Disclosing if you’re sleeping with other people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call me old fashioned, but when I was growing up only whores and man sluts slept with multiple people at the same time.

Oh my, yes, you are old fashioned and your out-of-date perspective and feelings are invalid.

I have friends who have only had a single sexual partner, their spouse, and others who had many partners while single in their 20s and 30s. I refrain from calling any of them demeaning names or saying their feelings are invalid because we don’t have the same experience. I thought this is what we all tried to do as adults.

Absolutely beautiful ❤️❤️ these people are the gems of this planet ❤️❤️

[Anonymous]

Stds are no big deal compared to the Real consequences that will be faced on the day of judgement.

Folks get married and only have sex with your spouse. Please repent from sin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

Now you are just trolling… we are supposed to believe that Larla went from banging this dude before the word ‘hello’ stopped echoing to wanting him to ask permission before trying to kiss her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Exclusivity comes with a conversation (at least in the US). It’s important to express your needs and expectations in a relationship. Larlo was operating how the majority of people dating operate. My concern would be the fact that you only have one date a week. If you’re both older with children that makes sense but if you’re childless, it’s not a lot of time and you both should be trying to spend more time together.

+1. That is the biggest tell that this is a bootie call. not sure how Larla didn’t realize that … she needs to understand the game better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

I doubt this was the first sign Larla saw that he was pushy sexually. This doesn’t happen out of nowhere. What happened is that she excused it when she thought they were exclusive and now it because unacceptable. Also it is very odd that she would expect to ask him to ask for permission to kiss her after they were already sleeping together? And why let him come to her house if she didn’t want to sleep with him? Obviously a woman has a right to decide what she wants to do, that’s not what I am saying. Just I get a strong sense that Larla does not have a great radar to understand when men are just in it for s*x and is likely fooling herself at how much she is into the s*x (because she believes they are exclusive).

Tl;dr - Larla needs to stop sleeping with men just because they want to sleep with her and she believes they are in a relationship. Hold out for someone she really likes and treats her the way she wants.

Nope, nope, nope. Inviting a man over to your house does not give the green light for him to push himself on you sexually. That’s rape culture.

Ugh your type is so tiresome.

Reread what I said. Nowhere did I excuse what he did assuming she clearly said no. What I did say is that Larla clearly doesn’t understand how dating works. It is not normal to expect someone to ask permission to kiss you after you are *already sleeping together* and it is also normal for someone who you are *already sleeping with* to think you are going to sleep together if you invite them over. Clearly Larla did not want any of this so why did she continue with the date after he made it clear he wanted what she did not? my belief is that he probably acted the same way on prior dates but Larla interpreted it in a totally different was when she mistakenly believed they were exclusive. Larla needs to get much more savvy about reading the signs and ALSO needs better boundaries around sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

I doubt this was the first sign Larla saw that he was pushy sexually. This doesn’t happen out of nowhere. What happened is that she excused it when she thought they were exclusive and now it because unacceptable. Also it is very odd that she would expect to ask him to ask for permission to kiss her after they were already sleeping together? And why let him come to her house if she didn’t want to sleep with him? Obviously a woman has a right to decide what she wants to do, that’s not what I am saying. Just I get a strong sense that Larla does not have a great radar to understand when men are just in it for s*x and is likely fooling herself at how much she is into the s*x (because she believes they are exclusive).

Tl;dr - Larla needs to stop sleeping with men just because they want to sleep with her and she believes they are in a relationship. Hold out for someone she really likes and treats her the way she wants.

Nope, nope, nope. Inviting a man over to your house does not give the green light for him to push himself on you sexually. That’s rape culture.

Ugh your type is so tiresome.

Reread what I said. Nowhere did I excuse what he did assuming she clearly said no. What I did say is that Larla clearly doesn’t understand how dating works. It is not normal to expect someone to ask permission to kiss you after you are *already sleeping together* and it is also normal for someone who you are *already sleeping with* to think you are going to sleep together if you invite them over. Clearly Larla did not want any of this so why did she continue with the date after he made it clear he wanted what she did not? my belief is that he probably acted the same way on prior dates but Larla interpreted it in a totally different was when she mistakenly believed they were exclusive. Larla needs to get much more savvy about reading the signs and ALSO needs better boundaries around sex.

