Finances make me consider suicide

[Anonymous]

I did an in-depth look at my finances today and I just…don’t want to feel any more. I’m employed full time and just picked up a tutoring job that doesn’t pay much. Ive been looking for another job for over a year and I can’t even get an interview. I’m talking hundreds of job apps. I have my masters but it’s worthless. Before taxes I make just under 80k. My kid does not have a college savings and will be going off to college in 2.5 years. Her dad’s child support is minimal ($200/month). I stopped getting my hair done to save money (fwiw I’m black so this is a big deal). Considering cutting streaming services too just to cut corners where I can. We have no vacation expenses this year. I don’t buy new clothes. One expense that I need to cut is my monthly house cleaner but she brings me so much joy and reduces my stress greatly, but I should save the $150 each month. Suicide is not actually a viable option because I can’t do that to my kid, but I am overwhelmed and frustrated with my situation. I’m just tired.

[Anonymous]

First, please do call 988 if you need to talk to someone.

Second, I grew up in a wealthy family that spent every penny they made. Which means I went to college with no college savings. It was fine, I was fine.

Obviously I don't know all of your finances, but perhaps, giving yourself grace and allowing yourself to be enough, is the best option. It sounds like you are doing a great job. Don't let the what ifs steal your joy.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. It sounds like you are doing the best you can in a tough situation. Please know this stranger is rooting for you. And please know if you’re feeling suicidal you should call 988 and talk to someone. You are a great mom and financial aid can mean your child’s college expenses are much less than expected. Sending you so many virtual hugs.

[Anonymous]

You daughter should be able to get some financial aid. Can she get a job? Both of should apply for a job at Trader Joe's or somewhere similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You daughter should be able to get some financial aid. Can she get a job? Both of should apply for a job at Trader Joe's or somewhere similar.

She has a summer job that pays quite well. She’s a year round athlete aside from the fall so an after school job is pretty much out of the question. I have definitely considered trying to get weekend shifts at Trader Joe’s as I love the place. I worry the minimal extra cash wouldn’t be worth the misery of being even more tired and defeated. Hopefully I can get more tutoring clients.

[Anonymous]

Op,
Your child should attend in-state for free with both grants and federal student aid on both University and community college options.

Now they don't cover room & board so start saving a little a month or have your child apply loan. I did have a loan but worth every penny to live on campus, loved it! Some of my friends commute home so they got a car instead of loan!

[Anonymous]

OP, please stay here. Your child needs you and you have a lot to offer the world.

Just under 80k is about the national average household income. If you live in a hcol, that makes it harder to live off of but not impossible.

It’s perfectly acceptable for your high school student to pay their way through community college and finish at a state school. The Maryland and Virginia suburbs offer good programs. I don’t have familiarity with DC but there is probably a resource at your child’s high school that knows about this path in the city.

Are you on a budget? It’s a tough habit to begin but remember to give it 3-6 months to establish. You don’t have to be perfect every month. You may have to cut some lifestyle expenses but cutting them is the hardest part.

You can do this. There are lots of personal finance groups you can join in the area. Seek some out. It’s not too late and you can do this.

[Anonymous]

I have $190,000 in student loan debt, a 25 year old vehicle, zero retirement savings and a low wage job with zero benefits so I’m on Medicaid. My credit rating is somewhere in the 400s. I would be homeless if I didn’t have a lovely childhood best friend who let me move into her in-law apartment when her mother died. I cover all my own expenses and pay modest rent when I can, which suits her fine as her mother never did.

I ended up here despite a very solid academic background including a T-15 law degree. I had a reasonably successful career in my chosen area of practice- public interest - but my health crashed in my mid 40s and I was very sick for about six years until doctors properly diagnosed me. Now I’m on the slow road to recovering my health and beginning to build a next career.

It’s important to cultivate perspective about financial matters. Look at your life in comparison to the several billion people who are far worse off than you, instead of comparing yourself to the DCUM crowd. You are so much more than what you do and what you own. We can lose everything material and still be someone of great consequence, especially if we have people who love and depend on us.

Please consider getting some counseling to help manage your financial anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Thank goodness you know that what feels like a temporary solution for you would only maje matters much worse for the rest of your daughter!s life.

