No sex drive and dh and I argue over it constantly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often is he wanting it? Can you just do it once a week? Maintenance sex is still sex.

I'm 50 and that's where we are..."maintenance sex once per week (Wednesdays) sometimes there's is a bonus night on Friday or Saturday...sometimes...

We've been together over 20 years and I can't believe he still wants it more than that. lol!

[Anonymous]

op, I am already feeling like this. I am 42, 5'3' and close to 200 lbs. No sex drive at all and I am tired most of the time.

[Anonymous]

If you're not feeling attractive or loved, that may effect libido. Listening to sex podcast together may get you excited. If he's not giving you orgasms, then he needs to learn how.

[Anonymous]

What if it's reverse foreplay issues? Like I just don't want to work that hard for him to get (the same-- sorry pun intended). It's like pre-work. And it's causing resentment. Being old sucks.

[Anonymous]

My husband has never been affectionate and my life working full-time, supporting the family, and doing all the parenting made me so resentful. But I still wanted to have a relationship and it did help for us to have sex. For me to not have inhibitions, the times we did were always when we enjoyed a nice time together first, including a glass of wine or cocktail or two beforehand, which just made me more loosened up about sex. He decided a year ago to completely give up alcohol. He was never a big drinker to begin with. He is obsessed with any trend related to health--he is very healthy. But honestly, his quitting completely just bugs me. And he let me know that it bothers him that I usually only have sex if I have had a drink first. So now, neither of us drink at all, and we haven't had sex in at least 6 months. We're basically roommates and I have more resentment toward him than before. I am incredibly bored and lonely. We're in our mid 50s, married for 28 years. So, no help from me here OP, just sharing my experience.

[Anonymous]

Use your hands on him. Intimate massage.

[Anonymous]

10 to 1, if you found a new lover your desire would come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10 to 1, if you found a new lover your desire would come back.

True, I'm sure if it was Jamie Dornan, Bradley Cooper or Brat Pitt the love interest will sure come back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't help but wonder if men really want sex that much or is it just societal pressure/sexualization making them think they want it or need it. Like if we were out in the woods with no TV, porn, etc living a native life, wouldn't sex just be a much farther and fewer thing? Bc the men can't get it up and get it stay hard the same way either so something happens to their bodies as well, not just us ladies.

Anyway I know that's not helpful but def a thought I have, like this is just the way of nature to make us not want it anymore but I can't help but think it's a problem contrived by society rather than nature.

Obviously I'm in your same boat OP, lol. Good luck, I have no real solution. Some people have suggested erotic books or audio (I tried the British filth audio guy and it's okay).

Yes, we do. It is the most important part of a relationship and basically the best part about living.

[Anonymous]

Start saving up for your divorce.

[Anonymous]

If I waited until I was in the mood we’d probably have sex three times a month. I have sex with my husband 2-3 times a week because he loves it and would literally have sex 2-3 times a day.

He does a lot for me. It’s really the least I can do (and I usually end up enjoying it anyway).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t wait until you are in the mood. Many times just doing it will lead to a desire to do it.

??? Yeah, NO. That has never worked for me, but especially now in perimenopause. Luckily, I'm not OP and my husband has told me he is always ready, but is fine waiting for when I'm in the mood. Which never fails to happen around ovulation, and sometimes right before my period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I waited until I was in the mood we’d probably have sex three times a month. I have sex with my husband 2-3 times a week because he loves it and would literally have sex 2-3 times a day.

He does a lot for me. It’s really the least I can do (and I usually end up enjoying it anyway).

So this thread is not for you. It's not right to encourage women who REALLY don't want sex into having sex, just "to preserve the relationship", or some other sense of obligation. Sex is not like making a nice meal, or buying a surprise gift, etc. It's invasive and physical, and when you're not in the mood, it can hurt and feel really wrong, in a way that no lubricant can ever compensate for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I waited until I was in the mood we’d probably have sex three times a month. I have sex with my husband 2-3 times a week because he loves it and would literally have sex 2-3 times a day.

He does a lot for me. It’s really the least I can do (and I usually end up enjoying it anyway).

So this thread is not for you. It's not right to encourage women who REALLY don't want sex into having sex, just "to preserve the relationship", or some other sense of obligation. Sex is not like making a nice meal, or buying a surprise gift, etc. It's invasive and physical, and when you're not in the mood, it can hurt and feel really wrong, in a way that no lubricant can ever compensate for.

I disagree. I’m not in the mood a lot of the time but have the mentality of wanting to please my husband and do something for him that only I can provide. I think there should be a mental reset because guess what, they’re doing a lot they don’t want to also. That’s marriage. Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I waited until I was in the mood we’d probably have sex three times a month. I have sex with my husband 2-3 times a week because he loves it and would literally have sex 2-3 times a day.

He does a lot for me. It’s really the least I can do (and I usually end up enjoying it anyway).

So this thread is not for you. It's not right to encourage women who REALLY don't want sex into having sex, just "to preserve the relationship", or some other sense of obligation. Sex is not like making a nice meal, or buying a surprise gift, etc. It's invasive and physical, and when you're not in the mood, it can hurt and feel really wrong, in a way that no lubricant can ever compensate for.

Not PP, but Who's talking about sex being invasive, painful and too physical? This thread is really NOT for you.

You lack more than just lubricant.