Guy I'm dating says he needs time to "wrap things up" before we start our relatioship- what to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: we talked this morning and I told him I needed to take a step back; I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship with him.
To be honest, my guy is telling me something is off here.

*gut not guy

OP: to elaborate, he told me he was only seeing each of them for 6 weeks and was not sleeping with either one. So why the need to have them get dressed up for a “coffee dare” and break up in person? I get the feeling it’s more about his ego- he wants to see how they’ll react.

So let's go back to when you had been seeing him for 6 weeks.had possibly planned another date with him you would have been totally fine with him just texting you and saying oopsies gonna be exclusive with someone now laters

OP: not a text, but a kind, caring phone call- absolutely! I would not have wanted to meet in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's lying obviously. He probably has longstanding plans with them that include sex and he doesn't intend to break them, whether you're exclusive or not. And his comment about being punished for being transparent is a ruse.

OP: unfortunately, I do wonder about this. I have kind of a queasy feeling in my stomach and don’t really trust him. Regardless if I’m right or wrong, I know lack of trust isn’t a great way to start a committed relationship.

Perhaps this isn’t really about this guy OP, but your inability to trust.

OP: it's possible, but I've honestly never had trust issues in past relationships with other guys- only this guy. I usually feel very secure if it's the right guy.

Cut the crap op! It's very clear you have no idea what you are doing and they you have no idea what the right guy is if you did you wouldn't be single and in this situation.

You are dizzy and have some maturity issues. Perhaps one of your friends can suggest a book or podcast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has no idea the bullet he just dodged.

Totally mean and unnecessary. ( dp)

No .not mean it's the truth op is immature drama. Op if you want instant exclusivity, don't sleep with a guy and be fine with him seeing others for 3 months . Learn your own mind and not what your friends tell you to think.

Doesn't sound like she wanted instant exclusivity. The guy is being shady. No need to waste more time on him. Sometimes it takes a few months to see someone's true colors.

[Anonymous]

Also, OP, don't kid yourself. Next time have this discussion before sleeping with someone. You'll know real fast whether this person is banging other people or wants to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's lying obviously. He probably has longstanding plans with them that include sex and he doesn't intend to break them, whether you're exclusive or not. And his comment about being punished for being transparent is a ruse.

OP: unfortunately, I do wonder about this. I have kind of a queasy feeling in my stomach and don’t really trust him. Regardless if I’m right or wrong, I know lack of trust isn’t a great way to start a committed relationship.

Perhaps this isn’t really about this guy OP, but your inability to trust.

OP: it's possible, but I've honestly never had trust issues in past relationships with other guys- only this guy. I usually feel very secure if it's the right guy.

Cut the crap op! It's very clear you have no idea what you are doing and they you have no idea what the right guy is if you did you wouldn't be single and in this situation.

You are dizzy and have some maturity issues. Perhaps one of your friends can suggest a book or podcast.

Why are you so angry? You're reading into this too far and seeing things that aren't there. Calm down.

[Anonymous]

YTA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: we talked this morning and I told him I needed to take a step back; I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship with him.
To be honest, my guy is telling me something is off here.

*gut not guy

OP: to elaborate, he told me he was only seeing each of them for 6 weeks and was not sleeping with either one. So why the need to have them get dressed up for a “coffee dare” and break up in person? I get the feeling it’s more about his ego- he wants to see how they’ll react.

So let's go back to when you had been seeing him for 6 weeks.had possibly planned another date with him you would have been totally fine with him just texting you and saying oopsies gonna be exclusive with someone now laters

OP: not a text, but a kind, caring phone call- absolutely! I would not have wanted to meet in person.

OP, I may be a minority here but I am with you. Trust your gut!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YTA

Agreed. OP sounds horrid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it makes no sense to me that you would be worried he’s going to have sex with these women or something (?), when if you haven’t been exclusive hes likely been doing that the whole 3 months?

And if he hasn’t been sleeping with them too all this time, why would he suddenly just have sex with them right before being exclusive with you (someone he’s already had sex with)?

Your concern seems illogical.

OP: because, if has been having sex with them, then he's lying (because he said he hasn't). If he hasn't been having sex with them, why the need to see them in person again just to say it's not going to work out? Something is off.

+1 This is so true. If he hasn’t been having sex with them, why the need for a 7-10 day goodbye tour that includes an in-person date?

