Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confront him before it’s too late.

You have nothing to lose. Take the high road and you’ll be watching all his stuff go to her kids, and you’ll be begging for th photo albums.

lol. Yeah, going after the inheritance is definitely the way to rebuild a relationship.

OP. So for inheritance, I don’t necessarily care about the money itself. If he chose to leave everything to my siblings and nothing to me, I’d be fine with that because it’s staying in the family and I trust my siblings not to squander it.

But I do have a real problem if he leaves everything to her and her kids. She doesn’t work, so it’s a very real possibility she could convince him to leave her our childhood house so she has a place to stay, leave her money for her kids’ college tuition (they are high school age), etc.

I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

But more importantly, I want to be able to see my dad. I want him to be able to see his grandkids without it being an issue with her.

So, you don't necessarily want the money, but you definitely don't want her to have it.

You do realize it isn't your money, right?

You sound incredibly toxic. No doubt this also comes out when you're interacting with her (or not interacting with her).

Agree that OP seems to be the one with issues here. OP said, "I’ve always been nice to her. She and I would go out together sometimes, she’s comes to my kids’ parties, and we’ve always been welcoming. That’s the weird thing, it’s not like there was tension or awkwardness. She’s always been welcome and we’ve had fun together."

Then look at her posting just above. Could it be more vindictive?

Sorry, but this is a classic case of an adult daughter who does not want any woman to step into a spousal position with her dear daddy. Especially if that woman (gasp!) dares to have any influence in what happens with/to her own husband and his money.

If you took this story and changed the narrative from a father's wife to OP's husband, and her father had this kind of attitude about OP's spouse, well everyone would be screaming about how wrong it is. How the father should butt out. How the father should realize his daughter was an adult and she and her spouse should make their own decisions without judgment.

But the second it is a woman who is in a proverbial "stepmother" role then all bets are off. Because EVERY woman who marries or has a serious relationship with a man (who has kids) is evil, right?

What are you going on about? The duty of a parent to a child (yes, even a fault child) is very different than the dynamic of a child to a parent.

The point is ADULTS. Does an adult have the right to choose a partner and make life decisions without seeking input and approval from any other adult - whether is it a parent, adult sibling, adult relative or adult child??

There is so much entitlement on this board. I grew up MC so I never expected an inheritance. So many people posting here are so entitled. Reminds me of a line in T Swift’s anti-hero.

I hear what you're saying, but let's be real. The younger 2nd wife is after the 1st wife's inheritance. So many women don't have retirement plans and go husband hunting instead. They are the ones expecting an inheritance that they never worked for. In my family's case, the 2nd wife not only got both the mom and dad's money, but also money that they'd inherited from their own parents and grandparents. The mom and dad's kids got nothing, not even belongings (she sold them).

I guess I agree if they are not having kids together. Why else, other than money, would a woman want to marry an old man? After a certain age, women are better off staying single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confront him before it’s too late.

You have nothing to lose. Take the high road and you’ll be watching all his stuff go to her kids, and you’ll be begging for th photo albums.

lol. Yeah, going after the inheritance is definitely the way to rebuild a relationship.

OP. So for inheritance, I don’t necessarily care about the money itself. If he chose to leave everything to my siblings and nothing to me, I’d be fine with that because it’s staying in the family and I trust my siblings not to squander it.

But I do have a real problem if he leaves everything to her and her kids. She doesn’t work, so it’s a very real possibility she could convince him to leave her our childhood house so she has a place to stay, leave her money for her kids’ college tuition (they are high school age), etc.

I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

But more importantly, I want to be able to see my dad. I want him to be able to see his grandkids without it being an issue with her.

So, you don't necessarily want the money, but you definitely don't want her to have it.

You do realize it isn't your money, right?

You sound incredibly toxic. No doubt this also comes out when you're interacting with her (or not interacting with her).

Agree that OP seems to be the one with issues here. OP said, "I’ve always been nice to her. She and I would go out together sometimes, she’s comes to my kids’ parties, and we’ve always been welcoming. That’s the weird thing, it’s not like there was tension or awkwardness. She’s always been welcome and we’ve had fun together."

Then look at her posting just above. Could it be more vindictive?

Sorry, but this is a classic case of an adult daughter who does not want any woman to step into a spousal position with her dear daddy. Especially if that woman (gasp!) dares to have any influence in what happens with/to her own husband and his money.

If you took this story and changed the narrative from a father's wife to OP's husband, and her father had this kind of attitude about OP's spouse, well everyone would be screaming about how wrong it is. How the father should butt out. How the father should realize his daughter was an adult and she and her spouse should make their own decisions without judgment.

