Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife cheated and now I wonder if our son is mine. I love him madly and would be devastated if he weren't but I have to ask the question.

I have dark brown hair and WW has black hair. OM has red headed children.

Our son was born with a full head of red hair which has darkened a little over time to light brown with red highlights.

Google not real helpful to me.

Any genetics experts out there?

I'm not sure I'd ask then.

He's yours. Whether or not he has your genes, he's yours.

\


Easy to say.

I can't blame him for not being content raising another man's son with an unfaithful wife.

I can't blame him for being discontented either, but I have trouble believing that he'll be contented with the results of a paternity test.

Why do you say that? Do you think he's just trying to be difficult?

No, I think he loves his son, and it also sounds like he has reason to believe his wife cheated regardless of the paternity of their son. If the results indicate he's the sperm donor, I don't think it will bring him to peace with the fact that his wife cheated. If the results indicated that the sperm came from someone else, it's got the potential to be devastating to both him and the child, and, in the event of a divorce, to jeopardize his access to a child he loves. I don't see either of those as happy resolutions. Sadly, I think there probably isn't a happy outcome to this situation.

[Anonymous]

Well... he's still with her, isn't he? Obviously, if the kid isn't his, he probably won't be (not that I blame him). But, if the kid is his, then he might try to make it work.

[Anonymous]

Op here.

For others who've asked....I have some possible redheads in my family including a grandmother (deceased with obviously dyed hair) and a half brother (ideceased - riish lineage on the "different" parent side). No living relatives who would know.

DS is old enough to know swab is weird so trying to eliminate possibilities.

There are some questions that need answering simply because they have been asked. I think this is one.

The relationship between me and my son will not change.

Can't say same for me and his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

For others who've asked....I have some possible redheads in my family including a grandmother (deceased with obviously dyed hair) and a half brother (ideceased - riish lineage on the "different" parent side). No living relatives who would know.

DS is old enough to know swab is weird so trying to eliminate possibilities.

There are some questions that need answering simply because they have been asked. I think this is one.

The relationship between me and my son will not change.

Can't say same for me and his mother.

OP, please find an objective third party, such as a therapist, to talk to before you take this step. You think your relationship with your son won't change, but you don't know that. If he's not your son and you decide to divorce her, you could end up loosing parental rights if she decides to raise his true paternity in your divorce proceedings. Or you might not divorce, but you may never be able to look at him again, he might become the son of that other guy, the tangible evidence of your wife's betrayal, and you may never be able to love him the same way again. It might also change the way he looks at you when he realizes what it was all about, that maybe you didn't really want him. As for your wife, what if it comes back that your son is yours? Will that satisfy you that she didn't cheat? I doubt it. What if he learns what you did, and that destroys her trust in you and she divorces you anyway?

No one has asked this question but you, and you need to fully weigh the risks before you decide what to do. You're making assumptions about what will and won't change, but you could be wrong about those. Don't rush into this decision.

[Anonymous]

I'd still get a test, even if your son asked questions.

[Anonymous]

You can tell your son its a swab for strep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I guess you could ask for a paternity test. But if your going to stay with your wife and you love the kid, what's the point? Your the only dad he will ever know and to him you are dad.

Well, she should have thought about that before she presented someone else's child as his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't care. My love for a kid makes me blind. If you raise him, care for him, love him, he's your kid.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is why mandatory paternity tests should be the law of the land. the moment a kid is popped out, there needs to be a paternity test administered before the father is put down on the birth certificate

Will never happen, would interrupt the female gravy train.

[Anonymous]

If you love him and intend to raise him why do you need to know? Would you love an adopted child less than a biological one? This is YOUR son, no matter what DNA he has.

[Anonymous]

Op here...

DS looks like a lot like OMs other child and it is a gnawing open issue in my mind that I cannot seem to get out of my mind.

I haven't thought about parental rights.

[Anonymous]

To your boy, you will always, always be the dad. Nobody else. Remember that. There is a special thing between boys and their dads. It's like a male initiation thing. He needs you to learn how to be a man. I know it is gnawing on you, but he need YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this is why mandatory paternity tests should be the law of the land. the moment a kid is popped out, there needs to be a paternity test administered before the father is put down on the birth certificate

Will never happen, would interrupt the female gravy train.

It'll never happen because who's going to pay for it? I'm certainly not paying for paternity tests on my child when I know for certain they're my husband's. And I don't think taxpayers want to pay those bills out of their pockets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here...

DS looks like a lot like OMs other child and it is a gnawing open issue in my mind that I cannot seem to get out of my mind.

I haven't thought about parental rights.

Then find a therapist so you can figure out what you need, but dont drag your son into this, he's an innocent boy who loves his dad. Let that be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs you to learn how to be a man.

He'll learn how to be a man regardless.