Guy I'm dating says he needs time to "wrap things up" before we start our relatioship- what to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know what he’s up to or what this means, OP, but I agree that it’s weird behavior on his part. I will say that a man once did this to me. He invited me over to his house, cooked dinner, and played songs on his guitar, and then told me he had decided to date exclusively the other person who he had been dating casually. It was mortifying, because after dinner and the guitar I definitely thought that was going in another direction. But I have no idea if he was just misguided or a jerk or what. So I don’t know what to think about what your guy is up to.

Oh my. Narcissist sublime.

yeah, this is mortifying just to read, amazing

This story strikes me as this person being a narcissist, and OP's guy sounds like one too. He wants to see if the other women will start crying and beg him to reconsider.

He’s the chosen one! All these women want him! He’s got to have at least 10 days of drama and breaking the hearts of his devotees, in person no less, to get those sweet sweet ego boosts, before he can be only op’s lover.

If he decided to ghost these women it would be socially crappy, but it happens all the time. He likes the thrill of manipulation, the dates where he gets to break it to the other women he’s “taken,” he probably wants to see what better offer he gets. He’s the exhausting one!

THIS!

[Anonymous]

Nobody wants to get dumped in public, especially on a “date.”

[Anonymous]

Maybe he needs to pick up a few things from their apartment? Maybe they’re out of town part of week or a single parent who can only meet up every few weeks. Who knows. But he cares enough about them to not break up over text. It sounds to me like he was dating more than you understood. Which isn’t terrible but could be rattling. I’d give him the time but also ask him in a non confrontational way about his relationships after those few weeks and wrap ups are complete. I like hearing about past partners and the more he tells you the less unknown/wild fable it is. Plus if he chooses to remain friends (actual friends) with any of them clearing the air will help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 50s divorced man checking in. When I become exclusive it takes me several weeks to "shut down" my dating life. Last time I went through that I was seeing several women (not sleeping with them, but it was in the cards), and I was also corresponding with several women from Bumble or Match who I had become friends with.

When I announced I was leaving Bumble, one of the women I had been corresponding with demanded to meet me immediately, promising that she'd bang me much better than my new girlfriend ever could. I should have taken her up on it. Next time I will not agree to be exclusive until a year has gone by.

DP. OP, you should read this and run. Sounds like your guy.

Yep this is how he is thinking. If he liked you more it wouldn’t be like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he should have known by now, 3 months in, that he wanted to be with you and should have already gradually stopped seeing the other women. This doesn’t feel great to me.

+1 this all sounds sus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:YTA

Agreed. OP sounds horrid.

Sounds like guys are mad women are on to their crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 50s divorced man checking in. When I become exclusive it takes me several weeks to "shut down" my dating life. Last time I went through that I was seeing several women (not sleeping with them, but it was in the cards), and I was also corresponding with several women from Bumble or Match who I had become friends with.

When I announced I was leaving Bumble, one of the women I had been corresponding with demanded to meet me immediately, promising that she'd bang me much better than my new girlfriend ever could. I should have taken her up on it. Next time I will not agree to be exclusive until a year has gone by.

DP. OP, you should read this and run. Sounds like your guy.

Yep this is how he is thinking. If he liked you more it wouldn’t be like this.

Another DP. Wow. The bold is a perfect portrait of two alley cats in heat. Zero class, zero morality.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s been established that the guy is not interested in a commitment or being exclusive. He’s been dating 3 different women (at least) for three months. How long does it really take to decide you like someone? Three months seems a bit long to decide - and long to be seeing so many people at once.
I’m not saying he is a bad guy or anyone is right or wrong. Just saying he doesn’t sound like exclusive boyfriend material in this particular case.
The 7 to 10 day waiting period seals the deal as far as I’m concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Late 50s divorced man checking in. When I become exclusive it takes me several weeks to "shut down" my dating life. Last time I went through that I was seeing several women (not sleeping with them, but it was in the cards), and I was also corresponding with several women from Bumble or Match who I had become friends with.

When I announced I was leaving Bumble, one of the women I had been corresponding with demanded to meet me immediately, promising that she'd bang me much better than my new girlfriend ever could. I should have taken her up on it. Next time I will not agree to be exclusive until a year has gone by.

Well you sound like a dream. Your ex-wife must miss you terribly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s been established that the guy is not interested in a commitment or being exclusive. He’s been dating 3 different women (at least) for three months. How long does it really take to decide you like someone? Three months seems a bit long to decide - and long to be seeing so many people at once.
I’m not saying he is a bad guy or anyone is right or wrong. Just saying he doesn’t sound like exclusive boyfriend material in this particular case.
The 7 to 10 day waiting period seals the deal as far as I’m concerned.

Monogamy doesn't work for everyone.

[Anonymous]

He is still married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s been established that the guy is not interested in a commitment or being exclusive. He’s been dating 3 different women (at least) for three months. How long does it really take to decide you like someone? Three months seems a bit long to decide - and long to be seeing so many people at once.
I’m not saying he is a bad guy or anyone is right or wrong. Just saying he doesn’t sound like exclusive boyfriend material in this particular case.
The 7 to 10 day waiting period seals the deal as far as I’m concerned.

I am a woman. 3 months is too soon to be exclusive with anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s been established that the guy is not interested in a commitment or being exclusive. He’s been dating 3 different women (at least) for three months. How long does it really take to decide you like someone? Three months seems a bit long to decide - and long to be seeing so many people at once.
I’m not saying he is a bad guy or anyone is right or wrong. Just saying he doesn’t sound like exclusive boyfriend material in this particular case.
The 7 to 10 day waiting period seals the deal as far as I’m concerned.

Monogamy doesn't work for everyone.

Then op’s game playing “boyfriend” should tell the women he’s banging/planning on banging that monogamous relationships don’t work for him. People should be honest and transparent about their intentions and capabilities concerning their romantic/intimate relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he should have known by now, 3 months in, that he wanted to be with you and should have already gradually stopped seeing the other women. This doesn’t feel great to me.

+1 If he’s seeing you and two other women seriously, he doesn’t sound that into you. You can also be exclusive now while meeting with the other women and breaking up.

[Anonymous]

West Elm Caleb is the guy you're dating lol