Finances make me consider suicide

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know OP has some bigger issues to resolve, but it sounds like the salon might be a better choice to keep than the house cleaner. I think you miss it and it was important to you.

I agree if the hair salon is important keep it.

As for the house cleaner, I’m not sure what you pay but it’s probably a waste. You are two females how messy can your house really get.

Put your daughter on dish duty and spend a few hours Sat am cleaning everything else. I say this as a single mom of a boy. I stopped worrying about the mess. I do the dishes and he does his room and his bathroom.

My house is messy all of the time, because my DS has no concept of order or cleanliness, but DS does have a college fund. I put the money I’d spend on haircuts, clothes and cleaning into his college fund and a vacation fund.

As for streaming services cut them. If you are depressed get outside sitting at home watching movies doesn’t help.

I’m not sure if you are just being dramatic. I hope you are because $80k isn’t a lot of money but it’s not nothing. Life happens and if your daughter wants to go to college she will find a way. If you haven’t been able to save for college by now you won’t be able to so stop beating yourself up and instead commit to sending her some small amount of money each month for spending money. I didn’t get a lot of help from parents but having a little bit of spending money really helped to keep me going.

Oh and seek enforcement of your child support. If the choice is between paying of going to jail. He will beg, borrow, and steal to find the money. They always do. Don’t think about it too much just do it. Deadbeats don’t deserve empathy or sympathy. Put that money away for a rainy day. Having a little cushion will make you feel better too.

Best of luck to you.

A messy 16 year old with adhd. Enough said lol. 80k after my deductions of health insurance (I have to carry for both) 401k & taxes is 52k. Very different. support is hard to pursue as I don’t know where he lives or works and is in a different state. When it snowed I took nice walks outside, but then I was also alone and that made me sad too. Tonight I really want and need to do some yoga, but I’m so physically drained from today that I will barely manage a shower. I need a break.

[Anonymous]

OP just wanted to send you a hug. Money was so stressful for my mom growing up. I'm so grateful to her for persisting. I went to college (with fin aid) and your daughter will too. It sounds like the finances, while not awesome, are not really the problem here. It's the burnout. Do you have any time off accrued at your job? Can you take at least a mental staycation for a weekend, where maybe you don't have enough money to go anywhere but you could spend a set period of time *not* thinking about work/job hunting--just take a long bath with a candle, snuggle up with popcorn to watch a funny movie, reach out to an old friend, read a good book, dance, visit a fun different neighborhood, etc. Just do whatever you can to break out of the worry cycle. Hugs again.

[Anonymous]

Things will probably look up when its warm again and there is more daylight! Enjoy the long weekend coming up and recharge.

[Anonymous]

Single moms are the true heroes of our society. OP’s DD is lucky to have her mom, what an inspiring role model.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know OP has some bigger issues to resolve, but it sounds like the salon might be a better choice to keep than the house cleaner. I think you miss it and it was important to you.

I agree if the hair salon is important keep it.

As for the house cleaner, I’m not sure what you pay but it’s probably a waste. You are two females how messy can your house really get.

Put your daughter on dish duty and spend a few hours Sat am cleaning everything else. I say this as a single mom of a boy. I stopped worrying about the mess. I do the dishes and he does his room and his bathroom.

My house is messy all of the time, because my DS has no concept of order or cleanliness, but DS does have a college fund. I put the money I’d spend on haircuts, clothes and cleaning into his college fund and a vacation fund.

As for streaming services cut them. If you are depressed get outside sitting at home watching movies doesn’t help.

I’m not sure if you are just being dramatic. I hope you are because $80k isn’t a lot of money but it’s not nothing. Life happens and if your daughter wants to go to college she will find a way. If you haven’t been able to save for college by now you won’t be able to so stop beating yourself up and instead commit to sending her some small amount of money each month for spending money. I didn’t get a lot of help from parents but having a little bit of spending money really helped to keep me going.

Oh and seek enforcement of your child support. If the choice is between paying of going to jail. He will beg, borrow, and steal to find the money. They always do. Don’t think about it too much just do it. Deadbeats don’t deserve empathy or sympathy. Put that money away for a rainy day. Having a little cushion will make you feel better too.

Best of luck to you.

A messy 16 year old with adhd. Enough said lol. 80k after my deductions of health insurance (I have to carry for both) 401k & taxes is 52k. Very different. support is hard to pursue as I don’t know where he lives or works and is in a different state. When it snowed I took nice walks outside, but then I was also alone and that made me sad too. Tonight I really want and need to do some yoga, but I’m so physically drained from today that I will barely manage a shower. I need a break.

I get it OP, but something probably needs to go right now and personally I would keep the salon and do your own cleaning. Your place is small and you have a teenager.

