LD wife working on relationship- just found about DH "emotional affair"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your affair still going? Wife find out?

Yes, still going. No, wife has zero clue.

If she found out, would you end it or continue?

I would leave it up to her. I type this as We are going on fancy date to Chevy Chase. DW looks stunning. Wish she could find her sexy.

And we're home. And she's tired. Maybe tomorrow, she says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you seen your GYN to check if you have a medical condition? It could be a hormonal imbalance or depression, both of which are treatable.

OP, you have to do what you can to make the sex work because marriage is not friendship or a business arrangement. It's a ROMANTIC relationship. You have to accept that like a grownup if you want to stay married. If this is your problem, which it is, you have to solve it.

OP here- yes testosterone levels are normal. Probably some depression given 2 deaths in my immediate family over the last two years, including my mother

I understand the need for romance but it is a two way street. If DH wants to feel desired, he needs to work with me to find a style/mood/time/place to help me go from mom to wife. I am just not that good at flipping that switch as soon as son is asleep

PLEASE-someone give me some reassurance that we can make it through this. So many posts just recommend affairs or divorce-not excited for either prospect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your affair still going? Wife find out?

Yes, still going. No, wife has zero clue.

If she found out, would you end it or continue?

I would leave it up to her. I type this as We are going on fancy date to Chevy Chase. DW looks stunning. Wish she could find her sexy.

And we're home. And she's tired. Maybe tomorrow, she says.

Me again. She is fucking facebooking. And I am the bad guy because I am cheating. Op, you don't have to divorce, but for the love of the Lord show your dh you still want to be with him in a romantic way. I am at a total loss as to how any woman thinks they deserve monogamy when they enfoce near celibacy. Why must I choose between my happines and my kids.

I love my wife but we need to end this charade called marriage.

[Anonymous]

How about the open relationship? If your DH is a good father and husband, and simply has a much higher sex drive, that may be an option. Did he seem happier, when he was seeing this other person? If so, it may benefit everyone.
We are the only specie that remains monogamous out of social and religious norms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you seen your GYN to check if you have a medical condition? It could be a hormonal imbalance or depression, both of which are treatable.

OP, you have to do what you can to make the sex work because marriage is not friendship or a business arrangement. It's a ROMANTIC relationship. You have to accept that like a grownup if you want to stay married. If this is your problem, which it is, you have to solve it.

OP here- yes testosterone levels are normal. Probably some depression given 2 deaths in my immediate family over the last two years, including my mother

I understand the need for romance but it is a two way street. If DH wants to feel desired, he needs to work with me to find a style/mood/time/place to help me go from mom to wife. I am just not that good at flipping that switch as soon as son is asleep

PLEASE-someone give me some reassurance that we can make it through this. So many posts just recommend affairs or divorce-not excited for either prospect

You need to start meeting alone together for lunch, coffee or some other time that you can be a couple again. At the very least, you both need to take a walk together (without the kids) every day to get reacquainted and to share interests.

Can you manage to get the kids tired out at the playground after school a couple of days per week so that they can go to sleep earlier and you and your DH can watch Colbert or Jimmy Kimmel and snuggle in bed? What about a few videos? It's amazing what a few laughs together can open the door to ...

What did you two do together before you had kids? Hike? Go to galleries/museums? Plays?

Can you join a babysitting coop so that you can have someone watch the kids a few evenings per month so that you can reconnect?

Women need emotional connection prior to physical intimacy, but you need to reach out to DH so that you can share a common interest. It can be as practical as furniture restoration through freecycle or gardening if you're financially limited or time crunched. Even sharing a favorite TV show, card game or book club can build a bridge, but you've got to brainstorm and find the time/space to build it.

It's not just to save your marriage but to stop building the gap between you. Try to remember what brought you to love your DH in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your affair still going? Wife find out?

Yes, still going. No, wife has zero clue.

If she found out, would you end it or continue?

I would leave it up to her. I type this as We are going on fancy date to Chevy Chase. DW looks stunning. Wish she could find her sexy.

And we're home. And she's tired. Maybe tomorrow, she says.

Me again. She is fucking facebooking. And I am the bad guy because I am cheating. Op, you don't have to divorce, but for the love of the Lord show your dh you still want to be with him in a romantic way. I am at a total loss as to how any woman thinks they deserve monogamy when they enfoce near celibacy. Why must I choose between my happines and my kids.

