Does anyone else find ‘cherish these moments’ parenting advice a little traumatizing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't hard. Some people appreciate hearing stuff like this. Others don't. Sometimes it's just small talk. Sometimes it's not that deep--and believe it or not, sometimes it isn't even about you. Shocking, I know. I swear, half the time the women making these types of comments are actually talking about or thinking back to their own experiences. This seems to be especially true for old ladies.

You can't police what people say, nor can you control them. You don't like the comment? Just nod or smile and be on your way.

Literally no one has jumped on here to say "oh, I love hearing that! It's such a good reminder." The range is - "meh, no biggie" to the woman on page 4, crying 10 times a day and saying that comments like this made her life harder.

Everyone recognizes that you can't control other people. But the point of this thread is - hey, if you're saying this, maybe stop and here's why.

If everyone recognizes that they can't control other people, then why are you on here telling others to stop saying things? How does that make any sense?

And even if no one on this particular thread has said they enjoy hearing these types of comments, it doesn't follow that everyone everywhere feels the same.

NP. The point of DCUM, really, is that this is where you CAN anonymously vent and say the things you wouldn't say to a stranger, but if the collective wisdom is pointing toward stop being annoying, maybe stop. Like, YES, most of us did (and do) just blandly smile when some random stranger was yammering on with unsolicited advice or just-you-waits. That's the response in real life. Got it.

But here we get to say why it was annoying. And we can commiserate a bit. And yeah, give some other insight and perspective. But maybe if you're defensive and uncomfortable because you don't like that the general consensus is that you are annoying if you are the Smug Older Mommy sort, you could reevaluate the way you interact with...people you don't even know.

Sure, you get to say why it's annoying (actually, I believe the word was "traumatizing.") Just like those of who also find it annoying but refuse to get all worked up about it get to say, hey, maybe it's not that big of a deal and you're just taking it too personally--and you should reevaluate your reaction to stuff like this. That's a valid perspective, too.

Not the PP- but I think the point is, the best anyone can say for these comments is that they’re a little annoying but NBD. So it can be like, a PSA to the older moms posting on here who are saying they say these things and people need to just take them in the spirit in which they were intended. Bht- now they know- the consensus is that they aren’t appreciated. The more you know! That sort of thing.

Not every poster saying its NBD is an older mom, you know.

That’s not what I said.

But go on continuing to make tone deaf comments to strangers. We will continue to smile and laugh and nod and then roll our eyes afterwords.

It's cute that you think the people who disagree with you are the same ones making these comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't hard. Some people appreciate hearing stuff like this. Others don't. Sometimes it's just small talk. Sometimes it's not that deep--and believe it or not, sometimes it isn't even about you. Shocking, I know. I swear, half the time the women making these types of comments are actually talking about or thinking back to their own experiences. This seems to be especially true for old ladies.

You can't police what people say, nor can you control them. You don't like the comment? Just nod or smile and be on your way.

Literally no one has jumped on here to say "oh, I love hearing that! It's such a good reminder." The range is - "meh, no biggie" to the woman on page 4, crying 10 times a day and saying that comments like this made her life harder.

Everyone recognizes that you can't control other people. But the point of this thread is - hey, if you're saying this, maybe stop and here's why.

If everyone recognizes that they can't control other people, then why are you on here telling others to stop saying things? How does that make any sense?

And even if no one on this particular thread has said they enjoy hearing these types of comments, it doesn't follow that everyone everywhere feels the same.

NP. The point of DCUM, really, is that this is where you CAN anonymously vent and say the things you wouldn't say to a stranger, but if the collective wisdom is pointing toward stop being annoying, maybe stop. Like, YES, most of us did (and do) just blandly smile when some random stranger was yammering on with unsolicited advice or just-you-waits. That's the response in real life. Got it.

But here we get to say why it was annoying. And we can commiserate a bit. And yeah, give some other insight and perspective. But maybe if you're defensive and uncomfortable because you don't like that the general consensus is that you are annoying if you are the Smug Older Mommy sort, you could reevaluate the way you interact with...people you don't even know.

