Disclosing if you’re sleeping with other people

[Anonymous]

OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe don't' sleep with someone after 2 dates?

Guy here.

I’m fine with waiting but women who wait always end things with me

The only girlfriends I’ve ever had were ones who slept with me on the first date.

There are plenty of women I’ve gone on dates with and haven’t had an expectation of sex but those never turn into relationships, which is unfortunate.

I’d love to have the experience of courting a woman without rushing into sex.

I'm a woman, and I wish men understood this so they'd stop judging women by how soon they sleep with them.

When I was dating, if I was into a guy, I always wanted to sleep with him early on. Often I'd date guys who were great guys, but I felt zero sexual attraction. I'd keep dating them hoping it would grow, but it never did, and everyone ended up frustrated.

The same men who want a woman who abstains usually ends up in a sexless relationship later on, because she never felt any sexual chemistry with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fair to assume in the first month or two of dating that people are seeing other people. But absolutely no one wants to be the afternoon lay as their partner gets ready for their evening date. It's messy psychologically. But also the STD risks alone.

Would be out in a nanosecond. Incompatible. Not on the same page when it comes to sex. Don't want syphilis or gonorrhea or HIV. There is either trust or there is zero trust.

I think the bigger risk is related to how often the man is testing for STDs and if he is religious about using condoms (or not). A guy could be doing neither and as a result be more risky even if he’s sleeping with just one woman at a time vs a guy sleeping with 2 but practicing safer sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call me old fashioned, but when I was growing up only whores and man sluts slept with multiple people at the same time.

You are just old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

You need to get a life and stay out of others’ lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

This affirms my post above, that while there’s nothing inherently wrong with Larlos approach, it’s still probably a red flag of his overall personality.

[Anonymous]

This guy is trash regardless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe don't' sleep with someone after 2 dates?

Guy here.

I’m fine with waiting but women who wait always end things with me

The only girlfriends I’ve ever had were ones who slept with me on the first date.

There are plenty of women I’ve gone on dates with and haven’t had an expectation of sex but those never turn into relationships, which is unfortunate.

I’d love to have the experience of courting a woman without rushing into sex.

I'm a woman, and I wish men understood this so they'd stop judging women by how soon they sleep with them.

When I was dating, if I was into a guy, I always wanted to sleep with him early on. Often I'd date guys who were great guys, but I felt zero sexual attraction. I'd keep dating them hoping it would grow, but it never did, and everyone ended up frustrated.

The same men who want a woman who abstains usually ends up in a sexless relationship later on, because she never felt any sexual chemistry with him.

Don’t generalize. To me it’s the opposite. The quick sexual chemistry always fades. The men I had sex right away were all disappointments long run and totally wrong for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Promiscuous millennials… we didn’t do that in GenX, and young people don’t do that either. It’s considered gross, and serious/normal people don’t do that. Way to ruin your reputation in high school/college - for both men and women.

I'm a Gen Xer who lived in NYC in my early 20s and absolutely did that stuff, my friends and I seemed to have two or more partners simultaneously which was fine as long as we didn't promise exclusivity. When I hit my late 20s and wanted to settle down my behavior changed and I only looked for exclusive relationships, waiting longer to have sex. Nothing wrong with any of this as long as everyone is honest and upfront about your intentions and behavior.

Are you a man or a woman?

I’m a woman, now 49 and married for 20 years with no cheating.

Do your daughters know that their mother banged 40 strangers in her 4 years in NYC?

DP. Why in the world you be talking about your old sex life with your kids? Very weird.

Talking with your kids is 'weird' but letting rando dudes ejaculate inside your is normal? Yeah, you're the freak.