…and maybe, just maybe, she should think about expressing what she does or doesn’t want rather than hoping he will just magically know.

If she wants to keep seeing this guy, but no longer wants to kiss him or do any of the other things they did on their previous encounters, then she should tell him and see how he responds.

The poor guy probably cancelled a different booty call to meet up with larla only to discover she had flipped from a sure thing to playing hard to get. Can you blame him for being confused?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Larlo did nothing wrong; it is reasonable, however, for Larla to find this off-putting and punt him on that basis. I would, however, caution Larla from doing so if she really likes this guy, as this appears to arise from unclear communication, could have been avoided by her as well, and looks like it has been fixed going forward.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

I doubt this was the first sign Larla saw that he was pushy sexually. This doesn’t happen out of nowhere. What happened is that she excused it when she thought they were exclusive and now it because unacceptable. Also it is very odd that she would expect to ask him to ask for permission to kiss her after they were already sleeping together? And why let him come to her house if she didn’t want to sleep with him? Obviously a woman has a right to decide what she wants to do, that’s not what I am saying. Just I get a strong sense that Larla does not have a great radar to understand when men are just in it for s*x and is likely fooling herself at how much she is into the s*x (because she believes they are exclusive).

Tl;dr - Larla needs to stop sleeping with men just because they want to sleep with her and she believes they are in a relationship. Hold out for someone she really likes and treats her the way she wants.

Nope, nope, nope. Inviting a man over to your house does not give the green light for him to push himself on you sexually. That’s rape culture.

Ugh your type is so tiresome.

Reread what I said. Nowhere did I excuse what he did assuming she clearly said no. What I did say is that Larla clearly doesn’t understand how dating works. It is not normal to expect someone to ask permission to kiss you after you are *already sleeping together* and it is also normal for someone who you are *already sleeping with* to think you are going to sleep together if you invite them over. Clearly Larla did not want any of this so why did she continue with the date after he made it clear he wanted what she did not? my belief is that he probably acted the same way on prior dates but Larla interpreted it in a totally different was when she mistakenly believed they were exclusive. Larla needs to get much more savvy about reading the signs and ALSO needs better boundaries around sex.

…and maybe, just maybe, she should think about expressing what she does or doesn’t want rather than hoping he will just magically know.

If she wants to keep seeing this guy, but no longer wants to kiss him or do any of the other things they did on their previous encounters, then she should tell him and see how he responds.

The poor guy probably cancelled a different booty call to meet up with larla only to discover she had flipped from a sure thing to playing hard to get. Can you blame him for being confused?

As I said in my earlier post, she did tell him that she wanted to wait for any physical intimacy. He responded by pushing himself on her.

He’s not a “poor guy”. He can use his hand if he needs it that bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

I doubt this was the first sign Larla saw that he was pushy sexually. This doesn’t happen out of nowhere. What happened is that she excused it when she thought they were exclusive and now it because unacceptable. Also it is very odd that she would expect to ask him to ask for permission to kiss her after they were already sleeping together? And why let him come to her house if she didn’t want to sleep with him? Obviously a woman has a right to decide what she wants to do, that’s not what I am saying. Just I get a strong sense that Larla does not have a great radar to understand when men are just in it for s*x and is likely fooling herself at how much she is into the s*x (because she believes they are exclusive).

Tl;dr - Larla needs to stop sleeping with men just because they want to sleep with her and she believes they are in a relationship. Hold out for someone she really likes and treats her the way she wants.

Nope, nope, nope. Inviting a man over to your house does not give the green light for him to push himself on you sexually. That’s rape culture.

Ugh your type is so tiresome.