Sure, you get to say why it's annoying (actually, I believe the word was "traumatizing.") Just like those of who also find it annoying but refuse to get all worked up about it get to say, hey, maybe it's not that big of a deal and you're just taking it too personally--and you should reevaluate your reaction to stuff like this. That's a valid perspective, too.

Not the PP- but I think the point is, the best anyone can say for these comments is that they’re a little annoying but NBD. So it can be like, a PSA to the older moms posting on here who are saying they say these things and people need to just take them in the spirit in which they were intended. Bht- now they know- the consensus is that they aren’t appreciated. The more you know! That sort of thing.

Not every poster saying its NBD is an older mom, you know.

That’s not what I said.

But go on continuing to make tone deaf comments to strangers. We will continue to smile and laugh and nod and then roll our eyes afterwords.

It's cute that you think the people who disagree with you are the same ones making these comments.

DP. I don't think anyone in this thread is the people making these comments, but you know DCUM if you're not precisely as bothered by something as someone else if must mean you're one of Them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't hard. Some people appreciate hearing stuff like this. Others don't. Sometimes it's just small talk. Sometimes it's not that deep--and believe it or not, sometimes it isn't even about you. Shocking, I know. I swear, half the time the women making these types of comments are actually talking about or thinking back to their own experiences. This seems to be especially true for old ladies.

You can't police what people say, nor can you control them. You don't like the comment? Just nod or smile and be on your way.

Literally no one has jumped on here to say "oh, I love hearing that! It's such a good reminder." The range is - "meh, no biggie" to the woman on page 4, crying 10 times a day and saying that comments like this made her life harder.

Everyone recognizes that you can't control other people. But the point of this thread is - hey, if you're saying this, maybe stop and here's why.

If everyone recognizes that they can't control other people, then why are you on here telling others to stop saying things? How does that make any sense?

And even if no one on this particular thread has said they enjoy hearing these types of comments, it doesn't follow that everyone everywhere feels the same.

NP. The point of DCUM, really, is that this is where you CAN anonymously vent and say the things you wouldn't say to a stranger, but if the collective wisdom is pointing toward stop being annoying, maybe stop. Like, YES, most of us did (and do) just blandly smile when some random stranger was yammering on with unsolicited advice or just-you-waits. That's the response in real life. Got it.

But here we get to say why it was annoying. And we can commiserate a bit. And yeah, give some other insight and perspective. But maybe if you're defensive and uncomfortable because you don't like that the general consensus is that you are annoying if you are the Smug Older Mommy sort, you could reevaluate the way you interact with...people you don't even know.

Sure, you get to say why it's annoying (actually, I believe the word was "traumatizing.") Just like those of who also find it annoying but refuse to get all worked up about it get to say, hey, maybe it's not that big of a deal and you're just taking it too personally--and you should reevaluate your reaction to stuff like this. That's a valid perspective, too.

Not the PP- but I think the point is, the best anyone can say for these comments is that they’re a little annoying but NBD. So it can be like, a PSA to the older moms posting on here who are saying they say these things and people need to just take them in the spirit in which they were intended. Bht- now they know- the consensus is that they aren’t appreciated. The more you know! That sort of thing.

Not every poster saying its NBD is an older mom, you know.

That’s not what I said.

But go on continuing to make tone deaf comments to strangers. We will continue to smile and laugh and nod and then roll our eyes afterwords.

It's cute that you think the people who disagree with you are the same ones making these comments.

DP. I don't think anyone in this thread is the people making these comments, but you know DCUM if you're not precisely as bothered by something as someone else if must mean you're one of Them.

I know not everyone is super bothered by them. Of course not! My point is no one actively LIKES these comments. I don’t know why you’re defending peoples needs to make these comments when we all agree no one actively enjoys having these comments made towards them. That’s all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is like you are hiking on a trail. The people who are coming back might say, "that next part is a bear." Or, "didn't the part you just finished have spectacular views?" They are not being smug or competitive or mean. They are sharing the journey you are both on.

