Failure to Launch Daughter Is Unemployed and Blaming Me for All of Her Problems

[Anonymous]

I think this is the OP that wanted to send kid to jail and told her she wouldn't take her calls from jail. That victim mom (sic) raged because hated daughter (HD) was a writer, wanted to attend workshops and that OP didn't want HD to "air family dirty laundry" or slander them about being abused in her writings.
My hunch there was HD had been abused, maybe by mom or by dad and they blamed her for telling on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is the OP that wanted to send kid to jail and told her she wouldn't take her calls from jail. That victim mom (sic) raged because hated daughter (HD) was a writer, wanted to attend workshops and that OP didn't want HD to "air family dirty laundry" or slander them about being abused in her writings.
My hunch there was HD had been abused, maybe by mom or by dad and they blamed her for telling on them.

It’s definitely the same op! The writing style is very recognizable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm back with an update. DD called me and said that she had a neuropsych eval last month, and that the results would come out later this week. I don't see the point of this at all because we already paid for a neuropsych eval ~5 years ago for her. She is convinced that she has autism, which is ridiculous -- her last neuropsych eval ruled that out.

She told me over the phone this morning that "an update neuropsych will explain why I have a hard time in the workplace." Okay, well... regardless of whatever the results say, that doesn't help her situation. At all.

I'm just sick of her making excuses for her immaturity. It seems like this fixation on autism is the latest in her attempt to build an identity or a personality that is, as always, based on victimhood. At first it was how "abusive" DH and I were to her as a child and how we "traumatized her for life," and now it's autism.

None of this, of course, is helpful nor productive.

Teens are very difficult to diagnose, and autism often presents differently in women. It's a good thing to have a fresh evaluation, and it's a good thing that she recognizes something is going on. You should be waiting to see how you can be supportive of her growth in light of whatever her eval reveals.

I had a super high achiever that wasn't diagnosed with severe ADHD and severe dyslexia until college. It was a gut punch knowing how difficult things had been for her. No one ever saw the signs, not me, not teachers, pediatricians, it only became apparent that something was really off when online schooling at the beginning of lockdown really impacted her. The diagnoses were very freeing and she learned to manage her life in a new way that was so much easier for her and relived so much stress and anxiety. OP you are so rigid and controlling. You are going to lose your daughter forever if you don't stop treating her with so much judgment and cruelty. It sounds to me like she is doing her best and you are the one who is failing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm back with an update. DD called me and said that she had a neuropsych eval last month, and that the results would come out later this week. I don't see the point of this at all because we already paid for a neuropsych eval ~5 years ago for her. She is convinced that she has autism, which is ridiculous -- her last neuropsych eval ruled that out.

She told me over the phone this morning that "an update neuropsych will explain why I have a hard time in the workplace." Okay, well... regardless of whatever the results say, that doesn't help her situation. At all.

I'm just sick of her making excuses for her immaturity. It seems like this fixation on autism is the latest in her attempt to build an identity or a personality that is, as always, based on victimhood. At first it was how "abusive" DH and I were to her as a child and how we "traumatized her for life," and now it's autism.

None of this, of course, is helpful nor productive.

Teens are very difficult to diagnose, and autism often presents differently in women. It's a good thing to have a fresh evaluation, and it's a good thing that she recognizes something is going on. You should be waiting to see how you can be supportive of her growth in light of whatever her eval reveals.

I had a super high achiever that wasn't diagnosed with severe ADHD and severe dyslexia until college. It was a gut punch knowing how difficult things had been for her. No one ever saw the signs, not me, not teachers, pediatricians, it only became apparent that something was really off when online schooling at the beginning of lockdown really impacted her. The diagnoses were very freeing and she learned to manage her life in a new way that was so much easier for her and relived so much stress and anxiety. OP you are so rigid and controlling. You are going to lose your daughter forever if you don't stop treating her with so much judgment and cruelty. It sounds to me like she is doing her best and you are the one who is failing.

OP here. I just don't understand what an autism diagnose at the age of 24 would do. It's not like she's in high school or college, where an autism diagnosis would at least grant her accommodations and maybe access to social skills classes. It just feels like she wants an excuse from adulting, and that she's latching onto a potential autism diagnosis as a way to escape the "real world" of work and compromising in relationships.

