Wife stopped at associates degree and now working at Wawa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. He makes $160k. I understand why he is frustrated that she’s not willing to get an education that will improve her chances of finding a better paying job. Most successful families have two working parents that are pulling their weight. OP’s wife needs to step up her game. I understand she stayed home to take care of the kids. But pretty soon the kids will be full-time in school. What is she gonna do? If OP was making $300k, she could stay home or work a job that doesn’t bring much.
If they live in this area, $160k for a family of 4 is not much. It’ll be very hard to save enough for retirement and kids college.
I understand why OP wants her to be more ambitious.

However, OP is wrong on insisting she gets a 4y degree. Degrees are overrated. Plus, she’s not good at math and will never be. Let it go.
What is she good at. What are her skills. Is she a good salesperson? She can find a high paying sales job without a 4y degree.
She could start a business. My sister started a business selling stuffs on Etsy and Amazon. She’s doing very well and now out earning her DH.
Focus on her skills and help her leverage them.

With all due respect, no, she cannot just "start a business" out of thin air or be an etsy seller or other sales person and just make 300k. This sounds infantile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. He makes $160k. I understand why he is frustrated that she’s not willing to get an education that will improve her chances of finding a better paying job. Most successful families have two working parents that are pulling their weight. OP’s wife needs to step up her game. I understand she stayed home to take care of the kids. But pretty soon the kids will be full-time in school. What is she gonna do? If OP was making $300k, she could stay home or work a job that doesn’t bring much.
If they live in this area, $160k for a family of 4 is not much. It’ll be very hard to save enough for retirement and kids college.
I understand why OP wants her to be more ambitious.

However, OP is wrong on insisting she gets a 4y degree. Degrees are overrated. Plus, she’s not good at math and will never be. Let it go.
What is she good at. What are her skills. Is she a good salesperson? She can find a high paying sales job without a 4y degree.
She could start a business. My sister started a business selling stuffs on Etsy and Amazon. She’s doing very well and now out earning her DH.
Focus on her skills and help her leverage them.

Op here. I never said anything about wanting my wife to work. I said the opposite. I would be more than happy if she finished a degree and didn't work outside the house. She wants to work part-time to have a balance, and I am fine with that too. I looked over the Wawa benefits, and they are really good, considering she can work part-time and still get a 401k match and company stocks. We max out our roths each year and also have life insurance.

You don't want her to work? Why are you pressuring her to get a degree then?
Like a PP said, your problem is that you are embarrassed that your wife only has an Associate degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. He makes $160k. I understand why he is frustrated that she’s not willing to get an education that will improve her chances of finding a better paying job. Most successful families have two working parents that are pulling their weight. OP’s wife needs to step up her game. I understand she stayed home to take care of the kids. But pretty soon the kids will be full-time in school. What is she gonna do? If OP was making $300k, she could stay home or work a job that doesn’t bring much.
If they live in this area, $160k for a family of 4 is not much. It’ll be very hard to save enough for retirement and kids college.
I understand why OP wants her to be more ambitious.

However, OP is wrong on insisting she gets a 4y degree. Degrees are overrated. Plus, she’s not good at math and will never be. Let it go.
What is she good at. What are her skills. Is she a good salesperson? She can find a high paying sales job without a 4y degree.
She could start a business. My sister started a business selling stuffs on Etsy and Amazon. She’s doing very well and now out earning her DH.
Focus on her skills and help her leverage them.

With all due respect, no, she cannot just "start a business" out of thin air or be an etsy seller or other sales person and just make 300k. This sounds infantile.

Why not? If she has the skills and the will, she can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. He makes $160k. I understand why he is frustrated that she’s not willing to get an education that will improve her chances of finding a better paying job. Most successful families have two working parents that are pulling their weight. OP’s wife needs to step up her game. I understand she stayed home to take care of the kids. But pretty soon the kids will be full-time in school. What is she gonna do? If OP was making $300k, she could stay home or work a job that doesn’t bring much.
If they live in this area, $160k for a family of 4 is not much. It’ll be very hard to save enough for retirement and kids college.
I understand why OP wants her to be more ambitious.

However, OP is wrong on insisting she gets a 4y degree. Degrees are overrated. Plus, she’s not good at math and will never be. Let it go.
What is she good at. What are her skills. Is she a good salesperson? She can find a high paying sales job without a 4y degree.
She could start a business. My sister started a business selling stuffs on Etsy and Amazon. She’s doing very well and now out earning her DH.
Focus on her skills and help her leverage them.

With all due respect, no, she cannot just "start a business" out of thin air or be an etsy seller or other sales person and just make 300k. This sounds infantile.

Why not? If she has the skills and the will, she can.