If you were not so exhausted and overwhelmed, you could probably take it as it is meant. I just don't think you realize that your strong negative reaction emanates from your quality of life right now, not the friendly women who is looking fondly at your beautiful child.

Totally agree. There is their weird generation that never wants to interact with anyone, won’t answer their front door, and only sees the world through their own eyes. It is a strange and sad lot.

This. And they literally don't have the time of day for someone 10-15 years ahead of them on this path, and actually wonder why we have the audacity to even breathe the same air they do. Hope all these angry moms don't have more kids, but because more kids are actually MORE work, despite what cute Instagram image they have in their head.

[Anonymous]

Did not read this long thread... but, no, I did not mind the cherish the childhood comments.

Mainly because -
- I had super cute, super easy and super intelligent NT kids that I adored being a mom to.
- I had a lot of family support for babysitting
- I had money to outsource chores
- I had a super cushy work arrangement which allowed me to pick assignments on my own pace and work from home. I worked for my dad.
- DH is a sufficiently high earner and very involved dad.
- Motherhood came easy for me. Easily pregnant, easy pregnancies, easy birth, easy to breastfeed, super easy kids.

Yes, so I was not the person who was triggered by "cherish these moments" because with all the advantages I would have had to be completely insane not to cherish being a mom.
-

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is like you are hiking on a trail. The people who are coming back might say, "that next part is a bear." Or, "didn't the part you just finished have spectacular views?" They are not being smug or competitive or mean. They are sharing the journey you are both on.

If you were not so exhausted and overwhelmed, you could probably take it as it is meant. I just don't think you realize that your strong negative reaction emanates from your quality of life right now, not the friendly women who is looking fondly at your beautiful child.

Totally agree. There is their weird generation that never wants to interact with anyone, won’t answer their front door, and only sees the world through their own eyes. It is a strange and sad lot.

This. And they literally don't have the time of day for someone 10-15 years ahead of them on this path, and actually wonder why we have the audacity to even breathe the same air they do. Hope all these angry moms don't have more kids, but because more kids are actually MORE work, despite what cute Instagram image they have in their head.

+1 to both PPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is like you are hiking on a trail. The people who are coming back might say, "that next part is a bear." Or, "didn't the part you just finished have spectacular views?" They are not being smug or competitive or mean. They are sharing the journey you are both on.

If you were not so exhausted and overwhelmed, you could probably take it as it is meant. I just don't think you realize that your strong negative reaction emanates from your quality of life right now, not the friendly women who is looking fondly at your beautiful child.

Totally agree. There is their weird generation that never wants to interact with anyone, won’t answer their front door, and only sees the world through their own eyes. It is a strange and sad lot.

This. And they literally don't have the time of day for someone 10-15 years ahead of them on this path, and actually wonder why we have the audacity to even breathe the same air they do. Hope all these angry moms don't have more kids, but because more kids are actually MORE work, despite what cute Instagram image they have in their head.

It doesn’t matter that you’re ahead of us on “the path,” because that’s YOUR path. I’m on my path. If you want to connect with me and walk with me, smile and try to start a *polite* conversation. Smug Older Mommy ain’t it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't hard. Some people appreciate hearing stuff like this. Others don't. Sometimes it's just small talk. Sometimes it's not that deep--and believe it or not, sometimes it isn't even about you. Shocking, I know. I swear, half the time the women making these types of comments are actually talking about or thinking back to their own experiences. This seems to be especially true for old ladies.

You can't police what people say, nor can you control them. You don't like the comment? Just nod or smile and be on your way.

Literally no one has jumped on here to say "oh, I love hearing that! It's such a good reminder." The range is - "meh, no biggie" to the woman on page 4, crying 10 times a day and saying that comments like this made her life harder.

