Finances make me consider suicide

[Anonymous]

You are doing amazingly well, OP. I grew up with a single mother in a similar situation and have always admired the heck out of her. I agree with the advice to keep the cleaner and find a way to pay for beauty treatments that will lift your mood.

At your income, DD’s college should be paid for if she meets certain academic thresholds. What are her grades like? I would focus on your own confidence, sanity and networking. Tutoring seems more promising than retail.

[Anonymous]

Don’t worry about college at all. Really. My parents didn’t have much and I was able to go to a great school for very little money plus work study covered all the books and extras needed. Best of luck to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

+1 to trying not to stress too much about college. There is so much financial aid out there - both need and merit based. Encourage your daughter to apply to schools that are good but may not be marquee names/where she can be a top applicant. I did this - I got a great education (and had an amazing experience) but got merit aid at what some might consider a second tier school, in conjunction with need based aid, meant I left with less than $10k in loans for my undergrad degree. (I also had a very manageable work-study job as part of my financial aid package that gave me spending money.). My career has gone just fine despite not being at a “top” school.

You are doing great. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Cheering you on OP. How about a corporate trainer position? Dept of Ed position? Keep the cleaner and get your hair done to make yourself feel better. You can do this. Keep your head held high and use the power of prayer. Be open to receive blessings and be ready. Envision what you want and where you want your professional life to go. YOU CAN DO THIS!!! Sending you love and encouragement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did an in-depth look at my finances today and I just…don’t want to feel any more. I’m employed full time and just picked up a tutoring job that doesn’t pay much. Ive been looking for another job for over a year and I can’t even get an interview. I’m talking hundreds of job apps. I have my masters but it’s worthless. Before taxes I make just under 80k. My kid does not have a college savings and will be going off to college in 2.5 years. Her dad’s child support is minimal ($200/month). I stopped getting my hair done to save money (fwiw I’m black so this is a big deal). Considering cutting streaming services too just to cut corners where I can. We have no vacation expenses this year. I don’t buy new clothes. One expense that I need to cut is my monthly house cleaner but she brings me so much joy and reduces my stress greatly, but I should save the $150 each month. Suicide is not actually a viable option because I can’t do that to my kid, but I am overwhelmed and frustrated with my situation. I’m just tired.

At least you're working. About to be 10 months unemployed here.

[Anonymous]

Op your daughter will do great. My parent had no money for me but I watched them work hard and struggle for me so I had a big advantage over my college peers-I took nothing for granted. It’s actually a gift you are giving your daughter believe it or not and I had much more grit than my monied peers.

My two cents: You have two years left with her. Try to focus on quality time together and helping her stay on track and just being there for her. Once she leaves you can step up the job searching and income boosting. You are obviously a great mom. That matters more than more money right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did an in-depth look at my finances today and I just…don’t want to feel any more. I’m employed full time and just picked up a tutoring job that doesn’t pay much. Ive been looking for another job for over a year and I can’t even get an interview. I’m talking hundreds of job apps. I have my masters but it’s worthless. Before taxes I make just under 80k. My kid does not have a college savings and will be going off to college in 2.5 years. Her dad’s child support is minimal ($200/month). I stopped getting my hair done to save money (fwiw I’m black so this is a big deal). Considering cutting streaming services too just to cut corners where I can. We have no vacation expenses this year. I don’t buy new clothes. One expense that I need to cut is my monthly house cleaner but she brings me so much joy and reduces my stress greatly, but I should save the $150 each month. Suicide is not actually a viable option because I can’t do that to my kid, but I am overwhelmed and frustrated with my situation. I’m just tired.

Fwiw, your kid may qualify for a lot of need based aid based on your income. Making more money right now might not actually be to your benefit, especially if your kid is competitive for elite schools (are they?).

It's ok to feel over it. Do you have friends or a partner as an outlet? If a monthly house cleaning helps mentally, it's probably worth it to keep it. To save money on hair, I go to Nadine's Hair Braiding every quarter and get the tiktok special for $180 which lasts 2 months. I wear my own hair in between. This too shall pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes OP your mental health is a real concern and you should call 988. Talking about suicide is not a good thing.

You are a family of two living on $80k plus $200 a month from the ex. Your daughter is also making good money. You are not poor by any stretch of the imagination. You are overspending.

I’m not poor but I’m not comfortable. It’s $78k before taxes. The $200 is never guaranteed. He owes $18k. She makes good money in the summer only. I cannot take her sports away at this point in her life, but they definitely add up.

