Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?

[Anonymous]

This can happen, OP - DD was born with dark reddish hair that turned pale apricot which is now blonde. I'm blonde; DH has dark brown hair. Somewhere on both sides there are distant relatives with red hair, and genetics can be funny. AS to whether you open that potential Pandora's box is up to you. I hope you find peace whatever you do and remember - in the most important way, your son is yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:
I guess you could ask for a paternity test. But if your going to stay with your wife and you love the kid, what's the point? Your the only dad he will ever know and to him you are dad.

Well, she should have thought about that before she presented someone else's child as his own.

We don't know she did. We don't even know she cheated. She denies it. He says there's "ample evidence", but we don't even know what that is.
I've never cheated on my DH, but I'm a brunette and he's dark skinned, brown eyes and black hair. DD has bright orange hair, pale skin and green eyes. We know where in my ancestry that comes from, but we have no idea how he could possibly have a recessive red in his background. Nonetheless, unless I was Rufi'd and don't know it, the baby is definitely his.

Maybe you got the wrong baby at the hospital.

Hah! Unlikely since I saw her pulled out of me.

http://www.wfaa.com/story/news/local/dallas-county/2015/09/08/dallas-family-reunited-child-after-baby-swap/71904766/

She saw her baby pulled out of her too. Just sayin'.

Not PP, but the woman in that story knew from the moment they handed her the wrong baby that it was not hers. God bless the people who would propose a switched-at-birth story rather than recognize the complexities of genetics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, my DH was duped (years before we met) by his former fiance into thinking a child was his when it actually wasn't. He got a paternity test and left. Granted the child was months old but even if it wasn't, I don't think it's fair to expect saintly acts from mere mortals. I commend women and men who are able to raise other people's children but I do think it should be a choice. When that choice is taken from you in the form of betrayal, there are casualties and unfortunately the biggest casualty is the child but don't demonize the first victim for wanting to know and possibly choosing a chance at an honest relationship without baggage or little reminders of hurt.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is why mandatory paternity tests should be the law of the land. the moment a kid is popped out, there needs to be a paternity test administered before the father is put down on the birth certificate

A man can ever fully know absent a test.

You are seriously messed up. I guarantee my DH "fully" knows and has never spent a minute questioning it.

Breathe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SHE JUST SAID SHE NEEDED A MAN TO RAISE HER SON RIGHT. What about that are you failing to understand?

NP. Some folks need to fume at others to get their pc on.

[Anonymous]

The redheaded kid in True Detective turned out to be Colin Farrell's, so... obviously this is OP's kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, my DH was duped (years before we met) by his former fiance into thinking a child was his when it actually wasn't. He got a paternity test and left. Granted the child was months old but even if it wasn't, I don't think it's fair to expect saintly acts from mere mortals. I commend women and men who are able to raise other people's children but I do think it should be a choice. When that choice is taken from you in the form of betrayal, there are casualties and unfortunately the biggest casualty is the child but don't demonize the first victim for wanting to know and possibly choosing a chance at an honest relationship without baggage or little reminders of hurt.

Well said.

He had a choice, when the wife got pregnant and the kid was born and he already suspected infidelity. He made a choice--to be a father to the kid. There's nothing "saintly" about continuing to love a child you've loved for years. There's something horrific about throwing that away.

And if his love for his son changes one iota because the kid does or does not carry his DNA, there will be baggage and hurt. It just won't be his to bear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, my DH was duped (years before we met) by his former fiance into thinking a child was his when it actually wasn't. He got a paternity test and left. Granted the child was months old but even if it wasn't, I don't think it's fair to expect saintly acts from mere mortals. I commend women and men who are able to raise other people's children but I do think it should be a choice. When that choice is taken from you in the form of betrayal, there are casualties and unfortunately the biggest casualty is the child but don't demonize the first victim for wanting to know and possibly choosing a chance at an honest relationship without baggage or little reminders of hurt.

Well said.

He had a choice, when the wife got pregnant and the kid was born and he already suspected infidelity. He made a choice--to be a father to the kid. There's nothing "saintly" about continuing to love a child you've loved for years. There's something horrific about throwing that away.

And if his love for his son changes one iota because the kid does or does not carry his DNA, there will be baggage and hurt. It just won't be his to bear.

Pp who posted the scenario with my own DH. So let me get this straight, your wife cheats on you, gets pregnant, and dupes you into thinking you're the father of her lover's child and when it comes to light it's your fault if your feelings change "one iota" toward this child that has to be a constant reminder of betrayal? I swear DCUM is like fucking twilight zone sometimes. So should he stay with his wife if in fact he proves her infidelity? That's bullshit, I don't believe in people sacrificing happiness and staying together for their own bio kids, let alone someone else's. So if they do split, does he work doubly hard to co-parent a child that isn't his from a distance? He would have no legal rights and the child could potentially be used as an emotional/financial pawn.