I also think that it's dubious how effective or helpful a diagnosis would be if she's getting diagnosed this late -- at that point, she's high functioning enough (if she even qualifies for a diagnosis in the first place, which I doubt as she's pretty good at picking up on subtext) that it wouldn't qualify her for disability income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound extremely rigid and speak about your daughter with such distain I can see why posters think you hate her.

If she's stealing from you she's likely desperate. If this is the hill you want to die on - are you prepared for your daughter to end up homeless? Because calling her names and berating her choices at every turn, isn't going to get you want you want here. If you want to continue having a relationship with her, you can only control you and you need to do better.

It's ridiculous and a classic example of black-and-white thinking to insinuate that my daughter will end up homeless just because DH and I have the audacity as parents to point out her immaturity, lack of responsibility, and her current unemployed status that's leading her to steal money from us.

.

Nope. I’m asking you where your line in the sand is. If your daughter is unemployed, and stealing from you, it is not a stretch to consider she is running out of funds. You have stated repeatedly you’re not going to give her any money, so where is she going to get rent money if she has none? You are engaging in magical thinking.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why everyone is attacking OP.
OP may be a problematic mother but if someone finds their parent disagreeble to the extent that the OP's daughter does, then that person usually aggressively plans for an independent life early on.
A degree in English from a middling artsy-fartsy school does not signal intention towards financial independence.
I think all OP can do now is offer tuition for a professional certificate ready and nothing else for this ingrate child until effort is demonstrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm back with an update. DD called me and said that she had a neuropsych eval last month, and that the results would come out later this week. I don't see the point of this at all because we already paid for a neuropsych eval ~5 years ago for her. She is convinced that she has autism, which is ridiculous -- her last neuropsych eval ruled that out.

She told me over the phone this morning that "an update neuropsych will explain why I have a hard time in the workplace." Okay, well... regardless of whatever the results say, that doesn't help her situation. At all.

I'm just sick of her making excuses for her immaturity. It seems like this fixation on autism is the latest in her attempt to build an identity or a personality that is, as always, based on victimhood. At first it was how "abusive" DH and I were to her as a child and how we "traumatized her for life," and now it's autism.

None of this, of course, is helpful nor productive.

Teens are very difficult to diagnose, and autism often presents differently in women. It's a good thing to have a fresh evaluation, and it's a good thing that she recognizes something is going on. You should be waiting to see how you can be supportive of her growth in light of whatever her eval reveals.

I had a super high achiever that wasn't diagnosed with severe ADHD and severe dyslexia until college. It was a gut punch knowing how difficult things had been for her. No one ever saw the signs, not me, not teachers, pediatricians, it only became apparent that something was really off when online schooling at the beginning of lockdown really impacted her. The diagnoses were very freeing and she learned to manage her life in a new way that was so much easier for her and relived so much stress and anxiety. OP you are so rigid and controlling. You are going to lose your daughter forever if you don't stop treating her with so much judgment and cruelty. It sounds to me like she is doing her best and you are the one who is failing.

OP here. I just don't understand what an autism diagnose at the age of 24 would do. It's not like she's in high school or college, where an autism diagnosis would at least grant her accommodations and maybe access to social skills classes. It just feels like she wants an excuse from adulting, and that she's latching onto a potential autism diagnosis as a way to escape the "real world" of work and compromising in relationships.

I also think that it's dubious how effective or helpful a diagnosis would be if she's getting diagnosed this late -- at that point, she's high functioning enough (if she even qualifies for a diagnosis in the first place, which I doubt as she's pretty good at picking up on subtext) that it wouldn't qualify her for disability income.

High functioning at what cost? Whatever the diagnosis, your hope and focus should be how can my daughter live better knowing this information. My daughter benefited from accommodation going forward in school, and for now, there are workplace accommodations under the ADA. Although academic accommodations did help, it was self understanding and changing her attitude and approach that were the most important thing. Her brain works differently than most people’s, and she realized that was perfectly fine and how to manage it without feeling crazy.

You really don’t know what’s going on with your daughter and everything boils down to dollars and cents with you. She’s seeking a diagnosis and you’re jumping to conclusions about collecting disability. IDK if your daughter has autism but whatever is happening, of course it benefits her to know that.

