Sexless Marriages

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope young people will put more emphasis on sexual compatibility when deciding whom to marry in the future

You are right in theory, but in real life? I had huge sexual chemistry with my husband when we just met and during the first few years of marriage, but now, after many years together I am just not attracted to him physically (he is still good looking and in great shape, but he just doesn't turn me on any longer. We do have sex, but it's a chore to me).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope young people will put more emphasis on sexual compatibility when deciding whom to marry in the future

You are right in theory, but in real life? I had huge sexual chemistry with my husband when we just met and during the first few years of marriage, but now, after many years together I am just not attracted to him physically (he is still good looking and in great shape, but he just doesn't turn me on any longer. We do have sex, but it's a chore to me).

This is true for a lot of men and women. Which is why all the "monogamy at all costs" purists don't get it. They expect you to have had an idea that when you were young and newlyweds you would have some clue about feeling this way in your 40s.

There are a lot of problems with non-monogamy of course, but there are a lot of people who understand (while not condoning) extra-marital affairs.

[Anonymous]

There is a way to revive sexless marriages: Karezza. Read Cupids Poisoned Arrow by Marnia Robinson.

Great book and has breathed new life into many dead bedrooms and failing unions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope young people will put more emphasis on sexual compatibility when deciding whom to marry in the future

You are right in theory, but in real life? I had huge sexual chemistry with my husband when we just met and during the first few years of marriage, but now, after many years together I am just not attracted to him physically (he is still good looking and in great shape, but he just doesn't turn me on any longer. We do have sex, but it's a chore to me).

+1000 doing it with the same person year in and year out... It gets old as are we

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is us right now. Two years of unsuccessful infertility treatments have squelched all desire. Not sure how to recover.

This was us. We just couldn't get it back. The IVF and all the scheduled sex just took all the joy out of it. We are getting divorced because we simply do not want to sleep together anymore...
but still want passion in our lives.

[Anonymous]

So sorry for you. I think everyone goes through these stretches to varying degrees. Stay in there. It does get better if you just communicate.

[Anonymous]

Communication has changed nothing for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"When we got married, we were doing it at least once a month, sometimes more."

That's nuts. Or rather, not normal. But, if it's good for them, fine.

You're right. Newlyweds having sex "at least" once a month? Totally not normal. I now have sex with my husband (after being married for 13 years) once a month and it's utterly depressing - i consider ours a sexless marriage. When we just married, we f@cked like rabbits.

Been together 6 years, married five months. Sex only twice. I consider ours a sexless marriage and I hate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"When we got married, we were doing it at least once a month, sometimes more."

That's nuts. Or rather, not normal. But, if it's good for them, fine.

You're right. Newlyweds having sex "at least" once a month? Totally not normal. I now have sex with my husband (after being married for 13 years) once a month and it's utterly depressing - i consider ours a sexless marriage. When we just married, we f@cked like rabbits.

Been together 6 years, married five months. Sex only twice. I consider ours a sexless marriage and I hate it.

So when you got into the marriage, you were not having sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admire all of you. After almost 7 years of a low sex marriage, I went outside. Not the best choice morally but I'm so much happier and our relationship dynamic is much better. He feels so much less pressure now.

In our case, though, he's tiny and it's plain bad, as well as infrequent, so not quite the same as just low or no sex.

Same here, but I stuck it out 13 years before straying. After telling him, many times in many ways, that I signed up for monogamy, not celibacy. Unfortunately doing so has just made me resent him more. But my AP gave me more Os the first afternoon we were together than DH had in 10 years, and sex has only gotten better, so at least I have stopped bugging DH for it. The thought of it repulses me, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Communication has changed nothing for us.

+1000. It makes him more defensive and me more frustrated.

[Anonymous]

This is the classic case of her settling and looking for a comfortable partner. She doesn't find him attractive, she said it. She'll have sex, just not with him. If the right conditions arose and opportunities present itself for her to cheat she will.

[Anonymous]

To add, this is what is known as Aloha F@cks Beta Bux.
She sees her husband as a comfort and a financial and emotional crutch, not as a sexy husband. They're doomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is us right now. Two years of unsuccessful infertility treatments have squelched all desire. Not sure how to recover.

This was us. We just couldn't get it back. The IVF and all the scheduled sex just took all the joy out of it. We are getting divorced because we simply do not want to sleep together anymore...
but still want passion in our lives.

Sorry to hear this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"When we got married, we were doing it at least once a month, sometimes more."

That's nuts. Or rather, not normal. But, if it's good for them, fine.

Wait what? You think sex 1+ times a month is nuts?! DW married 15 years and sex less than once a month would be strange to us.