Sexless Marriages

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope young people will put more emphasis on sexual compatibility when deciding whom to marry in the future

You are right in theory, but in real life? I had huge sexual chemistry with my husband when we just met and during the first few years of marriage, but now, after many years together I am just not attracted to him physically (he is still good looking and in great shape, but he just doesn't turn me on any longer. We do have sex, but it's a chore to me).

This is pretty common in all marriages as time goes on. If not health it's due to aging. Honestly, I can safely say no matter how good looking the 50+ person is I'm not going to be attracted. Long term marriages last because they have a lot more going on besides sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OR..."Ok sweetie I'll contact my lawyer to draw up papers to divide OUR 401k, home, stocks, car, child support and alimony. Maybe after that if you're lucky you'll be able to afford to take the new gf to Burger King."

I'm going to insist on 50/50 custody, and that being the case, you're not going to get a lot of child support or alimony.

You'll have to work for a living. I'll finally get laid again. I can live with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If months went by I would address it or likely divorce.
.

Over no sex? Wow.

I am really surprised people don't address it. I am higher drive than my DW, and I absolutely address it if we go more than 2 weeks. It is a source of tension. I am not judging those who slide into a sexless marriage, I get it. But yes, I would address it and divorce if I wasn't having sex with my DW. Or ask for an open marriage. YMMV.

Eww. I would divorce a guy like you. You just want a sperm bank and should be single.

You just want a human ATM and you should be single.

You don't know what a real partnership is obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OR..."Ok sweetie I'll contact my lawyer to draw up papers to divide OUR 401k, home, stocks, car, child support and alimony. Maybe after that if you're lucky you'll be able to afford to take the new gf to Burger King."

I'm going to insist on 50/50 custody, and that being the case, you're not going to get a lot of child support or alimony.

You'll have to work for a living. I'll finally get laid again. I can live with that.

Better save your Burger King money for many court filings and future modifications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I have been following this thread wondering whether to post. I am a DW who was in a "maintenance sex" marriage for past several years. Definitely the on downward slope. I was the one not interested. (I am close to 50).
But... THERE IS HOPE! Things have changed for us! I want sex with my husband (a lot) and am totally available to him. I initiate. I'm not even sure what happened to me, but I feel my marriage & family have been saved and I want to give others hope. I thank God that he stayed. I don't if this helps anyone but I hope it does.

So what turned it around for you? Right now, DW feels zero affection or attraction for me, and it is hard to see it coming back. My efforts to build a connection meet with coldness and indifference.

That was me.. I feel your pain, I really do. I wish there was one thing I could tell you but for me I think a bunch of stuff just came together. Generally:
1)Ageing parents and raising kids take a lot of effort. DH becomes one more thing to "take care of." Our kids are getting older, so there is more of me to give, so to speak.
2) I feel like I grew up. Part of me felt sex was something good girls didn't do/enjoy/talk about. (Yes I may have some issues.)
3) Trying to stay non-explicit here - I acknowledged that intercourse only did it for me less that 50% of the time. I didn't realize this was common (see #2). "Other things" just work better for me. Luckily DH is happy to oblige.
4) I stopped drinking. Mostly to lose an extra 5lbs that were bugging me. I had been up to 2 glasses of wine every night. I felt like crap but kept doing it. I feel lighter, or just better.
5) Reading erotic fiction - never did this before (again see #2). Maybe not for everyone but puts me in the mood.
6) Make an effort to not focus on the things that I found unappealing i.e., I buy you nice clothes but you insist on wearing hiked up dad jeans and work shoes - just no. Working on this.

I could go on. Hope this helps. Maybe I'll start a blog...

I am the PP above. I am taking care of my aging mom. I do most of the work with the kids (feeding them, taking them to activities, making sure their homework gets done). DW does nothing to "take care of" me (she does not cook, clean, do laundry, do dishes, buy me clothes). But at least she's not saying she doesn't want to have sex because she's "too tired" - I'd laugh in her face if she did.

I honestly don't know who the hell these men are who have wives who "take care of them". Where do I get a wife like that? I've always taken care of myself - and it really doesn't bother me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OR..."Ok sweetie I'll contact my lawyer to draw up papers to divide OUR 401k, home, stocks, car, child support and alimony. Maybe after that if you're lucky you'll be able to afford to take the new gf to Burger King."

I'm going to insist on 50/50 custody, and that being the case, you're not going to get a lot of child support or alimony.

You'll have to work for a living. I'll finally get laid again. I can live with that.

Better save your Burger King money for many court filings and future modifications.

No problem. You want a fight, you've got it. Ultimately that money is money that can't be spent on the kids, and if you want to give it to lawyers instead, that's on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If months went by I would address it or likely divorce.
.

Over no sex? Wow.

I am really surprised people don't address it. I am higher drive than my DW, and I absolutely address it if we go more than 2 weeks. It is a source of tension. I am not judging those who slide into a sexless marriage, I get it. But yes, I would address it and divorce if I wasn't having sex with my DW. Or ask for an open marriage. YMMV.