Again, do you want to lose your daughter? That’s the direction you’re headed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm back with an update. DD called me and said that she had a neuropsych eval last month, and that the results would come out later this week. I don't see the point of this at all because we already paid for a neuropsych eval ~5 years ago for her. She is convinced that she has autism, which is ridiculous -- her last neuropsych eval ruled that out.

She told me over the phone this morning that "an update neuropsych will explain why I have a hard time in the workplace." Okay, well... regardless of whatever the results say, that doesn't help her situation. At all.

I'm just sick of her making excuses for her immaturity. It seems like this fixation on autism is the latest in her attempt to build an identity or a personality that is, as always, based on victimhood. At first it was how "abusive" DH and I were to her as a child and how we "traumatized her for life," and now it's autism.

None of this, of course, is helpful nor productive.

Teens are very difficult to diagnose, and autism often presents differently in women. It's a good thing to have a fresh evaluation, and it's a good thing that she recognizes something is going on. You should be waiting to see how you can be supportive of her growth in light of whatever her eval reveals.

I had a super high achiever that wasn't diagnosed with severe ADHD and severe dyslexia until college. It was a gut punch knowing how difficult things had been for her. No one ever saw the signs, not me, not teachers, pediatricians, it only became apparent that something was really off when online schooling at the beginning of lockdown really impacted her. The diagnoses were very freeing and she learned to manage her life in a new way that was so much easier for her and relived so much stress and anxiety. OP you are so rigid and controlling. You are going to lose your daughter forever if you don't stop treating her with so much judgment and cruelty. It sounds to me like she is doing her best and you are the one who is failing.

OP here. I just don't understand what an autism diagnose at the age of 24 would do. It's not like she's in high school or college, where an autism diagnosis would at least grant her accommodations and maybe access to social skills classes. It just feels like she wants an excuse from adulting, and that she's latching onto a potential autism diagnosis as a way to escape the "real world" of work and compromising in relationships.

I also think that it's dubious how effective or helpful a diagnosis would be if she's getting diagnosed this late -- at that point, she's high functioning enough (if she even qualifies for a diagnosis in the first place, which I doubt as she's pretty good at picking up on subtext) that it wouldn't qualify her for disability income.

What do you think the solution is?

[Anonymous]

I’m suffering generational trauma just reading your OP and follow ups.
I hope this is a troll, but if not, your daughter’s therapist is right.
You are awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm back with an update. DD called me and said that she had a neuropsych eval last month, and that the results would come out later this week. I don't see the point of this at all because we already paid for a neuropsych eval ~5 years ago for her. She is convinced that she has autism, which is ridiculous -- her last neuropsych eval ruled that out.

She told me over the phone this morning that "an update neuropsych will explain why I have a hard time in the workplace." Okay, well... regardless of whatever the results say, that doesn't help her situation. At all.

I'm just sick of her making excuses for her immaturity. It seems like this fixation on autism is the latest in her attempt to build an identity or a personality that is, as always, based on victimhood. At first it was how "abusive" DH and I were to her as a child and how we "traumatized her for life," and now it's autism.

None of this, of course, is helpful nor productive.

Teens are very difficult to diagnose, and autism often presents differently in women. It's a good thing to have a fresh evaluation, and it's a good thing that she recognizes something is going on. You should be waiting to see how you can be supportive of her growth in light of whatever her eval reveals.

I had a super high achiever that wasn't diagnosed with severe ADHD and severe dyslexia until college. It was a gut punch knowing how difficult things had been for her. No one ever saw the signs, not me, not teachers, pediatricians, it only became apparent that something was really off when online schooling at the beginning of lockdown really impacted her. The diagnoses were very freeing and she learned to manage her life in a new way that was so much easier for her and relived so much stress and anxiety. OP you are so rigid and controlling. You are going to lose your daughter forever if you don't stop treating her with so much judgment and cruelty. It sounds to me like she is doing her best and you are the one who is failing.

OP here. I just don't understand what an autism diagnose at the age of 24 would do. It's not like she's in high school or college, where an autism diagnosis would at least grant her accommodations and maybe access to social skills classes. It just feels like she wants an excuse from adulting, and that she's latching onto a potential autism diagnosis as a way to escape the "real world" of work and compromising in relationships.

I also think that it's dubious how effective or helpful a diagnosis would be if she's getting diagnosed this late -- at that point, she's high functioning enough (if she even qualifies for a diagnosis in the first place, which I doubt as she's pretty good at picking up on subtext) that it wouldn't qualify her for disability income.

