“You love them more than me now.” PPD in men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP forcing this “abuse” agenda - what do you really think is going to happen? Do you think OP is going to go tell her DH he’s wrong in his approach and start singing, “we’re not gonna take it!”? Do you think this will resolve OPs concern of how to support him? Do you think having her second guess her marriage’s Health is helpful?

We ALL have a sliver of a picture of reality from a few posts from one tired mother — you think that gives expert insight into their relationship? Or even full context? I don’t.

Some of us just don’t agree on how to label her DH’s behavior. That’s fine. But saying she is being abused by him pouting isn’t helpful at all. Start another thread on what abuse is and isn’t and we can chime in there. Give it a rest here.

Telling her it’s normal is not helpful. Oh it’s it’s totally normal ... he does need counseling just hire a nanny and enable his behavior.

FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP forcing this “abuse” agenda - what do you really think is going to happen? Do you think OP is going to go tell her DH he’s wrong in his approach and start singing, “we’re not gonna take it!”? Do you think this will resolve OPs concern of how to support him? Do you think having her second guess her marriage’s Health is helpful?

We ALL have a sliver of a picture of reality from a few posts from one tired mother — you think that gives expert insight into their relationship? Or even full context? I don’t.

Some of us just don’t agree on how to label her DH’s behavior. That’s fine. But saying she is being abused by him pouting isn’t helpful at all. Start another thread on what abuse is and isn’t and we can chime in there. Give it a rest here.

Telling her it’s normal is not helpful. Oh it’s it’s totally normal ... he does need counseling just hire a nanny and enable his behavior.

FFS.

At worst, it’s a poor communication style. It’s not abuse. Abuse is not brooding to yourself and complaining. Abuse is calling someone a stupid b, or saying you aren’t worth crap, and ignoring tears, or more specific acts of intentional harm. OP describes someone who is upset, emotionally immature, probably exhausted with blue balls, and has a little attitude going on 3 days. That’s not abuse. You’re doing a disservice to people that truly are victims of abuse.

Call it abnormal if you want. But it’s not abusive. Sorry. We will have to agree to disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP forcing this “abuse” agenda - what do you really think is going to happen? Do you think OP is going to go tell her DH he’s wrong in his approach and start singing, “we’re not gonna take it!”? Do you think this will resolve OPs concern of how to support him? Do you think having her second guess her marriage’s Health is helpful?

We ALL have a sliver of a picture of reality from a few posts from one tired mother — you think that gives expert insight into their relationship? Or even full context? I don’t.

Some of us just don’t agree on how to label her DH’s behavior. That’s fine. But saying she is being abused by him pouting isn’t helpful at all. Start another thread on what abuse is and isn’t and we can chime in there. Give it a rest here.

Telling her it’s normal is not helpful. Oh it’s it’s totally normal ... he does need counseling just hire a nanny and enable his behavior.

FFS.

At worst, it’s a poor communication style. It’s not abuse. Abuse is not brooding to yourself and complaining. Abuse is calling someone a stupid b, or saying you aren’t worth crap, and ignoring tears, or more specific acts of intentional harm. OP describes someone who is upset, emotionally immature, probably exhausted with blue balls, and has a little attitude going on 3 days. That’s not abuse. You’re doing a disservice to people that truly are victims of abuse.

Call it abnormal if you want. But it’s not abusive. Sorry. We will have to agree to disagree.

Seriously. All if you posters shouting abuse are spitting in the faces of women who have actually been abused. Your husband being a baby isn't abuse and saying it is is dangerous and asinine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP forcing this “abuse” agenda - what do you really think is going to happen? Do you think OP is going to go tell her DH he’s wrong in his approach and start singing, “we’re not gonna take it!”? Do you think this will resolve OPs concern of how to support him? Do you think having her second guess her marriage’s Health is helpful?

We ALL have a sliver of a picture of reality from a few posts from one tired mother — you think that gives expert insight into their relationship? Or even full context? I don’t.

Some of us just don’t agree on how to label her DH’s behavior. That’s fine. But saying she is being abused by him pouting isn’t helpful at all. Start another thread on what abuse is and isn’t and we can chime in there. Give it a rest here.

Telling her it’s normal is not helpful. Oh it’s it’s totally normal ... he does need counseling just hire a nanny and enable his behavior.

FFS.

At worst, it’s a poor communication style. It’s not abuse. Abuse is not brooding to yourself and complaining. Abuse is calling someone a stupid b, or saying you aren’t worth crap, and ignoring tears, or more specific acts of intentional harm. OP describes someone who is upset, emotionally immature, probably exhausted with blue balls, and has a little attitude going on 3 days. That’s not abuse. You’re doing a disservice to people that truly are victims of abuse.

Call it abnormal if you want. But it’s not abusive. Sorry. We will have to agree to disagree.

Trying to convince a woman her love and caring for their newborn children is causing your depression is abuse and not recognizing that is a disservice to abused women.