No, she can’t, Pollyanna.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So in a few years, when she decides she wants to finish a four-year degree, and the OP needs to pay, how is that fair?

She produced two kids from her own body. OP did not. So yeah, if he pays it is fair. He cannot match her real contribution.

Oh, puh-LEAZE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

So you’ve moved a second time to a place that required her to give up a beneficial job? Let me guess, this move was to benefit your career.

No I still have the same job. It was where we could find a house. We had to move further out. That job had zero benefits for her. It wasn't long-term.

Except that it gave her time to study when she wasn’t responsible for childcare.

I am curious how you had to move so far away that she had to give up her job, but not so far away that you had to give up yours.

I realize these questions probably sound like I’m being nagging and difficult, but I am asking them because I suspect you wildly underestimate how much of your current home life is arranged to accommodate you at her expense, and how your expectation that she go back to school to make you feel better will only compound that.

I now have a 45 minute commute. She didn't have to give up her commute, but the pay was so low and she felt unsafe driving on the highway at night. There's a lot of wildlife at night. The roads and steep and curved here. We bid on 15 homes. This is the area where it's easier to find a house and the schools are good. We decided together to move here. I make 160k a year and she's making less than 12k. Driving two times a week to work and working from home the other days makes the 160k worth it.

I think you should back off and let her make her own decision, but working nights at Wawa is far more “unsafe” than driving on the highway at night.

Why would it be unsafe? The driving depends on the person. She's very uncomfortable around semi trucks, even during the day. Driving home after 11 for almost an hour on the highway isn't easy.

You don’t understand why it’s a risk for a woman to work nights at a convenience store? Then I can’t help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

So you’ve moved a second time to a place that required her to give up a beneficial job? Let me guess, this move was to benefit your career.

No I still have the same job. It was where we could find a house. We had to move further out. That job had zero benefits for her. It wasn't long-term.

Except that it gave her time to study when she wasn’t responsible for childcare.

I am curious how you had to move so far away that she had to give up her job, but not so far away that you had to give up yours.

I realize these questions probably sound like I’m being nagging and difficult, but I am asking them because I suspect you wildly underestimate how much of your current home life is arranged to accommodate you at her expense, and how your expectation that she go back to school to make you feel better will only compound that.

I now have a 45 minute commute. She didn't have to give up her commute, but the pay was so low and she felt unsafe driving on the highway at night. There's a lot of wildlife at night. The roads and steep and curved here. We bid on 15 homes. This is the area where it's easier to find a house and the schools are good. We decided together to move here. I make 160k a year and she's making less than 12k. Driving two times a week to work and working from home the other days makes the 160k worth it.

I think you should back off and let her make her own decision, but working nights at Wawa is far more “unsafe” than driving on the highway at night.

Why would it be unsafe? The driving depends on the person. She's very uncomfortable around semi trucks, even during the day. Driving home after 11 for almost an hour on the highway isn't easy.

You don’t understand why it’s risky for a woman to work nights at a convenience store? Then I can’t help you.

It's not like she would be there alone, PP. Just about every job is unsafe these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know a single PhD married to someone with no education...I don't really believe this...

Same! Are you foreigners OP?

There are a ton of Americans with bachelors who aren't educated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

So you’ve moved a second time to a place that required her to give up a beneficial job? Let me guess, this move was to benefit your career.

No I still have the same job. It was where we could find a house. We had to move further out. That job had zero benefits for her. It wasn't long-term.

Except that it gave her time to study when she wasn’t responsible for childcare.

I am curious how you had to move so far away that she had to give up her job, but not so far away that you had to give up yours.

I realize these questions probably sound like I’m being nagging and difficult, but I am asking them because I suspect you wildly underestimate how much of your current home life is arranged to accommodate you at her expense, and how your expectation that she go back to school to make you feel better will only compound that.

I now have a 45 minute commute. She didn't have to give up her commute, but the pay was so low and she felt unsafe driving on the highway at night. There's a lot of wildlife at night. The roads and steep and curved here. We bid on 15 homes. This is the area where it's easier to find a house and the schools are good. We decided together to move here. I make 160k a year and she's making less than 12k. Driving two times a week to work and working from home the other days makes the 160k worth it.

I think you should back off and let her make her own decision, but working nights at Wawa is far more “unsafe” than driving on the highway at night.

Why would it be unsafe? The driving depends on the person. She's very uncomfortable around semi trucks, even during the day. Driving home after 11 for almost an hour on the highway isn't easy.

You don’t understand why it’s risky for a woman to work nights at a convenience store? Then I can’t help you.

It's not like she would be there alone, PP. Just about every job is unsafe these days.

I’m a claims analyst working from home and I feel pretty safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know a single PhD married to someone with no education...I don't believe this...

