Finances make me consider suicide

[Anonymous]

Regarding sports...have you talked to the coaches/leagues/facilities to see if there are any breaks you could get?

I live in a pretty kind place. There are a lot of comments around activities that cause extra spending to "let us know" if some spending is a hardship. They don't ask a lot of questions. Can your daughter let you know when these offers come up, if they do?

Also, I don't know if this would work for you but occasionally I hear things about the website "Teachers Pay Teachers". Do you have any lesson plans, handouts, etc. that you developed or could develop to post there?

I think too, even though your daughter is young, you need a bit of teamwork from her. Can you work on beauty stuff together, in the home? Does she know/can she research ways to find bargains on things you need? I was my mom's coupon resource for a couple of years. Anything you can do now to help her develop budgeting skills will be useful later. Just try to make it fun and educational.

[Anonymous]

I'm rooting for you, OP. Please keep the house cleaner. You deserve it. I'm a teacher, too, and it's really hard. Is the profession itself stressing you out? Maybe you could switch to a less stressful role at your school?

It does sound like you are fighting depression as well as all of your practical challenges. Do you have a good friend who could walk with you?

Thank you for reaching out and for staying. You matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sitting here shooting down virtually every suggestion offered by anyone.

I’m not shooting anything down, but a lot of what folks have suggested I don’t qualify for. I’m looking for a pt job, will start tutoring this week, and continue my hunt for a better paying job. Aside from the cleaner & streaming services there’s not much more I can cut. I do my own hair & nails. I try to by off brand food. I workout at home so no gym fees. I wear the same raggedy clothes & shoes. Sometimes things have to be replaced because my job requires decent appearances but I definitely stretch things out. I don’t like junk so there’s not a lot of “extra” stuff in my house. I don’t do things like Starbucks unless I have a gift card. I don’t go out with friends. I cook most meals. I only have to pay $100 a month for braces because luckily my insurance covered 50%. I have the cheapest internet package. I dont host family or friends because $$. I keep my thermostat low to save $. I’m trying.

Hey Sis, another black woman here.

You’re doing EVERYTHING right.

I understand the hair and nails thing.

I’m going to make a suggestion that is going to sound wild to anyone who isn’t a black woman.

You MUST invest in your physical appearance, your clothing, hair, and nails must look presentable in order for you to advance professionally. For us, 9/10 it’s network, and in order to feel confident enough to successfully expand your network, you have to be out and about, and you won’t feel ok being out and about if you don’t feel like you look good.

Make a hair appointment, make a nail appointment. Get yourself a new nice outfit. Get outside.

Reach out to people that you know in the field that you’re in and circulate your resume directly.

You don’t need 7 part time jobs. You need one good full time job. Overworking will run you into an early grave and make you a less effective mom.

Do NOT get rid of your cleaner, it’s probably the thing that’s keep you from falling fully into a depression pit.

Your daughter is going to be fine. At your income, she’ll qualify for aid, loans, need based scholarships.

Pursue your child support through the courts, if your ex owes you $18k, that’s your cushion. It’s tax time, at minimum you can get his tax return intercepted to start things off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what job do you have today? What is your master’s in? Why do you feel you need to take it off your resume? What roles are you applying to?

I’m an educator. My masters is in education. I took it off to apply to pt jobs because I thought it was making me an automatic no/she’s too expensive. I am applying for any and everything. I’d like to get out of education but it looks like I’m stuck.

I missed this one, if you’re in education, getting out of the classroom and into administration is the way to go with an advanced degree. If you’re in public, consider going to the charter system unless you’re in a pension plan. Charter administration pays well.

[Anonymous]

You need get a retail job. Any amount of money is more than you have now. Also if you work at a grocery, you get a discount. Trader Joe's is 20 percent.

[Anonymous]

Could you do food shopping at a local food bank? Inflation has jacked up prices so much, I think if you could get one or two week’s worth of food at a food pantry, that might save you $200-300 each month.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just wanted you to know that I have called 988 before and it really helped me. You would not be alone in calling.

Have you considered moving to a lower COL area? I’m really sorry for your struggles.

[Anonymous]

I know OP has some bigger issues to resolve, but it sounds like the salon might be a better choice to keep than the house cleaner. I think you miss it and it was important to you.

[Anonymous]

OP do u know anyone that can do hair that might wanna trade/barter services with you?
I’m
White by my kid is black so I get the hair thing and the expense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sitting here shooting down virtually every suggestion offered by anyone.

I’m not shooting anything down, but a lot of what folks have suggested I don’t qualify for. I’m looking for a pt job, will start tutoring this week, and continue my hunt for a better paying job. Aside from the cleaner & streaming services there’s not much more I can cut. I do my own hair & nails. I try to by off brand food. I workout at home so no gym fees. I wear the same raggedy clothes & shoes. Sometimes things have to be replaced because my job requires decent appearances but I definitely stretch things out. I don’t like junk so there’s not a lot of “extra” stuff in my house. I don’t do things like Starbucks unless I have a gift card. I don’t go out with friends. I cook most meals. I only have to pay $100 a month for braces because luckily my insurance covered 50%. I have the cheapest internet package. I dont host family or friends because $$. I keep my thermostat low to save $. I’m trying.

Hey Sis, another black woman here.