Reread what I said. Nowhere did I excuse what he did assuming she clearly said no. What I did say is that Larla clearly doesn’t understand how dating works. It is not normal to expect someone to ask permission to kiss you after you are *already sleeping together* and it is also normal for someone who you are *already sleeping with* to think you are going to sleep together if you invite them over. Clearly Larla did not want any of this so why did she continue with the date after he made it clear he wanted what she did not? my belief is that he probably acted the same way on prior dates but Larla interpreted it in a totally different was when she mistakenly believed they were exclusive. Larla needs to get much more savvy about reading the signs and ALSO needs better boundaries around sex.

…and maybe, just maybe, she should think about expressing what she does or doesn’t want rather than hoping he will just magically know.

If she wants to keep seeing this guy, but no longer wants to kiss him or do any of the other things they did on their previous encounters, then she should tell him and see how he responds.

The poor guy probably cancelled a different booty call to meet up with larla only to discover she had flipped from a sure thing to playing hard to get. Can you blame him for being confused?

As I said in my earlier post, she did tell him that she wanted to wait for any physical intimacy. He responded by pushing himself on her.

He’s not a “poor guy”. He can use his hand if he needs it that bad.

That’s bad if he did that but Larla is also being a bit daft if she thinks she is just going to roll back the “physical intimacy” (who says that anyway)? She is completely misreading this guy and this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I did sleep/date several men at a time but I was upfront about not being exclusive, asked for recent STD testing, tested myself and used protection. There was no oral sex.
The devil is in the detail. I would be still pretty disgusted that a man slept with another woman in a few hours after leaving my bed. That is rare even for poly people.

Not really. I like to bang both of my wives within hours of each other 😁

You joke, but I had a good friend from college settle down in Lake Tahoe. A good chunk of his 20s were spent at the airport dropping off one girl and waiting for the next to arrive. He had a parade of women who thought they were his special gf. He had at least a dozen in rotation for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

I doubt this was the first sign Larla saw that he was pushy sexually. This doesn’t happen out of nowhere. What happened is that she excused it when she thought they were exclusive and now it because unacceptable. Also it is very odd that she would expect to ask him to ask for permission to kiss her after they were already sleeping together? And why let him come to her house if she didn’t want to sleep with him? Obviously a woman has a right to decide what she wants to do, that’s not what I am saying. Just I get a strong sense that Larla does not have a great radar to understand when men are just in it for s*x and is likely fooling herself at how much she is into the s*x (because she believes they are exclusive).

Tl;dr - Larla needs to stop sleeping with men just because they want to sleep with her and she believes they are in a relationship. Hold out for someone she really likes and treats her the way she wants.

Nope, nope, nope. Inviting a man over to your house does not give the green light for him to push himself on you sexually. That’s rape culture.

Ugh your type is so tiresome.

Reread what I said. Nowhere did I excuse what he did assuming she clearly said no. What I did say is that Larla clearly doesn’t understand how dating works. It is not normal to expect someone to ask permission to kiss you after you are *already sleeping together* and it is also normal for someone who you are *already sleeping with* to think you are going to sleep together if you invite them over. Clearly Larla did not want any of this so why did she continue with the date after he made it clear he wanted what she did not? my belief is that he probably acted the same way on prior dates but Larla interpreted it in a totally different was when she mistakenly believed they were exclusive. Larla needs to get much more savvy about reading the signs and ALSO needs better boundaries around sex.

…and maybe, just maybe, she should think about expressing what she does or doesn’t want rather than hoping he will just magically know.

If she wants to keep seeing this guy, but no longer wants to kiss him or do any of the other things they did on their previous encounters, then she should tell him and see how he responds.

The poor guy probably cancelled a different booty call to meet up with larla only to discover she had flipped from a sure thing to playing hard to get. Can you blame him for being confused?

As I said in my earlier post, she did tell him that she wanted to wait for any physical intimacy. He responded by pushing himself on her.

He’s not a “poor guy”. He can use his hand if he needs it that bad.

That’s bad if he did that but Larla is also being a bit daft if she thinks she is just going to roll back the “physical intimacy” (who says that anyway)? She is completely misreading this guy and this situation.

