Wife stopped at associates degree and now working at Wawa

[Anonymous]

So her only degree choices are criminal justice (wouldn’t that require statistics?) or communications? I’d pick working at Wawa over those options too.

A former coworker, with a masters degree, worked at Kohls part time for a year or two after they relocated for her husbands job—they had a toddler and a baby and she just wanted something besides staying at home while adjusting. After a while she went back to a job in her field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

Earning an AA despite learning disabilities while being the primary caretaker to a baby/toddler and a preschooler/young elementary child, which having only a few hours a week of childcare and having to study while working sounds like hell. No wonder she’s not enthused about a few more years of that to get a degree in a field she’s not interested in pursuing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she likes the idea of being away from kids and you in the evening?

Wawa would not be my first choice but if I was a SAHM I could see it as an easy outlet to get out of the house and make a few dollars.

+1 We had a neighbor years ago who was SAH with four kids close together. She waitressed a couple nights a week and they did not need that money.

[Anonymous]

I can see OP's point. She is so close to finishing and being able to check that box that she has the four-year degree. It could be handy in the future, and she has a high chance of having no debt. That sounds like a win. She already has the challenging classes out of the way, as math isn't her strong subject and gives her anxiety. Maybe have her apply to a few schools she thinks she has the best chance of getting an entire ride. She still has several months until fall semester.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

Earning an AA despite learning disabilities while being the primary caretaker to a baby/toddler and a preschooler/young elementary child, which having only a few hours a week of childcare and having to study while working sounds like hell. No wonder she’s not enthused about a few more years of that to get a degree in a field she’s not interested in pursuing.

+1
Once a week babysitter while being the primary parent and working and studying sounds exhausting.
OP I think you underestimate how much stress that is juggling so many demands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

Earning an AA despite learning disabilities while being the primary caretaker to a baby/toddler and a preschooler/young elementary child, which having only a few hours a week of childcare and having to study while working sounds like hell. No wonder she’s not enthused about a few more years of that to get a degree in a field she’s not interested in pursuing.

+1
Once a week babysitter while being the primary parent and working and studying sounds exhausting.
OP I think you underestimate how much stress that is juggling so many demands.

The obvious answer here is to use the time she's spending working on school since someone (presumably OP?) is watching the children during that time. Even if she takes a smaller course load it would be a more productive use of that time.

[Anonymous]

Let me get this straight. The kids are not in daycare? She takes care of them during the day except for the one day a babysitter comes over?
I'm starting to suspect this is a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

Earning an AA despite learning disabilities while being the primary caretaker to a baby/toddler and a preschooler/young elementary child, which having only a few hours a week of childcare and having to study while working sounds like hell. No wonder she’s not enthused about a few more years of that to get a degree in a field she’s not interested in pursuing.

+1
Once a week babysitter while being the primary parent and working and studying sounds exhausting.
OP I think you underestimate how much stress that is juggling so many demands.

The obvious answer here is to use the time she's spending working on school since someone (presumably OP?) is watching the children during that time. Even if she takes a smaller course load it would be a more productive use of that time.

You are assuming college would give her a good job. She already knows she wants to work part-time for the presumable future. Getting a bachelor’s in communication or criminal justice isn’t going to give her a lot of PT work choices. Maybe she feels a better way to spend her time is actually making money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see OP's point. She is so close to finishing and being able to check that box that she has the four-year degree. It could be handy in the future, and she has a high chance of having no debt. That sounds like a win. She already has the challenging classes out of the way, as math isn't her strong subject and gives her anxiety. Maybe have her apply to a few schools she thinks she has the best chance of getting an entire ride. She still has several months until fall semester.

She is not close. She has at least a couple of years ahead of her before she can finish her BA. And that’s only if she’s basically a full time student while also being a full time caregiver to young children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WaWa is a great place to work. great benefits, upward mobility and growing. Family owned business yet the employees have a great ownership program.

Maybe she will out perform you someday. I hope so and then she can look down on you like you are looking down on her now.

This. Wawa has a reputation of being a great place to work.

It sounds like the job is close to your home.

Enjoy your time with the kids three nights a week. Make a nice dinner for her for when she comes home.

We get SO MANY threads from spouses in which the stay at home spouse refuses to work.

Once your kids are in school your wife may change her direction.

[Anonymous]

Can she move up the chain @ wawa?
I recall with starbucks - once you start handling the logistics for a larger zip code you can bring home 130k.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you are getting hung up on the math requirement and forcing the idea of completing the 4-year degree now, with that pressure.

What does your wife say about her career plans? You only talk about your plans. Do you even know what hers are? Or is her career trajectory another thing you "decided together" like all the other moves that have resulted in her deferring her needs for your/the family's needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised that she did this. Her main job is stay at home mom. She recently finished an AA degree and graduated with honors. She had a full scholarship and a high chance of getting several to pursue a bachelor's degree. Anyway, she's set on working for Wawa three shifts a week in the evening to be with the kids during the day. They offer 401k and stocks after working there for a year. It's very close to our house. I'm not sure what happened. She wanted to study education. She said she's over getting a college degree because she only plans on working part-time, and right now, she wants to focus her time on the kids aged 3 and 6. I am supportive of her not working. She knows this. I feel she has a better shot at getting a full scholarship now since she finished in December. She's not working on applying right now and says college is pointless because she wouldn't be able to study anything marketable, given her issues with math. She isn't the greatest with math, and I say this as someone with a Ph.D in math. However, she spent much time looking at majors where that's not an issue. Two of the degrees she could do without any more math than the two courses she took off her AA degree are criminal justice and communication. Any tips on ways to motivate her to continue, or should I drop it? I think she will regret it, and paying for college in the future will be hard. Before we had children, she worked at a bank headquarters for ten years. The job paid decently and had great benefits. She left the job because I finished college and got my first job in another state. She resented me for a long, long time because not only did age lose her job, but we moved from her family. Unfortunately, she hasn't been able to find a similar job with the pay she was getting, and the locations are all very far. Most of her family didn't attend more than two years of college and they work at the bank she previously was employed. I'm not sure what to do.

Drop it. Sounds like she sacrificed plenty for you. Now it’s your turn to be supportive of your wife. You’re lucky she understands how important parenting is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are getting hung up on the math requirement and forcing the idea of completing the 4-year degree now, with that pressure.

What does your wife say about her career plans? You only talk about your plans. Do you even know what hers are? Or is her career trajectory another thing you "decided together" like all the other moves that have resulted in her deferring her needs for your/the family's needs.

Op here. I am not getting hung up on the math requirements. She is, and that's one of the reasons she is considering stopping. It is the reason she took a break from college. She earned credits right after high school but took a break one year later. She has had her credits evaluated at several colleges, and it hasn't been easy for them to accept her prior work. Because she knows math is hard, she has looked into what math she needs to continue, and she was able to find two ba programs that will accept the math she earned in her AA or substitute one of the courses for personal finance. The reason I brought up that I have a phd in a math related field is that I have been helping her with the math requirements, and even with my help she struggles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can she move up the chain @ wawa?
I recall with starbucks - once you start handling the logistics for a larger zip code you can bring home 130k.

Op here. Possibly but the schedule for managers in restaurants and retail are pretty bad. Remember, Wawa is 24 hours.