And another thing, if in fact, this kid isn't the OPs, doesn't the bio father have a right to know, love, and raise his own child? No he isn't a saint for sleeping with a married woman but OP's wife also took his choice away too by passing this child off as her husband's and that's not cool either.

[Anonymous]

Another thing no one has mentioned is potential for genetic predisposition for disease, tissue donor matching, etc. OP should definitely find out

[Anonymous]

I strongly feel it is in the best interests of the child for OP to take the test. The child has a right to know the truth of his parentage. If the test shows OP is the father, then shred it and move on. If the test shows it is not, then start figuring out how to help the child know the truth in an age appropriate way. Eventually this child will be an adult and will need this information for health purposes. Plus, you have a much better chance at a good long term relationship with the child if there is no deception about where they come from. Any adoptive parent will tell you that the earlier the child understands the story of their personal history, the better for their emotional health. Bottom line: take the test and then reveal the truth to everyone involved if the truth is contrary to the current narrative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The redheaded kid in True Detective turned out to be Colin Farrell's, so... obviously this is OP's kid.

Gah. Not to derail but thanks for the spoiler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, my DH was duped (years before we met) by his former fiance into thinking a child was his when it actually wasn't. He got a paternity test and left. Granted the child was months old but even if it wasn't, I don't think it's fair to expect saintly acts from mere mortals. I commend women and men who are able to raise other people's children but I do think it should be a choice. When that choice is taken from you in the form of betrayal, there are casualties and unfortunately the biggest casualty is the child but don't demonize the first victim for wanting to know and possibly choosing a chance at an honest relationship without baggage or little reminders of hurt.

Well said.

He had a choice, when the wife got pregnant and the kid was born and he already suspected infidelity. He made a choice--to be a father to the kid. There's nothing "saintly" about continuing to love a child you've loved for years. There's something horrific about throwing that away.

And if his love for his son changes one iota because the kid does or does not carry his DNA, there will be baggage and hurt. It just won't be his to bear.

Pp who posted the scenario with my own DH. So let me get this straight, your wife cheats on you, gets pregnant, and dupes you into thinking you're the father of her lover's child and when it comes to light it's your fault if your feelings change "one iota" toward this child that has to be a constant reminder of betrayal? I swear DCUM is like fucking twilight zone sometimes. So should he stay with his wife if in fact he proves her infidelity? That's bullshit, I don't believe in people sacrificing happiness and staying together for their own bio kids, let alone someone else's. So if they do split, does he work doubly hard to co-parent a child that isn't his from a distance? He would have no legal rights and the child could potentially be used as an emotional/financial pawn.

And another thing, if in fact, this kid isn't the OPs, doesn't the bio father have a right to know, love, and raise his own child? No he isn't a saint for sleeping with a married woman but OP's wife also took his choice away too by passing this child off as her husband's and that's not cool either.

You are a man. I can tell because there is *nothing* in your post about his responsibilities to a child--not the mother--but, the to child who has developed a strong emotional attachment to him as a father. He doesn't owe the mother anything, but he is now a huge part of this child's life and he has a moral obligation to this child, even if he doesn't have one to the child's mother. In the end, it is this child who will suffer if the OP walks away.

[Anonymous]

I am op

Paternity test at lab now....

Not sure what outcome will be easier to handle. Either he is mine and I will continue to doubt my wife or he isn't and I will continue to love my son and have clarity on my wayward wife's lies....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated and now I wonder if our son is mine. I love him madly and would be devastated if he weren't but I have to ask the question.

I have dark brown hair and WW has black hair. OM has red headed children.

Our son was born with a full head of red hair which has darkened a little over time to light brown with red highlights.

Google not real helpful to me.

Any genetics experts out there?

Stop watching true detective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is why mandatory paternity tests should be the law of the land. the moment a kid is popped out, there needs to be a paternity test administered before the father is put down on the birth certificate

Will never happen, would interrupt the female gravy train.

It'll never happen because who's going to pay for it? I'm certainly not paying for paternity tests on my child when I know for certain they're my husband's. And I don't think taxpayers want to pay those bills out of their pockets.

It already costs, what, $10k out of pocket for births? I'm sure you can find an extra $100 for a mandatory paternity test.

Face facts: The paternity test isn't mandatory because it's in the government's interest to allow women to pin paternity on paying chumps.

What? No. It cost me under $500 out of pocket to give birth in a hospital with a midwife and no complications, plus a few hundreds for a doula. Even adding in the IUI (turkey baster) using a sperm bank I didn't get to the $10k figure.

Mandatory Paternity tests, "female gravy train", you guys are funny awful. Half the time, we make more money that the men who knock us up. With birth certificates adapting to the second parent being same sex, and the increasing use of donor eggs, donor sperm, a paternity test is *not really relevant* to who gets onto the birth certificate.

OP is the child's father. I understand his need for the truth. It might be easier to raise that child knowing the truth, and making the decision once and for all to be the child's father knowing the child was conceived by another man, rather than drag out the doubt and look for traits and features for another 15 years.