Failure to Launch Daughter Is Unemployed and Blaming Me for All of Her Problems

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - do you know how rare DCUM unanimity is? Crazy rare. Sad for all that you cannot see it, you are too defensive and certain you are right.

You are a controlling person that will lose their child because you are in fact crazy controlling and the effect of every action you are taking with your daughter will (1) not help her, and (2) drive her away from you.

We all feel for your child. No one thinks she is perfect, but everyone feels for how hard it must have been to grow up with your lack of respect for any choice she has ever wanted to make.

I want to make it clear for rude commenters who haven't heard this before: If you don't have a child with a personality disorder, do NOT COMMENT AND INSULT ME ON THIS THREAD.

Do you know how hard it is to raise a child with an obvious personality disorder? Of course DH and I don't respect any of the choices that she's made. They've all led her to this situation of being underemployed and dependent on me for financial support, which DH and I EXPLICITLY stated at the beginning of college that we do NOT believe in for adult children.

Obviously a STEM graduate from Stanford is more employable than an English graduate from Oberlin. It was only inevitable that DD would end up in this situation.

Only people with borderline adult children can understand this. No, we do not have to respect an adult child's delusions.

Op you sound like the one with the personality disorder.

By the way, I have a liberal arts degrees from a state school and I have a good corporate career. I’m not the only person there either. Getting a degree in English doesn’t mean a lifetime of bad job contrary to what people like to say.

[Anonymous]

OP is clearly insane

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - do you know how rare DCUM unanimity is? Crazy rare. Sad for all that you cannot see it, you are too defensive and certain you are right.

You are a controlling person that will lose their child because you are in fact crazy controlling and the effect of every action you are taking with your daughter will (1) not help her, and (2) drive her away from you.

We all feel for your child. No one thinks she is perfect, but everyone feels for how hard it must have been to grow up with your lack of respect for any choice she has ever wanted to make.

I want to make it clear for rude commenters who haven't heard this before: If you don't have a child with a personality disorder, do NOT COMMENT AND INSULT ME ON THIS THREAD.

Do you know how hard it is to raise a child with an obvious personality disorder? Of course DH and I don't respect any of the choices that she's made. They've all led her to this situation of being underemployed and dependent on me for financial support, which DH and I EXPLICITLY stated at the beginning of college that we do NOT believe in for adult children.

Obviously a STEM graduate from Stanford is more employable than an English graduate from Oberlin. It was only inevitable that DD would end up in this situation.

Only people with borderline adult children can understand this. No, we do not have to respect an adult child's delusions.

I want to make it clear for insane and self-serving OP that anyone who has had a parent who was a pillar of the community AND a secret narcissistic abuser knows what you are all about. Anyone who ever got a STEM degree from a T10 yet ended up "underachieving" financially because other things were more important knows what's up with your rants. [Egad, some may have even become SAHPs or freelance writers or clergy!] Anyone who managed to read this thread and your periodic ORDERS REGARDING WHO CAN COMMENT AND WHAT NOT TO SAY on here knows how pathetic your raging is.

No we do not have to obey you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP and I’m gonna say that struggling with a “difficult child” who is “entitled” is real. As is the sheer frustration of feeling like you’ve sacrificed and worked very hard to give every possible advantage to a child who has not utilized that privilege to lift off into adult independence and self sufficiency.

But OP, I say this with good intentions…your DD probably has some kind of undiagnosed mental health disorder that she has likely struggled with her whole life. Her “unlikability” is probably not just your opinion but a symptom of BPD.

You probably think she is just an entitled ungrateful brat. At least, that’s what you have conveyed. And her being overweight bothers you, which you’ve made clear multiple times here—and probably to her—but framing it as concern for her health isn’t really fooling anyone.

You seem to be a religious family, so I strongly recommend that you read a book called “The Blessing” so that you can understand how your approval of your son and disapproval of your daughter has forever impacted family dynamics. He is “easier to love” and you have treated him as such and they both know it.

Most of this thread thinks you’re a horrible parent (based on your own tone and choice of words), and I get that it’s easy for us to say that bc we don’t know your DD nor do we interact with her ir experience the frustrations that some of her behaviors might cause.
But you are her mom. It’s time to abandon the tough love stance and address the underlying issues through counseling. For everyone.

The other thread said daughter has anxiety and depression and did DBT-- and this thread says she also has ADHD-- aka it is obvious she is having a hard time at life and needs support-- but mom hated DBT as the therapist encouraged her to validate and support her child and she thinks her child is pathetic and if she just went to church and lost weight everything would be better

I'm going to ignore all the insults here and respond to this. We did not believe that DBT was effective and made DD's mental health worse (clearly, as evidenced by her stealing from me). I don't think that validating DD's insane delusions (ie: that her father/DH was "abusive" to her, or that we "financially coerced her" by tying her college funding to going to church), which is what the DBT therapist did and also encouraged us to do, was helpful for building her distress tolerance.

Op please explain more about how you daughter thinks your husband abused her?

OP here. Most of her complaints are that DH and I did not "validate" her enough growing up, that we forced her to play a team sport for all 4 years of high school when she didn't want to (this was for HER own good! Not because we wanted to waste our weekends watching her field hockey games, lol), and that we made her college funding contingent on her attending church.

Just based on your interaction with this thread, your DD is right. Imagine the takeaway when your parent simutaneously forces you to do something AND complains about supporting you in doing it. And how did you go from ADHD to a personality disorder? You're totally projecting, but typically people aren't born personality disordered. The personality disorder is a result of a what was required of them to navigate growing up in their particular environment.

Every post you've made about your daughter has included insults, do you not find it ironic that when served the same it doesn't feel good? Imagine what it's like to be your daughter. You're supposed to love her the most.

[Anonymous]

You need to learn how to grey rock your train wreck of a daughter