Everyone recognizes that you can't control other people. But the point of this thread is - hey, if you're saying this, maybe stop and here's why.

If everyone recognizes that they can't control other people, then why are you on here telling others to stop saying things? How does that make any sense?

And even if no one on this particular thread has said they enjoy hearing these types of comments, it doesn't follow that everyone everywhere feels the same.

NP. The point of DCUM, really, is that this is where you CAN anonymously vent and say the things you wouldn't say to a stranger, but if the collective wisdom is pointing toward stop being annoying, maybe stop. Like, YES, most of us did (and do) just blandly smile when some random stranger was yammering on with unsolicited advice or just-you-waits. That's the response in real life. Got it.

But here we get to say why it was annoying. And we can commiserate a bit. And yeah, give some other insight and perspective. But maybe if you're defensive and uncomfortable because you don't like that the general consensus is that you are annoying if you are the Smug Older Mommy sort, you could reevaluate the way you interact with...people you don't even know.

Sure, you get to say why it's annoying (actually, I believe the word was "traumatizing.") Just like those of who also find it annoying but refuse to get all worked up about it get to say, hey, maybe it's not that big of a deal and you're just taking it too personally--and you should reevaluate your reaction to stuff like this. That's a valid perspective, too.

Not the PP- but I think the point is, the best anyone can say for these comments is that they’re a little annoying but NBD. So it can be like, a PSA to the older moms posting on here who are saying they say these things and people need to just take them in the spirit in which they were intended. Bht- now they know- the consensus is that they aren’t appreciated. The more you know! That sort of thing.

Not every poster saying its NBD is an older mom, you know.

That’s not what I said.

But go on continuing to make tone deaf comments to strangers. We will continue to smile and laugh and nod and then roll our eyes afterwords.

It's cute that you think the people who disagree with you are the same ones making these comments.

DP. I don't think anyone in this thread is the people making these comments, but you know DCUM if you're not precisely as bothered by something as someone else if must mean you're one of Them.

I know not everyone is super bothered by them. Of course not! My point is no one actively LIKES these comments. I don’t know why you’re defending peoples needs to make these comments when we all agree no one actively enjoys having these comments made towards them. That’s all.

I don't agree with that at all. I did like them. A reminder that what I was going through wasn't all misery was helpful at putting things in perspective.

[Anonymous]

I hated, hated, hated these comments when my kids were little. HATED. I was sleep deprived and overwhelmed with the demands of taking care of twins and working full time, and the last thing I needed was someone telling me to cherish the moment.

But now mine are teens, and I find myself looking wistfully at the little kids in the grocery store, even the ones throwing tantrums and misbehaving. I so miss the ability to scoop up my kids and hug them and tell them that everything is going to be okay.

So, I'm not going to say anything to you in public, and I'm not going to tell you it gets harder as they get older, because every stage is hard in its own way. But if you see a mom of older kids looking at you and smiling, please know I'm not judging you. I'm just remembering what it was like when mine were little, and I am very much missing those days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is like you are hiking on a trail. The people who are coming back might say, "that next part is a bear." Or, "didn't the part you just finished have spectacular views?" They are not being smug or competitive or mean. They are sharing the journey you are both on.

If you were not so exhausted and overwhelmed, you could probably take it as it is meant. I just don't think you realize that your strong negative reaction emanates from your quality of life right now, not the friendly women who is looking fondly at your beautiful child.

Totally agree. There is their weird generation that never wants to interact with anyone, won’t answer their front door, and only sees the world through their own eyes. It is a strange and sad lot.

This. And they literally don't have the time of day for someone 10-15 years ahead of them on this path, and actually wonder why we have the audacity to even breathe the same air they do. Hope all these angry moms don't have more kids, but because more kids are actually MORE work, despite what cute Instagram image they have in their head.

It doesn’t matter that you’re ahead of us on “the path,” because that’s YOUR path. I’m on my path. If you want to connect with me and walk with me, smile and try to start a *polite* conversation. Smug Older Mommy ain’t it.

