No sex drive and dh and I argue over it constantly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Valentine’s Day and my expectation is dinner and that’s it. Intimacy and sex in my marriage are dead. I’ve tried everything from being romantic to increasing help around the house. My wife just doesn’t like to be intimate. She has always had awkward kisses hello and goodbye. Now combined with peri, it is just me, myself, and I.

Stay Strong.

And strength to her as perimenopause is a beast

Get some T like others are saying and then you would want D all the time.

Why are incel men on this thread?

[Anonymous]

For the poster who tried a pellet, how long did it take for it to take effect? Was this your first one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Valentine’s Day and my expectation is dinner and that’s it. Intimacy and sex in my marriage are dead. I’ve tried everything from being romantic to increasing help around the house. My wife just doesn’t like to be intimate. She has always had awkward kisses hello and goodbye. Now combined with peri, it is just me, myself, and I.

Stay Strong.

And strength to her as perimenopause is a beast

Get some T like others are saying and then you would want D all the time.

Why are incel men on this thread?

Agreed. And again strength to all women going through perimenopause!

[Anonymous]

I wonder how many of the wives throwing their hands up in the air and saying it's just normal menopause have tried HRT or other medical care? You say you just don't feel it? Well, I'm 59 and some days I just don't feel like doing my work. If I don't show up to my meetings and turn in my projects, my boss will fire me. So, I talked with my doc about it and I'm now on a plan that is working so that I can produce work and get paid, which is what grown ass adults do. If my husband felt tired and bored of his career like I do, I'd be livid if he just stopped bothering to work and get a paycheck. If he decided to stop eating right and exercising to stay fit and instead drank a 6-pack ate chicken wings and pizza daily, I'd be pissed. If he hadn't been willing to get ED meds when he started to have trouble staying hard, he and I would have argued over it constantly. He's a cancer survivor, so believe me, we know that sex takes a backseat when you're sick or in pain. But neither of us would just drop the ball on the other if we could do something about it. Stop being selfish and do your best to be a good spouse and life partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I wonder how many of the wives throwing their hands up in the air and saying it's just normal menopause have tried HRT or other medical care? You say you just don't feel it? Well, I'm 59 and some days I just don't feel like doing my work. If I don't show up to my meetings and turn in my projects, my boss will fire me. So, I talked with my doc about it and I'm now on a plan that is working so that I can produce work and get paid, which is what grown ass adults do. If my husband felt tired and bored of his career like I do, I'd be livid if he just stopped bothering to work and get a paycheck. If he decided to stop eating right and exercising to stay fit and instead drank a 6-pack ate chicken wings and pizza daily, I'd be pissed. If he hadn't been willing to get ED meds when he started to have trouble staying hard, he and I would have argued over it constantly. He's a cancer survivor, so believe me, we know that sex takes a backseat when you're sick or in pain. But neither of us would just drop the ball on the other if we could do something about it. Stop being selfish and do your best to be a good spouse and life partner.

OK you sound like a man. Also, HRT is contraindicted for many women due to cancer risk and other high risk conditions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I wonder how many of the wives throwing their hands up in the air and saying it's just normal menopause have tried HRT or other medical care? You say you just don't feel it? Well, I'm 59 and some days I just don't feel like doing my work. If I don't show up to my meetings and turn in my projects, my boss will fire me. So, I talked with my doc about it and I'm now on a plan that is working so that I can produce work and get paid, which is what grown ass adults do. If my husband felt tired and bored of his career like I do, I'd be livid if he just stopped bothering to work and get a paycheck. If he decided to stop eating right and exercising to stay fit and instead drank a 6-pack ate chicken wings and pizza daily, I'd be pissed. If he hadn't been willing to get ED meds when he started to have trouble staying hard, he and I would have argued over it constantly. He's a cancer survivor, so believe me, we know that sex takes a backseat when you're sick or in pain. But neither of us would just drop the ball on the other if we could do something about it. Stop being selfish and do your best to be a good spouse and life partner.

OK you sound like a man. Also, HRT is contraindicted for many women due to cancer risk and other high risk conditions.

DP.

Honestly PP, my guess is that you are a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s mostly ‘joke’ bickering but obviously he’s frustrated. I don’t blame him but it is just so hard to get in the mood. I’m exhausted most of the time, have headaches a lot, etc. Honestly if I found out he got it elsewhere on occasion, there’s part of me that would not care. I know he loves me and we will be together.