This is wrong. If a woman tells a man she wants to wait for sex, he says ok, then proceeds to push her for it anyway, he is 100% in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

I doubt this was the first sign Larla saw that he was pushy sexually. This doesn’t happen out of nowhere. What happened is that she excused it when she thought they were exclusive and now it because unacceptable. Also it is very odd that she would expect to ask him to ask for permission to kiss her after they were already sleeping together? And why let him come to her house if she didn’t want to sleep with him? Obviously a woman has a right to decide what she wants to do, that’s not what I am saying. Just I get a strong sense that Larla does not have a great radar to understand when men are just in it for s*x and is likely fooling herself at how much she is into the s*x (because she believes they are exclusive).

Tl;dr - Larla needs to stop sleeping with men just because they want to sleep with her and she believes they are in a relationship. Hold out for someone she really likes and treats her the way she wants.

Nope, nope, nope. Inviting a man over to your house does not give the green light for him to push himself on you sexually. That’s rape culture.

Ugh your type is so tiresome.

Reread what I said. Nowhere did I excuse what he did assuming she clearly said no. What I did say is that Larla clearly doesn’t understand how dating works. It is not normal to expect someone to ask permission to kiss you after you are *already sleeping together* and it is also normal for someone who you are *already sleeping with* to think you are going to sleep together if you invite them over. Clearly Larla did not want any of this so why did she continue with the date after he made it clear he wanted what she did not? my belief is that he probably acted the same way on prior dates but Larla interpreted it in a totally different was when she mistakenly believed they were exclusive. Larla needs to get much more savvy about reading the signs and ALSO needs better boundaries around sex.

…and maybe, just maybe, she should think about expressing what she does or doesn’t want rather than hoping he will just magically know.

If she wants to keep seeing this guy, but no longer wants to kiss him or do any of the other things they did on their previous encounters, then she should tell him and see how he responds.

The poor guy probably cancelled a different booty call to meet up with larla only to discover she had flipped from a sure thing to playing hard to get. Can you blame him for being confused?

As I said in my earlier post, she did tell him that she wanted to wait for any physical intimacy. He responded by pushing himself on her.

He’s not a “poor guy”. He can use his hand if he needs it that bad.

That’s bad if he did that but Larla is also being a bit daft if she thinks she is just going to roll back the “physical intimacy” (who says that anyway)? She is completely misreading this guy and this situation.

Yes, and let’s remember that Larlo said he’d be willing to go exclusive with her and then Larla agreed to another date… so she was sending the “we’re back in a relationship” message to him before the date. She doesn’t seem to know how to be clear about her expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

I doubt this was the first sign Larla saw that he was pushy sexually. This doesn’t happen out of nowhere. What happened is that she excused it when she thought they were exclusive and now it because unacceptable. Also it is very odd that she would expect to ask him to ask for permission to kiss her after they were already sleeping together? And why let him come to her house if she didn’t want to sleep with him? Obviously a woman has a right to decide what she wants to do, that’s not what I am saying. Just I get a strong sense that Larla does not have a great radar to understand when men are just in it for s*x and is likely fooling herself at how much she is into the s*x (because she believes they are exclusive).

Tl;dr - Larla needs to stop sleeping with men just because they want to sleep with her and she believes they are in a relationship. Hold out for someone she really likes and treats her the way she wants.

Nope, nope, nope. Inviting a man over to your house does not give the green light for him to push himself on you sexually. That’s rape culture.

Ugh your type is so tiresome.

Reread what I said. Nowhere did I excuse what he did assuming she clearly said no. What I did say is that Larla clearly doesn’t understand how dating works. It is not normal to expect someone to ask permission to kiss you after you are *already sleeping together* and it is also normal for someone who you are *already sleeping with* to think you are going to sleep together if you invite them over. Clearly Larla did not want any of this so why did she continue with the date after he made it clear he wanted what she did not? my belief is that he probably acted the same way on prior dates but Larla interpreted it in a totally different was when she mistakenly believed they were exclusive. Larla needs to get much more savvy about reading the signs and ALSO needs better boundaries around sex.

