Failure to Launch Daughter Is Unemployed and Blaming Me for All of Her Problems

[Anonymous]

New poster.
I think it’s best for you guys to take a break from each other.
There’s no guarantee that a kid and their parents will like each other. It is ok to be apart as adults. Not everything is someone’s fault - be it a parent or a child- sometimes people just aren’t compatible and they happen to be related.
I would help her with a used car as having a car helps with employment, but after that I’d just distance myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster.
I think it’s best for you guys to take a break from each other.
There’s no guarantee that a kid and their parents will like each other. It is ok to be apart as adults. Not everything is someone’s fault - be it a parent or a child- sometimes people just aren’t compatible and they happen to be related.
I would help her with a used car as having a car helps with employment, but after that I’d just distance myself.

We have fought about this a lot. No, she is NOT entitled to car. FFS, if she wants a car, she can get a job that pays enough to buy one. Relying on your parents to buy a car as a 24 year old while you're UNEMPLOYED is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Lots of chubby people are in relationships. Being overweight doesn't mean a person is unattractive. Also, you requiring a legal adult to attend weekly church in order to get their education paid for IS manipulation. It's religious abuse.

Honestly, it sounds like you don't like your daughter at all. So why do you care if she dislikes you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New poster.
I think it’s best for you guys to take a break from each other.
There’s no guarantee that a kid and their parents will like each other. It is ok to be apart as adults. Not everything is someone’s fault - be it a parent or a child- sometimes people just aren’t compatible and they happen to be related.
I would help her with a used car as having a car helps with employment, but after that I’d just distance myself.

I think it's interesting you point this out, because this is what DD wants from us (hence why she didn't go home during the holidays). But she still begs us for money like a pathetic little child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of chubby people are in relationships. Being overweight doesn't mean a person is unattractive. Also, you requiring a legal adult to attend weekly church in order to get their education paid for IS manipulation. It's religious abuse.

Honestly, it sounds like you don't like your daughter at all. So why do you care if she dislikes you?

1. No, it's not abuse.

2. Because she keeps stealing from us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I think this is a troll. Most of the replies in OP's first thread were pretty against her. This thread will devolve similarly.

The OP seems to be someone who enjoys being contrarian and manufacturing a fight.

I am not a troll -- happy to give out my burner email. And explain more 1-on-1.

You're a troll in that you're a glutton for punishment and keep returning to DCUM for more. No one respects you. Some people think you're lying. I just think that you're mentally ill.

Go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her weight and major are not impacting her inability to find a job. I am an obese English major who has never had a problem finding a job in corporate America. Sounds like that isn’t the type of job she wants. Have you tried talking to her about what she actually wants to do? You need to get yourself in order if you want any kind of future relationship with her.

Are you a man? I can't imagine a young woman being successful in a similar position.

Nope, I’m a woman. Your strange view of the world leads me to believe you wouldn’t be successful, but don’t project that onto others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


I think this is a troll. Most of the replies in OP's first thread were pretty against her. This thread will devolve similarly.

The OP seems to be someone who enjoys being contrarian and manufacturing a fight.

I am not a troll -- happy to give out my burner email. And explain more 1-on-1.

Hey “N” this is “R.” I am talking to “K”again next week. I do think she is trying. She presents better than you think — it’s just a really tough job market out there, especially for entry level. And there’s been a lot happening in other ways in her orbit, if you know what I mean…

She is interviewing, which is more than so kids can say. Maybe the opportunity she interviewed for last week will still materialize. I doubt that kind of employer would ghost her.

I suggest buying her the toiletries. I understand the frustration but I’m not sure escalating conflict is going to help her frame of mind as she job hunts.

[Anonymous]

My niece was an English major from NYU. She got a job right out of college and is recruited regularly by tech.

She does not have an advanced degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster.
I think it’s best for you guys to take a break from each other.
There’s no guarantee that a kid and their parents will like each other. It is ok to be apart as adults. Not everything is someone’s fault - be it a parent or a child- sometimes people just aren’t compatible and they happen to be related.
I would help her with a used car as having a car helps with employment, but after that I’d just distance myself.

We have fought about this a lot. No, she is NOT entitled to car. FFS, if she wants a car, she can get a job that pays enough to buy one. Relying on your parents to buy a car as a 24 year old while you're UNEMPLOYED is ridiculous.

I bought my kids used cars in high school to get them to activities and part-time jobs. They now pay for the insurance and upkeep. You sound very controlling and mean. I hope you're a troll.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you all like each other much… maybe take a break from communicating.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm mainly fascinated by how you go from birthing a child (having known that pure, unconditional love myself) to disliking, shaming, and experiencing schadenfreude at your own child's expense.

It's not like your child held you hostage and forced you to pay for her college while you had zero control over her studies (I mean, you controlled her attending a house of worship, surely you could have said 'only people with BMIs under 24 are allowed to be English majors').

You seem to feel impotent and probably very concerned about how this reflects upon you, if your own self-worth isn't strong enough to hold space for her choices and differences.

And underneath all of that is probably grief because you can't understand why your child feels alienated from you and compelled to cut off contact, though your own actions have caused and reinforced those feelings.

[Anonymous]

Your poor daughter. I can see why she needs help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster.
I think it’s best for you guys to take a break from each other.
There’s no guarantee that a kid and their parents will like each other. It is ok to be apart as adults. Not everything is someone’s fault - be it a parent or a child- sometimes people just aren’t compatible and they happen to be related.
I would help her with a used car as having a car helps with employment, but after that I’d just distance myself.

We have fought about this a lot. No, she is NOT entitled to car. FFS, if she wants a car, she can get a job that pays enough to buy one. Relying on your parents to buy a car as a 24 year old while you're UNEMPLOYED is ridiculous.

I sincerely hope I’m not engaging with a troll, but I have to say that sometimes a person needs a boost to get on track. A used car qualifies as a fishing rod in my book.
I’d do that but nothing else. I’d also help with dental and medical expenses.
But of course you do you. I think it’s best for both of you to not engage with each other. Leave each other be!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster.
I think it’s best for you guys to take a break from each other.
There’s no guarantee that a kid and their parents will like each other. It is ok to be apart as adults. Not everything is someone’s fault - be it a parent or a child- sometimes people just aren’t compatible and they happen to be related.
I would help her with a used car as having a car helps with employment, but after that I’d just distance myself.

I think it's interesting you point this out, because this is what DD wants from us (hence why she didn't go home during the holidays). But she still begs us for money like a pathetic little child.

You may be leading her on, subconsciously.
People don’t keep doing stuff that’s not rewarded, it’s Pavlovian stuff.