Failure to Launch Daughter Is Unemployed and Blaming Me for All of Her Problems

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I agree with your daughter about her gripes. You’re lucky she hasn’t cut contact completely.

[Anonymous]

Her weight and major are not impacting her inability to find a job. I am an obese English major who has never had a problem finding a job in corporate America. Sounds like that isn’t the type of job she wants. Have you tried talking to her about what she actually wants to do? You need to get yourself in order if you want any kind of future relationship with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her weight and major are not impacting her inability to find a job. I am an obese English major who has never had a problem finding a job in corporate America. Sounds like that isn’t the type of job she wants. Have you tried talking to her about what she actually wants to do? You need to get yourself in order if you want any kind of future relationship with her.

Are you a man? I can't imagine a young woman being successful in a similar position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad that you clearly don’t like her. I feel bad for her. She needs to free herself from you to get it together.

She keeps telling us that she doesn't want to talk to us -- and then begs us for money! So clearly she's not interested in "freeing herself" from me or DH.

You just harped on and on about how she’s so unlikeable and overweight and so many other negative things so I get why she needs therapy, FFS! Her own mother clearly hates her.

[Anonymous]

OP here. To clarify, we do NOT give DD money. No way. She is on our health insurance, so her therapist bills our health insurance for their sessions. I don't like this since it means that DH and I are basically funding her to insult me to a third party.

However, we found out over the weekend that DD was able to hack into my Amazon prime account on Sunday (She guessed my password because it's a combination of her and DS's names and my favorite animal -- I changed the password as soon as I found out, obviously). DD had the AUDACITY to spend $50 of MY hard-won paycheck to buy toiletries like shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and toilet paper because she can't afford to buy these things with her own salary.

I told her upfront today that I do NOT respect her as a person and view her as TOTALLY PATHETIC because she can't even find a job that pays her enough to buy basic needs like shampoo, which even a high school drop out is able to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad that you clearly don’t like her. I feel bad for her. She needs to free herself from you to get it together.

She keeps telling us that she doesn't want to talk to us -- and then begs us for money! So clearly she's not interested in "freeing herself" from me or DH.

You just harped on and on about how she’s so unlikeable and overweight and so many other negative things so I get why she needs therapy, FFS! Her own mother clearly hates her.

NO !!!!

I do NOT hate her. Obviously I love her -- hence why I haven't cut her off. I need posters to STOP accusing me of hating my own flesh and blood because it's simply 1). Not true, and 2). Unproductive in this conversation.

Lacking respect for my daughter does NOT mean that I hate her. Not in the slightest!

[Anonymous]

If you think your latest post is defending your position in any way, you are dead wrong. You are a terrible person!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad that you clearly don’t like her. I feel bad for her. She needs to free herself from you to get it together.

She keeps telling us that she doesn't want to talk to us -- and then begs us for money! So clearly she's not interested in "freeing herself" from me or DH.

You just harped on and on about how she’s so unlikeable and overweight and so many other negative things so I get why she needs therapy, FFS! Her own mother clearly hates her.

NO !!!!

I do NOT hate her. Obviously I love her -- hence why I haven't cut her off. I need posters to STOP accusing me of hating my own flesh and blood because it's simply 1). Not true, and 2). Unproductive in this conversation.

Lacking respect for my daughter does NOT mean that I hate her. Not in the slightest!

This is not obvious to anyone. Have you sought therapy? You have some issues. What was your relationship like with your parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP of the "Adult Failure to Launch DD Stealing from Me" thread.

OP are you from the DMV? Do you have any connection to DC? I'm guessing... not. I wish people would take threads like these somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

With each post you sound more and more like you dislike her.

You literally comment on her being unlikable and for a mother to criticize the weight of an adult child like that is disturbing. While you may think that height and weight are awful, they truly aren’t and what a horrible way to look at your own child. Tying her attendance to church to funding and support is troubling as well.

It’s truly not surprising that she has such a contentious relationship with you.

[Anonymous]

This could be the daughter posting her interpretation of her mother because it's hard to see how this poster is for real.

[Anonymous]

I am going to assume all is true and try to be helpful. Parenting girls can be hard. Keep in mind the goal is to launch and maintain a relationship. So to that end, you need to really evaluate the comments to DD to make sure they are constructive and not mean. And don’t be baited by her comments. Nothing about her weight is constructive. At her age, it’s her business. Provide guidance and assistance in getting job or going to grad school. Talk to her about where she wants to get to and what possible paths get her there. There is no point readdressing her college major, what’s done is fine. If you find jointly find a path and you have the means, it’s okay to provide financial support on the path towards the goal. Like a certification or interview clothes. You must get out of the toxic interaction. I get it that it is frustrating, you provide all the opportunities and you daughters seems to waste them. But she is young and there is time for her to turn it around. But that turnaround will not come from you degrading her. You must acknowledge that and change your behavior too. I agree with not enabling her financially, she has to live the life she built for herself. But if you can be part of getting her to define goal and path to he goal that is invaluable. But nothing about past and nothing about about weight!

[Anonymous]

I think this is a troll. Most of the replies in OP's first thread were pretty against her. This thread will devolve similarly.

The OP seems to be someone who enjoys being contrarian and manufacturing a fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going to assume all is true and try to be helpful. Parenting girls can be hard. Keep in mind the goal is to launch and maintain a relationship. So to that end, you need to really evaluate the comments to DD to make sure they are constructive and not mean. And don’t be baited by her comments. Nothing about her weight is constructive. At her age, it’s her business. Provide guidance and assistance in getting job or going to grad school. Talk to her about where she wants to get to and what possible paths get her there. There is no point readdressing her college major, what’s done is fine. If you find jointly find a path and you have the means, it’s okay to provide financial support on the path towards the goal. Like a certification or interview clothes. You must get out of the toxic interaction. I get it that it is frustrating, you provide all the opportunities and you daughters seems to waste them. But she is young and there is time for her to turn it around. But that turnaround will not come from you degrading her. You must acknowledge that and change your behavior too. I agree with not enabling her financially, she has to live the life she built for herself. But if you can be part of getting her to define goal and path to he goal that is invaluable. But nothing about past and nothing about about weight!

OP here. This is what I struggle with the most! She just absolutely REFUSES to accept the consequences of her (poor!) choices and tries to pull off insane shit like hacking into my Amazon Prime account because *surprise surprise*, a BA in English from a liberal arts college doesn't lead to steady employment.

Oh, and her goal and ultimate "path" in life that she wants for herself is to publish insane poetry about her "childhood trauma."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


I think this is a troll. Most of the replies in OP's first thread were pretty against her. This thread will devolve similarly.

The OP seems to be someone who enjoys being contrarian and manufacturing a fight.

I am not a troll -- happy to give out my burner email. And explain more 1-on-1.