Lots of comments here that women are “exhausting.” Really? Being pro-active and careful about who you are in a committed relationship with and having sex with exclusively is being “exhausting?” If op wanted a fwb yes I’d say she’s doing too much; but that’s not the case.

The in person dates this man wanted to have are about him, not about the other women. He likes to be the center of attention and have the spotlight on him. If he was even being truthful with op, that is. Who knows what this dude is doing. For all the women posting here how sweet and caring and kind the guy is, grow up. He’s not. He’s an attention whore that likes to manipulate his harem of women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it makes no sense to me that you would be worried he’s going to have sex with these women or something (?), when if you haven’t been exclusive hes likely been doing that the whole 3 months?

And if he hasn’t been sleeping with them too all this time, why would he suddenly just have sex with them right before being exclusive with you (someone he’s already had sex with)?

Your concern seems illogical.

OP: because, if has been having sex with them, then he's lying (because he said he hasn't). If he hasn't been having sex with them, why the need to see them in person again just to say it's not going to work out? Something is off.

+1 This is so true. If he hasn’t been having sex with them, why the need for a 7-10 day goodbye tour that includes an in-person date?

Lots of comments here that women are “exhausting.” Really? Being pro-active and careful about who you are in a committed relationship with and having sex with exclusively is being “exhausting?” If op wanted a fwb yes I’d say she’s doing too much; but that’s not the case.

The in person dates this man wanted to have are about him, not about the other women. He likes to be the center of attention and have the spotlight on him. If he was even being truthful with op, that is. Who knows what this dude is doing. For all the women posting here how sweet and caring and kind the guy is, grow up. He’s not. He’s an attention whore that likes to manipulate his harem of women.

100pct THIS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: we talked this morning and I told him I needed to take a step back; I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship with him.
To be honest, my guy is telling me something is off here.

*gut not guy

OP: to elaborate, he told me he was only seeing each of them for 6 weeks and was not sleeping with either one. So why the need to have them get dressed up for a “coffee dare” and break up in person? I get the feeling it’s more about his ego- he wants to see how they’ll react.

Trust your instincts! I find it super weird he's doing this, especially when they weren't sleeping together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's lying obviously. He probably has longstanding plans with them that include sex and he doesn't intend to break them, whether you're exclusive or not. And his comment about being punished for being transparent is a ruse.

OP: unfortunately, I do wonder about this. I have kind of a queasy feeling in my stomach and don’t really trust him. Regardless if I’m right or wrong, I know lack of trust isn’t a great way to start a committed relationship.

Perhaps this isn’t really about this guy OP, but your inability to trust.

OP: it's possible, but I've honestly never had trust issues in past relationships with other guys- only this guy. I usually feel very secure if it's the right guy.

Cut the crap op! It's very clear you have no idea what you are doing and they you have no idea what the right guy is if you did you wouldn't be single and in this situation.

You are dizzy and have some maturity issues. Perhaps one of your friends can suggest a book or podcast.

NP - do not listen to this person, OP. They are projecting. You haven't done anything wrong nor do you have issues.

[Anonymous]

Jeesh, I have no opinion on the matter but there are some really nasty and judgemental people on this thread. Internalize and project much?

[Anonymous]

I don’t know what he’s up to or what this means, OP, but I agree that it’s weird behavior on his part. I will say that a man once did this to me. He invited me over to his house, cooked dinner, and played songs on his guitar, and then told me he had decided to date exclusively the other person who he had been dating casually. It was mortifying, because after dinner and the guitar I definitely thought that was going in another direction. But I have no idea if he was just misguided or a jerk or what. So I don’t know what to think about what your guy is up to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: we talked this morning and I told him I needed to take a step back; I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship with him.
To be honest, my guy is telling me something is off here.

*gut not guy

OP: to elaborate, he told me he was only seeing each of them for 6 weeks and was not sleeping with either one. So why the need to have them get dressed up for a “coffee dare” and break up in person? I get the feeling it’s more about his ego- he wants to see how they’ll react.

So let's go back to when you had been seeing him for 6 weeks.had possibly planned another date with him you would have been totally fine with him just texting you and saying oopsies gonna be exclusive with someone now laters

OP: not a text, but a kind, caring phone call- absolutely! I would not have wanted to meet in person.

It's not about what you would want or what I would want (and these other people may not want a face to face meeting). It's about your BF having the autonomy to decide what he wants to do. He may not even need to meet with the other people face to face, maybe he wants to sit on a rock and medidate about his impending relationship.