Guy I'm dating says he needs time to "wrap things up" before we start our relatioship- what to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP it makes no sense to me that you would be worried he’s going to have sex with these women or something (?), when if you haven’t been exclusive hes likely been doing that the whole 3 months?

And if he hasn’t been sleeping with them too all this time, why would he suddenly just have sex with them right before being exclusive with you (someone he’s already had sex with)?

Your concern seems illogical.

Exactly! What does he gain by telling her any of this, other than a pocketful of regrets?

[Anonymous]

Late 50s divorced man checking in. When I become exclusive it takes me several weeks to "shut down" my dating life. Last time I went through that I was seeing several women (not sleeping with them, but it was in the cards), and I was also corresponding with several women from Bumble or Match who I had become friends with.

When I announced I was leaving Bumble, one of the women I had been corresponding with demanded to meet me immediately, promising that she'd bang me much better than my new girlfriend ever could. I should have taken her up on it. Next time I will not agree to be exclusive until a year has gone by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what he’s up to or what this means, OP, but I agree that it’s weird behavior on his part. I will say that a man once did this to me. He invited me over to his house, cooked dinner, and played songs on his guitar, and then told me he had decided to date exclusively the other person who he had been dating casually. It was mortifying, because after dinner and the guitar I definitely thought that was going in another direction. But I have no idea if he was just misguided or a jerk or what. So I don’t know what to think about what your guy is up to.

Oh my. Narcissist sublime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nah, hard pass. He's not that into you.

This. Sounds like he started seeing these other women after dating OP for 6 weeks, and if they've been seeing each other twice a week, that's a dozen dates in. When someone is really into someone they're dating, they don't go looking for new people. I could be convinced perhaps but wouldn't be starting off on a confident footing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Late 50s divorced man checking in. When I become exclusive it takes me several weeks to "shut down" my dating life. Last time I went through that I was seeing several women (not sleeping with them, but it was in the cards), and I was also corresponding with several women from Bumble or Match who I had become friends with.

When I announced I was leaving Bumble, one of the women I had been corresponding with demanded to meet me immediately, promising that she'd bang me much better than my new girlfriend ever could. I should have taken her up on it. Next time I will not agree to be exclusive until a year has gone by.

Why did this take several weeks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Late 50s divorced man checking in. When I become exclusive it takes me several weeks to "shut down" my dating life. Last time I went through that I was seeing several women (not sleeping with them, but it was in the cards), and I was also corresponding with several women from Bumble or Match who I had become friends with.

When I announced I was leaving Bumble, one of the women I had been corresponding with demanded to meet me immediately, promising that she'd bang me much better than my new girlfriend ever could. I should have taken her up on it. Next time I will not agree to be exclusive until a year has gone by.

DP. OP, you should read this and run. Sounds like your guy.

[Anonymous]

Move on, OP

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP: we talked this morning and I told him I needed to take a step back; I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship with him.
To be honest, my guy is telling me something is off here.

*gut not guy

OP: to elaborate, he told me he was only seeing each of them for 6 weeks and was not sleeping with either one. So why the need to have them get dressed up for a “coffee dare” and break up in person? I get the feeling it’s more about his ego- he wants to see how they’ll react.

So let's go back to when you had been seeing him for 6 weeks.had possibly planned another date with him you would have been totally fine with him just texting you and saying oopsies gonna be exclusive with someone now laters

OP: not a text, but a kind, caring phone call- absolutely! I would not have wanted to meet in person.

It's not about what you would want or what I would want (and these other people may not want a face to face meeting). It's about your BF having the autonomy to decide what he wants to do. He may not even need to meet with the other people face to face, maybe he wants to sit on a rock and medidate about his impending relationship.

OP also has the autonomy to decide that this won’t work for her. Why does she have to accept a situation that makes her uncomfortable?

[Anonymous]

You don't trust him and assume the worst. He thinks you are rushing him, overreacting and finding fault in him for being honest.

Things are already off to a terrible start. I would end things with him now before he ends things with the other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Late 50s divorced man checking in. When I become exclusive it takes me several weeks to "shut down" my dating life. Last time I went through that I was seeing several women (not sleeping with them, but it was in the cards), and I was also corresponding with several women from Bumble or Match who I had become friends with.

