Finances make me consider suicide

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what job do you have today? What is your master’s in? Why do you feel you need to take it off your resume? What roles are you applying to?

I’m an educator. My masters is in education. I took it off to apply to pt jobs because I thought it was making me an automatic no/she’s too expensive. I am applying for any and everything. I’d like to get out of education but it looks like I’m stuck.

If this means you have a pension, I would not underestimate the value of that in the long term. We live on 6K take home a month despite making much more because we have no pensions and have to save so much for retirement.

[Anonymous]

Do not feel bad about college savings. My parents were not able to contribute anything to my college costs. I went to an in-state university and then in-state law school, all on grants and loans. It all worked out for me and the student loans are not a huge burden. I have wonderful supportive parents who were working class and simply couldn’t afford to save for college.

[Anonymous]

Graduating with student debt isn’t the end of the world if you go into a lucrative field. I paid off 30k in 2 years working in tech

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what job do you have today? What is your master’s in? Why do you feel you need to take it off your resume? What roles are you applying to?

I’m an educator. My masters is in education. I took it off to apply to pt jobs because I thought it was making me an automatic no/she’s too expensive. I am applying for any and everything. I’d like to get out of education but it looks like I’m stuck.

If this means you have a pension, I would not underestimate the value of that in the long term. We live on 6K take home a month despite making much more because we have no pensions and have to save so much for retirement.

Not OP but guessing she doesn’t have a pension as most educators don’t anymore…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did an in-depth look at my finances today and I just…don’t want to feel any more. I’m employed full time and just picked up a tutoring job that doesn’t pay much. Ive been looking for another job for over a year and I can’t even get an interview. I’m talking hundreds of job apps. I have my masters but it’s worthless. Before taxes I make just under 80k. My kid does not have a college savings and will be going off to college in 2.5 years. Her dad’s child support is minimal ($200/month). I stopped getting my hair done to save money (fwiw I’m black so this is a big deal). Considering cutting streaming services too just to cut corners where I can. We have no vacation expenses this year. I don’t buy new clothes. One expense that I need to cut is my monthly house cleaner but she brings me so much joy and reduces my stress greatly, but I should save the $150 each month. Suicide is not actually a viable option because I can’t do that to my kid, but I am overwhelmed and frustrated with my situation. I’m just tired.

At your income, your child will get a ton of college aid.
It would bring me joy to help support you in navigating this and if you start another thread I will chime in to clarify what it might look like for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what job do you have today? What is your master’s in? Why do you feel you need to take it off your resume? What roles are you applying to?

I’m an educator. My masters is in education. I took it off to apply to pt jobs because I thought it was making me an automatic no/she’s too expensive. I am applying for any and everything. I’d like to get out of education but it looks like I’m stuck.

If this means you have a pension, I would not underestimate the value of that in the long term. We live on 6K take home a month despite making much more because we have no pensions and have to save so much for retirement.

Not OP but guessing she doesn’t have a pension as most educators don’t anymore…

Not true in this area!

One of the main reasons I’m still working in a school is because of the benefits including the pension!

[Anonymous]

Hi friend, sending you hugs and encouragement. Just a thought, but consider locking your hair. I've been locked for several years, and the cost savings are tremendous because you can do most of the maintenance yourself.

Quiet as kept, even if you get the maintenance done by a stylist, you won't require as frequent visits as loose hair, and it's cheaper. You could teach your daughter to do it for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sitting here shooting down virtually every suggestion offered by anyone.

I’m not shooting anything down, but a lot of what folks have suggested I don’t qualify for. I’m looking for a pt job, will start tutoring this week, and continue my hunt for a better paying job. Aside from the cleaner & streaming services there’s not much more I can cut. I do my own hair & nails. I try to by off brand food. I workout at home so no gym fees. I wear the same raggedy clothes & shoes. Sometimes things have to be replaced because my job requires decent appearances but I definitely stretch things out. I don’t like junk so there’s not a lot of “extra” stuff in my house. I don’t do things like Starbucks unless I have a gift card. I don’t go out with friends. I cook most meals. I only have to pay $100 a month for braces because luckily my insurance covered 50%. I have the cheapest internet package. I dont host family or friends because $$. I keep my thermostat low to save $. I’m trying.

Hey Sis, another black woman here.

You’re doing EVERYTHING right.

