No sex drive and dh and I argue over it constantly!

[Anonymous]

We have a lot more oral and a lot less vaginal. With oral I am more likely to come around to enjoying it, even if I am not interested and just doing it because it is Saturday night and that is when we have sex. Vaginal is more likely to be painful/unpleasant for maintenance sex post menopause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Use your hands on him. Intimate massage.

This is a worthwhile avenue to explore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s mostly ‘joke’ bickering but obviously he’s frustrated. I don’t blame him but it is just so hard to get in the mood. I’m exhausted most of the time, have headaches a lot, etc. Honestly if I found out he got it elsewhere on occasion, there’s part of me that would not care. I know he loves me and we will be together.

Anyone else navigating this issue?

All I know is these issues- exhausted, headaches, etc do not just go away as you age. They just increase and the lack of sex(mood) becomes the default. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s mostly ‘joke’ bickering but obviously he’s frustrated. I don’t blame him but it is just so hard to get in the mood. I’m exhausted most of the time, have headaches a lot, etc. Honestly if I found out he got it elsewhere on occasion, there’s part of me that would not care. I know he loves me and we will be together.

Anyone else navigating this issue?

All I know is these issues- exhausted, headaches, etc do not just go away as you age. They just increase and the lack of sex(mood) becomes the default. Good luck.

Hi op! Sorry you have to navigate this issue, on top of everything else.

Just wondering if maybe it might help to explore intimacy beyond PIV with DH? Are there ways for you as a couple to find mutual satisfaction and still celebrate “togetherness” ?

[Anonymous]

If you have energy to argue, you have energy for seg.

[Anonymous]

I'm in menopause and have this issue with my husband. He is 59 and would be up for it 4-5 nights per week if I were. I try for 2 times per week. I used to be up for it 4-5 nights per week when I was in my 40's but I hit 52 or so and my libido hit a wall. I feel for you.

There is help out there that works for many women. I'm on HRT and tried testosterone with it and I don't absorb the topical stuff well, my T levels did not go up after several months. For many women it works wonders. I would at least explore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in menopause and have this issue with my husband. He is 59 and would be up for it 4-5 nights per week if I were. I try for 2 times per week. I used to be up for it 4-5 nights per week when I was in my 40's but I hit 52 or so and my libido hit a wall. I feel for you.

There is help out there that works for many women. I'm on HRT and tried testosterone with it and I don't absorb the topical stuff well, my T levels did not go up after several months. For many women it works wonders. I would at least explore it.

So are you able to get into it for yourself those two times a week or is it just for him? If it’s just for him does that affect his interest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in menopause and have this issue with my husband. He is 59 and would be up for it 4-5 nights per week if I were. I try for 2 times per week. I used to be up for it 4-5 nights per week when I was in my 40's but I hit 52 or so and my libido hit a wall. I feel for you.

There is help out there that works for many women. I'm on HRT and tried testosterone with it and I don't absorb the topical stuff well, my T levels did not go up after several months. For many women it works wonders. I would at least explore it.

So are you able to get into it for yourself those two times a week or is it just for him? If it’s just for him does that affect his interest?

DP.

It’s a problem for both of us; I’m not in the mood but I’m trying. He can tell I’m not into it, and then he can’t “finish up.”

[Anonymous]

Hi OP!

Any updates?

I guess I’m really curious about whether you found anything effective to boost libido??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Start saving up for your divorce.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't help but wonder if men really want sex that much or is it just societal pressure/sexualization making them think they want it or need it. Like if we were out in the woods with no TV, porn, etc living a native life, wouldn't sex just be a much farther and fewer thing? Bc the men can't get it up and get it stay hard the same way either so something happens to their bodies as well, not just us ladies.

Anyway I know that's not helpful but def a thought I have, like this is just the way of nature to make us not want it anymore but I can't help but think it's a problem contrived by society rather than nature.

Obviously I'm in your same boat OP, lol. Good luck, I have no real solution. Some people have suggested erotic books or audio (I tried the British filth audio guy and it's okay).

Huh? No I actually think prior generations used to have a lot more sex than we do now. Not much to do after dark!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't help but wonder if men really want sex that much or is it just societal pressure/sexualization making them think they want it or need it. Like if we were out in the woods with no TV, porn, etc living a native life, wouldn't sex just be a much farther and fewer thing? Bc the men can't get it up and get it stay hard the same way either so something happens to their bodies as well, not just us ladies.

Anyway I know that's not helpful but def a thought I have, like this is just the way of nature to make us not want it anymore but I can't help but think it's a problem contrived by society rather than nature.

Obviously I'm in your same boat OP, lol. Good luck, I have no real solution. Some people have suggested erotic books or audio (I tried the British filth audio guy and it's okay).

Wut? Men are like this to perpetuate the species. You think dudes in Nigeria and Somalia, places with the highest fertility rates, are banging it out to porn for societal reasons?

[Anonymous]

He’s being a jerk. That’s a turnoff. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t wait until you are in the mood. Many times just doing it will lead to a desire to do it.

This and the more you do it generally the more you want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I waited until I was in the mood we’d probably have sex three times a month. I have sex with my husband 2-3 times a week because he loves it and would literally have sex 2-3 times a day.

He does a lot for me. It’s really the least I can do (and I usually end up enjoying it anyway).

So this thread is not for you. It's not right to encourage women who REALLY don't want sex into having sex, just "to preserve the relationship", or some other sense of obligation. Sex is not like making a nice meal, or buying a surprise gift, etc. It's invasive and physical, and when you're not in the mood, it can hurt and feel really wrong, in a way that no lubricant can ever compensate for.

Not PP, but Who's talking about sex being invasive, painful and too physical? This thread is really NOT for you.

You lack more than just lubricant.

I feel the same as the first PP. I really resent my DH if I feel obligated to have sex. I definitely don’t enjoy it if I wasn’t in the mood.