LD wife working on relationship- just found about DH "emotional affair"

[Anonymous]

Me: Dw- full time job, married 10 years with 6 yo.. Low drive- just mostly exhausted at end of day. Trying to work on being more involved, romantic, passionate because DH is so hurt/feels rejected.

Just as things were getting better (and counseling scheduled), I find out that he is having an affair with co-worker. Lied to me about his where abouts so they could talk- he needed advice. He swears ( and I really want to believe) that there was nothing physical.

How do I deal with sense of betrayal and deceit while trying to patch up our sex lives.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely keep that scheduled counseling session, first of all.

[Anonymous]

I could be your husband. My DW is low drive. We have had a dozen conversations over the years. She says she will try to step it up but never does. We have "take one for the team" sex a couple times a month, decent sex on vacation. She says she loves me, wants to grow old with me, has the perfect marriage, but just can't find it in her at the end of the day to have sex.

Two reasons it feels so rejecting: 1) the way I feel connected and love with her is partly through sex. The lack of sex destroys us, erodes our love. 2) it would take, from my view, such little effort for her to try, maybe once or twice a week, to get in the mood. I take the kids out of the house, make dinner, happy to use toys in the bedroom, fantasize, whatever. She just can't seem to be bothered to make an effort. Yet, if I bring it up for the umpteenth time, she ends up crying because she is failing me as a wife.

So when someone I met showed an interest in me sexually, not as a chore but as a genuine interest, it became near life-affirming.

I am not excusing what your husband did, what I did, I am just explaining it.

It's interesting for me to read what you write from your side. I try to empathize with my DW's position. Again, I can't understand why she would jeopardize our marriage, our kids stability, all of it, because she just appears unwilling to devote any of her energy into our sex life.

Good luck, I hope you can make it through this.

[Anonymous]

Is your affair still going? Wife find out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your affair still going? Wife find out?

Yes, still going. No, wife has zero clue.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry for you both. I'm glad you found someone to satisfy you and fulfill you- sorry it's not your wife. Of course, I'm just sorry your wife because I'm sure the infidelity would kill her

[Anonymous]

I am in a similar situation...except I am the wife who is near crossing the line after repeated talks (over a year now) begging my DH to show some interest in our personal/intimate life. You just come to a point where after the 100th entreaty, you look at your partner with disgust. And, then, when someone else, actually sees you as a desirable, sexual being. You can help but feel ignited and recharged. I know it is not the right thing to do...but at a certain point....

[Anonymous]

You can't help...is what I meant...obviously. But those spelling bee types can flame away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am in a similar situation...except I am the wife who is near crossing the line after repeated talks (over a year now) begging my DH to show some interest in our personal/intimate life. You just come to a point where after the 100th entreaty, you look at your partner with disgust. And, then, when someone else, actually sees you as a desirable, sexual being. You can help but feel ignited and recharged. I know it is not the right thing to do...but at a certain point....

NP, and a DH. I sympathize, I really do. This has been a struggle for most of our ten years of marriage. But I refuse to go down that path. For now at least. But it takes a toll...

[Anonymous]

Open relationship folks. Why is this so difficult to accept? We all crave external validation.

The "reclaim" sex with DW is SO HOT after we've each slept with someone else.

Happy wife, happy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Open relationship folks. Why is this so difficult to accept? We all crave external validation.

The "reclaim" sex with DW is SO HOT after we've each slept with someone else.

Happy wife, happy life.

As Dirty Harry once said, a man has to know his limitations. I know I could not handle my wife having sex with other men. If she decides otherwise, she's welcome to do so and I'm welcome to file for divorce.

[Anonymous]

I am the previous wife poster...

I suggested the open marriage concept...or at least a hall pass...DH wouldn't go for it. It was the one time in the last year that he showed a flicker of care over anything related to my sexuality. Ya, that flicker came and went. So now, facing a huge temptation, I feel my knees buckling.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you seen your GYN to check if you have a medical condition? It could be a hormonal imbalance or depression, both of which are treatable.

OP, you have to do what you can to make the sex work because marriage is not friendship or a business arrangement. It's a ROMANTIC relationship. You have to accept that like a grownup if you want to stay married. If this is your problem, which it is, you have to solve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your affair still going? Wife find out?

Yes, still going. No, wife has zero clue.

If she found out, would you end it or continue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your affair still going? Wife find out?

Yes, still going. No, wife has zero clue.

If she found out, would you end it or continue?

I would leave it up to her. I type this as We are going on fancy date to Chevy Chase. DW looks stunning. Wish she could find her sexy.