I love my wife but we need to end this charade called marriage.

OP again-
I can get in the mood and be romantic. Right now I'm just so devastated by his deceit and betrayal. He found someone to talk to, who finds him sexy and exciting and new. We've been married 10 years, not a lot new day to day. We've fallen into a rut, I guess. Just trying to figure a way out. Right now I'm just too hurt- his emotional affair with his young newlywed coworker has me reeling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your affair still going? Wife find out?

Yes, still going. No, wife has zero clue.

If she found out, would you end it or continue?

I would leave it up to her. I type this as We are going on fancy date to Chevy Chase. DW looks stunning. Wish she could find her sexy.

And we're home. And she's tired. Maybe tomorrow, she says.

Me again. She is fucking facebooking. And I am the bad guy because I am cheating. Op, you don't have to divorce, but for the love of the Lord show your dh you still want to be with him in a romantic way. I am at a total loss as to how any woman thinks they deserve monogamy when they enfoce near celibacy. Why must I choose between my happines and my kids.

I love my wife but we need to end this charade called marriage.

If you are that close to the end, tell her that you're seriously contemplating what you just said. Tell her "I love [you], but we need to end this charade called marriage." She needs to hear it. Now.
She may of course give you pity sex for a while and then fall back into the same routine. However, you're having an affair, compartmentalizing, taking her out on dates, being put off from sex [again] and writing this as she 'facebooks' your wonderful evening to brag to friends.

She obviously has no clue about the affair.

You don't have to tell her about it, but if you tell her you've been contemplating one because you feel lonely/rejected/abandoned/hurt/human, she just may wake up to the gravity of the situation.

What you've been doing up to now hasn't worked. You sound ready to end it. Let her know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your affair still going? Wife find out?

Yes, still going. No, wife has zero clue.

If she found out, would you end it or continue?

I would leave it up to her. I type this as We are going on fancy date to Chevy Chase. DW looks stunning. Wish she could find her sexy.

And we're home. And she's tired. Maybe tomorrow, she says.

Me again. She is fucking facebooking. And I am the bad guy because I am cheating. Op, you don't have to divorce, but for the love of the Lord show your dh you still want to be with him in a romantic way. I am at a total loss as to how any woman thinks they deserve monogamy when they enfoce near celibacy. Why must I choose between my happines and my kids.

I love my wife but we need to end this charade called marriage.

OP again-
I can get in the mood and be romantic. Right now I'm just so devastated by his deceit and betrayal. He found someone to talk to, who finds him sexy and exciting and new. We've been married 10 years, not a lot new day to day. We've fallen into a rut, I guess. Just trying to figure a way out. Right now I'm just too hurt- his emotional affair with his young newlywed coworker has me reeling

I don't blame you for reeling. At the same time I don't blame him for wanting to feel loved and desired. Both of you are human. Does he seems remorseful at least for hurting you? Does he want you back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you seen your GYN to check if you have a medical condition? It could be a hormonal imbalance or depression, both of which are treatable.

OP, you have to do what you can to make the sex work because marriage is not friendship or a business arrangement. It's a ROMANTIC relationship. You have to accept that like a grownup if you want to stay married. If this is your problem, which it is, you have to solve it.

OP here- yes testosterone levels are normal. Probably some depression given 2 deaths in my immediate family over the last two years, including my mother

I understand the need for romance but it is a two way street. If DH wants to feel desired, he needs to work with me to find a style/mood/time/place to help me go from mom to wife. I am just not that good at flipping that switch as soon as son is asleep

PLEASE-someone give me some reassurance that we can make it through this. So many posts just recommend affairs or divorce-not excited for either prospect

You need to start meeting alone together for lunch, coffee or some other time that you can be a couple again. At the very least, you both need to take a walk together (without the kids) every day to get reacquainted and to share interests.

Can you manage to get the kids tired out at the playground after school a couple of days per week so that they can go to sleep earlier and you and your DH can watch Colbert or Jimmy Kimmel and snuggle in bed? What about a few videos? It's amazing what a few laughs together can open the door to ...

What did you two do together before you had kids? Hike? Go to galleries/museums? Plays?

Can you join a babysitting coop so that you can have someone watch the kids a few evenings per month so that you can reconnect?

