Wife stopped at associates degree and now working at Wawa

[Anonymous]

My husband has a PhD in physics and the way he explains math to our kids is awful. I would recommend that your wife gets a tutor.
Just because you are good at something doesn't mean you are good at teaching it at a basic level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a PhD in physics and the way he explains math to our kids is awful. I would recommend that your wife gets a tutor.
Just because you are good at something doesn't mean you are good at teaching it at a basic level.

I was also a math professor. We don't have money for tutors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her Math skills are terrible? Ask her to just take basic foundational Math 101 classes in community college. Ask her to take the most basic Math class first and systematically rebuild her Math foundation. Math is very learnable skill.

More than getting a college degree, she must tackle her fear of Math.

It is probably easy for her to take a class a week in community college and still continue to work at wawa and look after the kids. I agree with others that she is overworked.

It is up to you to help her to make time and go to her class and time to do homework.

You think she's overworked but you want her to study math for the hell of it at community college? She already took math if she he an AA.

But she is bad at Math and Math is an essential skill for further education. So she needs to start again and start from the bottom. She takes only one course per semester so the load is not too much. Even if she becomes a SAHM, she does not want to be useless in teaching her kids Math.

Her DH needs to help her with the kids, she has to cut down her shift in WaWa, and she has to work on the basics of her education.

Who the hell are you? She has completed an education. The dad can teach math.

[Anonymous]

I think people are realizing that the “glamour” of some jobs/titles is as valuable as previously believed. Have you seen how much a Wawa manager makes?

Based on my title and what I do people think I make 40-60k/year. I make more than that in a month. I don’t have a fancy job. I work maybe 2-3 hours a day. Make my schedule 90% of the time and can work from anywhere.

I know people that work in retail sales environments that make 750-1mil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are realizing that the “glamour” of some jobs/titles is as valuable as previously believed. Have you seen how much a Wawa manager makes?

Based on my title and what I do people think I make 40-60k/year. I make more than that in a month. I don’t have a fancy job. I work maybe 2-3 hours a day. Make my schedule 90% of the time and can work from anywhere.

I know people that work in retail sales environments that make 750-1mil.

I'm not sure what your point is, pp. Wawa manners don't work 2-3 hours daily. Since OP said, his wife has joint issues, a job at wawa doesn't sound half bad. She will be physically active. A desk job can cause many problems for people struggling with joint issues. It causes back and neck pains as well.

[Anonymous]

She’s telling you it’s because of math because she doesn’t want to tell you she’s freaking tired and slightly resentful (slightly now, later it will be greatly) because she’s given up a lot to be married to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

Clearly if she WANTED a Bachelor’s of Communication or Criminal Justice, she’d already be pursuing one of them, so I’m not sure why you keep repeating that line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s telling you it’s because of math because she doesn’t want to tell you she’s freaking tired and slightly resentful (slightly now, later it will be greatly) because she’s given up a lot to be married to you.

Op here. This isn't accurate. Math is a big reason. She has a documented disability. A psychologist recommended math should be waived or substituted, and some colleges were able to offer that to her. She had a complete psych evaluation done and it says on the document if she doesn't get math waived or substituted, it is very likely she won't be able to finish. We moved around because I was pursuing higher education so that I could take care of things. There's no need to be harsh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

So you’ve moved a second time to a place that required her to give up a beneficial job? Let me guess, this move was to benefit your career.

No I still have the same job. It was where we could find a house. We had to move further out. That job had zero benefits for her. It wasn't long-term.

Except that it gave her time to study when she wasn’t responsible for childcare.

I am curious how you had to move so far away that she had to give up her job, but not so far away that you had to give up yours.

I realize these questions probably sound like I’m being nagging and difficult, but I am asking them because I suspect you wildly underestimate how much of your current home life is arranged to accommodate you at her expense, and how your expectation that she go back to school to make you feel better will only compound that.

I now have a 45 minute commute. She didn't have to give up her commute, but the pay was so low and she felt unsafe driving on the highway at night. There's a lot of wildlife at night. The roads and steep and curved here. We bid on 15 homes. This is the area where it's easier to find a house and the schools are good. We decided together to move here. I make 160k a year and she's making less than 12k. Driving two times a week to work and working from home the other days makes the 160k worth it.

I think you should back off and let her make her own decision, but working nights at Wawa is far more “unsafe” than driving on the highway at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

Clearly if she WANTED a Bachelor’s of Communication or Criminal Justice, she’d already be pursuing one of them, so I’m not sure why you keep repeating that line.