Agree that it's not your daughter's responsibility to earn money for the household. Also, sports might be her ticket to a well funded education in a few years so its short sighted anyway.

[Anonymous]

Do not even worry a second about college funds. A year-round athlete with decent academic stats can get in somewhere with 100% need-based financial aid. Be very strategic about where you apply. And tell your DD to hit the books

[Anonymous]

^ I also think you should get your hair done, cheapest decent option you can find. I know I always have a spring in my step when I have nice hair. And the lift in mood can help you think of ways to help your financial situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree that the hair appointment sounds important to you so you should probably do it to feel better about yourself. I also agree that your child can do CC and go to a state school on aid and will be fine. Concentrate more on yourself right now to lift yourself out of depression. I think you’re doing great. You sound like a great mom!

I agree as well. The other thing is it could help you attract a quality longterm mate that could really alleviate some of your household expenses.

OP, how old are you?

[Anonymous]

OP,

Another Don't Cut the Cleaner. Worst case go to once every 8 weeks.

Check into the Food Banks. I like the Maryland Food Bank because you get fresh veggies grown in Maryland generally with each pickup.

Do you have 2 bedrooms where you live? Can you airbnb 1 bedroom? If you have an airbnb guest can you and your daughter sleep in the other bedroom?

Your daughter sounds truly amazing. She will most likely qualify for some grants for free or reduced price college. It is okay if she also works some in college.
I have 4 young women working for me. Two are in college to be RN's, one is in college to be a Social Worker, one is in college for Mortuary Science. All are working 2 jobs.

Work on getting good quality sleep. Try to eat some veggies each day. Apples and bananas are inexpensive. I find my perspective is better with a little sleep.

Can you ride share at least to cover gas? i.e. When you drive to work turn on the ride share app and run someone in the same direction. When you drive home from work turn on the ride share app and run someone in the same direction.

Ask around to coworkers, friends and neighbors about sidework gigs. Many times people you know will refer you to the best paying sidework gigs.

OP, when it warms up try to get outside in the parks a bit or take a little walk. Getting a bit of sun each day helps lift spirits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sitting here shooting down virtually every suggestion offered by anyone.

I’m not shooting anything down, but a lot of what folks have suggested I don’t qualify for. I’m looking for a pt job, will start tutoring this week, and continue my hunt for a better paying job. Aside from the cleaner & streaming services there’s not much more I can cut. I do my own hair & nails. I try to by off brand food. I workout at home so no gym fees. I wear the same raggedy clothes & shoes. Sometimes things have to be replaced because my job requires decent appearances but I definitely stretch things out. I don’t like junk so there’s not a lot of “extra” stuff in my house. I don’t do things like Starbucks unless I have a gift card. I don’t go out with friends. I cook most meals. I only have to pay $100 a month for braces because luckily my insurance covered 50%. I have the cheapest internet package. I dont host family or friends because $$. I keep my thermostat low to save $. I’m trying.

Hey Sis, another black woman here.

You’re doing EVERYTHING right.

I understand the hair and nails thing.

I’m going to make a suggestion that is going to sound wild to anyone who isn’t a black woman.

You MUST invest in your physical appearance, your clothing, hair, and nails must look presentable in order for you to advance professionally. For us, 9/10 it’s network, and in order to feel confident enough to successfully expand your network, you have to be out and about, and you won’t feel ok being out and about if you don’t feel like you look good.

Make a hair appointment, make a nail appointment. Get yourself a new nice outfit. Get outside.

Reach out to people that you know in the field that you’re in and circulate your resume directly.

You don’t need 7 part time jobs. You need one good full time job. Overworking will run you into an early grave and make you a less effective mom.

Do NOT get rid of your cleaner, it’s probably the thing that’s keep you from falling fully into a depression pit.

Your daughter is going to be fine. At your income, she’ll qualify for aid, loans, need based scholarships.

Pursue your child support through the courts, if your ex owes you $18k, that’s your cushion. It’s tax time, at minimum you can get his tax return intercepted to start things off.

+1 to all of this.

-1, money is her stressed, so spending more makes no sense. Cut the cleaner and you and daughter take an hour or two to clean each week.

[Anonymous]

I feel for you. This is a hcol area. You daughter has a lot of opportunity with loans and financial aid for college. And for you it sounds like the cleaner and $$ for hair/nails care is essential. I like getting addl tutoring hours or working PT at Trader Joe's. You may meet someone that could put you onto another avenue. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

[Anonymous]

Could you downsize your car and home? What do those monthly payments look like?