I understand the hair and nails thing.

I’m going to make a suggestion that is going to sound wild to anyone who isn’t a black woman.

You MUST invest in your physical appearance, your clothing, hair, and nails must look presentable in order for you to advance professionally. For us, 9/10 it’s network, and in order to feel confident enough to successfully expand your network, you have to be out and about, and you won’t feel ok being out and about if you don’t feel like you look good.

Make a hair appointment, make a nail appointment. Get yourself a new nice outfit. Get outside.

Reach out to people that you know in the field that you’re in and circulate your resume directly.

You don’t need 7 part time jobs. You need one good full time job. Overworking will run you into an early grave and make you a less effective mom.

Do NOT get rid of your cleaner, it’s probably the thing that’s keep you from falling fully into a depression pit.

Your daughter is going to be fine. At your income, she’ll qualify for aid, loans, need based scholarships.

Pursue your child support through the courts, if your ex owes you $18k, that’s your cushion. It’s tax time, at minimum you can get his tax return intercepted to start things off.

Agree with everything here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sitting here shooting down virtually every suggestion offered by anyone.

I’m not shooting anything down, but a lot of what folks have suggested I don’t qualify for. I’m looking for a pt job, will start tutoring this week, and continue my hunt for a better paying job. Aside from the cleaner & streaming services there’s not much more I can cut. I do my own hair & nails. I try to by off brand food. I workout at home so no gym fees. I wear the same raggedy clothes & shoes. Sometimes things have to be replaced because my job requires decent appearances but I definitely stretch things out. I don’t like junk so there’s not a lot of “extra” stuff in my house. I don’t do things like Starbucks unless I have a gift card. I don’t go out with friends. I cook most meals. I only have to pay $100 a month for braces because luckily my insurance covered 50%. I have the cheapest internet package. I dont host family or friends because $$. I keep my thermostat low to save $. I’m trying.

Hey Sis, another black woman here.

You’re doing EVERYTHING right.

I understand the hair and nails thing.

I’m going to make a suggestion that is going to sound wild to anyone who isn’t a black woman.

You MUST invest in your physical appearance, your clothing, hair, and nails must look presentable in order for you to advance professionally. For us, 9/10 it’s network, and in order to feel confident enough to successfully expand your network, you have to be out and about, and you won’t feel ok being out and about if you don’t feel like you look good.

Make a hair appointment, make a nail appointment. Get yourself a new nice outfit. Get outside.

Reach out to people that you know in the field that you’re in and circulate your resume directly.

You don’t need 7 part time jobs. You need one good full time job. Overworking will run you into an early grave and make you a less effective mom.

Do NOT get rid of your cleaner, it’s probably the thing that’s keep you from falling fully into a depression pit.

Your daughter is going to be fine. At your income, she’ll qualify for aid, loans, need based scholarships.

Pursue your child support through the courts, if your ex owes you $18k, that’s your cushion. It’s tax time, at minimum you can get his tax return intercepted to start things off.

Agree with everything here.

+100. To all, but definitely the bold portion.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you a public school teacher? In Montgomery County Public schools, with a master's degree, it looks like you may have just 8 years of teaching experience, if so. Is that correct?

https://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/siteassets/district/departments/ersc/employees/pay/schedules/salary_schedule_current.pdf

The quickest way to salary advancement for me as a public school teacher was to take as many graduate courses as I could (reimbursed by the county I worked for) and move my way up the pay scale to MA+60, then add National Board certification (again - reimbursed by the state/county).

If you took 5 years to work up to MA+60 + NB certification, I think you would add at least $30,000 to your current income. It would be work, but once you got to that level it would then be passive income, unlike tutoring right now.

As for your daughter and college - start NOW talking about community college. ANY MD high school graduate can qualify for $5000 grant for community college if they have a 2.3 GPA in high school. In county residents pay $203 per credit and full time for the year would be 30 credits. That's $6250 for tuition per year, so a $5000 annual grant would definitely help with that.

https://mhec.maryland.gov/preparing/Pages/FinancialAid/ProgramDescriptions/prog_MDCommunityCollegePromiseScholarship.aspx#:~:text=The%20Maryland%20Community%20College%20Promise,at%20a%20Maryland%20community%20college.

