Wife stopped at associates degree and now working at Wawa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

Clearly if she WANTED a Bachelor’s of Communication or Criminal Justice, she’d already be pursuing one of them, so I’m not sure why you keep repeating that line.

She finished her AA a few weeks ago. She has several months to apply for the fall semester. She was very interested in pursuing these degrees until a few weeks ago.

NP. This almost makes me wonder if her coworkers mocked her about her education.

I think it's more likely that her husband's coworkers that all have PhDs mocked her. OP was probably embarrassed his coworker's wives all have much a higher education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

Clearly if she WANTED a Bachelor’s of Communication or Criminal Justice, she’d already be pursuing one of them, so I’m not sure why you keep repeating that line.

She finished her AA a few weeks ago. She has several months to apply for the fall semester. She was very interested in pursuing these degrees until a few weeks ago.

NP. This almost makes me wonder if her coworkers mocked her about her education.

I think it's more likely that her husband's coworkers that all have PhDs mocked her. OP was probably embarrassed his coworker's wives all have much a higher education.

Op here. This is definitely not the case. She attended one holiday party, and her education never came up. We had a newborn at the time, and the female coworkers spoke to her about how they didn't work when their kids were little. In my team, we don't have any women with young kids. No one is going around asking about the education levels of spouses. In the academic world, I could see that coming up maybe. We met in college so when people ask about how we met, they hear that and obviously, they assume she finished. She's not announcing that we met in undergrad, but she didn't finish. My wife was the one who came to me saying she wanted to go back to college. It was her goal to pursue, not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

Clearly if she WANTED a Bachelor’s of Communication or Criminal Justice, she’d already be pursuing one of them, so I’m not sure why you keep repeating that line.

She finished her AA a few weeks ago. She has several months to apply for the fall semester. She was very interested in pursuing these degrees until a few weeks ago.

NP. This almost makes me wonder if her coworkers mocked her about her education.

I think it's more likely that her husband's coworkers that all have PhDs mocked her. OP was probably embarrassed his coworker's wives all have much a higher education.

Op here. This is definitely not the case. She attended one holiday party, and her education never came up. We had a newborn at the time, and the female coworkers spoke to her about how they didn't work when their kids were little. In my team, we don't have any women with young kids. No one is going around asking about the education levels of spouses. In the academic world, I could see that coming up maybe. We met in college so when people ask about how we met, they hear that and obviously, they assume she finished. She's not announcing that we met in undergrad, but she didn't finish. My wife was the one who came to me saying she wanted to go back to college. It was her goal to pursue, not mine.

I see where you are coming from, but it sounds like she realized college may not be worth it. Studying while you have young kids is very hard. She doesn't want to do it unless it's going to pay off and with a liberal arts degree it may not pay off.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for his wife. Working at Wawa is tough on the body. She probably feels like a failure and doesn't want to study for another two years just to be where she is now.

[Anonymous]

It's straightforward what happened. She wants to work part-time, and the majors she can choose from don't offer part-time work. She decided to have a job instead of a career because she values being with the kids. Teaching or nursing would be ideal but due to her disabilities, it would be hard to get those degrees. If she told you she wanted to work full time and have a big career, that would be different. Now isn't the time to suddenly demand she has a career that pays well just because you want it.

[Anonymous]

Wah! waw!

My wife works at Wawa....

(Contine please. Creativity appreciated.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's straightforward what happened. She wants to work part-time, and the majors she can choose from don't offer part-time work. She decided to have a job instead of a career because she values being with the kids. Teaching or nursing would be ideal but due to her disabilities, it would be hard to get those degrees. If she told you she wanted to work full time and have a big career, that would be different. Now isn't the time to suddenly demand she has a career that pays well just because you want it.

+1