Anyone else navigating this issue?

Just informally from my causal friend group, but this seems to be a fairly common situation for many of us (on the rare occasions it comes up in conversation).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mostly ‘joke’ bickering but obviously he’s frustrated. I don’t blame him but it is just so hard to get in the mood. I’m exhausted most of the time, have headaches a lot, etc. Honestly if I found out he got it elsewhere on occasion, there’s part of me that would not care. I know he loves me and we will be together.

Anyone else navigating this issue?

Just informally from my causal friend group, but this seems to be a fairly common situation for many of us (on the rare occasions it comes up in conversation).

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I waited until I was in the mood we’d probably have sex three times a month. I have sex with my husband 2-3 times a week because he loves it and would literally have sex 2-3 times a day.

He does a lot for me. It’s really the least I can do (and I usually end up enjoying it anyway).

So this thread is not for you. It's not right to encourage women who REALLY don't want sex into having sex, just "to preserve the relationship", or some other sense of obligation. Sex is not like making a nice meal, or buying a surprise gift, etc. It's invasive and physical, and when you're not in the mood, it can hurt and feel really wrong, in a way that no lubricant can ever compensate for.

DP. Multiple perspectives on a topic is healthy, so I disagree this thread is only for one type of experience. It’s very possible PP could be having no sex like OP. She’s having sex because she’s taking a different view of things.

I also disagree with your framing PP’s comment as ‘I have sex to preserve the relationship,’ which is provocative and not articulated in her comment.

For many men and women, sex is an important part of a relationship. Generally, when intimacy collapses it signals other aspects of relationship collapse and the possibility of divorce or a roommate-like trajectory increase.

I would talk to a doctor and if I were the OP. I would ask my spouse if and how the drop in intimacy has impacted him and then listen without defensiveness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I waited until I was in the mood we’d probably have sex three times a month. I have sex with my husband 2-3 times a week because he loves it and would literally have sex 2-3 times a day.

He does a lot for me. It’s really the least I can do (and I usually end up enjoying it anyway).

So this thread is not for you. It's not right to encourage women who REALLY don't want sex into having sex, just "to preserve the relationship", or some other sense of obligation. Sex is not like making a nice meal, or buying a surprise gift, etc. It's invasive and physical, and when you're not in the mood, it can hurt and feel really wrong, in a way that no lubricant can ever compensate for.

DP. Multiple perspectives on a topic is healthy, so I disagree this thread is only for one type of experience. It’s very possible PP could be having no sex like OP. She’s having sex because she’s taking a different view of things.

I also disagree with your framing PP’s comment as ‘I have sex to preserve the relationship,’ which is provocative and not articulated in her comment.

For many men and women, sex is an important part of a relationship. Generally, when intimacy collapses it signals other aspects of relationship collapse and the possibility of divorce or a roommate-like trajectory increase.

I would talk to a doctor and if I were the OP. I would ask my spouse if and how the drop in intimacy has impacted him and then listen without defensiveness.

Very Fair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I wonder how many of the wives throwing their hands up in the air and saying it's just normal menopause have tried HRT or other medical care? You say you just don't feel it? Well, I'm 59 and some days I just don't feel like doing my work. If I don't show up to my meetings and turn in my projects, my boss will fire me. So, I talked with my doc about it and I'm now on a plan that is working so that I can produce work and get paid, which is what grown ass adults do. If my husband felt tired and bored of his career like I do, I'd be livid if he just stopped bothering to work and get a paycheck. If he decided to stop eating right and exercising to stay fit and instead drank a 6-pack ate chicken wings and pizza daily, I'd be pissed. If he hadn't been willing to get ED meds when he started to have trouble staying hard, he and I would have argued over it constantly. He's a cancer survivor, so believe me, we know that sex takes a backseat when you're sick or in pain. But neither of us would just drop the ball on the other if we could do something about it. Stop being selfish and do your best to be a good spouse and life partner.

i've:

gone on HRT.
gone on testosterone.
gone on different HRT.
tried swapping other long-term meds, like my hypertension meds, in hopes of reducing my ahedonia.

i have sex on occasion and in different ways but it's not enough to be willing i have to feign enthusiasm in just the right way or else I spoil the mood for him.
oh and i'm sexual violence survivor so frankly, sex is frequently just ... not appealing.

