DS is dating a stripper

[Anonymous]

It's more about treating a fellow human with some dignity. Like I said, wwjd. Shunning is not the way of love.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of pps are getting distracted by the profession of the gf here. the issue is not which people are and aren't acceptable. replace "stripper" with "lawyer" and reread the OP and her followup--it's F*CKED UP to think you have the right to control your kids that much for any reason. he has to make his own mistakes. if OP's only tool for dealing with that is setting silly rules about who she will/won't allow to cross her house's threshold, she is in for a tough few decades' relationship with her adult child.

[Anonymous]

OP, how is it that you have a say over who joins your family? Seems that your son can marry who he wants. What did you mean by that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shot callers, Wasn't you a preacher?
You calling her a hooker? He without sin cast the first stone.
I met her on the subway, she gave me that VIP card
And told me if I ever have problems,
Don't hesitate to come by, yeah, yeah, yeah

Just 'cuz she dances go-go
It don't make her a ho, no
Maxine, put your dance shoes on
We going to the disco
We gonna eeeelope to Meeeexico
Called up my mama, said I'm in love with a stripper, yo.

This song gets more play on my running mix than I should admit to

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of pps are getting distracted by the profession of the gf here. the issue is not which people are and aren't acceptable. replace "stripper" with "lawyer" and reread the OP and her followup--it's F*CKED UP to think you have the right to control your kids that much for any reason. he has to make his own mistakes. if OP's only tool for dealing with that is setting silly rules about who she will/won't allow to cross her house's threshold, she is in for a tough few decades' relationship with her adult child.

Her 'adult" child should have developed maturity by now

[Anonymous]

Pardon me if this has been asked but how do you know she's a stripper? How did that conversation come about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's more about treating a fellow human with some dignity. Like I said, wwjd. Shunning is not the way of love.

THIS

[Anonymous]

Tell him a stripper will not be one girl forever. He can believe that!

[Anonymous]

Op I have sons and i really do understand your concern. However, your son is a grown man and this is who he is seeing right now. Would I be happy about it? Well, no I would not be. But having your son's girlfriend over for dinner is not the same thing as giving your approval of this woman or her chosen job. She would be there to get to know you as your son's girlfriend (not as a stripper!).

Have her over for dinner and try your darndest to forget that she is a stripper. Try to see what your son sees in this woman. Afterwards, you can always talk to your son privately about your concerns. I think that would be appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of pps are getting distracted by the profession of the gf here. the issue is not which people are and aren't acceptable. replace "stripper" with "lawyer" and reread the OP and her followup--it's F*CKED UP to think you have the right to control your kids that much for any reason. he has to make his own mistakes. if OP's only tool for dealing with that is setting silly rules about who she will/won't allow to cross her house's threshold, she is in for a tough few decades' relationship with her adult child.

it's fu**ed up that you think parent should play along with every idiotic idea their child has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All right, I'm the OP and I came back to address a few things:

Yes I agree I have no authority over who my son dates. But I do have more invested in his happiness, well-being and success in life than a girlfriend who might leave him at any time, or divorce him after she gets married.

The naivete about strippers in this thread is hysterical. The majority of them have histories of abuse, drug problems, and eventually they start escorting on the side to make more cash. It's well-documented. None of this is news. It's not a "female-empowering" profession, although yes as a feminist we should allow all women to make their own choices. DS's girlfriend is obviously free to make her own choices, I'm not going to police her. But I do have a say over who joins my family.

Every now and then one happy stripper will trot along and do a DCUM AMA or an interview onTV, just like you'll see the PR-friends happy porn star and happy hooker doing the same things. These women DO NOT accurately represent their industry and very often they aren't accurately. It's incredibly naive and delusional to think otherwise.

However, thanks again for your replies, and this thread can end now.

You are insane. And how are you such an expert on strippers????

"I do have a say over who joins my family"??? Um actually, no you don't.

Go ahead and be a hater. You are the one who will lose. Your future DIL will be lucky if you ostracize her and she doesn't have to put up with your crap.