He wasn't a Ph.D. when they married. An expensive piece of paper does not make you educated. His wife managed to get a scholarship for an associate's degree, take care of the kids full-time, and be on the honor society. She sounds bright. It's evident that taking care of the kids comes first, and she's giving up sleep and socializing so she can work odd hours. She isn't making as much as her husband but without childcare expenses, it can all be saved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

So you’ve moved a second time to a place that required her to give up a beneficial job? Let me guess, this move was to benefit your career.

No I still have the same job. It was where we could find a house. We had to move further out. That job had zero benefits for her. It wasn't long-term.

Except that it gave her time to study when she wasn’t responsible for childcare.

I am curious how you had to move so far away that she had to give up her job, but not so far away that you had to give up yours.

I realize these questions probably sound like I’m being nagging and difficult, but I am asking them because I suspect you wildly underestimate how much of your current home life is arranged to accommodate you at her expense, and how your expectation that she go back to school to make you feel better will only compound that.

I now have a 45 minute commute. She didn't have to give up her commute, but the pay was so low and she felt unsafe driving on the highway at night. There's a lot of wildlife at night. The roads and steep and curved here. We bid on 15 homes. This is the area where it's easier to find a house and the schools are good. We decided together to move here. I make 160k a year and she's making less than 12k. Driving two times a week to work and working from home the other days makes the 160k worth it.

I think you should back off and let her make her own decision, but working nights at Wawa is far more “unsafe” than driving on the highway at night.

Why would it be unsafe? The driving depends on the person. She's very uncomfortable around semi trucks, even during the day. Driving home after 11 for almost an hour on the highway isn't easy.

You don’t understand why it’s risky for a woman to work nights at a convenience store? Then I can’t help you.

It's not like she would be there alone, PP. Just about every job is unsafe these days.

I’m a claims analyst working from home and I feel pretty safe.

Sounds boring as hell. You're chained to a desk to boot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you could start by moving back to where you lived before, where she has family nearby and better job prospects. The theme I see running through your post uses how you keep expecting her to make sacrifices for your goals and preferences.

Also, there is a pretty big disconnect between you saying you’re fine with her not working but also wanting her to put herself in a position for a better job by finishing her bachelor's. How much of this is about wanting to save for college, and how much is your embarrassment that your PhD-in-math self is married to someone who works at Wawa?

That won't work. My job allows us to pay the mortgage and save more. I need to be around big pharmaceutical companies. I'm not embarrassed by her education. Since she has an opportunity to pursue a bachelor's, it makes since to do it now. If something happens to me, she won't be able to pay the mortgage.

Get life insurance.

+1 there a few issues at play here:

1. Yes, get life insurance. A lot of couples, including two working couples, have life insurance. We both earn a decent salary, so we got enough life insurance to pay the mortgage. Our mortgage is now much less than our life insurance, so some of that can even pay for college. If you have kids, and you can afford it, it's irresponsible to not have life insurance.

2. IMO, she may or may not regret getting a college degree. But she can always go back after your kids are in school FT.

3. My sister was somewhat in a similar situation as your wife. Having no family support is really difficult when trying to raise your kids and work or go to school or whatever. Sure, lots of people do it, but it's not easy.
Sounds like she is depressed about not being around her family.

4. She may be depressed and feel hopeless about getting a degree and have just given up. Again, my sister was in the same boat. Very bad at math. I don't know much about being a kindergarten teacher, so I don't know if it requires higher level math, but my sister even struggled with Geometry and beyond. She suspects she may have a learning disability, but she's now like 58, so she's given up on a degree.

I think deep down yes, my sister regrets not getting a degree. Both her kids have degrees, one has a masters, though it was a long road for them to get there (that's another story). But, even when the kids were older and in school FT, my sister ended up being almost like a single mom because her DH traveled a lot for work, and her one kid had some issues going on. I think she was just too tired to go back to school.

Is this really about worrying about her regretting giving up or you wanting her to have that degree and achieve something?

If you really want her to be able to get a degree later, then make sure you are supportive of her, including with child care issues (still required when the kids are older), housechores, etc.

Op here. She worked so hard to get the AA. She does have learning disabilities, but she found a way to work around that. She has all the math needed to pursue a bachelor's in criminal justice or communication. If she puts it off, the requirements will most likely change, and she will need to take more math classes. She has been taking online classes and we have a babysitter once a week. In her last position, she studied during work. She could study for 6 out of the eight hours. We moved a few weeks ago, and she got the job at Wawa, which allows for no studying.

So you’ve moved a second time to a place that required her to give up a beneficial job? Let me guess, this move was to benefit your career.