You’re doing EVERYTHING right.

I understand the hair and nails thing.

I’m going to make a suggestion that is going to sound wild to anyone who isn’t a black woman.

You MUST invest in your physical appearance, your clothing, hair, and nails must look presentable in order for you to advance professionally. For us, 9/10 it’s network, and in order to feel confident enough to successfully expand your network, you have to be out and about, and you won’t feel ok being out and about if you don’t feel like you look good.

Make a hair appointment, make a nail appointment. Get yourself a new nice outfit. Get outside.

Reach out to people that you know in the field that you’re in and circulate your resume directly.

You don’t need 7 part time jobs. You need one good full time job. Overworking will run you into an early grave and make you a less effective mom.

Do NOT get rid of your cleaner, it’s probably the thing that’s keep you from falling fully into a depression pit.

Your daughter is going to be fine. At your income, she’ll qualify for aid, loans, need based scholarships.

Pursue your child support through the courts, if your ex owes you $18k, that’s your cushion. It’s tax time, at minimum you can get his tax return intercepted to start things off.

+1 to all of this.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree that the hair appointment sounds important to you so you should probably do it to feel better about yourself. I also agree that your child can do CC and go to a state school on aid and will be fine. Concentrate more on yourself right now to lift yourself out of depression. I think you’re doing great. You sound like a great mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did an in-depth look at my finances today and I just…don’t want to feel any more. I’m employed full time and just picked up a tutoring job that doesn’t pay much. Ive been looking for another job for over a year and I can’t even get an interview. I’m talking hundreds of job apps. I have my masters but it’s worthless. Before taxes I make just under 80k. My kid does not have a college savings and will be going off to college in 2.5 years. Her dad’s child support is minimal ($200/month). I stopped getting my hair done to save money (fwiw I’m black so this is a big deal). Considering cutting streaming services too just to cut corners where I can. We have no vacation expenses this year. I don’t buy new clothes. One expense that I need to cut is my monthly house cleaner but she brings me so much joy and reduces my stress greatly, but I should save the $150 each month. Suicide is not actually a viable option because I can’t do that to my kid, but I am overwhelmed and frustrated with my situation. I’m just tired.

You have a spending issue. Get a part-time virtual job with customer service or something to supplement. May of us do our hair, don't have housekeepers, and don't take vacations. Welcome to my world. Your kid will get financial aid or community college.

I’ve been striking out on the part time virtual jobs. It’s beyond frustrating. We don’t eat out, don’t shop, and she gets her hair braided every 2 months or so. I haven’t been to the salon since last august (I look a mess). I’ve basically removed all joy from my life which is why I’m hesitant to cut the cleaner.

Don't cut the cleaner!!!!

You need joy in your life. My parents didn't pay for college. It's nice if you can but not an obligation. Your daughter will be fine!

[Anonymous]

Rooting for you OP. It sounds like you are raising a very successful kid. Keep the housecleaner and the hair appointment. Start researching college finances NOW. Yes she can go to community college but there are also lots of great programs for lower income families that might be worth pursuing too.

[Anonymous]

Please reach out for help. Please call the suicide hotline and talk to someone. There is help out there. Reach out to a church. Reach out to your child’s school. There is help. You don’t have to do it all yourself. One day at a time. It will be ok. Your daughter needs you more.

Sending you hugs and prayers. 💕

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sitting here shooting down virtually every suggestion offered by anyone.

I’m not shooting anything down, but a lot of what folks have suggested I don’t qualify for. I’m looking for a pt job, will start tutoring this week, and continue my hunt for a better paying job. Aside from the cleaner & streaming services there’s not much more I can cut. I do my own hair & nails. I try to by off brand food. I workout at home so no gym fees. I wear the same raggedy clothes & shoes. Sometimes things have to be replaced because my job requires decent appearances but I definitely stretch things out. I don’t like junk so there’s not a lot of “extra” stuff in my house. I don’t do things like Starbucks unless I have a gift card. I don’t go out with friends. I cook most meals. I only have to pay $100 a month for braces because luckily my insurance covered 50%. I have the cheapest internet package. I dont host family or friends because $$. I keep my thermostat low to save $. I’m trying.

Hey Sis, another black woman here.

You’re doing EVERYTHING right.

I understand the hair and nails thing.

I’m going to make a suggestion that is going to sound wild to anyone who isn’t a black woman.

You MUST invest in your physical appearance, your clothing, hair, and nails must look presentable in order for you to advance professionally. For us, 9/10 it’s network, and in order to feel confident enough to successfully expand your network, you have to be out and about, and you won’t feel ok being out and about if you don’t feel like you look good.

Make a hair appointment, make a nail appointment. Get yourself a new nice outfit. Get outside.

Reach out to people that you know in the field that you’re in and circulate your resume directly.

You don’t need 7 part time jobs. You need one good full time job. Overworking will run you into an early grave and make you a less effective mom.

Do NOT get rid of your cleaner, it’s probably the thing that’s keep you from falling fully into a depression pit.

Your daughter is going to be fine. At your income, she’ll qualify for aid, loans, need based scholarships.

Pursue your child support through the courts, if your ex owes you $18k, that’s your cushion. It’s tax time, at minimum you can get his tax return intercepted to start things off.

+1000000
Couldn't have said it better