You are literally telling abused women reading this they are not “really” abused. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

OP. Ignore the people fighting over what constitutes as PPD and what doesn’t and the people making assumptions about your husband and your marriage.

I’m a twin mom who went though something similar except my birth was terrible and traumatic and I could not care for my twins at all until I was 2 weeks postpartum. My husband and my in-laws took the huge brunt of the care while I was in the hospital and while I was home. We had hired a nanny but didn’t plan on having her start till my twins were 8 weeks so we could overlap for 4 weeks before I went to work full-time.

We ended up asking her to come work for us two days after they came home from the hospital because all four of us were at our wits end. Best decision we made as a family. Saved our marriage, my health and our sanity.

A good newborn or postpartum nanny will know the parents are exhausted and stressed. They tend to sense what needs to be done. We ended up keeping her for two years and I tell everyone how much of a life saver it is to have a professional come and help. So that’s my number one suggestion. Get another pair of skilled hands involved ASAP.

As far as your DH, this we some. I struggled with depression and for various reasons it took me a full year to bond with my babies. I missed my old body. I missed time with my husband. I missed enjoyable sex. I missed free time. I told my husband I resented one of my twins because I had convinced myself she hated me (colicky, fussy baby). Not my best time, but it happens. I got help and he should too. My husband was tired so couldn’t be my rock as much do branching out and finding other forms of support were necessary. When you become parents you need to find as many people who can help as possible. No shame. It takes a village and it’s ridiculous to expect two people be able to handle it all on their own.

My twins are 5.5 now and it’s literally the best. The first 6 months of completely hell were worth it. I wouldn’t go back but I wish I would have enjoyed it a bit more.

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Ignore the people fighting over what constitutes as PPD and what doesn’t and the people making assumptions about your husband and your marriage.

I’m a twin mom who went though something similar except my birth was terrible and traumatic and I could not care for my twins at all until I was 2 weeks postpartum. My husband and my in-laws took the huge brunt of the care while I was in the hospital and while I was home. We had hired a nanny but didn’t plan on having her start till my twins were 8 weeks so we could overlap for 4 weeks before I went to work full-time.

We ended up asking her to come work for us two days after they came home from the hospital because all four of us were at our wits end. Best decision we made as a family. Saved our marriage, my health and our sanity.

A good newborn or postpartum nanny will know the parents are exhausted and stressed. They tend to sense what needs to be done. We ended up keeping her for two years and I tell everyone how much of a life saver it is to have a professional come and help. So that’s my number one suggestion. Get another pair of skilled hands involved ASAP.

As far as your DH, this we some. I struggled with depression and for various reasons it took me a full year to bond with my babies. I missed my old body. I missed time with my husband. I missed enjoyable sex. I missed free time. I told my husband I resented one of my twins because I had convinced myself she hated me (colicky, fussy baby). Not my best time, but it happens. I got help and he should too. My husband was tired so couldn’t be my rock as much do branching out and finding other forms of support were necessary. When you become parents you need to find as many people who can help as possible. No shame. It takes a village and it’s ridiculous to expect two people be able to handle it all on their own.

My twins are 5.5 now and it’s literally the best. The first 6 months of completely hell were worth it. I wouldn’t go back but I wish I would have enjoyed it a bit more.

Best of luck!

Eck. Typed on my phone. Try to make sense of this.

[Anonymous]

OP is not abused!

[Anonymous]

I love my kids more than anyone or anything in the world. My husband does too. This also means that, yes, he loves them more than he loves me. I wouldn't want it any other way. Biology at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this thread is like a PSA for how dismissive people are of mental health issues in this country.

It's super scary how cavalier people are about saying OP married a "man-baby" instead of offering helpful advice to a new mom of 2 month old twins about how she can better support her struggling partner. Oy.

This. The double standard is unreal.

It is not a double standard. OP just gave birth to twins. She may be breastfeeding, and she definitely is in a period of major hormonal upheaval. There are times in a marriage when a spouse or family members needs support, and the other family members need to focus on them. Immediately post-partum, the focus needs to be on mom and babies. A few years from now, if DH has cancer, or is struggling with depression, or is just going through a rough patch, he has a right to expect that the focus will shift to him (though as a parent, you never get to neglect your kid, but you can dial it back). Right now, it is acceptable for DH to take care of himself - he certainly has a right to say, I think I need to see a therapist, can we trade off taking breaks where we get alone time, or something like that. He does not have a right to expect that his wife will take care of him right now, or to guilt his wife for not doing that. And when he goes through something as physically and emotionally demanding as childbirth, he is perfectly entitled to expect the same. And I'm relaxed as they come as a parent, but vomiting in a 7-week old could be serious - babies that small can get really sick really fast. Not only should her DH not have guilted her, but he should have cared enough about his own children not to dump them on a sitter when one was sick that young.

[Anonymous]

Having multiples can ruin a marriages.

Let’s not judge OP and her husband so much. Both DH and I said horrendous things to another when our twins were newborns.

Unless you are a multiple parent, zip it.