Women need emotional connection prior to physical intimacy, but you need to reach out to DH so that you can share a common interest. It can be as practical as furniture restoration through freecycle or gardening if you're financially limited or time crunched. Even sharing a favorite TV show, card game or book club can build a bridge, but you've got to brainstorm and find the time/space to build it.

It's not just to save your marriage but to stop building the gap between you. Try to remember what brought you to love your DH in the first place.

OP here- you are a wise person! Thanks for all the great suggestions. Makes me hopeful that we can get back on track. DH and I are always compatible outside the bedroom. It's finding that spark again that is so hard. Lots to work with. Thanks again

[Anonymous]

"I don't blame you for reeling. At the same time I don't blame him for wanting to feel loved and desired. Both of you are human. Does he seems remorseful at least for hurting you? Does he want you back?"

Yes- he says he wants to stay married and make things work. He says he's sorry for hurting me. All a great start. We have counseling set up next week. He made an appointment with his own counselor, too.

[Anonymous]

OP again-
I can get in the mood and be romantic. Right now I'm just so devastated by his deceit and betrayal. He found someone to talk to, who finds him sexy and exciting and new. We've been married 10 years, not a lot new day to day. We've fallen into a rut, I guess. Just trying to figure a way out. Right now I'm just too hurt- his emotional affair with his young newlywed coworker has me reeling

OP, I'm sorry for your situation, but are you really surprised by his affair? Everyone wants to feel desired, and if your marriage has fallen into a rut, where your DH is pushed off to the side, it is pretty natural to find someone else who appreciates him and listens to him. You mention that he usually initiates sex. Why is this his responsibility? Did he hint that he was unhappy or dissatisfied before his affair?

[Anonymous]

I am just wondering where did you all find time to find the Ap ? Between work, kids, groceries, chores ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about the open relationship? If your DH is a good father and husband, and simply has a much higher sex drive, that may be an option. Did he seem happier, when he was seeing this other person? If so, it may benefit everyone.
We are the only specie that remains monogamous out of social and religious norms.

How many other species have religious norms? Who are they supporting in the 2016 elections?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your affair still going? Wife find out?

Yes, still going. No, wife has zero clue.

If she found out, would you end it or continue?

I would leave it up to her. I type this as We are going on fancy date to Chevy Chase. DW looks stunning. Wish she could find her sexy.

And we're home. And she's tired. Maybe tomorrow, she says.

Me again. She is fucking facebooking. And I am the bad guy because I am cheating. Op, you don't have to divorce, but for the love of the Lord show your dh you still want to be with him in a romantic way. I am at a total loss as to how any woman thinks they deserve monogamy when they enfoce near celibacy. Why must I choose between my happines and my kids.

I love my wife but we need to end this charade called marriage.

If you are that close to the end, tell her that you're seriously contemplating what you just said. Tell her "I love [you], but we need to end this charade called marriage." She needs to hear it. Now.
She may of course give you pity sex for a while and then fall back into the same routine. However, you're having an affair, compartmentalizing, taking her out on dates, being put off from sex [again] and writing this as she 'facebooks' your wonderful evening to brag to friends.

She obviously has no clue about the affair.

You don't have to tell her about it, but if you tell her you've been contemplating one because you feel lonely/rejected/abandoned/hurt/human, she just may wake up to the gravity of the situation.

What you've been doing up to now hasn't worked. You sound ready to end it. Let her know that.

Wow. You pegged our evening. Just checked Facebook and yes, she uploaded a photo of us at the restaurant. Makes me sick. I can't live like this anymore. Will confront it all in the morning.

Op, I hope you find a way forward. I think my DW and I are on the cliff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your affair still going? Wife find out?

Yes, still going. No, wife has zero clue.

If she found out, would you end it or continue?

I would leave it up to her. I type this as We are going on fancy date to Chevy Chase. DW looks stunning. Wish she could find her sexy.

And we're home. And she's tired. Maybe tomorrow, she says.

Me again. She is fucking facebooking. And I am the bad guy because I am cheating. Op, you don't have to divorce, but for the love of the Lord show your dh you still want to be with him in a romantic way. I am at a total loss as to how any woman thinks they deserve monogamy when they enfoce near celibacy. Why must I choose between my happines and my kids.

I love my wife but we need to end this charade called marriage.

My money is on the fog lifting once you two have sex.