Disclosing if you’re sleeping with other people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Larla and Larlo are both right.
Larla and Larlo simply hold different beliefs.
Larlo likes to sleep around until being asked to be exclusive.
Larla values a man who is naturally exclusive without needing to be asked.

Because of this, Larla should break up with Larlo.

OP. I think I agree with this. Neither is 'wrong', but they're just incompatible.

Larlo is still actively pursuing Larla and seems to genuinely want a relationship, but Larla doesn't want someone who needs a discussion over everything they can/can't do and is concerned it will cause future problems. Part of the problem is in her last relationship, her ex would do things such as getting on dating apps or talking to women on social media and claim "you never SAID I couldn't DM random women!"

I think I'll tell Larla to just move on, even if he's a decent guy, they're just not compatible.

This. Of course he likes the thrill of the chase. Nope! Any guy who acts like that is going to be a problem later.

And tell Larla to get clear on her dealbreakers and be upfront.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

This kind of guy wants conquest.

When she said no to him she turned him on. He wanted to put her in her place by having her accept him again after f*ing with her feelings and their connection. Nope!

Also why is she giving him another chance… she needs to stop being so insecure, she is attracting other insecure people. Have some self respect.

[Anonymous]

my rule of thumb that works without asking - if you have to use or someone insist that you use a condom then they are still seeing and sleeping with other partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my rule of thumb that works without asking - if you have to use or someone insist that you use a condom then they are still seeing and sleeping with other partners.

Absolutely not ! They just know that many STDs only pop up in a few weeks. I don’t want all the HPV herpes and mycoplasma that can go undetected for months !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

You need to get a life and stay out of others’ lives.

OP is Larla

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Larla and Larlo have been dating for 5 weeks, seeing each other about once a week. They’ve slept together 3 times.

The last time they met up (which was early afternoon), Larlo mentioned he had plans that evening. Larla asked if it was a date, Larlo said yes. Larla asked if Larlo was sleeping with her as well, Larlo said yes.

Larla broke things off because while he didn’t directly lie, he failed to communicate he was sleeping with someone else. Larlo maintains that he did nothing wrong since they hadn’t talked about being exclusive, and was still figuring out which woman he wanted to commit to, but has told Larla he will stop seeing the other woman and exclusively date her.

Larla is debating it, but is leaning towards no, because she believes he should have been upfront and honest about sleeping with someone else even if they weren’t exclusive because of the emotional and STD risks. Dating others would have been fine, sleeping with them, not okay. Also, felt very gross that Larlo literally slept with her that afternoon and the other woman that evening.

Who is right/wrong here?

Larla is right to break it off, but she did it for the wrong reason. The correct reason is that she discovered that Larlo is an idiot, for telling her that he is sleeping with someone else. Kind of like when David Petraus got caught. It wasn't the affair. It was that he, as head of the CIA, couldn't keep it on the down low. You can't lead the deep state if you can't even manage to cheat on your wife properly.

Larlo is wrong for ever telling her anything about the other woman. Shoulda said he was working against a deadline for work. Or playing squash. Or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my rule of thumb that works without asking - if you have to use or someone insist that you use a condom then they are still seeing and sleeping with other partners.

This is the dumbest "rule" I have ever read on DCUM and explains so much about why STDs are such a problem...don't be an idiot - use a condom!!