Many employers want to brag that they hire autistic adults - especially if they are large and seek or have federal contracts. Google Employers who hire autistic. This fact is pertinent to your situation, please keep reading.

My DS is autistic/ADHD/Anxiety and 30. Testing was not as precise back then, so it took five rounds of testing with inconclusive findings ("high IQ/maybe ADHD, we don't know/executive function/anxiety") until at 14, we finally got the autism (then called Asperger's) diagnosis. And suddenly all of his struggles fell into line. Our two pediatricians and I missed it. When the psychiatrist told us, I remarked that he had fine, direct eye contact. The shrink said, "No, he doesn't, you are too close to it to see it". She was right - I mentioned that because a PP above said the same about those close to the child being unable to see some significant patterns. After that diagnosis, we tried private school, public school with an IEP, etc. He finished college, using disability services, and is doing fine in a job.

The reason I mention all that is that he wanted (and his therapist recommended) a fresh round of testing at age 30, so he arranged it, and fortunately, his insurance paid for it. The diagnosis was more fulsome but still the same as when he was a teenager: Autism/anxiety/ADHD, but he felt it was well worthwhile because it confirmed for him his life experience. It was helpful to her therapist, physician, and executive-function coach to have it reassessed. That's why your daughter should have it done, and why she may need to do it again after three years. It may, indeed, explain some of the difficulties she has had with life. It may not..

Our son shared that study with us and took the results to HR, which filed it and asked what accommodations he needed. He asked for a few tiny items that would help him focus better, and they accommodated that, but not much more. However, his company underwent a massive layoff, and he survived. Was it the fact that he had filed with HR? We don't know, but his one other friend, who wasn't fired, had also filed disability testing results with HR.

Your daughter sounds troubled, as you know. She clearly wants this diagnosis because she can transfer blame (yes, you are right about that). She may lie about the results. Our son showed us his results. It sounds like your daughter may not want to share, but you can express interest in exploring this new world with her and in seeing the results. The worst she can do is say "no".

Good luck! I'll try to circle back and see if you have any questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She didn’t work while in college? How does she pay rent now? The weight shaming is 100% uncool.

She worked a bunch of random jobs in college (manager of her school's garden, RA for prof), but these aren't jobs that are available for alumni at her school -- they only hire current students. She paid rent through a barista job, but she got fired a few months ago.

Being overweight (at a BMI of 25, which is on the cusp) is not "100% uncool." Being that overweight is a SIGNIFICANT impediment to getting a job offer as a young woman.

and you don't see any issue what you are saying about your child. Poor kid looking for supoort at wrong place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm back with an update. DD called me and said that she had a neuropsych eval last month, and that the results would come out later this week. I don't see the point of this at all because we already paid for a neuropsych eval ~5 years ago for her. She is convinced that she has autism, which is ridiculous -- her last neuropsych eval ruled that out.

She told me over the phone this morning that "an update neuropsych will explain why I have a hard time in the workplace." Okay, well... regardless of whatever the results say, that doesn't help her situation. At all.

I'm just sick of her making excuses for her immaturity. It seems like this fixation on autism is the latest in her attempt to build an identity or a personality that is, as always, based on victimhood. At first it was how "abusive" DH and I were to her as a child and how we "traumatized her for life," and now it's autism.

None of this, of course, is helpful nor productive.

Teens are very difficult to diagnose, and autism often presents differently in women. It's a good thing to have a fresh evaluation, and it's a good thing that she recognizes something is going on. You should be waiting to see how you can be supportive of her growth in light of whatever her eval reveals.

I had a super high achiever that wasn't diagnosed with severe ADHD and severe dyslexia until college. It was a gut punch knowing how difficult things had been for her. No one ever saw the signs, not me, not teachers, pediatricians, it only became apparent that something was really off when online schooling at the beginning of lockdown really impacted her. The diagnoses were very freeing and she learned to manage her life in a new way that was so much easier for her and relived so much stress and anxiety. OP you are so rigid and controlling. You are going to lose your daughter forever if you don't stop treating her with so much judgment and cruelty. It sounds to me like she is doing her best and you are the one who is failing.

