Disclosing if you’re sleeping with other people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call me old fashioned, but when I was growing up only whores and man sluts slept with multiple people at the same time.

You're old fashioned.

[Anonymous]

You decide to sleep with someone after dating them for 2 weeks and expect exclusivity?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think Larlo did anything wrong. And I say this as a person who would have a supreme values mismatch with someone who thought it okay to sleep with different women on the same afternoon (who didn’t know and agree to the arrangement. Not everyone has my values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larlo did nothing wrong. Larla needs to learn how to communicate better and understand the game better. It is possible for a guy to fall for you hard after a few dates and be exclusive without having to discuss it - but Larla would have known if that was the case. If you are still just seeing each other once a week, he is not that into you (yet). Also if Larla reflects, she is probably operating more out of pride than actually assessing whether she likes Larlo.

Larla says it’s not about falling for someone that early on, or pride. It’s more that a lack of disclosure shows a difference in values, as she wouldn’t sleep with two men simultaneously, or would be upfront about as as she believes it’s important to be upfront so the other person can make a decision.

Larla has a long painful road ahead of her. She needs to learn to actually ask for what she wants instead of assuming her preferences are the only moral default and everyone should read her mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You decide to sleep with someone after dating them for 2 weeks and expect exclusivity?

Sometimes this happens if you really really hit it off but you would know it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You decide to sleep with someone after dating them for 2 weeks and expect exclusivity?

Sometimes this happens if you really really hit it off but you would know it!

You’d also discuss it or say something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You decide to sleep with someone after dating them for 2 weeks and expect exclusivity?

Sometimes this happens if you really really hit it off but you would know it!

You’d also discuss it or say something.

Sure. But it would also be like you were seeing each other every night so not a lot of time to do anything else! IYKYK

[Anonymous]

Guy here -
When dating I made it clear from the outset that I only dated one person at a time and that I didn’t was only intimate in monogamous relationships. She was free to date others, but there would not be intimacy until we were monogamous.

Larla should have laid out her expectations and Larlo should have stated that he was sleeping with others before having sex with Larla. She should have the option to accept that or not before having sex.

[Anonymous]

Team Larlo. Unless we discuss it, I have no expectations that he's not dating/sleeping with someone else. Same for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If exclusivity is important to you then you need to have the talk before doing the horizontal mambo.

Korrect!!

[Anonymous]

You attract what you put out in the universe.

If you had standards for sex and dating (which means not spreading your legs unless you have had all the talks, done all your background check, watched for red flags, had the STD screenings etc), the morally bankrupt would not be with you.

[Anonymous]

Larla and Larlo are both right.
Larla and Larlo simply hold different beliefs.
Larlo likes to sleep around until being asked to be exclusive.
Larla values a man who is naturally exclusive without needing to be asked.

Because of this, Larla should break up with Larlo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call me old fashioned, but when I was growing up only whores and man sluts slept with multiple people at the same time.

You are not old-fashioned. This is being normal and having healthy boundaries and morals. Even mentally healthy young people are having self-respect and not degrading themselves hooking up indiscriminately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larlo did nothing wrong. Larla needs to learn how to communicate better and understand the game better. It is possible for a guy to fall for you hard after a few dates and be exclusive without having to discuss it - but Larla would have known if that was the case. If you are still just seeing each other once a week, he is not that into you (yet). Also if Larla reflects, she is probably operating more out of pride than actually assessing whether she likes Larlo.

Larla says it’s not about falling for someone that early on, or pride. It’s more that a lack of disclosure shows a difference in values, as she wouldn’t sleep with two men simultaneously, or would be upfront about as as she believes it’s important to be upfront so the other person can make a decision.

Larla has a long painful road ahead of her. She needs to learn to actually ask for what she wants instead of assuming her preferences are the only moral default and everyone should read her mind.

Agreed. Also, her willingness to sleep so soon in the relationship without having any talk means that her own morals are lax. She does not any reason to be butt-hurt (unless there was a**l involved). Any normal person would assume that she was fine with Larlo's behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Larla and Larlo are both right.
Larla and Larlo simply hold different beliefs.
Larlo likes to sleep around until being asked to be exclusive.
Larla values a man who is naturally exclusive without needing to be asked.

Because of this, Larla should break up with Larlo.

OP. I think I agree with this. Neither is 'wrong', but they're just incompatible.

Larlo is still actively pursuing Larla and seems to genuinely want a relationship, but Larla doesn't want someone who needs a discussion over everything they can/can't do and is concerned it will cause future problems. Part of the problem is in her last relationship, her ex would do things such as getting on dating apps or talking to women on social media and claim "you never SAID I couldn't DM random women!"

I think I'll tell Larla to just move on, even if he's a decent guy, they're just not compatible.