Wife stopped at associates degree and now working at Wawa

[Anonymous]

What kind of child care support did she have while getting her AA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

So you’re totally fine if she gets the degree but then goes back to working at Wawa?

.

Yes. Maybe she can move up to manager. And if it doesn't work out with Wawa, she could work as a manager elsewhere. In many manager jobs, you need to check the box for a bachelor's degree. She's not interested in a desk job because it gives her too much joint pain.

[Anonymous]

You have 2 kids, age 3 and 6, your wife just finished 1/2 of a 4-year degree, while watching the kids all day, plus she works 3 nights a week and you're concerned??? I'm concerned about her too - she is overworked! Give her a minute to breathe. Revisit this maybe when both kids are in school all day in 2 or 3 years. Then she will have her days free to attend school. No rush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

So you’re totally fine if she gets the degree but then goes back to working at Wawa?

.

Yes. Maybe she can move up to manager. And if it doesn't work out with Wawa, she could work as a manager elsewhere. In many manager jobs, you need to check the box for a bachelor's degree. She's not interested in a desk job because it gives her too much joint pain.

While I totally understand and sympathize with your post, I think that you really are in some ways embarrassed by her lack of Bachelors Degree. You have a PhD. You value education. You want your wife to share that value. If models behavior for your kids, it makes you feel more secure with her ability to support herself, and you feel your own comfort would increase if she completed it.

It’s about you. It’s not about her. You can spin it as many ways you want as concern, but you can not motivate a grown woman with kids to complete a degree. My Mom went to get an AA when I was 1. She completed it and got a job (in a technical field). She then went to college every Saturday for 10 years to complete a Bachelors Degree. It was the 1980s and 1990s when she did it, but it took a drive to do it. You have to want it. If you force her, she will resent you. This is a concern you should have worked out prior to marriage and kids. If you wanted a spouse who had a degree above an AA you should have married one. I think finishing this degree was an accomplishment and you need to recognize it.

I’m not trying to be harsh. I just think you need to let it go. No good will come out if this discussion. You’re not wrong, but you’re also not correct.

[Anonymous]

I think you are embarassed your wife works at WaWa.

[Anonymous]

Congratulate her. She sounds amazing. She found a great option for the time and needs of your family.

[Anonymous]

Zero pressure. She doesn’t want pressure. I will see at least she’s working…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of child care support did she have while getting her AA?

OP ignoring this question = she had no childcare support, and would not have any if she went back for her BA

[Anonymous]

She doesn't want a big career. It doesn't take a Ph.D. to come to that conclusion. She sees how much you work and decides to opt-out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Buy a term life insurance policy on you now. They are not expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1. I am sure there are guidelines out there, but my spouse and I each have enough to payoff the mortgage and cover college.

Anyway, does your wife LIKE working at Wawa? Are there opportunities to advance beyond store associate if she wants to? Sure, Wawa isn't Goldman Sachs or a fancy private school (you mentioned she was looking at an education degree) but it's a successful corporation that's expanding and has massive brand loyalty. She could do worse.

I think college degrees are great. I also think they aren't the be all end all. Have a conversation about what you want for your future as a family, not about the degree.

[Anonymous]

Her Math skills are terrible? Ask her to just take basic foundational Math 101 classes in community college. Ask her to take the most basic Math class first and systematically rebuild her Math foundation. Math is very learnable skill.

More than getting a college degree, she must tackle her fear of Math.

It is probably easy for her to take a class a week in community college and still continue to work at wawa and look after the kids. I agree with others that she is overworked.

It is up to you to help her to make time and go to her class and time to do homework.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

[Anonymous]

Raising children and going to school is a complete PITA; she doesn't want to juggle all of that; your better argument is do the school thing now, it gets more difficult (time, energy, etc.,) as she, and kids get older. I don't think you are embarrassed, you just believe in continued growth and self development.