…and maybe, just maybe, she should think about expressing what she does or doesn’t want rather than hoping he will just magically know.

If she wants to keep seeing this guy, but no longer wants to kiss him or do any of the other things they did on their previous encounters, then she should tell him and see how he responds.

The poor guy probably cancelled a different booty call to meet up with larla only to discover she had flipped from a sure thing to playing hard to get. Can you blame him for being confused?

As I said in my earlier post, she did tell him that she wanted to wait for any physical intimacy. He responded by pushing himself on her.

He’s not a “poor guy”. He can use his hand if he needs it that bad.

That’s bad if he did that but Larla is also being a bit daft if she thinks she is just going to roll back the “physical intimacy” (who says that anyway)? She is completely misreading this guy and this situation.

This is wrong. If a woman tells a man she wants to wait for sex, he says ok, then proceeds to push her for it anyway, he is 100% in the wrong.

The daft part is her thinking he was going to go along with this. According to OP’s story she was already getting mad he was kissing her “without permission.” I’m not sure what she was thinking. it’s obviously not ok what he did, but she is playing out some kind of weird psychodrama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

I doubt this was the first sign Larla saw that he was pushy sexually. This doesn’t happen out of nowhere. What happened is that she excused it when she thought they were exclusive and now it because unacceptable. Also it is very odd that she would expect to ask him to ask for permission to kiss her after they were already sleeping together? And why let him come to her house if she didn’t want to sleep with him? Obviously a woman has a right to decide what she wants to do, that’s not what I am saying. Just I get a strong sense that Larla does not have a great radar to understand when men are just in it for s*x and is likely fooling herself at how much she is into the s*x (because she believes they are exclusive).

Tl;dr - Larla needs to stop sleeping with men just because they want to sleep with her and she believes they are in a relationship. Hold out for someone she really likes and treats her the way she wants.

Nope, nope, nope. Inviting a man over to your house does not give the green light for him to push himself on you sexually. That’s rape culture.

Ugh your type is so tiresome.

Reread what I said. Nowhere did I excuse what he did assuming she clearly said no. What I did say is that Larla clearly doesn’t understand how dating works. It is not normal to expect someone to ask permission to kiss you after you are *already sleeping together* and it is also normal for someone who you are *already sleeping with* to think you are going to sleep together if you invite them over. Clearly Larla did not want any of this so why did she continue with the date after he made it clear he wanted what she did not? my belief is that he probably acted the same way on prior dates but Larla interpreted it in a totally different was when she mistakenly believed they were exclusive. Larla needs to get much more savvy about reading the signs and ALSO needs better boundaries around sex.

…and maybe, just maybe, she should think about expressing what she does or doesn’t want rather than hoping he will just magically know.

If she wants to keep seeing this guy, but no longer wants to kiss him or do any of the other things they did on their previous encounters, then she should tell him and see how he responds.

The poor guy probably cancelled a different booty call to meet up with larla only to discover she had flipped from a sure thing to playing hard to get. Can you blame him for being confused?

As I said in my earlier post, she did tell him that she wanted to wait for any physical intimacy. He responded by pushing himself on her.

He’s not a “poor guy”. He can use his hand if he needs it that bad.

That’s bad if he did that but Larla is also being a bit daft if she thinks she is just going to roll back the “physical intimacy” (who says that anyway)? She is completely misreading this guy and this situation.

Yes, and let’s remember that Larlo said he’d be willing to go exclusive with her and then Larla agreed to another date… so she was sending the “we’re back in a relationship” message to him before the date. She doesn’t seem to know how to be clear about her expectations.

+1. Larla is trying to prove some kind of point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stds are no big deal compared to the Real consequences that will be faced on the day of judgement.

Folks get married and only have sex with your spouse. Please repent from sin.

No. Keep your sky daddy fantasies to yourself. No one cares.