Finances make me consider suicide

[Anonymous]

Your kid will be okay. Make an appointment right away to go talk to her school guidance counselor about where she should be focused on applying with her profile and your resources. She will get an education one way or another, but you can help her prepare and also set expectations with her about what you as a household can afford. What industry are you in? Maybe we can help you brainstorm side hustles that would be lucrative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did an in-depth look at my finances today and I just…don’t want to feel any more. I’m employed full time and just picked up a tutoring job that doesn’t pay much. Ive been looking for another job for over a year and I can’t even get an interview. I’m talking hundreds of job apps. I have my masters but it’s worthless. Before taxes I make just under 80k. My kid does not have a college savings and will be going off to college in 2.5 years. Her dad’s child support is minimal ($200/month). I stopped getting my hair done to save money (fwiw I’m black so this is a big deal). Considering cutting streaming services too just to cut corners where I can. We have no vacation expenses this year. I don’t buy new clothes. One expense that I need to cut is my monthly house cleaner but she brings me so much joy and reduces my stress greatly, but I should save the $150 each month. Suicide is not actually a viable option because I can’t do that to my kid, but I am overwhelmed and frustrated with my situation. I’m just tired.

You have a spending issue. Get a part-time virtual job with customer service or something to supplement. May of us do our hair, don't have housekeepers, and don't take vacations. Welcome to my world. Your kid will get financial aid or community college.

I’ve been striking out on the part time virtual jobs. It’s beyond frustrating. We don’t eat out, don’t shop, and she gets her hair braided every 2 months or so. I haven’t been to the salon since last august (I look a mess). I’ve basically removed all joy from my life which is why I’m hesitant to cut the cleaner.

I’m sorry OP but boo hoo.

You make enough money that if you’re careful you should be fine. Get off of the internet and look for something part time if you’re that desperate. And stop talking about the salon and hair for Pete’s sake.

This is on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid will be okay. Make an appointment right away to go talk to her school guidance counselor about where she should be focused on applying with her profile and your resources. She will get an education one way or another, but you can help her prepare and also set expectations with her about what you as a household can afford. What industry are you in? Maybe we can help you brainstorm side hustles that would be lucrative.

Her kid is a full 2 1/2 years from college. It’s awfully early to be talking about her “profile.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes OP your mental health is a real concern and you should call 988. Talking about suicide is not a good thing.

You are a family of two living on $80k plus $200 a month from the ex. Your daughter is also making good money. You are not poor by any stretch of the imagination. You are overspending.

I’m not poor but I’m not comfortable. It’s $78k before taxes. The $200 is never guaranteed. He owes $18k. She makes good money in the summer only. I cannot take her sports away at this point in her life, but they definitely add up.

[Anonymous]

You make under $100k. Do you live in Virginia? There are schools that will let you attend for free if you make under this much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did an in-depth look at my finances today and I just…don’t want to feel any more. I’m employed full time and just picked up a tutoring job that doesn’t pay much. Ive been looking for another job for over a year and I can’t even get an interview. I’m talking hundreds of job apps. I have my masters but it’s worthless. Before taxes I make just under 80k. My kid does not have a college savings and will be going off to college in 2.5 years. Her dad’s child support is minimal ($200/month). I stopped getting my hair done to save money (fwiw I’m black so this is a big deal). Considering cutting streaming services too just to cut corners where I can. We have no vacation expenses this year. I don’t buy new clothes. One expense that I need to cut is my monthly house cleaner but she brings me so much joy and reduces my stress greatly, but I should save the $150 each month. Suicide is not actually a viable option because I can’t do that to my kid, but I am overwhelmed and frustrated with my situation. I’m just tired.

You have a spending issue. Get a part-time virtual job with customer service or something to supplement. May of us do our hair, don't have housekeepers, and don't take vacations. Welcome to my world. Your kid will get financial aid or community college.

I’ve been striking out on the part time virtual jobs. It’s beyond frustrating. We don’t eat out, don’t shop, and she gets her hair braided every 2 months or so. I haven’t been to the salon since last august (I look a mess). I’ve basically removed all joy from my life which is why I’m hesitant to cut the cleaner.

Go to a low cost salon. The rare occasion I go its $30 plus tip.

Look at Amazon, Walmart, Target, etc. I would cut the cleaner and get your hair done (and keep up the braids for your daughter to keep things easier). You may be over income but look at rental assistance, food stamps, and utility assistance. Also, some HS's with a beauty component have low cost hair cuts. You can dye, relax, keratin your own hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid will be okay. Make an appointment right away to go talk to her school guidance counselor about where she should be focused on applying with her profile and your resources. She will get an education one way or another, but you can help her prepare and also set expectations with her about what you as a household can afford. What industry are you in? Maybe we can help you brainstorm side hustles that would be lucrative.

Education, so I’m connected with college counselors. But it’s still early and things may change for her college outlook so we’re waiting until jr year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes OP your mental health is a real concern and you should call 988. Talking about suicide is not a good thing.

You are a family of two living on $80k plus $200 a month from the ex. Your daughter is also making good money. You are not poor by any stretch of the imagination. You are overspending.

I’m not poor but I’m not comfortable. It’s $78k before taxes. The $200 is never guaranteed. He owes $18k. She makes good money in the summer only. I cannot take her sports away at this point in her life, but they definitely add up.

Don't take away sports but if you are paying for it see if they have financial help. Many activities do.Forget the ex. You are't going to ever see money from him. Your daughter should get aid for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You make under $100k. Do you live in Virginia? There are schools that will let you attend for free if you make under this much.