No I still have the same job. It was where we could find a house. We had to move further out. That job had zero benefits for her. It wasn't long-term.

Except that it gave her time to study when she wasn’t responsible for childcare.

I am curious how you had to move so far away that she had to give up her job, but not so far away that you had to give up yours.

I realize these questions probably sound like I’m being nagging and difficult, but I am asking them because I suspect you wildly underestimate how much of your current home life is arranged to accommodate you at her expense, and how your expectation that she go back to school to make you feel better will only compound that.

I now have a 45 minute commute. She didn't have to give up her commute, but the pay was so low and she felt unsafe driving on the highway at night. There's a lot of wildlife at night. The roads and steep and curved here. We bid on 15 homes. This is the area where it's easier to find a house and the schools are good. We decided together to move here. I make 160k a year and she's making less than 12k. Driving two times a week to work and working from home the other days makes the 160k worth it.

I think you should back off and let her make her own decision, but working nights at Wawa is far more “unsafe” than driving on the highway at night.

Why would it be unsafe? The driving depends on the person. She's very uncomfortable around semi trucks, even during the day. Driving home after 11 for almost an hour on the highway isn't easy.

You don’t understand why it’s risky for a woman to work nights at a convenience store? Then I can’t help you.

It's not like she would be there alone, PP. Just about every job is unsafe these days.

I’m a claims analyst working from home and I feel pretty safe.

Sounds boring as hell. You're chained to a desk to boot.

dp... this is the problem with some Americans. They think some jobs are beneath them.

Good for you, PP. And most people would love a wfh job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s telling you it’s because of math because she doesn’t want to tell you she’s freaking tired and slightly resentful (slightly now, later it will be greatly) because she’s given up a lot to be married to you.

Op here. This isn't accurate. Math is a big reason. She has a documented disability. A psychologist recommended math should be waived or substituted, and some colleges were able to offer that to her. She had a complete psych evaluation done and it says on the document if she doesn't get math waived or substituted, it is very likely she won't be able to finish. We moved around because I was pursuing higher education so that I could take care of things. There's no need to be harsh.

What kind of condition makes her not be able to do any kind of math but everything else? Admittedly, I'm no expert on LD, but I've never heard of such a thing.

And I have to say.. it's ironic that a math professor married someone and procreated with someone who has an LD that makes her not be able to do math. Did you know this before you married her?

Is this a real post?

I wasn't a professor when I met her. I was a statistics teacher's assistant. Plenty of people have multiple learning disabilities. You sound like an awful person. I didn't marry her so she could do the math for me or discuss my job.

who said you married her so she could help you with math? That wasn't the point. But, there is some basic commonality that couples have. You being a stats TA meant you had a background in math.

So you know she has an LD in math (and married her). You know that most degrees will require some math. She probably feels defeated about it.

It is still ironic that a math professor is married to a person who had a LD in math. I'm not being mean. I'm just stating the obvious.

I'm the PP who stated that my sister also has an LD, and she also struggled when she tried to go back to get her degree. She had no support, and she had two kids.

[Anonymous]

You dated, married and had children with her. You accept the way she is then and now. You knew. There's nothing you can do about it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s telling you it’s because of math because she doesn’t want to tell you she’s freaking tired and slightly resentful (slightly now, later it will be greatly) because she’s given up a lot to be married to you.

Op here. This isn't accurate. Math is a big reason. She has a documented disability. A psychologist recommended math should be waived or substituted, and some colleges were able to offer that to her. She had a complete psych evaluation done and it says on the document if she doesn't get math waived or substituted, it is very likely she won't be able to finish. We moved around because I was pursuing higher education so that I could take care of things. There's no need to be harsh.

What kind of condition makes her not be able to do any kind of math but everything else? Admittedly, I'm no expert on LD, but I've never heard of such a thing.

And I have to say.. it's ironic that a math professor married someone and procreated with someone who has an LD that makes her not be able to do math. Did you know this before you married her?

Is this a real post?

I wasn't a professor when I met her. I was a statistics teacher's assistant. Plenty of people have multiple learning disabilities. You sound like an awful person. I didn't marry her so she could do the math for me or discuss my job.

who said you married her so she could help you with math? That wasn't the point. But, there is some basic commonality that couples have. You being a stats TA meant you had a background in math.

So you know she has an LD in math (and married her). You know that most degrees will require some math. She probably feels defeated about it.

It is still ironic that a math professor is married to a person who had a LD in math. I'm not being mean. I'm just stating the obvious.

I'm the PP who stated that my sister also has an LD, and she also struggled when she tried to go back to get her degree. She had no support, and she had two kids.

Actually, many people marry someone who is good at things in which they are not good. It provides a good balance in the partnership that is building a life together.