Nobody allows anyone not tested ejaculate anywhere . You should use protection . I slept with multiple men in same few months period but they all had a recent STD test and protection was used. You are paranoid

It's almost like you're completely unaware of the 150,000 teen births every single year. Lots and lots and lots of careless people do not use protection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

I doubt this was the first sign Larla saw that he was pushy sexually. This doesn’t happen out of nowhere. What happened is that she excused it when she thought they were exclusive and now it because unacceptable. Also it is very odd that she would expect to ask him to ask for permission to kiss her after they were already sleeping together? And why let him come to her house if she didn’t want to sleep with him? Obviously a woman has a right to decide what she wants to do, that’s not what I am saying. Just I get a strong sense that Larla does not have a great radar to understand when men are just in it for s*x and is likely fooling herself at how much she is into the s*x (because she believes they are exclusive).

Tl;dr - Larla needs to stop sleeping with men just because they want to sleep with her and she believes they are in a relationship. Hold out for someone she really likes and treats her the way she wants.

[Anonymous]

Exclusivity comes with a conversation (at least in the US). It’s important to express your needs and expectations in a relationship. Larlo was operating how the majority of people dating operate. My concern would be the fact that you only have one date a week. If you’re both older with children that makes sense but if you’re childless, it’s not a lot of time and you both should be trying to spend more time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I did sleep/date several men at a time but I was upfront about not being exclusive, asked for recent STD testing, tested myself and used protection. There was no oral sex.
The devil is in the detail. I would be still pretty disgusted that a man slept with another woman in a few hours after leaving my bed. That is rare even for poly people.

Not really. I like to bang both of my wives within hours of each other 😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I did sleep/date several men at a time but I was upfront about not being exclusive, asked for recent STD testing, tested myself and used protection. There was no oral sex.
The devil is in the detail. I would be still pretty disgusted that a man slept with another woman in a few hours after leaving my bed. That is rare even for poly people.

Not really. I like to bang both of my wives within hours of each other 😁

If you live both or they are well aware of this arrangement (fluid bound) that’s fine.
But nobody wants to be “fluid bound” to some unknown strangers out there dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Promiscuous millennials… we didn’t do that in GenX, and young people don’t do that either. It’s considered gross, and serious/normal people don’t do that. Way to ruin your reputation in high school/college - for both men and women.

I'm a Gen Xer who lived in NYC in my early 20s and absolutely did that stuff, my friends and I seemed to have two or more partners simultaneously which was fine as long as we didn't promise exclusivity. When I hit my late 20s and wanted to settle down my behavior changed and I only looked for exclusive relationships, waiting longer to have sex. Nothing wrong with any of this as long as everyone is honest and upfront about your intentions and behavior.

Are you a man or a woman?

I’m a woman, now 49 and married for 20 years with no cheating.

Do your daughters know that their mother banged 40 strangers in her 4 years in NYC?

How many men should a single woman be allowed to sleep with in her 20s? And when you say strangers, exactly how long must she know each of them before having sex so no one calls them “strangers” 25 years later?

ZERO!! Have sex with your spouse only! And that goes for men as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update.

Larla (who is my best friend) gave Larlo another shot and went out with him last night. Also, for context, they had known each for awhile before dating and Larlo had actively pursued her before going out.

He was very handsy with her, tried to kiss her without asking multiple times, and when he dropped her off at her house, picked her up to try to carry her to the bedroom. After she told him she wasn't ready for physical intimacy, he still went ahead and grabbed her chest.

So, obviously it's a no now.

I doubt this was the first sign Larla saw that he was pushy sexually. This doesn’t happen out of nowhere. What happened is that she excused it when she thought they were exclusive and now it because unacceptable. Also it is very odd that she would expect to ask him to ask for permission to kiss her after they were already sleeping together? And why let him come to her house if she didn’t want to sleep with him? Obviously a woman has a right to decide what she wants to do, that’s not what I am saying. Just I get a strong sense that Larla does not have a great radar to understand when men are just in it for s*x and is likely fooling herself at how much she is into the s*x (because she believes they are exclusive).

Tl;dr - Larla needs to stop sleeping with men just because they want to sleep with her and she believes they are in a relationship. Hold out for someone she really likes and treats her the way she wants.

Nope, nope, nope. Inviting a man over to your house does not give the green light for him to push himself on you sexually. That’s rape culture.