Don't worry about being able to pay for college- your DD will get some aid and take loans if needed- just don't let her get over her head. Federal student loans only- no private loans, no parent plus loans. If that means community college or commuting to a state college, so be it. My parents didn't really have any college savings for us and I know they did the best they could- but I made mistakes as a teenager taking too many loans and wish they had not co-signed them. Never underestimate the gift of honesty and tough love.

[Anonymous]

op don't read this forum....many liars on here. Many others (im one of them) are struggling just like you. Be thankful for your health. The sun always rises.

[Anonymous]

On a lighter note, be thankful you have a girl, and not a boy. Teenage boys eat like there is no tomorrow. The money we spend feeding our sons is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a lighter note, be thankful you have a girl, and not a boy. Teenage boys eat like there is no tomorrow. The money we spend feeding our sons is insane.

I often feel like I have a boy since she’s an intense year round athlete. It’s never ending 😭😭 one of my friends has two teen boys and it looks…rough. I can barely handle the one!

-op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you like to wear your hair with length, eelax your hair (with a lye relaxer, no lye relaxers make hair brittle) instead of wearing it natural, in a length where you can put your hair in a ponytail or wrap it at night OR wear a natural TWA (I do). Trying to maintain length in natural hair is expensive and time consuming and futile for many.

On another note, I think the natural hair for all (AA) women has been a disservice. Now, we have a wig culture so what is the point?

This whole thing made me chuckle, in a good way. I stopped relaxing my hair in 2009. So much healthier for me. But yea wig culture is a thing I don’t even imagine joining. Maybe I should try the stiff wig movement 🤣

-op

You just told us your mental health isn't healthy and your circumstances and finances are not healthy, so much so that you cannot maintain your "healthy" natural hair. Keeping hair natural is not a moral imperative and as many of us see is doesn't not make us healthy, wealthy, and wiser. It isn't a crown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sitting here shooting down virtually every suggestion offered by anyone.

I’m not shooting anything down, but a lot of what folks have suggested I don’t qualify for. I’m looking for a pt job, will start tutoring this week, and continue my hunt for a better paying job. Aside from the cleaner & streaming services there’s not much more I can cut. I do my own hair & nails. I try to by off brand food. I workout at home so no gym fees. I wear the same raggedy clothes & shoes. Sometimes things have to be replaced because my job requires decent appearances but I definitely stretch things out. I don’t like junk so there’s not a lot of “extra” stuff in my house. I don’t do things like Starbucks unless I have a gift card. I don’t go out with friends. I cook most meals. I only have to pay $100 a month for braces because luckily my insurance covered 50%. I have the cheapest internet package. I dont host family or friends because $$. I keep my thermostat low to save $. I’m trying.

Hey Sis, another black woman here.

You’re doing EVERYTHING right.

I understand the hair and nails thing.

I’m going to make a suggestion that is going to sound wild to anyone who isn’t a black woman.

You MUST invest in your physical appearance, your clothing, hair, and nails must look presentable in order for you to advance professionally. For us, 9/10 it’s network, and in order to feel confident enough to successfully expand your network, you have to be out and about, and you won’t feel ok being out and about if you don’t feel like you look good.

Make a hair appointment, make a nail appointment. Get yourself a new nice outfit. Get outside.

Reach out to people that you know in the field that you’re in and circulate your resume directly.

You don’t need 7 part time jobs. You need one good full time job. Overworking will run you into an early grave and make you a less effective mom.

Do NOT get rid of your cleaner, it’s probably the thing that’s keep you from falling fully into a depression pit.

Your daughter is going to be fine. At your income, she’ll qualify for aid, loans, need based scholarships.

Pursue your child support through the courts, if your ex owes you $18k, that’s your cushion. It’s tax time, at minimum you can get his tax return intercepted to start things off.

+1 to all except I’m a white lady but this is all good advice

[Anonymous]

Please stay in the world. Your daughter needs you so much. Tomorrow will be better. The days will get less cold and dark. This is a very rough patch but you will get through it. When you are going through hell, keep going. Keep going. Keep your cleaner, have a hot bath, talk to a friend. Please keep going!

[Anonymous]

I don't know if this would be feasible for your daughter but the dual enrollment program in Montgomery County could let her graduate high school with an AA degree. The timelines and her sports might not line up though. I will be crossing my fingers for your interview. Oh, and if your therapist will certify that your mental health issues qualify, you can apply to federal jobs as a Schedule A. Might help you get a foot in the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things will probably look up when its warm again and there is more daylight! Enjoy the long weekend coming up and recharge.

Really? Some of us go to ground in summer. Global warming … making it worse.

Hugs, OP — no matter the weather