DS is dating a stripper

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other PPs in this thread are ok with their children (of either sex) dating strippers?

Really?

Wow.

Actually, nobody said that. They focused instead on the fact that we're talking about a grown man whom OP cannot control. She can either accept him, trust his judgment and give her a chance, or completely alienate him by refusing to host her. What over options do you think OP has?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to decide - do you want a good, open relationship with your son or do you want to dictate how he lives his life and who he can see?

You have to get over your disappointment about the old GF. He decided - for whatever reason - that she wasn't right for him. If that was his decision, why aren't you supporting it? Why are you putting your desire for a certain kind of DIL over your son's needs or wants in a wife? His marriage isn't about you. His love life decisions aren't about you.

Either support him or be prepared to lose him. It's completely your call.

this is total nonsense. parents don't lose their children because they are against their partners. and today's partners is tomorrow's stranger or even enemy. the stripper could very well be a footnote in a year or two.

OP, stick to your grounds. he needs to know where you stand, and make that a part of his decision process. if he persists, you can always change course later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other PPs in this thread are ok with their children (of either sex) dating strippers?

Really?

Wow.

Actually, nobody said that. They focused instead on the fact that we're talking about a grown man whom OP cannot control. She can either accept him, trust his judgment and give her a chance, or completely alienate him by refusing to host her. What over options do you think OP has?

this is not true. why would not hosting a girlfriend de jeur completely alienate one's son?

[Anonymous]

Lamest thread ever.

[Anonymous]

She might be a lovely human being who is making ends meet as best as she can. She might be a lovely human being who doesn't have to dance but likes her job and does it anyways. What are you teaching your son about respecting women if you can't respect a woman he cares about enough to dine with her?

And before anyone asks, yes, I'd be fine with my son (or daughters for that matter) bringing a stripper home for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Judgy Mac-judge-a-lot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might be a lovely human being who is making ends meet as best as she can. She might be a lovely human being who doesn't have to dance but likes her job and does it anyways. What are you teaching your son about respecting women if you can't respect a woman he cares about enough to dine with her?

And before anyone asks, yes, I'd be fine with my son (or daughters for that matter) bringing a stripper home for dinner.

Well said.

OP, you should head over to the "I'm a stripper, ask me anything" thread in Off-Topic for some edification.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did he tell you she's a stripper? If it were me I would have lied. Maybe he's trying to push your buttons.

Perhaps this is the lie. Maybe she's really a hooker, and DS wanted to lie to make it look better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to decide - do you want a good, open relationship with your son or do you want to dictate how he lives his life and who he can see?

You have to get over your disappointment about the old GF. He decided - for whatever reason - that she wasn't right for him. If that was his decision, why aren't you supporting it? Why are you putting your desire for a certain kind of DIL over your son's needs or wants in a wife? His marriage isn't about you. His love life decisions aren't about you.

Either support him or be prepared to lose him. It's completely your call.

this is total nonsense. parents don't lose their children because they are against their partners. and today's partners is tomorrow's stranger or even enemy. the stripper could very well be a footnote in a year or two.

OP, stick to your grounds. he needs to know where you stand, and make that a part of his decision process. if he persists, you can always change course later.

What world are you living in? Happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to decide - do you want a good, open relationship with your son or do you want to dictate how he lives his life and who he can see?

You have to get over your disappointment about the old GF. He decided - for whatever reason - that she wasn't right for him. If that was his decision, why aren't you supporting it? Why are you putting your desire for a certain kind of DIL over your son's needs or wants in a wife? His marriage isn't about you. His love life decisions aren't about you.

Either support him or be prepared to lose him. It's completely your call.

+100!!!

[Anonymous]

You should read the other thread "I am a stripper - AMA". It is not all bad. Some pros to consider

1)She is making a ton of money in a very short time and not doing anything illegal
2) She is street smart and aware of the seamier side of life and so will not be a pushover.
3) She is athletic and has a good figure
4) She is comfortable with her body and is uninhibited and hopefully that means that she and your son will have a good sex life
5) She knows that men who are not looked after at home come to strip clubs...so she will do her best to take care of her spouse
6) Her makeup and costume will prevent most people from recognizing her
7) She can earn her own living

Her being a stripper has no bearing on her ability to be a good girlfriend, wife, mother...

[Anonymous]

My mom freaked out when I was dating someone who would have been a big mistake. I already knew that it would have been a mistake, but I was still with him. My mom's sadness helped me make the move to break things off. Breaking it off was 100% the best thing for me, and I am so glad that I did it. I'm early 40's and happily married now.

I would keep communicating your concerns with DS and make sure to keep the dialogue open. I would avoid stating your concerns as attacks on his girlfriend, but rather as compatibility issues with what he wants out of life.
He may not seem like he's hearing you, but he is probably hearing you. You probably should at least meet her once to better understand who she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other PPs in this thread are ok with their children (of either sex) dating strippers?

Really?

Wow.

My grown child in his/her late 20's?

If she/he is a good person that treats my grown child well, sure.

My daughter's last boyfriend was an associate at BigLaw, he was an asshole to her.

My son's current girlfriend is a part time college student who works in a bar. She is a jewel.

[Anonymous]

If this is your first time meeting her suggest instead to your son that you all get together and have dinner out as opposed to having her over.
Compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've told DS and DD when they were young what kind of traits to look out for in a life partner, and yes I think I have a right to look out for DS's best interests when we all know that strippers are usually involved in a lifestyle....anyway, I don't want to turn this thread into a debate about strippers.

Thanks for the replies anyway.

OP, you have to figure out what your priorities are.

You can tell your children whatever you want about how to select romantic partners. You can make rules about when those romantic partners are allowed to have dinner in your home. But you have to accept that your kids are adults and they're going to have their own priorities too. Hopefully, you taught them well and their decisions will reflect your family's values, but if your child is involved with someone who you do not approve of, telling him that he can't bring her home - when he actually wants to do that - is only going to alienate him. It won't matter to him right now that you have his best interests in mind. It might matter later, if something goes wrong, but right now, all he will hear is that you do not approve of a woman that he cares about enough to WANT to introduce her to his family and that you will not allow her to break bread with your family.

Many strippers are involved in a lifestyle, and that is definitely something to be concerned about. However, that is certainly not universal and people are people. You don't know this woman or anything about her other than her job and the fact that your son likes her. People are multi-dimensional. I would hate to be exclusively defined by my boring awful desk job, since that is far from the most important facet of my personality. Maybe you should consider that your son chose this woman for a reason and try to see if you can figure out what that reason is before you are so quick to condemn her for her occupation and alienate your son in the process.