I guess she does have a say over who joins her family. But if she excludes her DS's partner for whatever reason, her DS will leave, too. SHe can control who she lets in but she can't control who leaves. Plenty of people feel the same way OP do about interracial/interreligious/same sex relationships, and they end up losing their own children.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of pps are getting distracted by the profession of the gf here. the issue is not which people are and aren't acceptable. replace "stripper" with "lawyer" and reread the OP and her followup--it's F*CKED UP to think you have the right to control your kids that much for any reason. he has to make his own mistakes. if OP's only tool for dealing with that is setting silly rules about who she will/won't allow to cross her house's threshold, she is in for a tough few decades' relationship with her adult child.


it's fu**ed up that you think parent should play along with every idiotic idea their child has.

OP's son is in his late 20s. He isn't a child. He's a man. OP is delusional is she thinks she has any control over who "joins her family".

As for the stereotypical judgmental attitudes here about strippers, I can only conclude that none of you know any actual dancers in real life.

The stupid on this thread is surprising, even for DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think a lot of pps are getting distracted by the profession of the gf here. the issue is not which people are and aren't acceptable. replace "stripper" with "lawyer" and reread the OP and her followup--it's F*CKED UP to think you have the right to control your kids that much for any reason. he has to make his own mistakes. if OP's only tool for dealing with that is setting silly rules about who she will/won't allow to cross her house's threshold, she is in for a tough few decades' relationship with her adult child.


it's fu**ed up that you think parent should play along with every idiotic idea their child has.

OP's son is in his late 20s. He isn't a child. He's a man. OP is delusional is she thinks she has any control over who "joins her family".

As for the stereotypical judgmental attitudes here about strippers, I can only conclude that none of you know any actual dancers in real life.

The stupid on this thread is surprising, even for DCUM.

Yes and I have no wish to know any real dancers... Don't give it a euphemism, you mean strippers in real life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think a lot of pps are getting distracted by the profession of the gf here. the issue is not which people are and aren't acceptable. replace "stripper" with "lawyer" and reread the OP and her followup--it's F*CKED UP to think you have the right to control your kids that much for any reason. he has to make his own mistakes. if OP's only tool for dealing with that is setting silly rules about who she will/won't allow to cross her house's threshold, she is in for a tough few decades' relationship with her adult child.


it's fu**ed up that you think parent should play along with every idiotic idea their child has.


OP's son is in his late 20s. He isn't a child. He's a man. OP is delusional is she thinks she has any control over who "joins her family".

As for the stereotypical judgmental attitudes here about strippers, I can only conclude that none of you know any actual dancers in real life.

The stupid on this thread is surprising, even for DCUM.


Yes and I have no wish to know any real dancers... Don't give it a euphemism, you mean strippers in real life.

It isn't a euphemism. It is a pretty common term when referring to strippers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think a lot of pps are getting distracted by the profession of the gf here. the issue is not which people are and aren't acceptable. replace "stripper" with "lawyer" and reread the OP and her followup--it's F*CKED UP to think you have the right to control your kids that much for any reason. he has to make his own mistakes. if OP's only tool for dealing with that is setting silly rules about who she will/won't allow to cross her house's threshold, she is in for a tough few decades' relationship with her adult child.


it's fu**ed up that you think parent should play along with every idiotic idea their child has.


OP's son is in his late 20s. He isn't a child. He's a man. OP is delusional is she thinks she has any control over who "joins her family".

As for the stereotypical judgmental attitudes here about strippers, I can only conclude that none of you know any actual dancers in real life.

The stupid on this thread is surprising, even for DCUM.


Yes and I have no wish to know any real dancers... Don't give it a euphemism, you mean strippers in real life.

It isn't a euphemism. It is a pretty common term when referring to strippers.

They're strippers. And I'm an NP. Not dancers. S-T-R-I-P-P-E-R-S.

And before you get all defensive, no I don't have a problem with women who strip. Fine by me, no shame in it, you're talking to a pretty wild ex-party girl who had the time of her life in college. I don't give a shit about stripping from a moral standpoint. What I do have a problem with is strippers who think they need to pretend to be something than they actually are in order to feel legitimate. It's like Sasha Grey insisting that her porn is "art" and that she's a porn star for intellectual men because she reads Sartre during sex or some nonsense. Um, no honey, you're a porn star and sex isn't art or an intellectual pursuit, it's just a fun human activity.

Same way, strippers may dance but we all know they are not being watched for the grace of their form, their precision, or the beautiful art of their dance, like a ballerina in Swan Lake or even a sophisticated geisha dancing to the shamisen for her gentlemen customers. They're being watched for their raw sex appeal and the slowly-getting-almost-naked part. So let's not call them dancers. They are strippers.