saying that men NEVER meet up with their male friends for lunch outside of work. Of course it happens. But not as much as women. It’s just not a thing. There ARE some differences between male and female social interactions you know. Stop getting all worked up over something so obvious.

Huh? Have you been in public lately? Time to get out of your mommys basement. Plenty of men have lunch with their male friends outside of work. Do you actually believe his doesn't happen?

Not really. It’s like how they don’t go on walks together. It’s out of fear they will be assumed to be gay.

Also considering many men can’t plan or manage a schedule, they are going to struggle to get friends together at a specific time and place.

This makes me wonder why golf isn't coded as gay. It is just walking around.

DP, but depends on who you ask. I view men playing golf, tennis, even basketball or football, as being much more effiminate than say men who box, shoot, hunt, boat, fish.

You think 7' tall basketball players are more effeminate than men who sit together in a tiny dingy for hours on end "fishing"? Ok lolol. You dont even make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, I’m not saying that men NEVER meet up with their male friends for lunch outside of work. Of course it happens. But not as much as women. It’s just not a thing. There ARE some differences between male and female social interactions you know. Stop getting all worked up over something so obvious.

Huh? Have you been in public lately? Time to get out of your mommys basement. Plenty of men have lunch with their male friends outside of work. Do you actually believe his doesn't happen?

Not really. It’s like how they don’t go on walks together. It’s out of fear they will be assumed to be gay.

Also considering many men can’t plan or manage a schedule, they are going to struggle to get friends together at a specific time and place.

This makes me wonder why golf isn't coded as gay. It is just walking around.

DP, but depends on who you ask. I view men playing golf, tennis, even basketball or football, as being much more effiminate than say men who box, shoot, hunt, boat, fish.

Team sports = gay
Solo sports = straight
Is that what you're trying to say? No wonder you're lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

If friendship is equivalent to putting on airs and feigning your version of politeness, this just seems sad.

For all of you who don’t want your friends to bring their kids, have you considered just making your invite clear of that intention rather than completely dropping your friend when they bring their kid????

The rest of us make plans for our kids. If you’re in such a peculiar situation that you have no other friends, spouse, neighbor, parents, inlaws, sibling, or anyone else in your life who can watch your toddler for an hour, most of us can’t relate to that. Never being able to have lunch without a toddler is odd. Everyone else shouldn’t need to adjust to accommodate this unusual issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, I’m not saying that men NEVER meet up with their male friends for lunch outside of work. Of course it happens. But not as much as women. It’s just not a thing. There ARE some differences between male and female social interactions you know. Stop getting all worked up over something so obvious.

Huh? Have you been in public lately? Time to get out of your mommys basement. Plenty of men have lunch with their male friends outside of work. Do you actually believe his doesn't happen?

Not really. It’s like how they don’t go on walks together. It’s out of fear they will be assumed to be gay.

Also considering many men can’t plan or manage a schedule, they are going to struggle to get friends together at a specific time and place.

This makes me wonder why golf isn't coded as gay. It is just walking around.

DP, but depends on who you ask. I view men playing golf, tennis, even basketball or football, as being much more effiminate than say men who box, shoot, hunt, boat, fish.

Men who box? What rock did you just climb out from under?

[Anonymous]

Unless your kid is specifically invited (would you and Emma like to join for lunch) then please do not bring a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, I’m not saying that men NEVER meet up with their male friends for lunch outside of work. Of course it happens. But not as much as women. It’s just not a thing. There ARE some differences between male and female social interactions you know. Stop getting all worked up over something so obvious.

Huh? Have you been in public lately? Time to get out of your mommys basement. Plenty of men have lunch with their male friends outside of work. Do you actually believe his doesn't happen?

Not really. It’s like how they don’t go on walks together. It’s out of fear they will be assumed to be gay.

Also considering many men can’t plan or manage a schedule, they are going to struggle to get friends together at a specific time and place.

This makes me wonder why golf isn't coded as gay. It is just walking around.

DP, but depends on who you ask. I view men playing golf, tennis, even basketball or football, as being much more effiminate than say men who box, shoot, hunt, boat, fish.

wait wait you are telling me that you think men who golf or play football are....gay?

[Anonymous]

certainly when I watch football it looks just like some sort of gay fetish, what with all the tight bodies in tight pants... jumping on each other....wrestling for balls.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:certainly when I watch football it looks just like some sort of gay fetish, what with all the tight bodies in tight pants... jumping on each other....wrestling for balls.....

Is that why you watch?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

If friendship is equivalent to putting on airs and feigning your version of politeness, this just seems sad.

For all of you who don’t want your friends to bring their kids, have you considered just making your invite clear of that intention rather than completely dropping your friend when they bring their kid????

The rest of us make plans for our kids. If you’re in such a peculiar situation that you have no other friends, spouse, neighbor, parents, inlaws, sibling, or anyone else in your life who can watch your toddler for an hour, most of us can’t relate to that. Never being able to have lunch without a toddler is odd. Everyone else shouldn’t need to adjust to accommodate this unusual issue.

You are lucky if you have family to help. My parents refused to help despite living close, my MIL was in a nursing home and my FIL who'd never help, lived cross country. Our siblings don't live close but aren't the aunt/uncle types.

Whats the big deal? Mine are older but I have no issue with friends bringing their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

If friendship is equivalent to putting on airs and feigning your version of politeness, this just seems sad.

For all of you who don’t want your friends to bring their kids, have you considered just making your invite clear of that intention rather than completely dropping your friend when they bring their kid????

The rest of us make plans for our kids. If you’re in such a peculiar situation that you have no other friends, spouse, neighbor, parents, inlaws, sibling, or anyone else in your life who can watch your toddler for an hour, most of us can’t relate to that. Never being able to have lunch without a toddler is odd. Everyone else shouldn’t need to adjust to accommodate this unusual issue.

You are lucky if you have family to help. My parents refused to help despite living close, my MIL was in a nursing home and my FIL who'd never help, lived cross country. Our siblings don't live close but aren't the aunt/uncle types.

Whats the big deal? Mine are older but I have no issue with friends bringing their kids.

So you have nobody in your life yet somehow you have lots of people inviting you to lunch. Doesn’t really add up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are expected to work like they don’t have kids and raise kids like they don’t work. Now we’re expected to maintain friendships as if we don’t have kids? Hard pass. Moms don’t need that kind of pressure, and if you can’t understand kids are part of the picture for a few years, no need to continue the friendship.

Everyone knows this. OP got a pity invite because her friends didn’t want to drop her, but they don’t expect her to show up with the toddler to their group lunch. They politely ask just to keep her in the loop and her job is to politely decline and eventually everyone will move on.

If friendship is equivalent to putting on airs and feigning your version of politeness, this just seems sad.

For all of you who don’t want your friends to bring their kids, have you considered just making your invite clear of that intention rather than completely dropping your friend when they bring their kid????

The rest of us make plans for our kids. If you’re in such a peculiar situation that you have no other friends, spouse, neighbor, parents, inlaws, sibling, or anyone else in your life who can watch your toddler for an hour, most of us can’t relate to that. Never being able to have lunch without a toddler is odd. Everyone else shouldn’t need to adjust to accommodate this unusual issue.

It's really not unusual at all that the friends, spouse, parents, inlaws, and siblings would all be working adults or not living nearby. They might be willing to take leave for the mom to go to a doctor's appointment without the kid, but probably not so she can go to lunch with a friend. She might not want to bother elderly neighbors, so that doesn't leave many options. If these lunches are on a weekend, then it's a little more understandable to expect the mom to leave the kid with her spouse.