Sexless Marriages

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend get's alimony for life unless she remarries. She has a bad knee, is on a disability, but even she was surprised when the judge ordered it. Her ex has to keep a active life insurance on him in case he dies.

My brother kept getting hauled into court while his kids were growing up. Most of the time he had to pay his lawyer and hers.
If I recall driving a Porsche to pick up the kids was probably not a wise move, LOL.

Those are probably old cases. Your brother sounds like a non-custodial child support situation, not alimony. He would not have even owed her child support if both have 50% custody.

Nowadays the courts rarely award alimony ... with rare exception... which hopefully the laws will be corrected to prevent such abuse.

Any alimony awarded today is generally rehabilitative alimony, paid for a short time (<2 years) in situations where a SAHM needs training to support herself. That's fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend get's alimony for life unless she remarries. She has a bad knee, is on a disability, but even she was surprised when the judge ordered it. Her ex has to keep a active life insurance on him in case he dies.

My brother kept getting hauled into court while his kids were growing up. Most of the time he had to pay his lawyer and hers.
If I recall driving a Porsche to pick up the kids was probably not a wise move, LOL.

Those are probably old cases. Your brother sounds like a non-custodial child support situation, not alimony. He would not have even owed her child support if both have 50% custody.

Nowadays the courts rarely award alimony ... with rare exception... which hopefully the laws will be corrected to prevent such abuse.

Any alimony awarded today is generally rehabilitative alimony, paid for a short time (<2 years) in situations where a SAHM needs training to support herself. That's fair.

The friend was 3 years ago. My brother made a lot more money. He had to travel whereas she didn't and had the kids more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope young people will put more emphasis on sexual compatibility when deciding whom to marry in the future

You are right in theory, but in real life? I had huge sexual chemistry with my husband when we just met and during the first few years of marriage, but now, after many years together I am just not attracted to him physically (he is still good looking and in great shape, but he just doesn't turn me on any longer. We do have sex, but it's a chore to me).

This is pretty common in all marriages as time goes on. If not health it's due to aging. Honestly, I can safely say no matter how good looking the 50+ person is I'm not going to be attracted. Long term marriages last because they have a lot more going on besides sex.

Once past 50 or 60 keep the lights down low and looks become less of an issue. Sorry to be crude but a great BJ is still a great BJ regardless of age.

Cue retarded DCUM harpies complaining that this sounds "rapey".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If months went by I would address it or likely divorce.
.

Over no sex? Wow.

I am really surprised people don't address it. I am higher drive than my DW, and I absolutely address it if we go more than 2 weeks. It is a source of tension. I am not judging those who slide into a sexless marriage, I get it. But yes, I would address it and divorce if I wasn't having sex with my DW. Or ask for an open marriage. YMMV.

Eww. I would divorce a guy like you. You just want a sperm bank and should be single.

You just want a human ATM and you should be single.

You don't know what a real partnership is obviously.

You don't either if you think you don't have to provide your husband with sex.

"have to provide"

Yes. HAVE TO provide. That's what you agreed to do when you married him. You stop providing it, you broke your marriage vow, and he is free to get it elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OR..."Ok sweetie I'll contact my lawyer to draw up papers to divide OUR 401k, home, stocks, car, child support and alimony. Maybe after that if you're lucky you'll be able to afford to take the new gf to Burger King."

You aren't very smart now, are you? Thinking you suddenly have money while I go poor?
You won't get child support because I will have the kids 50% of the time.
There is no such thing as "alimony" any more!
We divorce, split the assets and debts, then you support yourself plus 50% of the kids.
See how that works?

You can't threaten me to stay (faithful) in a sexless marriage.

Going by your countless posts I will bet your wife is happy when you're gone. In fact, she may be happy if you get a AP. Less work for her plus she can enjoy doing the things that really interest her.

If she'd rather lose 50% of her time with the kids and suffer a down-grade in lifestyle than have sex with me in order to be "happy", so be it.

Cutting loose her frigid dead weight will make me happy too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If months went by I would address it or likely divorce.
.

Over no sex? Wow.

I am really surprised people don't address it. I am higher drive than my DW, and I absolutely address it if we go more than 2 weeks. It is a source of tension. I am not judging those who slide into a sexless marriage, I get it. But yes, I would address it and divorce if I wasn't having sex with my DW. Or ask for an open marriage. YMMV.

Eww. I would divorce a guy like you. You just want a sperm bank and should be single.

You just want a human ATM and you should be single.

You don't know what a real partnership is obviously.

You don't either if you think you don't have to provide your husband with sex.

"have to provide"

Yes. HAVE TO provide. That's what you agreed to do when you married him. You stop providing it, you broke your marriage vow, and he is free to get it elsewhere.

+1. Amazed how many DWs think sex is not part of their wedding vows

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If months went by I would address it or likely divorce.
.

Over no sex? Wow.

I am really surprised people don't address it. I am higher drive than my DW, and I absolutely address it if we go more than 2 weeks. It is a source of tension. I am not judging those who slide into a sexless marriage, I get it. But yes, I would address it and divorce if I wasn't having sex with my DW. Or ask for an open marriage. YMMV.

Eww. I would divorce a guy like you. You just want a sperm bank and should be single.

You just want a human ATM and you should be single.

You don't know what a real partnership is obviously.

You don't either if you think you don't have to provide your husband with sex.

"have to provide"

Yes. HAVE TO provide. That's what you agreed to do when you married him. You stop providing it, you broke your marriage vow, and he is free to get it elsewhere.