OP here. I just don't understand what an autism diagnose at the age of 24 would do. It's not like she's in high school or college, where an autism diagnosis would at least grant her accommodations and maybe access to social skills classes. It just feels like she wants an excuse from adulting, and that she's latching onto a potential autism diagnosis as a way to escape the "real world" of work and compromising in relationships.

I also think that it's dubious how effective or helpful a diagnosis would be if she's getting diagnosed this late -- at that point, she's high functioning enough (if she even qualifies for a diagnosis in the first place, which I doubt as she's pretty good at picking up on subtext) that it wouldn't qualify her for disability income.

Many employers want to brag that they hire autistic adults - especially if they are large and seek or have federal contracts. Google Employers who hire autistic. This fact is pertinent to your situation, please keep reading.

My DS is autistic/ADHD/Anxiety and 30. Testing was not as precise back then, so it took five rounds of testing with inconclusive findings ("high IQ/maybe ADHD, we don't know/executive function/anxiety") until at 14, we finally got the autism (then called Asperger's) diagnosis. And suddenly all of his struggles fell into line. Our two pediatricians and I missed it. When the psychiatrist told us, I remarked that he had fine, direct eye contact. The shrink said, "No, he doesn't, you are too close to it to see it". She was right - I mentioned that because a PP above said the same about those close to the child being unable to see some significant patterns. After that diagnosis, we tried private school, public school with an IEP, etc. He finished college, using disability services, and is doing fine in a job.

The reason I mention all that is that he wanted (and his therapist recommended) a fresh round of testing at age 30, so he arranged it, and fortunately, his insurance paid for it. The diagnosis was more fulsome but still the same as when he was a teenager: Autism/anxiety/ADHD, but he felt it was well worthwhile because it confirmed for him his life experience. It was helpful to her therapist, physician, and executive-function coach to have it reassessed. That's why your daughter should have it done, and why she may need to do it again after three years. It may, indeed, explain some of the difficulties she has had with life. It may not..

Our son shared that study with us and took the results to HR, which filed it and asked what accommodations he needed. He asked for a few tiny items that would help him focus better, and they accommodated that, but not much more. However, his company underwent a massive layoff, and he survived. Was it the fact that he had filed with HR? We don't know, but his one other friend, who wasn't fired, had also filed disability testing results with HR.

Your daughter sounds troubled, as you know. She clearly wants this diagnosis because she can transfer blame (yes, you are right about that). She may lie about the results. Our son showed us his results. It sounds like your daughter may not want to share, but you can express interest in exploring this new world with her and in seeing the results. The worst she can do is say "no".

Good luck! I'll try to circle back and see if you have any questions.

OP, are you coming back? I'd like to know the results. Whether or not she says she has autism or not, why don't you use this game-changer to start a new relationship with her? Suggest a quiet lunch out and ask her to talk about the results and what they mean to her.

[Anonymous]

First - it sounds like you don’t really like your daughter because she’s difficult.

In this case just agree with her “yes, we are not the parents you need”, “yes, just like the government with taxes - we encourage behavior with money”, and “yes, we will support you if you play by our rules”. Then pull the plug on all funding. No way I’m supporting my adult children if they behave that way. I had them privately educated in the finest schools. I got them all the tutoring and support the needs. They were involved in so many activities, trips and opportunities - on and on…. If they turned to me and said I failed them as a parent - “I’d agree” and be sad about it because I didn’t raise a grateful kind child. Maybe look at it that way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm back with an update. DD called me and said that she had a neuropsych eval last month, and that the results would come out later this week. I don't see the point of this at all because we already paid for a neuropsych eval ~5 years ago for her. She is convinced that she has autism, which is ridiculous -- her last neuropsych eval ruled that out.

She told me over the phone this morning that "an update neuropsych will explain why I have a hard time in the workplace." Okay, well... regardless of whatever the results say, that doesn't help her situation. At all.

I'm just sick of her making excuses for her immaturity. It seems like this fixation on autism is the latest in her attempt to build an identity or a personality that is, as always, based on victimhood. At first it was how "abusive" DH and I were to her as a child and how we "traumatized her for life," and now it's autism.

None of this, of course, is helpful nor productive.

Teens are very difficult to diagnose, and autism often presents differently in women. It's a good thing to have a fresh evaluation, and it's a good thing that she recognizes something is going on. You should be waiting to see how you can be supportive of her growth in light of whatever her eval reveals.