MD, moco to be exact.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are doing a good job despite being thinly stretched.

Perhaps figure out if you are considered low-income for your county. Perhaps you can get subsidized internet or some other low rates on things you need.

Start prepping your daughter to find scholarships and get her SATs as high as possible. Have her use the free College Board resources plus Khan Academy and paper books that might even be available at the library.

Is the housekeeper a friend? If not, I'd say you should stop that and the other expensive subscriptions. Because another job might change your routine and drain your energy in unpredictable ways. People need enough sleep to stay well rested and prevent depression.

If you are not getting interviews, perhaps you should try to join some social activities to get to know more people. Can you be more active with church, volunteering, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did an in-depth look at my finances today and I just…don’t want to feel any more. I’m employed full time and just picked up a tutoring job that doesn’t pay much. Ive been looking for another job for over a year and I can’t even get an interview. I’m talking hundreds of job apps. I have my masters but it’s worthless. Before taxes I make just under 80k. My kid does not have a college savings and will be going off to college in 2.5 years. Her dad’s child support is minimal ($200/month). I stopped getting my hair done to save money (fwiw I’m black so this is a big deal). Considering cutting streaming services too just to cut corners where I can. We have no vacation expenses this year. I don’t buy new clothes. One expense that I need to cut is my monthly house cleaner but she brings me so much joy and reduces my stress greatly, but I should save the $150 each month. Suicide is not actually a viable option because I can’t do that to my kid, but I am overwhelmed and frustrated with my situation. I’m just tired.

You have a spending issue. Get a part-time virtual job with customer service or something to supplement. May of us do our hair, don't have housekeepers, and don't take vacations. Welcome to my world. Your kid will get financial aid or community college.

I’ve been striking out on the part time virtual jobs. It’s beyond frustrating. We don’t eat out, don’t shop, and she gets her hair braided every 2 months or so. I haven’t been to the salon since last august (I look a mess). I’ve basically removed all joy from my life which is why I’m hesitant to cut the cleaner.

Go to a low cost salon. The rare occasion I go its $30 plus tip.

Look at Amazon, Walmart, Target, etc. I would cut the cleaner and get your hair done (and keep up the braids for your daughter to keep things easier). You may be over income but look at rental assistance, food stamps, and utility assistance. Also, some HS's with a beauty component have low cost hair cuts. You can dye, relax, keratin your own hair.

I haven’t found a good low cost salon that does black hair that won’t have me looking like I did it myself LOL. I am over income for all of those things. I’m not sure I have enough availability for target, but it’s an option

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are doing a good job despite being thinly stretched.

Perhaps figure out if you are considered low-income for your county. Perhaps you can get subsidized internet or some other low rates on things you need.

Start prepping your daughter to find scholarships and get her SATs as high as possible. Have her use the free College Board resources plus Khan Academy and paper books that might even be available at the library.

Is the housekeeper a friend? If not, I'd say you should stop that and the other expensive subscriptions. Because another job might change your routine and drain your energy in unpredictable ways. People need enough sleep to stay well rested and prevent depression.

If you are not getting interviews, perhaps you should try to join some social activities to get to know more people. Can you be more active with church, volunteering, etc.?

A friend told me about khan academy and we are definitely going that route as her test scores are abysmal. Housekeeper is not a friend.

I am no considered low income for moco. I am a pretty active member of my communities but not educated in the right fields to use their networks unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

You are sitting here shooting down virtually every suggestion offered by anyone.

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t Thomas Edison high school have hair services for the public?

[Anonymous]

Sending good thoughts, OP. Agree call 988 for suicidal thinking. I know you say you won't do it, but talking about it with an anonymous, trained person can give you some strategies to help if it ever gets too much again.

I know it can be rough. 80k is a good salary, but it's just hard to be a single parent in a high cost of living area. I'm not far from that salary with 2 kids and our only "vacations" are car trips to visit and stay with family/friends than more traditional vacations. But I think they are having a great childhood still. One thing I started doing for my stress is try to get into the 'vacation mindset' at least one of the weekend days where I full on relax, eat simple easy to prepare foods I love, read books and take walks, exercise and listen to music, and try to have good conversations with my kids-- but don't go on my computer or phone (except if part of my vacation day is talking with a friend or something) and don't do any chores or other work. It's helped. I tell my kids which day is my "vacation day" so if they need a lot of help for a project or whatever, to time it for the other weekend day.

As for college you will likely qualify for at least some financial aid. This may include some subsidized loans for your kid, but the changes Biden made to the student loan repayment plan (SAVE), makes the burden of undergraduate student loans much less risky and burdensome and they go into effect July 1. Also, if you are in the DMV, the community college/transfer system is excellent if she wants to go that route or if that's what you can afford.

As for cutting expenses, maybe do some of the less painful things like review your insurances and see if you can get any better deals. Or choose which streaming service is most important to you and get rid of the others. Since your housecleaner brings you joy, maybe you can negotiate stretching out the services (e.g. bi-monthly or every 6 weeks) or you can see if you can take a 6 month break from having the housecleaner to build up savings.

Definitely rooting for you! Don't let anyone convince you that 80k isn't an achievement--esp as a single parent where don't have that other income and you can't lean as easily on the other parent for $ or childcare. Just trim the budget a bit, look at net price calculators on the websites where your kid is going to college and see what is realistic for her.