Bringing toddler to lunch with friends

[Anonymous]

My daughter is 12 months old and in the last couple months I’m finally feeling like I have a handle on getting out of the house and doing things with her. I have been getting lunch with friends (most of whom don’t have kids yet) and typically bring her along. We obviously don’t go to any fancy spots. Is this annoying?

[Anonymous]

I would ask them. If they interact with her and feel like they can talk freely, then sure. But, I personally would want some just friend time. It would be different if they were coming to your house for lunch.

[Anonymous]

Personally I always found having toddlers in restaurants annoying (even my own). As the weather cools down, can you schedule walks to catch up?

[Anonymous]

Just ask them. I never particularly minded but I like kids and my friends weren't absorbed in their kids the entire time. I can see it would be annoying if you didn't actually get to talk much because your focus was on your kid.

[Anonymous]

Once they are mobile, it is annoying. So if they can move around on their own and will keep you from being able to focus on your friend - leave them with a sitter.

But - ask your friends! Or invite them to your house for coffee if you can't find a sitter.

[Anonymous]

I also like the walks idea! Kids in strollers are pretty easy.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to ask your lunch mates.

[Anonymous]

You aren't really friends with these people if you aren't willing/can't have a conversation about this

[Anonymous]

Yay, the worst thing you are doing is not asking ahead of time. You are just doing want you want, what works for you - - not cool

[Anonymous]

I’d say bringing sometimes is fine. All the time is annoying unless they love babies and actively participate in caring for her. I wouldn’t bother to ask because what friend is going to say she’d rather you leave your kid home? Not me even though I’d prefer it. Note, I’ve got kids so I fully understand both sides of this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d say bringing sometimes is fine. All the time is annoying unless they love babies and actively participate in caring for her. I wouldn’t bother to ask because what friend is going to say she’d rather you leave your kid home? Not me even though I’d prefer it. Note, I’ve got kids so I fully understand both sides of this issue.

I will supplement this with the pp’s comments - when you have to bring her, make sure you ask beforehand if for nothing other than a heads up.

[Anonymous]

I disagree on asking. Hard to tell a friend it’s annoying when their kid is around and probably hard to hear it, no matter how nicely phrased.

I’d say something like you were thinking about mixing it up and sometimes bringing toddler and sometimes not. Then gauge how enthusiastically they agree with sometimes not bringing her and proceed accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Asking accomplishes nothing. Would anyone ever say it was annoying even if it was the worst thing ever? (I am from the South lol).

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's annoying if it happens all the time. No, they probably won't admit to being annoyed even if you ask directly.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s very annoying. Even if they tell you, it’s not it’s because they’re being really polite and like you. And it’s still annoying, even if they love your toddler. It really changes the dynamic.