Is the redhead kid who calls me dad actually mine?

[Anonymous]

I know that it's a trauma for a child to suddenly not have the man he thought was "daddy" as a constant presence in his life, but it's not something that he won't get over.

Maybe that sounds heartless, but expecting a man to basically throw his life away for this mother and child who are not really his is 100x more cruel. Even if he stayed, the relationship would be full of bitterness and resentment and arguably no better for the child. It's better to get the trauma over with than drag things out for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am African American with a red headed daughter. Her father doesn't have red hair nor any immediate relatives but it's obviously in his family somewhere. Not so much in mine. You definitely can't tell from hair color so put that idea to rest.

Not so much in your's? My first thought? Are you light/er skinned? If so it's possible that recessive gene exists within you as during slavery it wasn't unusual for black women to give birth to babies from white men.

[Anonymous]

Eh, my DH was duped (years before we met) by his former fiance into thinking a child was his when it actually wasn't. He got a paternity test and left. Granted the child was months old but even if it wasn't, I don't think it's fair to expect saintly acts from mere mortals. I commend women and men who are able to raise other people's children but I do think it should be a choice. When that choice is taken from you in the form of betrayal, there are casualties and unfortunately the biggest casualty is the child but don't demonize the first victim for wanting to know and possibly choosing a chance at an honest relationship without baggage or little reminders of hurt.

[Anonymous]

What I sit with married women, business trips, and this board?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you asked your wife? Tried to calculate the conception?

I guess you could ask for a paternity test. But if your going to stay with your wife and you love the kid, what's the point? Your the only dad he will ever know and to him you are dad.

I remember conception sex but I look back and she always wanted sex after "business" trips with OM....presumably to cover her if she were to get pregnant.

She is denying an affair despite a ton of evidence. future unclear!

OP, your original post said she cheated. Now you're saying she denies cheating. So you don't really know if she cheated. So this isn't really a question of paternity as much as it's a question of fidelity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know that it's a trauma for a child to suddenly not have the man he thought was "daddy" as a constant presence in his life, but it's not something that he won't get over.

Maybe that sounds heartless, but expecting a man to basically throw his life away for this mother and child who are not really his is 100x more cruel. Even if he stayed, the relationship would be full of bitterness and resentment and arguably no better for the child. It's better to get the trauma over with than drag things out for years.

I completely disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know that it's a trauma for a child to suddenly not have the man he thought was "daddy" as a constant presence in his life, but it's not something that he won't get over.

Maybe that sounds heartless, but expecting a man to basically throw his life away for this mother and child who are not really his is 100x more cruel. Even if he stayed, the relationship would be full of bitterness and resentment and arguably no better for the child. It's better to get the trauma over with than drag things out for years.

That's unbelievably stupid. He can divorce the wife and remain the father. But stopping the father role if the paternity test shows he's not the bio dad? That's much crueler than continuing to parent the kid. How is continuing to be a father to a kid he says he loves "throwing his life away"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I guess you could ask for a paternity test. But if your going to stay with your wife and you love the kid, what's the point? Your the only dad he will ever know and to him you are dad.

Well, she should have thought about that before she presented someone else's child as his own.

We don't know she did. We don't even know she cheated. She denies it. He says there's "ample evidence", but we don't even know what that is.
I've never cheated on my DH, but I'm a brunette and he's dark skinned, brown eyes and black hair. DD has bright orange hair, pale skin and green eyes. We know where in my ancestry that comes from, but we have no idea how he could possibly have a recessive red in his background. Nonetheless, unless I was Rufi'd and don't know it, the baby is definitely his.

Maybe you got the wrong baby at the hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, my DH was duped (years before we met) by his former fiance into thinking a child was his when it actually wasn't. He got a paternity test and left. Granted the child was months old but even if it wasn't, I don't think it's fair to expect saintly acts from mere mortals. I commend women and men who are able to raise other people's children but I do think it should be a choice. When that choice is taken from you in the form of betrayal, there are casualties and unfortunately the biggest casualty is the child but don't demonize the first victim for wanting to know and possibly choosing a chance at an honest relationship without baggage or little reminders of hurt.

