No sex drive and dh and I argue over it constantly!

[Anonymous]

It’s mostly ‘joke’ bickering but obviously he’s frustrated. I don’t blame him but it is just so hard to get in the mood. I’m exhausted most of the time, have headaches a lot, etc. Honestly if I found out he got it elsewhere on occasion, there’s part of me that would not care. I know he loves me and we will be together.

Anyone else navigating this issue?

[Anonymous]

Don’t wait until you are in the mood. Many times just doing it will lead to a desire to do it.

[Anonymous]

There are lots of options for you: testosterone, addyi, vyleesi. I would see a doc certified by ISSWSH, which are usually urologists. I follow Dr Rachel Rubin who is local, and she deals with libido issues and pain with sex. This is not something you have to live with.

[Anonymous]

I get frequent headaches and I find orgasms mitigate them. Sometimes I “take care of myself” just to make the headache go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s mostly ‘joke’ bickering but obviously he’s frustrated. I don’t blame him but it is just so hard to get in the mood. I’m exhausted most of the time, have headaches a lot, etc. Honestly if I found out he got it elsewhere on occasion, there’s part of me that would not care. I know he loves me and we will be together.

Anyone else navigating this issue?

My husband is the same way (he’s the one with the low drive). Just toss him a bone once a week if you can bear it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get frequent headaches and I find orgasms mitigate them. Sometimes I “take care of myself” just to make the headache go away.

that never worked for me, and I was a frequent migraine sufferer.

-np

OP, do you have kids and work? Stress and being tired can kill the libido. It can also cause resentment towards one spouse, which in turns makes one not want to have sex with them.

We went through this phase, and yea, DH was not happy, so I would just give him a HJ, then roll over and go to sleep. It wasn't until things changed where my stress went down, and I felt that DH was actually listening to my concerns and made changes, that I started to feel my libido go back up. We were having sex sometimes 3x per week, and this was when I was in my 40s.

GL

[Anonymous]

OOps sorry. I just reread, and see OP is in menopause.

I'm there too. I went to see a gyn who gave me V suppositories.

Prior to that, not only was my libido low, but it hurt like a MFer when we had sex even with lube. It was like a knife being shoved into me.

The suppository helps a lot. Go see a gyn.

[Anonymous]

I can't help but wonder if men really want sex that much or is it just societal pressure/sexualization making them think they want it or need it. Like if we were out in the woods with no TV, porn, etc living a native life, wouldn't sex just be a much farther and fewer thing? Bc the men can't get it up and get it stay hard the same way either so something happens to their bodies as well, not just us ladies.

Anyway I know that's not helpful but def a thought I have, like this is just the way of nature to make us not want it anymore but I can't help but think it's a problem contrived by society rather than nature.

Obviously I'm in your same boat OP, lol. Good luck, I have no real solution. Some people have suggested erotic books or audio (I tried the British filth audio guy and it's okay).

[Anonymous]

Try reading the book Come As You Are. You may be the responsive type who gets into it if you give it a chance even when you aren't initially in the mood.

[Anonymous]

I spent my forties having zero interest in sex. I just put up with it monthly or less for dh’s sake.
When gyn would ask how sex was I said “fine” because hardly having sex was fine with me.
Then I started an estrogen patch in my fifties due to night sweats and other peri symptoms. A month in, my libido did a 180. I went from zero to eleven. It was a great development for my marriage (took DH by surprise), and just a good thing for me.
Things have calmed down a lot, but my libido remains improved overall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't help but wonder if men really want sex that much or is it just societal pressure/sexualization making them think they want it or need it. Like if we were out in the woods with no TV, porn, etc living a native life, wouldn't sex just be a much farther and fewer thing? Bc the men can't get it up and get it stay hard the same way either so something happens to their bodies as well, not just us ladies.

Anyway I know that's not helpful but def a thought I have, like this is just the way of nature to make us not want it anymore but I can't help but think it's a problem contrived by society rather than nature.

Obviously I'm in your same boat OP, lol. Good luck, I have no real solution. Some people have suggested erotic books or audio (I tried the British filth audio guy and it's okay).

Pron made a lot of them dysfunctional addicts, so there's definitely that.

I think a lot of men use sex instead of dealing with their feelings. It's a release, but since they don't address whatever the actual problems are, they just "need" more sex to cope (like any other addict).

[Anonymous]

How often is he wanting it? Can you just do it once a week? Maintenance sex is still sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are lots of options for you: testosterone, addyi, vyleesi. I would see a doc certified by ISSWSH, which are usually urologists. I follow Dr Rachel Rubin who is local, and she deals with libido issues and pain with sex. This is not something you have to live with.

Looking at options, but it seems like the one that works the best for libido is low dose testosterone.

[Anonymous]

Op, what is your age, weight and BMI? That affects a lot of this too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, what is your age, weight and BMI? That affects a lot of this too.

I’m 51. 120 lbs.