Some of my closest neighbors and friends are 10-15 years older than I am. I cherish their place in my life. We chat about what we are all going through at all the various life phases of kids and aging parents and its invaluable to me. I'm really sorry you don't have that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't hard. Some people appreciate hearing stuff like this. Others don't. Sometimes it's just small talk. Sometimes it's not that deep--and believe it or not, sometimes it isn't even about you. Shocking, I know. I swear, half the time the women making these types of comments are actually talking about or thinking back to their own experiences. This seems to be especially true for old ladies.

You can't police what people say, nor can you control them. You don't like the comment? Just nod or smile and be on your way.

Literally no one has jumped on here to say "oh, I love hearing that! It's such a good reminder." The range is - "meh, no biggie" to the woman on page 4, crying 10 times a day and saying that comments like this made her life harder.

Everyone recognizes that you can't control other people. But the point of this thread is - hey, if you're saying this, maybe stop and here's why.

If everyone recognizes that they can't control other people, then why are you on here telling others to stop saying things? How does that make any sense?

And even if no one on this particular thread has said they enjoy hearing these types of comments, it doesn't follow that everyone everywhere feels the same.

NP. The point of DCUM, really, is that this is where you CAN anonymously vent and say the things you wouldn't say to a stranger, but if the collective wisdom is pointing toward stop being annoying, maybe stop. Like, YES, most of us did (and do) just blandly smile when some random stranger was yammering on with unsolicited advice or just-you-waits. That's the response in real life. Got it.

But here we get to say why it was annoying. And we can commiserate a bit. And yeah, give some other insight and perspective. But maybe if you're defensive and uncomfortable because you don't like that the general consensus is that you are annoying if you are the Smug Older Mommy sort, you could reevaluate the way you interact with...people you don't even know.

Sure, you get to say why it's annoying (actually, I believe the word was "traumatizing.") Just like those of who also find it annoying but refuse to get all worked up about it get to say, hey, maybe it's not that big of a deal and you're just taking it too personally--and you should reevaluate your reaction to stuff like this. That's a valid perspective, too.

Not the PP- but I think the point is, the best anyone can say for these comments is that they’re a little annoying but NBD. So it can be like, a PSA to the older moms posting on here who are saying they say these things and people need to just take them in the spirit in which they were intended. Bht- now they know- the consensus is that they aren’t appreciated. The more you know! That sort of thing.

Not every poster saying its NBD is an older mom, you know.

That’s not what I said.

But go on continuing to make tone deaf comments to strangers. We will continue to smile and laugh and nod and then roll our eyes afterwords.

It's cute that you think the people who disagree with you are the same ones making these comments.

DP. I don't think anyone in this thread is the people making these comments, but you know DCUM if you're not precisely as bothered by something as someone else if must mean you're one of Them.

I know not everyone is super bothered by them. Of course not! My point is no one actively LIKES these comments. I don’t know why you’re defending peoples needs to make these comments when we all agree no one actively enjoys having these comments made towards them. That’s all.

I don't agree with that at all. I did like them. A reminder that what I was going through wasn't all misery was helpful at putting things in perspective.

I didn't mind them either. I knew how special and fleeting the time was and it did help to put minor frustrations in perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is like you are hiking on a trail. The people who are coming back might say, "that next part is a bear." Or, "didn't the part you just finished have spectacular views?" They are not being smug or competitive or mean. They are sharing the journey you are both on.

If you were not so exhausted and overwhelmed, you could probably take it as it is meant. I just don't think you realize that your strong negative reaction emanates from your quality of life right now, not the friendly women who is looking fondly at your beautiful child.

Totally agree. There is their weird generation that never wants to interact with anyone, won’t answer their front door, and only sees the world through their own eyes. It is a strange and sad lot.

This. And they literally don't have the time of day for someone 10-15 years ahead of them on this path, and actually wonder why we have the audacity to even breathe the same air they do. Hope all these angry moms don't have more kids, but because more kids are actually MORE work, despite what cute Instagram image they have in their head.

