DS is dating a stripper

[Anonymous]

I like the AMA stripper here on DCUM and wouldn't mind her dating my son if she was single and I had one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll alert.

+1 totally a post designed to insight lots of fake debate. Whatever. There are more interesting threads...bye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister dated a guy who was pretty much the complete opposite of who she "should" have been dating. (She was at Harvard, he was a local who dropped out of high school etc). I feel it was VERY much on purpose. She liked that this was a guy she wasn't supposed to be interested in. It was like she could see something in him that no one else could.

My parents welcomed him with open arms. Why? Bc she loved him. My mom treated him like she would any life partner. She made a few small suggestions (like if they were going to have a future, perhaps my sister could encourage him to enroll in community college etc) but other than that, shut up about it. She'd ask about him, welcomed him to family dinners and events etc. When people would act shocked about it, she'd defend my sister as capable of making her own decisions.

They barely lasted a year before it all imploded in a dramatic fashion. My sister was pretty clearly doing it to rebel a bit and change her image. If my parents had tried to fight her on it, she might have stayed with him even longer, just to prove she knew what she was doing.

She ended up marrying a guy from Yale and they both got PhDs.

Moral: shut up about it.

the same would very likely happen if the mother was vehemently opposed.

[Anonymous]

If you don't want a stripper in your home, go out to dinner. At least give her a chance. Maybe she's just stripping her way through law school.

You will be VERY sorry if he marries this one and she's the mom of your grandkids - and you acted like an ass. It NEVER pays to make enemies, OP.

[Anonymous]

Based on the other thread about what men want in women, this does not surprise me at all

[Anonymous]

I wonder if OP is ethnic, actually, because I come from a Asian/South Asian/Middle-eastern family and this is exactly what my parents' attitude was towards when it was appropriate for me to bring someone home and who I could date.

Nothing wrong with it, but certainly very different from how mainstream white Americans would think about accepting a son or daughter's partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want a stripper in your home, go out to dinner. At least give her a chance. Maybe she's just stripping her way through law school.

You will be VERY sorry if he marries this one and she's the mom of your grandkids - and you acted like an ass. It NEVER pays to make enemies, OP.

Agree with all this- but if the bolded part then you might want to count your lucky stars because your son is dating a mythical creature!

Embrace, and at least meet her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other PPs in this thread are ok with their children (of either sex) dating strippers?

Really?

Wow.

My grown child in his/her late 20's?

If she/he is a good person that treats my grown child well, sure.

My daughter's last boyfriend was an associate at BigLaw, he was an asshole to her.

My son's current girlfriend is a part time college student who works in a bar. She is a jewel.

If you think the jewel who works in a bar is like a stripper you are clueless!

I've never known a stripped who wasn't emotionally damaged with family issues. Invite her to dinner and ask her about her family. You'll see OP.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to add I have a feeling the pro stripper contingent hasn't spent much time with actually strippers or they might respond differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom freaked out when I was dating someone who would have been a big mistake. I already knew that it would have been a mistake, but I was still with him. My mom's sadness helped me make the move to break things off. Breaking it off was 100% the best thing for me, and I am so glad that I did it. I'm early 40's and happily married now.

I would keep communicating your concerns with DS and make sure to keep the dialogue open. I would avoid stating your concerns as attacks on his girlfriend, but rather as compatibility issues with what he wants out of life.
He may not seem like he's hearing you, but he is probably hearing you. You probably should at least meet her once to better understand who she is.

I wouldn't say one single word against the girlfriend until you've actually met her. Otherwise, your son is going to be able to easily dismiss your complaints as prejudice and snobbery. If she turns out to be a bad girlfriend for other reasons (she lies, does drugs, cheats on him, whatever), you won't have much authority to say anything--your son can just say, "Oh, you never liked her just because she was a stripper." Better to meet her and see what she is actually like, v. what you think strippers are like.

I don't think you should say one word of judgement just yet, but the PP has a point. Is this an issue of DS having some kind of quarter life crisis? Does he think this is really right or is he having doubts? One route is to ask more and more open ended questions to DS to seem interested and don't say much. Just let him go in a monolog to draw out his feelings.

Examples:
"How did you meet [girlfriend]?"
"What kinds of things do you like to do together?"
"How do you like [girlfriend]'s friends?"
"Has [good friend of DS's X] met [girlfriend]?"
"What is girlfriend's family like ? Any siblings?"
"Where is [girlfriend] from? Where did she go to college?"
'Have you met [girlfriend]'s parents? What are they like?"

Even simple ones
"Does [girlfriend] like food X?"
might be elucidating.

I mean what else do you know about this girl except that a) she's dating your son and b) she's a stripper? That kind of matters a lot.

I went HYP and had friends in college who stripped. At least one of them is worth many millions now, not from stripping, but stripping helped put her through school. So I'd treat this as one attribute and get to know the others. If she's a bad egg, asking all these questions to your son, in as nonjudgemental a tone as possible will at least force him to say so out loud without you ever have to say a word. And if she isn't so bad after learning more, you'll have lots to talk with her at dinner about.

[Anonymous]

My cousin was a stripper, and she was married and windowed twice to wealthy men who were crazy about her, long after she quit work. Let your son be happy, I know that is what you want.

[Anonymous]

Come on people. The odds that the stripper is a good person with no involvement in drugs and prostitution isn't very good. It would be very difficult in that environment to hold yourself above what is so common to said environment. Reserving judgement until proven is fine but that doesn't mean you ignore the facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin was a stripper, and she was married and windowed twice to wealthy men who were crazy about her, long after she quit work. Let your son be happy, I know that is what you want.

married and widowed twice? Not sure I would want to date her even if I wasn't wealthy. lol

[Anonymous]

All right, I'm the OP and I came back to address a few things:

Yes I agree I have no authority over who my son dates. But I do have more invested in his happiness, well-being and success in life than a girlfriend who might leave him at any time, or divorce him after she gets married.

The naivete about strippers in this thread is hysterical. The majority of them have histories of abuse, drug problems, and eventually they start escorting on the side to make more cash. It's well-documented. None of this is news. It's not a "female-empowering" profession, although yes as a feminist we should allow all women to make their own choices. DS's girlfriend is obviously free to make her own choices, I'm not going to police her. But I do have a say over who joins my family.

Every now and then one happy stripper will trot along and do a DCUM AMA or an interview onTV, just like you'll see the PR-friends happy porn star and happy hooker doing the same things. These women DO NOT accurately represent their industry and very often they aren't accurately. It's incredibly naive and delusional to think otherwise.

However, thanks again for your replies, and this thread can end now.

[Anonymous]

My laptop is terrible. I meant to write in the last paragraph:

"These women DO NOT accurately represent their industry and very often they aren't accurately representing themselves."