Reply to LD wife working on relationship- just found about DH "emotional affair"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, have you seen your GYN to check if you have a medical condition? It could be a hormonal imbalance or depression, both of which are treatable.

OP, you have to do what you can to make the sex work because marriage is not friendship or a business arrangement. It's a ROMANTIC relationship. You have to accept that like a grownup if you want to stay married. If this is your problem, which it is, you have to solve it.[/quote]

OP here- yes testosterone levels are normal. Probably some depression given 2 deaths in my immediate family over the last two years, including my mother

I understand the need for romance but it is a two way street. If DH wants to feel desired, he needs to work with me to find a style/mood/time/place to help me go from mom to wife. I am just not that good at flipping that switch as soon as son is asleep

PLEASE-someone give me some reassurance that we can make it through this. So many posts just recommend affairs or divorce-not excited for either prospect[/quote]

You need to start meeting alone together for lunch, coffee or some other time that you can be a couple again. At the very least, you both need to take a walk together (without the kids) every day to get reacquainted and to share interests.

Can you manage to get the kids tired out at the playground after school a couple of days per week so that they can go to sleep earlier and you and your DH can watch Colbert or Jimmy Kimmel and snuggle in bed? What about a few videos? It's amazing what a few laughs together can open the door to ...

What did you two do together before you had kids? Hike? Go to galleries/museums? Plays?

Can you join a babysitting coop so that you can have someone watch the kids a few evenings per month so that you can reconnect?

Women need emotional connection prior to physical intimacy, but you need to reach out to DH so that you can share a common interest. It can be as practical as furniture restoration through freecycle or gardening if you're financially limited or time crunched. Even sharing a favorite TV show, card game or book club can build a bridge, but you've got to brainstorm and find the time/space to build it.

It's not just to save your marriage but to stop building the gap between you. Try to remember what brought you to love your DH in the first place.
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OP here- you are a wise person! Thanks for all the great suggestions. Makes me hopeful that we can get back on track.  DH and I are always compatible outside the bedroom. It's finding that spark again that is so hard. Lots to work with. Thanks again [/quote]

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