Less successful sister is acting like she's the de facto owner of dad's beach house

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your dad is over 70 years old and living on his own after your mom's death and a long marriage. And sounds like your sister visits him more and helps (or "helps") with renovations and projects he has going on around the house.

You call every night but if you aren't visiting physically as much you may not have as good an understanding of the physical and mental deterioration that might be occurring.

Have you discussed who or how you might plan to take care of your dad as he ages? If he is going to try to age in place, your sister being there and actually taking care of him in his home probably would warrant her to a larger share of the house or inheritance, and maybe that is work she can do and work you cannot do given your respective schedules.

Just a heads up not to look down or fault your sister for potentially loving care she is able to give your dad which you can not. Is she trying to weasel her way into a greater share of the house? I don't know. But is your need for absolute equity blinding you to her service to your dad?

We have some of these issues in my family. My parents chose to be taken care of by eldest son who doesn't have kids, even though money is still being split pretty evenly. I need to be careful not to overstep as a daughter who loves her folks alot. Your dad hasn't "chosen" here, but at 70 years old or more, he is going to start to need help and if you're not admitting that you've got a blind spot. If your sister IS seeing that, and is helping him by more in person visits than you are giving, you need to either up your visits so you understand your dad's true mental/physical health situation or gracefully acknowledge that your sister is actually providing a service to your dad and the rest of the family by actually being there IN PERSON for his senior years, even if she doesn't make as much money as you. At our ages, time with loved ones is just as precious as money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mentioning that her sister is less successful seems petty. It rubbed me the wrong way immediately.

You'd prefer OP to act as if the sister is wealthy, works full time, her BIL is a rich surgeon? The sister being long-term unemployed teases out work ethic and character issues, it explains her additional free time, it signals she can't afford a second home of her own, it tees up the dad possibly feeling sorry for her and her husband so they can weasel a larger than 33.3% cut of the dad's estate. It also creates a sense of entitlement in a mooch, when they see a sibling "with" and they are without, it rationalizes more ruthless mooching.

Is it your opinion that anybody that does not have a paying job and not a lot of wealth has work ethic and character issues, is entitled, and is a ruthless mooch?
How do you define "success"?

[Anonymous]

Talk to your dad about getting it moved into a trust now. I trusted my family and got completely shafted. Trust no one. Except a funded trust. Getting an irrevocable trust doc isn't enough either. Need to deed home to the trust too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is wild. OP sounds paranoid and like he or she needs professional help. Just because the sister is involved in the beach house doesn’t mean she is trying to take control or future inheritance.

Also have no idea what OP’s beachhouse has to do with any of this. Except that it seems like OP is resentful that he or she bought their own beach house and the sister can just use dad’s

Seems to me that OP made a mistake buying a beach house, no? OP you should just sell yours and start visiting your dad.

You are naive. Not OP, but I have heard 4 stories where the "family beach home" or other vacation home caused estrangements and even legal battles. The father is very naive not to make his intentions know in writing. The best idea for sibling relationships is to be as far as possible. You all can berate OP all you want, but I've seen even seemingly happy families fall into discord over the stuff.

At this point, all we know is that OP will be contentious about it. She *thinks* her sister may want it, but it’s not an educated guess (i.e. OP is basing her guess on the fact that her sister is *checks notes* … “less successful”).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what if she coerces her widowed elderly father to cut out two of her siblings from a multi-million estate. Wait, what? This forum is full of shady dirtbags who must see themselves in the sister.

She didn't do that.

(and way to use some overblown rhetoric. A "shabby" house is now a multi-million estate.)

Are you ESL? An "estate" is the totality of the father's assets. Beach house, primary house, life insurance, cash, annuity, investment accounts, etc.

"es-tate (noun) all the money and property owned by a particular person, especially at death"

So wait, now sister is not just after the beach house, she is after every last dime? Where are you getting this?

You think some shyster who may wrangle a $1M-plus beach house away from the dad's other two heirs will stop at the beach house? Yes, I would consider the entire estate, which is presumably at least a couple million dollars in assets, to be at risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what if she coerces her widowed elderly father to cut out two of her siblings from a multi-million estate. Wait, what? This forum is full of shady dirtbags who must see themselves in the sister.

She didn't do that.

(and way to use some overblown rhetoric. A "shabby" house is now a multi-million estate.)

Are you ESL? An "estate" is the totality of the father's assets. Beach house, primary house, life insurance, cash, annuity, investment accounts, etc.

"es-tate (noun) all the money and property owned by a particular person, especially at death"

So wait, now sister is not just after the beach house, she is after every last dime? Where are you getting this?

You think some shyster who may wrangle a $1M-plus beach house away from the dad's other two heirs will stop at the beach house? Yes, I would consider the entire estate, which is presumably at least a couple million dollars in assets, to be at risk.

Are you OP? If not, do you have some sort of history that may be influencing you here?
You continue to use an awful lot of charged words to describe this sister, with near zero facts to support any of those conclusions.