When I announced I was leaving Bumble, one of the women I had been corresponding with demanded to meet me immediately, promising that she'd bang me much better than my new girlfriend ever could. I should have taken her up on it. Next time I will not agree to be exclusive until a year has gone by.

Laughable. Cool story bro

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what he’s up to or what this means, OP, but I agree that it’s weird behavior on his part. I will say that a man once did this to me. He invited me over to his house, cooked dinner, and played songs on his guitar, and then told me he had decided to date exclusively the other person who he had been dating casually. It was mortifying, because after dinner and the guitar I definitely thought that was going in another direction. But I have no idea if he was just misguided or a jerk or what. So I don’t know what to think about what your guy is up to.

Oh my. Narcissist sublime.

yeah, this is mortifying just to read, amazing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what he’s up to or what this means, OP, but I agree that it’s weird behavior on his part. I will say that a man once did this to me. He invited me over to his house, cooked dinner, and played songs on his guitar, and then told me he had decided to date exclusively the other person who he had been dating casually. It was mortifying, because after dinner and the guitar I definitely thought that was going in another direction. But I have no idea if he was just misguided or a jerk or what. So I don’t know what to think about what your guy is up to.

Oh my. Narcissist sublime.

yeah, this is mortifying just to read, amazing

This story strikes me as this person being a narcissist, and OP's guy sounds like one too. He wants to see if the other women will start crying and beg him to reconsider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what he’s up to or what this means, OP, but I agree that it’s weird behavior on his part. I will say that a man once did this to me. He invited me over to his house, cooked dinner, and played songs on his guitar, and then told me he had decided to date exclusively the other person who he had been dating casually. It was mortifying, because after dinner and the guitar I definitely thought that was going in another direction. But I have no idea if he was just misguided or a jerk or what. So I don’t know what to think about what your guy is up to.

Oh my. Narcissist sublime.

yeah, this is mortifying just to read, amazing

This story strikes me as this person being a narcissist, and OP's guy sounds like one too. He wants to see if the other women will start crying and beg him to reconsider.

He’s the chosen one! All these women want him! He’s got to have at least 10 days of drama and breaking the hearts of his devotees, in person no less, to get those sweet sweet ego boosts, before he can be only op’s lover.

If he decided to ghost these women it would be socially crappy, but it happens all the time. He likes the thrill of manipulation, the dates where he gets to break it to the other women he’s “taken,” he probably wants to see what better offer he gets. He’s the exhausting one!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:He's lying obviously. He probably has longstanding plans with them that include sex and he doesn't intend to break them, whether you're exclusive or not. And his comment about being punished for being transparent is a ruse.

OP: unfortunately, I do wonder about this. I have kind of a queasy feeling in my stomach and don’t really trust him. Regardless if I’m right or wrong, I know lack of trust isn’t a great way to start a committed relationship.

Perhaps this isn’t really about this guy OP, but your inability to trust.

OP: it's possible, but I've honestly never had trust issues in past relationships with other guys- only this guy. I usually feel very secure if it's the right guy.

Cut the crap op! It's very clear you have no idea what you are doing and they you have no idea what the right guy is if you did you wouldn't be single and in this situation.

You are dizzy and have some maturity issues. Perhaps one of your friends can suggest a book or podcast.

lol either a manipulative man or a woman who has never had to date in the last 5-10 years wrote this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what he’s up to or what this means, OP, but I agree that it’s weird behavior on his part. I will say that a man once did this to me. He invited me over to his house, cooked dinner, and played songs on his guitar, and then told me he had decided to date exclusively the other person who he had been dating casually. It was mortifying, because after dinner and the guitar I definitely thought that was going in another direction. But I have no idea if he was just misguided or a jerk or what. So I don’t know what to think about what your guy is up to.

Oh my. Narcissist sublime.

yeah, this is mortifying just to read, amazing

I picture guitar guy as an attractive android. Like a guitar playing robot who can sing and cook but is devoid of all humanity. Or, he’s a human with quite a few malfunctioning parts. Either way, wouldn’t want robot or broken in my life.