She finished her AA a few weeks ago. She has several months to apply for the fall semester. She was very interested in pursuing these degrees until a few weeks ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

So you’ve moved a second time to a place that required her to give up a beneficial job? Let me guess, this move was to benefit your career.

No I still have the same job. It was where we could find a house. We had to move further out. That job had zero benefits for her. It wasn't long-term.

Except that it gave her time to study when she wasn’t responsible for childcare.

I am curious how you had to move so far away that she had to give up her job, but not so far away that you had to give up yours.

I realize these questions probably sound like I’m being nagging and difficult, but I am asking them because I suspect you wildly underestimate how much of your current home life is arranged to accommodate you at her expense, and how your expectation that she go back to school to make you feel better will only compound that.

I now have a 45 minute commute. She didn't have to give up her commute, but the pay was so low and she felt unsafe driving on the highway at night. There's a lot of wildlife at night. The roads and steep and curved here. We bid on 15 homes. This is the area where it's easier to find a house and the schools are good. We decided together to move here. I make 160k a year and she's making less than 12k. Driving two times a week to work and working from home the other days makes the 160k worth it.

I think you should back off and let her make her own decision, but working nights at Wawa is far more “unsafe” than driving on the highway at night.

Why would it be unsafe? The driving depends on the person. She's very uncomfortable around semi trucks, even during the day. Driving home after 11 for almost an hour on the highway isn't easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her Math skills are terrible? Ask her to just take basic foundational Math 101 classes in community college. Ask her to take the most basic Math class first and systematically rebuild her Math foundation. Math is very learnable skill.

More than getting a college degree, she must tackle her fear of Math.

It is probably easy for her to take a class a week in community college and still continue to work at wawa and look after the kids. I agree with others that she is overworked.

It is up to you to help her to make time and go to her class and time to do homework.

You think she's overworked but you want her to study math for the hell of it at community college? She already took math if she he an AA.

But she is bad at Math and Math is an essential skill for further education. So she needs to start again and start from the bottom. She takes only one course per semester so the load is not too much. Even if she becomes a SAHM, she does not want to be useless in teaching her kids Math.

Her DH needs to help her with the kids, she has to cut down her shift in WaWa, and she has to work on the basics of her education.

Who the hell are you? She has completed an education. The dad can teach math.

I took 2 Graduate Certificates when I had little kids in technical and mathematical subjects. I’m above average but not great at math.

I never finished the Masters program because the classes were so difficult to take on top of everything else. I was working 24 hours a week at a Government Position in Computer Science. I had intended to use the education from those certificates to comprise the first half of a program in Systems Analysis. I had confirmed my eligibility with the school. The classes were paid by my work. But, after finishing taking one class per semester (actually it was in trimesters), I didn’t see any real benefit from getting a Masters and was very unhappy continuing so I did not. Yes, I have a Bachelors but there is no reason to believe my classes were more challenging for me than her classes are for her. If my husband had insisted I continue it would have caused a huge marital problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

Clearly if she WANTED a Bachelor’s of Communication or Criminal Justice, she’d already be pursuing one of them, so I’m not sure why you keep repeating that line.

She finished her AA a few weeks ago. She has several months to apply for the fall semester. She was very interested in pursuing these degrees until a few weeks ago.

Those degrees are a waste of time for someone who wants to work part-time. She doesn't want a full time career. Don't you see how much she sacrifices to care for the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s telling you it’s because of math because she doesn’t want to tell you she’s freaking tired and slightly resentful (slightly now, later it will be greatly) because she’s given up a lot to be married to you.

Op here. This isn't accurate. Math is a big reason. She has a documented disability. A psychologist recommended math should be waived or substituted, and some colleges were able to offer that to her. She had a complete psych evaluation done and it says on the document if she doesn't get math waived or substituted, it is very likely she won't be able to finish. We moved around because I was pursuing higher education so that I could take care of things. There's no need to be harsh.

I’m not trying to be harsh. I get she has a disability. I have kids with learning disabilities, I understand how much harder they have to work to get half the grade of a neurotypical person. I’m trying to help you. She knows her career prospects would not make as much money as yours would. She knows she had to give up parts of her life that she didn’t want to for her family to be better off. That doesn’t mean she can’t still be upset about it. If you acknowledge now that her feelings are valid then you can hopefully stop the progression of resentment later.

I think you’re right in that she is better off finishing her education but she is tired of trying right now and likely needs you to step up more around the house and with the kids. There’s only so much mental load a person can take before they tap out.

[Anonymous]

So in a few years, when she decides she wants to finish a four-year degree, and the OP needs to pay, how is that fair?