No wonder you have a bad relationship. Have to, pressure, force, duty, job...do it for your country...oh not that one..lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OR..."Ok sweetie I'll contact my lawyer to draw up papers to divide OUR 401k, home, stocks, car, child support and alimony. Maybe after that if you're lucky you'll be able to afford to take the new gf to Burger King."

You aren't very smart now, are you? Thinking you suddenly have money while I go poor?
You won't get child support because I will have the kids 50% of the time.
There is no such thing as "alimony" any more!
We divorce, split the assets and debts, then you support yourself plus 50% of the kids.
See how that works?

You can't threaten me to stay (faithful) in a sexless marriage.

Going by your countless posts I will bet your wife is happy when you're gone. In fact, she may be happy if you get a AP. Less work for her plus she can enjoy doing the things that really interest her.

If she'd rather lose 50% of her time with the kids and suffer a down-grade in lifestyle than have sex with me in order to be "happy", so be it.

Cutting loose her frigid dead weight will make me happy too.

You should! For whatever reason she's done with that aspect. Resentment is a big one from many women I talk to. If you've cheated and she knows that would be a big one, just guessing though. Life is too short. You should be happy and so should she. Why don't you talk to her to see if you both can work out a friendly divorce to co-parent and impact the financials as much as possible. I did this with my first husband. We were not compatible so we used one lawyer and he put it through. We didn't even have to go to court, BUT this is rare. If you cheat...then that's when divorces seem to get ugly. It's a change, but it will get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope young people will put more emphasis on sexual compatibility when deciding whom to marry in the future

You are right in theory, but in real life? I had huge sexual chemistry with my husband when we just met and during the first few years of marriage, but now, after many years together I am just not attracted to him physically (he is still good looking and in great shape, but he just doesn't turn me on any longer. We do have sex, but it's a chore to me).

This is pretty common in all marriages as time goes on. If not health it's due to aging. Honestly, I can safely say no matter how good looking the 50+ person is I'm not going to be attracted. Long term marriages last because they have a lot more going on besides sex.

Once past 50 or 60 keep the lights down low and looks become less of an issue. Sorry to be crude but a great BJ is still a great BJ regardless of age.

Cue retarded DCUM harpies complaining that this sounds "rapey".

Not if it's a willing partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If months went by I would address it or likely divorce.
.

Over no sex? Wow.

I am really surprised people don't address it. I am higher drive than my DW, and I absolutely address it if we go more than 2 weeks. It is a source of tension. I am not judging those who slide into a sexless marriage, I get it. But yes, I would address it and divorce if I wasn't having sex with my DW. Or ask for an open marriage. YMMV.

Eww. I would divorce a guy like you. You just want a sperm bank and should be single.

You just want a human ATM and you should be single.

You don't know what a real partnership is obviously.

You don't either if you think you don't have to provide your husband with sex.

"have to provide"

Yes. HAVE TO provide. That's what you agreed to do when you married him. You stop providing it, you broke your marriage vow, and he is free to get it elsewhere.

No wonder you have a bad relationship. Have to, pressure, force, duty, job...do it for your country...oh not that one..lol

If you don't want to have sex, you shouldn't have agreed to marry him. Nobody pressured or forced you to marry him.

And if you don't have sex with him, he won't stay married to you for long. But hey, your call, he's not going to hold you down and rape you. In fact, he wants you to be an enthusiastic, willing partner. But yes, you have to have sex if you want to stay married. Otherwise, what's the point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I have been following this thread wondering whether to post. I am a DW who was in a "maintenance sex" marriage for past several years. Definitely the on downward slope. I was the one not interested. (I am close to 50).
But... THERE IS HOPE! Things have changed for us! I want sex with my husband (a lot) and am totally available to him. I initiate. I'm not even sure what happened to me, but I feel my marriage & family have been saved and I want to give others hope. I thank God that he stayed. I don't if this helps anyone but I hope it does.

You say THERE IS HOPE yet go on to say "not sure what happened". Gee, thanks for the helpful insight!
How is that hopeful to guys like me on the "refused" side of the bed?
What specific actions (other than the standard options of divorce or outsource) can I take in my sexless marriage?

I know...it's not like I'm holding back a on a magic solution. See my follow up post. Unfortunately I feel like my experience is of more help to the wives than to the husbands.
I do think my husband was good about acknowledging that this was not where either of us wanted to be rather than blaming me.
But, to be clear we did get in the loop of him being grumpy because of no sex and then me not wanting to do it with the guy who's being an a**, and so on. It sucked.
Maybe a blog and then your can tell your wives to take a look. Just trying to help.

Most women in sexless marriage do not see this as a problem, so they have no reason to read a blog. She is perfectly content with a sexless marriage, even happier if he would stop "pestering her".
It's not HER problem, it's HIS problem.

You may not like this, but my advice to the husbands is to TELL HER in CRYSTAL CLEAR language:
I intend to resume a normal sexlife. I'd like that to be with you. And if there is anything that I can do to help you get back to an intimate place, just tell me.
Otherwise, from now on, I am repurposing our Friday date night: I will be going out with other women.

Boom! His problem is solved.
Perhaps now SHE has a problem, I wish her good luck with that.

This is just wrong. Most (or at least many) women in sexless marriages are very unhappy or sad about it. Men need to stop thinking that they are the only ones wanting sex. Many of those women may want sex but the husband is bad at it or unattractive; or he is mean or indifferent; or he is the one with the low drive. There are all sorts of situations, and stereotypes will not help you.