I am really impressed with your hustle!! 👏🏼
You have so much right. You cannot control the results, only our own efforts. You are teaching her to work hard, spend wisely, and sacrifice for love.

Many kids have little or no money for college. Don’t be deceived by the posts on this board.

You are providing her with a home and family. She is almost raised. Keep up the great work. 🤗

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did an in-depth look at my finances today and I just…don’t want to feel any more. I’m employed full time and just picked up a tutoring job that doesn’t pay much. Ive been looking for another job for over a year and I can’t even get an interview. I’m talking hundreds of job apps. I have my masters but it’s worthless. Before taxes I make just under 80k. My kid does not have a college savings and will be going off to college in 2.5 years. Her dad’s child support is minimal ($200/month). I stopped getting my hair done to save money (fwiw I’m black so this is a big deal). Considering cutting streaming services too just to cut corners where I can. We have no vacation expenses this year. I don’t buy new clothes. One expense that I need to cut is my monthly house cleaner but she brings me so much joy and reduces my stress greatly, but I should save the $150 each month. Suicide is not actually a viable option because I can’t do that to my kid, but I am overwhelmed and frustrated with my situation. I’m just tired.

You have a spending issue. Get a part-time virtual job with customer service or something to supplement. May of us do our hair, don't have housekeepers, and don't take vacations. Welcome to my world. Your kid will get financial aid or community college.

[Anonymous]

Cut the streaming services and put that money into a savings account, just to get a confidence boost to start.
If you’ve sent hundreds of apps without any reply it may help to ask a friend to look at your resume to see if anything should be reworded/ reformatted.
Also, add your application to temp agencies in case something comes up there.

[Anonymous]

Yes OP your mental health is a real concern and you should call 988. Talking about suicide is not a good thing.

You are a family of two living on $80k plus $200 a month from the ex. Your daughter is also making good money. You are not poor by any stretch of the imagination. You are overspending.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're doing so much right. Try not to get ahead of yourself. Deal with the college expenses when your daughter has her acceptances and financial aid offers. The application fees can be waived for need. If necessary, she can do 2 years of community college then transfer to a 4 year or take a gap year and work. I'd keep the housekeeper since it sounds like it does you more good than a therapy session.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did an in-depth look at my finances today and I just…don’t want to feel any more. I’m employed full time and just picked up a tutoring job that doesn’t pay much. Ive been looking for another job for over a year and I can’t even get an interview. I’m talking hundreds of job apps. I have my masters but it’s worthless. Before taxes I make just under 80k. My kid does not have a college savings and will be going off to college in 2.5 years. Her dad’s child support is minimal ($200/month). I stopped getting my hair done to save money (fwiw I’m black so this is a big deal). Considering cutting streaming services too just to cut corners where I can. We have no vacation expenses this year. I don’t buy new clothes. One expense that I need to cut is my monthly house cleaner but she brings me so much joy and reduces my stress greatly, but I should save the $150 each month. Suicide is not actually a viable option because I can’t do that to my kid, but I am overwhelmed and frustrated with my situation. I’m just tired.

You have a spending issue. Get a part-time virtual job with customer service or something to supplement. May of us do our hair, don't have housekeepers, and don't take vacations. Welcome to my world. Your kid will get financial aid or community college.

I’ve been striking out on the part time virtual jobs. It’s beyond frustrating. We don’t eat out, don’t shop, and she gets her hair braided every 2 months or so. I haven’t been to the salon since last august (I look a mess). I’ve basically removed all joy from my life which is why I’m hesitant to cut the cleaner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you're doing so much right. Try not to get ahead of yourself. Deal with the college expenses when your daughter has her acceptances and financial aid offers. The application fees can be waived for need. If necessary, she can do 2 years of community college then transfer to a 4 year or take a gap year and work. I'd keep the housekeeper since it sounds like it does you more good than a therapy session.

I’m in therapy and my therapist approves the cleaner. My house is not a pigsty but I didn’t know the relief I needed from having another adult help me clean and put lines on my carpet. Silly I know, but it’s just a nice touch.