Eww. I would divorce a guy like you. You just want a sperm bank and should be single.

You just want a human ATM and you should be single.

You don't know what a real partnership is obviously.

You don't either if you think you don't have to provide your husband with sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If months went by I would address it or likely divorce.
.

Over no sex? Wow.

I am really surprised people don't address it. I am higher drive than my DW, and I absolutely address it if we go more than 2 weeks. It is a source of tension. I am not judging those who slide into a sexless marriage, I get it. But yes, I would address it and divorce if I wasn't having sex with my DW. Or ask for an open marriage. YMMV.

Eww. I would divorce a guy like you. You just want a sperm bank and should be single.

You just want a human ATM and you should be single.

You don't know what a real partnership is obviously.

You don't either if you think you don't have to provide your husband with sex.

Wouldn't it be easier for you to be single and date a lot? Clearly you're an unhappy person who is not happy with their partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If months went by I would address it or likely divorce.
.

Over no sex? Wow.

I am really surprised people don't address it. I am higher drive than my DW, and I absolutely address it if we go more than 2 weeks. It is a source of tension. I am not judging those who slide into a sexless marriage, I get it. But yes, I would address it and divorce if I wasn't having sex with my DW. Or ask for an open marriage. YMMV.

Eww. I would divorce a guy like you. You just want a sperm bank and should be single.

You just want a human ATM and you should be single.

You don't know what a real partnership is obviously.

You don't either if you think you don't have to provide your husband with sex.

"have to provide"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OR..."Ok sweetie I'll contact my lawyer to draw up papers to divide OUR 401k, home, stocks, car, child support and alimony. Maybe after that if you're lucky you'll be able to afford to take the new gf to Burger King."

You aren't very smart now, are you? Thinking you suddenly have money while I go poor?
You won't get child support because I will have the kids 50% of the time.
There is no such thing as "alimony" any more!
We divorce, split the assets and debts, then you support yourself plus 50% of the kids.
See how that works?

You can't threaten me to stay (faithful) in a sexless marriage.

[Anonymous]

My friend get's alimony for life unless she remarries. She has a bad knee, is on a disability, but even she was surprised when the judge ordered it. Her ex has to keep a active life insurance on him in case he dies.

My brother kept getting hauled into court while his kids were growing up. Most of the time he had to pay his lawyer and hers.
If I recall driving a Porsche to pick up the kids was probably not a wise move, LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OR..."Ok sweetie I'll contact my lawyer to draw up papers to divide OUR 401k, home, stocks, car, child support and alimony. Maybe after that if you're lucky you'll be able to afford to take the new gf to Burger King."

You aren't very smart now, are you? Thinking you suddenly have money while I go poor?
You won't get child support because I will have the kids 50% of the time.
There is no such thing as "alimony" any more!
We divorce, split the assets and debts, then you support yourself plus 50% of the kids.
See how that works?

You can't threaten me to stay (faithful) in a sexless marriage.

No one needs to threaten you. You will end up divorced, so why not get it over with....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OR..."Ok sweetie I'll contact my lawyer to draw up papers to divide OUR 401k, home, stocks, car, child support and alimony. Maybe after that if you're lucky you'll be able to afford to take the new gf to Burger King."

You aren't very smart now, are you? Thinking you suddenly have money while I go poor?
You won't get child support because I will have the kids 50% of the time.
There is no such thing as "alimony" any more!
We divorce, split the assets and debts, then you support yourself plus 50% of the kids.
See how that works?

You can't threaten me to stay (faithful) in a sexless marriage.

Going by your countless posts I will bet your wife is happy when you're gone. In fact, she may be happy if you get a AP. Less work for her plus she can enjoy doing the things that really interest her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope young people will put more emphasis on sexual compatibility when deciding whom to marry in the future

You are right in theory, but in real life? I had huge sexual chemistry with my husband when we just met and during the first few years of marriage, but now, after many years together I am just not attracted to him physically (he is still good looking and in great shape, but he just doesn't turn me on any longer. We do have sex, but it's a chore to me).

This is pretty common in all marriages as time goes on. If not health it's due to aging. Honestly, I can safely say no matter how good looking the 50+ person is I'm not going to be attracted. Long term marriages last because they have a lot more going on besides sex.

Once past 50 or 60 keep the lights down low and looks become less of an issue. Sorry to be crude but a great BJ is still a great BJ regardless of age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope young people will put more emphasis on sexual compatibility when deciding whom to marry in the future

You are right in theory, but in real life? I had huge sexual chemistry with my husband when we just met and during the first few years of marriage, but now, after many years together I am just not attracted to him physically (he is still good looking and in great shape, but he just doesn't turn me on any longer. We do have sex, but it's a chore to me).

This is pretty common in all marriages as time goes on. If not health it's due to aging. Honestly, I can safely say no matter how good looking the 50+ person is I'm not going to be attracted. Long term marriages last because they have a lot more going on besides sex.

Once past 50 or 60 keep the lights down low and looks become less of an issue. Sorry to be crude but a great BJ is still a great BJ regardless of age.

How I wish I knew that. Have not received one in at least 10 years