I had a super high achiever that wasn't diagnosed with severe ADHD and severe dyslexia until college. It was a gut punch knowing how difficult things had been for her. No one ever saw the signs, not me, not teachers, pediatricians, it only became apparent that something was really off when online schooling at the beginning of lockdown really impacted her. The diagnoses were very freeing and she learned to manage her life in a new way that was so much easier for her and relived so much stress and anxiety. OP you are so rigid and controlling. You are going to lose your daughter forever if you don't stop treating her with so much judgment and cruelty. It sounds to me like she is doing her best and you are the one who is failing.

OP here. I just don't understand what an autism diagnose at the age of 24 would do. It's not like she's in high school or college, where an autism diagnosis would at least grant her accommodations and maybe access to social skills classes. It just feels like she wants an excuse from adulting, and that she's latching onto a potential autism diagnosis as a way to escape the "real world" of work and compromising in relationships.

I also think that it's dubious how effective or helpful a diagnosis would be if she's getting diagnosed this late -- at that point, she's high functioning enough (if she even qualifies for a diagnosis in the first place, which I doubt as she's pretty good at picking up on subtext) that it wouldn't qualify her for disability income.

Many employers want to brag that they hire autistic adults - especially if they are large and seek or have federal contracts. Google Employers who hire autistic. This fact is pertinent to your situation, please keep reading.

My DS is autistic/ADHD/Anxiety and 30. Testing was not as precise back then, so it took five rounds of testing with inconclusive findings ("high IQ/maybe ADHD, we don't know/executive function/anxiety") until at 14, we finally got the autism (then called Asperger's) diagnosis. And suddenly all of his struggles fell into line. Our two pediatricians and I missed it. When the psychiatrist told us, I remarked that he had fine, direct eye contact. The shrink said, "No, he doesn't, you are too close to it to see it". She was right - I mentioned that because a PP above said the same about those close to the child being unable to see some significant patterns. After that diagnosis, we tried private school, public school with an IEP, etc. He finished college, using disability services, and is doing fine in a job.

The reason I mention all that is that he wanted (and his therapist recommended) a fresh round of testing at age 30, so he arranged it, and fortunately, his insurance paid for it. The diagnosis was more fulsome but still the same as when he was a teenager: Autism/anxiety/ADHD, but he felt it was well worthwhile because it confirmed for him his life experience. It was helpful to her therapist, physician, and executive-function coach to have it reassessed. That's why your daughter should have it done, and why she may need to do it again after three years. It may, indeed, explain some of the difficulties she has had with life. It may not..

Our son shared that study with us and took the results to HR, which filed it and asked what accommodations he needed. He asked for a few tiny items that would help him focus better, and they accommodated that, but not much more. However, his company underwent a massive layoff, and he survived. Was it the fact that he had filed with HR? We don't know, but his one other friend, who wasn't fired, had also filed disability testing results with HR.

Your daughter sounds troubled, as you know. She clearly wants this diagnosis because she can transfer blame (yes, you are right about that). She may lie about the results. Our son showed us his results. It sounds like your daughter may not want to share, but you can express interest in exploring this new world with her and in seeing the results. The worst she can do is say "no".

Good luck! I'll try to circle back and see if you have any questions.

OP, are you coming back? I'd like to know the results. Whether or not she says she has autism or not, why don't you use this game-changer to start a new relationship with her? Suggest a quiet lunch out and ask her to talk about the results and what they mean to her.

OP here. Just got off a phone call with DD. Yes, the neuropsych (yet again) confirmed that she has ADHD but NOT autism. She was distraught that she didn't get an ASD diagnosis, but I told her that it's important to base her identity off of her "disabilities" or her victimhood. She told me that she was looking forward to an autism diagnosis to explain her struggles and to "find the right job for her," and I definitely felt that she was looking to transfer blame for her poor decisions on a (nonexistent) diagnosis.

It's just frustrating when DD's whole personality is how much of a victim she is. With her, it's only about how much DH and I have allegedly "abused" her and "invalidated" her insane emotional responses. All of her poetry is about how badly DH has allegedly abused her. She can't find a single positive thing to say about her childhood despite us pouring a TON of time, money, and effort into her K-12 schooling and paying for all of her college degree.

[Anonymous]

no way this is real.