[Anonymous]

OP has legit concerns.
Sister and dad may be developing a co-dependency. If aging dad needs help, OP needs to step up her share of presence and engage in the co-dependency. It is a fact of aging. It would be unfair to put it all on the sister.
As much as we'd like to think our parents are rational and logical beings, they have the universal human fallacy of wanting to be near kin, especially as they become more physically vulnerable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad is sharp and of good mind, he can put them in his place if he wants to. Sounds like she is helping to make sure the "shabby" house is maintained and offering advice on updates to increase value/function. Why does she have to tell you she's going down there? There's no reason an adult needs to check in with another adult about visiting a house that doesn't belong to them.

Your father's will is the last word on the estate. You sound jealous.

It's sneaky. We have group chats going back 10 plus years of sharing when we're all coming and going and visiting mom and dad.

But now you have your own beach house and your brother is far away-- no need to coordinate. Your father seems happy to have her around. I mean no one told you to buy a house nearby. You decided to and now regret it? Seems weird that you wouldn't give your input on the house projects like your sister. Why is that?

It's my dad's house, it's his money, he has a sharp mind. Where would I get off telling him how to renovate his house? Where does my unemployed sister and her frankly dipsh*t husband get off bossing or guilt-tripping my dad around to fix or renovate things how they want? They aren't paying for it.

How old is your dad? How long did he live with your mom before your mom died, and how long has he lived on his own now? How often do you visit him? How far away do you live from him, and how far away does your sister live from him?

[Anonymous]

I think the fact that you bought property nearby has put your sister is an uncomfortable situation if she loves the family property as a beach house. She may be worried that you want to sell, as you have a “better” and newer property nearby and don’t need dad’s house. The fact that your brother lives so far away and won’t use it much as a beach house is a factor too. She may just be signaling that she wants to keep the property as a family retreat, as is - and that might be your father’s wishes, too (has anyone talked to him!?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what if she coerces her widowed elderly father to cut out two of her siblings from a multi-million estate. Wait, what? This forum is full of shady dirtbags who must see themselves in the sister.

She didn't do that.

(and way to use some overblown rhetoric. A "shabby" house is now a multi-million estate.)

Are you ESL? An "estate" is the totality of the father's assets. Beach house, primary house, life insurance, cash, annuity, investment accounts, etc.

"es-tate (noun) all the money and property owned by a particular person, especially at death"

So wait, now sister is not just after the beach house, she is after every last dime? Where are you getting this?

You think some shyster who may wrangle a $1M-plus beach house away from the dad's other two heirs will stop at the beach house? Yes, I would consider the entire estate, which is presumably at least a couple million dollars in assets, to be at risk.

Are you OP? If not, do you have some sort of history that may be influencing you here?
You continue to use an awful lot of charged words to describe this sister, with near zero facts to support any of those conclusions.

I think that is OP. Who seems like a mean lunatic now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your dad about getting it moved into a trust now. I trusted my family and got completely shafted. Trust no one. Except a funded trust. Getting an irrevocable trust doc isn't enough either. Need to deed home to the trust too.

OP here. Thanks for this advice.

[Anonymous]

People can do whatever they want with their own things, including giving them to whoever they want when they die. OP you are not entitled to 1/3 of that house. It doesn’t seem unreasonable to me for your father to divide his assets more equitably than equally. You have a second home nearby, and your sister likely won’t have one if he leaves the house to you all equally. He also probably knows your sister won’t sell it if it’s hers, whereas if some of it goes to you—you’ll sell his home of 50 years to get your 1/3 cut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your dad about getting it moved into a trust now. I trusted my family and got completely shafted. Trust no one. Except a funded trust. Getting an irrevocable trust doc isn't enough either. Need to deed home to the trust too.

OP here. Thanks for this advice.

Alternatively, you could just have an open conversation with your dad about what he wants to have happen to his property and other assets when he dies. Actually listen. And then follow up with him to make sure that he has the right legal documents in place to ensure that happens. Depending on your relationship with your sister, which seems a bit unclear, you could include her in that conversation, or talk to her about it after (as well as your brother.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People can do whatever they want with their own things, including giving them to whoever they want when they die. OP you are not entitled to 1/3 of that house. It doesn’t seem unreasonable to me for your father to divide his assets more equitably than equally. You have a second home nearby, and your sister likely won’t have one if he leaves the house to you all equally. He also probably knows your sister won’t sell it if it’s hers, whereas if some of it goes to you—you’ll sell his home of 50 years to get your 1/3 cut.

So if you have the work and credit history to qualify for a mortgage on a vacation home, which may not even have any equity at this point, you should be cut out of a will? And a sibling who lacked the work and credit history should be rewarded with a full ownership of at least a $1m vacation home, which is owned outright (essentially $1m plus cash)?

[Anonymous]

"my unemployed sister and her frankly dipsh*t husband"

That is saying a lot.

OP, I notice you are thanking the people for comments that fit with your desired view and endgame and ignoring the comments that are asking you questions or challenging the way you're seeing the sitation without providing any further information.

That is also saying a lot.