so basically, in order to try to make my husband happier sexually i'm significantly and systemically increasing my risk of clots, strokes, and heart failure as well as increasing my cancer risk (estrogen-receptive breast cancer runs in my family). cake... or death?

oh and we have a 5 year old and now I have no telework anymore so i'm just freaking exhausted all the time.

he's not gotten a paycheck in a year but i'm still doing about 75% of the chores and 60% of parenting + all the mental load ish like figuring out summer camp or dr appointments or activities signups. and yeah he has a dad bod but he's still handsome to me. i'm not pissed at him for his industry tanking or his lack of exercise like you suggest I should be. but i am damn tired.

[Anonymous]

DP I didn't want to give up but my DH wasn't willing to change his lifestyle to potentially fix his side of the issue so I did give up. I say potentially because I understand that might not have fixed things completely but he wasn't even willing to try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I wonder how many of the wives throwing their hands up in the air and saying it's just normal menopause have tried HRT or other medical care? You say you just don't feel it? Well, I'm 59 and some days I just don't feel like doing my work. If I don't show up to my meetings and turn in my projects, my boss will fire me. So, I talked with my doc about it and I'm now on a plan that is working so that I can produce work and get paid, which is what grown ass adults do. If my husband felt tired and bored of his career like I do, I'd be livid if he just stopped bothering to work and get a paycheck. If he decided to stop eating right and exercising to stay fit and instead drank a 6-pack ate chicken wings and pizza daily, I'd be pissed. If he hadn't been willing to get ED meds when he started to have trouble staying hard, he and I would have argued over it constantly. He's a cancer survivor, so believe me, we know that sex takes a backseat when you're sick or in pain. But neither of us would just drop the ball on the other if we could do something about it. Stop being selfish and do your best to be a good spouse and life partner.

i've:

gone on HRT.
gone on testosterone.
gone on different HRT.
tried swapping other long-term meds, like my hypertension meds, in hopes of reducing my ahedonia.

i have sex on occasion and in different ways but it's not enough to be willing i have to feign enthusiasm in just the right way or else I spoil the mood for him.
oh and i'm sexual violence survivor so frankly, sex is frequently just ... not appealing.

so basically, in order to try to make my husband happier sexually i'm significantly and systemically increasing my risk of clots, strokes, and heart failure as well as increasing my cancer risk (estrogen-receptive breast cancer runs in my family). cake... or death?

oh and we have a 5 year old and now I have no telework anymore so i'm just freaking exhausted all the time.

he's not gotten a paycheck in a year but i'm still doing about 75% of the chores and 60% of parenting + all the mental load ish like figuring out summer camp or dr appointments or activities signups. and yeah he has a dad bod but he's still handsome to me. i'm not pissed at him for his industry tanking or his lack of exercise like you suggest I should be. but i am damn tired.

Yeah, this isn’t a sex problem. This is a marriage problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I wonder how many of the wives throwing their hands up in the air and saying it's just normal menopause have tried HRT or other medical care? You say you just don't feel it? Well, I'm 59 and some days I just don't feel like doing my work. If I don't show up to my meetings and turn in my projects, my boss will fire me. So, I talked with my doc about it and I'm now on a plan that is working so that I can produce work and get paid, which is what grown ass adults do. If my husband felt tired and bored of his career like I do, I'd be livid if he just stopped bothering to work and get a paycheck. If he decided to stop eating right and exercising to stay fit and instead drank a 6-pack ate chicken wings and pizza daily, I'd be pissed. If he hadn't been willing to get ED meds when he started to have trouble staying hard, he and I would have argued over it constantly. He's a cancer survivor, so believe me, we know that sex takes a backseat when you're sick or in pain. But neither of us would just drop the ball on the other if we could do something about it. Stop being selfish and do your best to be a good spouse and life partner.

I am not PP but another woman. I agree with it. You get out of your marriage what you put in it so if you are not even making efforts or taking meds to improve then you are not bringing your side of the deal in this marriage.

[Anonymous]

I just found this thread and it’s awful. DH and I have a sexless marriage now and I’m happy with that. I’m sorry you are fighting, OP. I’m glad my husband seems to have lost his drive too. I honestly don’t care if he finds it elsewhere. It’s a common topic of conversation with my friends how all of us have no desire anymore. I would never take a pill to fix this.