It is actually shocking how women on this site, who share the same difficult job of parenting are ripping each other apart (one side only mind you) instead of supporting each other.

Talk about smug. How many of the younger posters seem to think they are superior because their moms gave birth to them after the older posters' moms. That takes not talent and guess what, you will reach our age. And hopefully the younger women you encounter will have respect for you and realize that you have a tremendous amount in common despite the wrinkles on your face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is like you are hiking on a trail. The people who are coming back might say, "that next part is a bear." Or, "didn't the part you just finished have spectacular views?" They are not being smug or competitive or mean. They are sharing the journey you are both on.

If you were not so exhausted and overwhelmed, you could probably take it as it is meant. I just don't think you realize that your strong negative reaction emanates from your quality of life right now, not the friendly women who is looking fondly at your beautiful child.

Totally agree. There is their weird generation that never wants to interact with anyone, won’t answer their front door, and only sees the world through their own eyes. It is a strange and sad lot.

This. And they literally don't have the time of day for someone 10-15 years ahead of them on this path, and actually wonder why we have the audacity to even breathe the same air they do. Hope all these angry moms don't have more kids, but because more kids are actually MORE work, despite what cute Instagram image they have in their head.

It doesn’t matter that you’re ahead of us on “the path,” because that’s YOUR path. I’m on my path. If you want to connect with me and walk with me, smile and try to start a *polite* conversation. Smug Older Mommy ain’t it.

Some of my closest neighbors and friends are 10-15 years older than I am. I cherish their place in my life. We chat about what we are all going through at all the various life phases of kids and aging parents and its invaluable to me. I'm really sorry you don't have that.

Same. I don't see them as smug or irrelevant. I see them (even if I don't know them) as potential mentors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hated, hated, hated these comments when my kids were little. HATED. I was sleep deprived and overwhelmed with the demands of taking care of twins and working full time, and the last thing I needed was someone telling me to cherish the moment.

But now mine are teens, and I find myself looking wistfully at the little kids in the grocery store, even the ones throwing tantrums and misbehaving. I so miss the ability to scoop up my kids and hug them and tell them that everything is going to be okay.

So, I'm not going to say anything to you in public, and I'm not going to tell you it gets harder as they get older, because every stage is hard in its own way. But if you see a mom of older kids looking at you and smiling, please know I'm not judging you. I'm just remembering what it was like when mine were little, and I am very much missing those days.

Oops, the end of your post may have crossed their line. Now you are some babbling old person looking for attention and validation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is like you are hiking on a trail. The people who are coming back might say, "that next part is a bear." Or, "didn't the part you just finished have spectacular views?" They are not being smug or competitive or mean. They are sharing the journey you are both on.

If you were not so exhausted and overwhelmed, you could probably take it as it is meant. I just don't think you realize that your strong negative reaction emanates from your quality of life right now, not the friendly women who is looking fondly at your beautiful child.

Totally agree. There is their weird generation that never wants to interact with anyone, won’t answer their front door, and only sees the world through their own eyes. It is a strange and sad lot.

This. And they literally don't have the time of day for someone 10-15 years ahead of them on this path, and actually wonder why we have the audacity to even breathe the same air they do. Hope all these angry moms don't have more kids, but because more kids are actually MORE work, despite what cute Instagram image they have in their head.

It is actually shocking how women on this site, who share the same difficult job of parenting are ripping each other apart (one side only mind you) instead of supporting each other.

Talk about smug. How many of the younger posters seem to think they are superior because their moms gave birth to them after the older posters' moms. That takes not talent and guess what, you will reach our age. And hopefully the younger women you encounter will have respect for you and realize that you have a tremendous amount in common despite the wrinkles on your face.

They are the same ones complaining they have no family or support network and they wonder whatever happened to "it takes a village"? The village is still there, but apparently we are beneath them.