Bs. This kid is 4, right? So why in hell didn't he find out earlier? He chose to be the father to this kid, who now relies on him as a parent. So he has to act like a parent. Are we supposed to believe he didn't suspect the infidelity until now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I guess you could ask for a paternity test. But if your going to stay with your wife and you love the kid, what's the point? Your the only dad he will ever know and to him you are dad.

Well, she should have thought about that before she presented someone else's child as his own.

We don't know she did. We don't even know she cheated. She denies it. He says there's "ample evidence", but we don't even know what that is.
I've never cheated on my DH, but I'm a brunette and he's dark skinned, brown eyes and black hair. DD has bright orange hair, pale skin and green eyes. We know where in my ancestry that comes from, but we have no idea how he could possibly have a recessive red in his background. Nonetheless, unless I was Rufi'd and don't know it, the baby is definitely his.

Maybe you got the wrong baby at the hospital.

Hah! Unlikely since I saw her pulled out of me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot of overwrought judgement going on here.

He didn't say that he was going to kick the kid to the curb, expecting him to just go on as if nothing happened is unreasonable. He would be an absolute saint to do what some of you are demanding.

Not a saint, just a parent. Which he's gone along acting like he was to this kid for years. But now wants to get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that it's a trauma for a child to suddenly not have the man he thought was "daddy" as a constant presence in his life, but it's not something that he won't get over.

Maybe that sounds heartless, but expecting a man to basically throw his life away for this mother and child who are not really his is 100x more cruel. Even if he stayed, the relationship would be full of bitterness and resentment and arguably no better for the child. It's better to get the trauma over with than drag things out for years.

That's unbelievably stupid. He can divorce the wife and remain the father. But stopping the father role if the paternity test shows he's not the bio dad? That's much crueler than continuing to parent the kid. How is continuing to be a father to a kid he says he loves "throwing his life away"?

It would be crueler to stick around and confuse the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot of overwrought judgement going on here.

He didn't say that he was going to kick the kid to the curb, expecting him to just go on as if nothing happened is unreasonable. He would be an absolute saint to do what some of you are demanding.

Not a saint, just a parent. Which he's gone along acting like he was to this kid for years. But now wants to get out.

He didn't "go along acting" if he didn't know. And, yes, a saint to continue to raise a child that was the product of inidelity and not his own.

I hope you are able to live up to your own saintly standards of others, whoever you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I guess you could ask for a paternity test. But if your going to stay with your wife and you love the kid, what's the point? Your the only dad he will ever know and to him you are dad.

Well, she should have thought about that before she presented someone else's child as his own.

We don't know she did. We don't even know she cheated. She denies it. He says there's "ample evidence", but we don't even know what that is.
I've never cheated on my DH, but I'm a brunette and he's dark skinned, brown eyes and black hair. DD has bright orange hair, pale skin and green eyes. We know where in my ancestry that comes from, but we have no idea how he could possibly have a recessive red in his background. Nonetheless, unless I was Rufi'd and don't know it, the baby is definitely his.

Maybe you got the wrong baby at the hospital.

Hah! Unlikely since I saw her pulled out of me.

http://www.wfaa.com/story/news/local/dallas-county/2015/09/08/dallas-family-reunited-child-after-baby-swap/71904766/

She saw her baby pulled out of her too. Just sayin'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another vote for recessive genetics. DH and I are both brunette. DD is a fair skinned red head. There is no way she could not be his biological child. Gads-- looking at this, I'm glad DH isn't the suspicious type.

My DC is blond with reddish hair, neither my husband or myself have red hair, but his great father did, not sure about any red hair in my family ( but I am sure I have an ancestor with red hair so I carry the gene)