MCCC has transfer agreements with many 4 year colleges so your daughter could be thinking about what she wants to major in and prepare herself for a transfer.

https://www.montgomerycollege.edu/academics/transfer/agreements-and-information/by-major-or-area-of-study.html#list

In particular UMD has a special community college transfer program, and students can take discounted UMD courses in summer and winter terms to help cut the cost of the last 2 years further.

https://admissions.umd.edu/apply/maryland-transfer-advantage-program

[Anonymous]

OP, our school system maintains a list of teachers who tutor. Does yours do anything like that? I see lots of people on NextDoor and the like offering tutoring services that get lots of responses. On this board for our school system, there are teachers charging substantial amount of $ ($40+ per hour) for tutoring.

You said that you’re not a STEM teacher, but if you can help kids with reading and writing, especially if you have the chops to help kids craft their college essays, there is a HUGE market for that, which pays very well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sitting here shooting down virtually every suggestion offered by anyone.

I’m not shooting anything down, but a lot of what folks have suggested I don’t qualify for. I’m looking for a pt job, will start tutoring this week, and continue my hunt for a better paying job. Aside from the cleaner & streaming services there’s not much more I can cut. I do my own hair & nails. I try to by off brand food. I workout at home so no gym fees. I wear the same raggedy clothes & shoes. Sometimes things have to be replaced because my job requires decent appearances but I definitely stretch things out. I don’t like junk so there’s not a lot of “extra” stuff in my house. I don’t do things like Starbucks unless I have a gift card. I don’t go out with friends. I cook most meals. I only have to pay $100 a month for braces because luckily my insurance covered 50%. I have the cheapest internet package. I dont host family or friends because $$. I keep my thermostat low to save $. I’m trying.

Hey Sis, another black woman here.

You’re doing EVERYTHING right.

I understand the hair and nails thing.

I’m going to make a suggestion that is going to sound wild to anyone who isn’t a black woman.

You MUST invest in your physical appearance, your clothing, hair, and nails must look presentable in order for you to advance professionally. For us, 9/10 it’s network, and in order to feel confident enough to successfully expand your network, you have to be out and about, and you won’t feel ok being out and about if you don’t feel like you look good.

Make a hair appointment, make a nail appointment. Get yourself a new nice outfit. Get outside.

Reach out to people that you know in the field that you’re in and circulate your resume directly.

You don’t need 7 part time jobs. You need one good full time job. Overworking will run you into an early grave and make you a less effective mom.

Do NOT get rid of your cleaner, it’s probably the thing that’s keep you from falling fully into a depression pit.

Your daughter is going to be fine. At your income, she’ll qualify for aid, loans, need based scholarships.

Pursue your child support through the courts, if your ex owes you $18k, that’s your cushion. It’s tax time, at minimum you can get his tax return intercepted to start things off.

Agree with everything here.

+100. To all, but definitely the bold portion.

If it would be helpful to you OP, I would be happy to pay your hair appointments for 2024, perhaps up to $200 per month? Physical appearance is so important for confidence and feeling good about yourself. Is there a way that I could pay your stylist directly at your hair salon? (If you feel comfortable, you could leave the name of the salon here and the initials of the stylist, I could reach out to her.) Or if there is a more private way to make the transaction, let me know. Thanks and I hope this helps. I'm just a mom trying to give a little boost to a fellow mom. In the future, you could pay it forward to another mom.

[Anonymous]

OP here. not sure why but i feel the need to respond to a bunch of these responses, so i'll try my best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, please do call 988 if you need to talk to someone.

Second, I grew up in a wealthy family that spent every penny they made. Which means I went to college with no college savings. It was fine, I was fine.

Obviously I don't know all of your finances, but perhaps, giving yourself grace and allowing yourself to be enough, is the best option. It sounds like you are doing a great job. Don't let the what ifs steal your joy.

At the end of the day I know she will be fine with no college savings, but it's hard to not have it when it was beat into me that I should've had this together for her. I feel like I've also given myself enough grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op,
Your child should attend in-state for free with both grants and federal student aid on both University and community college options.

Now they don't cover room & board so start saving a little a month or have your child apply loan. I did have a loan but worth every penny to live on campus, loved it! Some of my friends commute home so they got a car instead of loan!

Thanks for this, the friends I know who have sent their kids to college had money saved for them so they haven't been able to talk to me about the grants and aid process. This gives a little hope.