But the second it is a woman who is in a proverbial "stepmother" role then all bets are off. Because EVERY woman who marries or has a serious relationship with a man (who has kids) is evil, right?

What are you going on about? The duty of a parent to a child (yes, even a fault child) is very different than the dynamic of a child to a parent.

The point is ADULTS. Does an adult have the right to choose a partner and make life decisions without seeking input and approval from any other adult - whether is it a parent, adult sibling, adult relative or adult child??

There is so much entitlement on this board. I grew up MC so I never expected an inheritance. So many people posting here are so entitled. Reminds me of a line in T Swift’s anti-hero.

I hear what you're saying, but let's be real. The younger 2nd wife is after the 1st wife's inheritance. So many women don't have retirement plans and go husband hunting instead. They are the ones expecting an inheritance that they never worked for. In my family's case, the 2nd wife not only got both the mom and dad's money, but also money that they'd inherited from their own parents and grandparents. The mom and dad's kids got nothing, not even belongings (she sold them).

I guess I agree if they are not having kids together. Why else, other than money, would a woman want to marry an old man? After a certain age, women are better off staying single.

OP clearly states the GF/stepmother has more money than her father does. So it does not apply in this instance. Plus, the GF has been with the father for decades so this is not some young woman trying to cash in.

[Anonymous]

People can be so weird about stuff after a death. My uncle’s wife ransacked my grandmother’s house before the body was cold. She took everything of value and lots of sentimental stuff that would mean little to her but everything to my mom.

[Anonymous]

OP is imagining the "why" here. Maybe new GF is a "drop the rope" kind of women, which is frequently advocated for on here. She literally cannot prevent OP's grown arse dad from buying presents and visiting his family. He has agency, and she isnt' going to do the planning and purchasing for him. If he blames the GF, that's a cop out on his part, and I wouldn't let that stand.

OP, your beef is with your dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is imagining the "why" here. Maybe new GF is a "drop the rope" kind of women, which is frequently advocated for on here. She literally cannot prevent OP's grown arse dad from buying presents and visiting his family. He has agency, and she isnt' going to do the planning and purchasing for him. If he blames the GF, that's a cop out on his part, and I wouldn't let that stand.

OP, your beef is with your dad.

As another "drop the rope" kind of woman, I can see this. DH is terrible about staying in touch with his side of the family, but it's his own darn fault. I'm not his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Confront him before it’s too late.

You have nothing to lose. Take the high road and you’ll be watching all his stuff go to her kids, and you’ll be begging for th photo albums.

lol. Yeah, going after the inheritance is definitely the way to rebuild a relationship.

OP. So for inheritance, I don’t necessarily care about the money itself. If he chose to leave everything to my siblings and nothing to me, I’d be fine with that because it’s staying in the family and I trust my siblings not to squander it.

But I do have a real problem if he leaves everything to her and her kids. She doesn’t work, so it’s a very real possibility she could convince him to leave her our childhood house so she has a place to stay, leave her money for her kids’ college tuition (they are high school age), etc.

I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

But more importantly, I want to be able to see my dad. I want him to be able to see his grandkids without it being an issue with her.

So, you don't necessarily want the money, but you definitely don't want her to have it.

You do realize it isn't your money, right?

You sound incredibly toxic. No doubt this also comes out when you're interacting with her (or not interacting with her).

Agree that OP seems to be the one with issues here. OP said, "I’ve always been nice to her. She and I would go out together sometimes, she’s comes to my kids’ parties, and we’ve always been welcoming. That’s the weird thing, it’s not like there was tension or awkwardness. She’s always been welcome and we’ve had fun together."

Then look at her posting just above. Could it be more vindictive?

Sorry, but this is a classic case of an adult daughter who does not want any woman to step into a spousal position with her dear daddy. Especially if that woman (gasp!) dares to have any influence in what happens with/to her own husband and his money.

If you took this story and changed the narrative from a father's wife to OP's husband, and her father had this kind of attitude about OP's spouse, well everyone would be screaming about how wrong it is. How the father should butt out. How the father should realize his daughter was an adult and she and her spouse should make their own decisions without judgment.

But the second it is a woman who is in a proverbial "stepmother" role then all bets are off. Because EVERY woman who marries or has a serious relationship with a man (who has kids) is evil, right?

What are you going on about? The duty of a parent to a child (yes, even a fault child) is very different than the dynamic of a child to a parent.

The point is ADULTS. Does an adult have the right to choose a partner and make life decisions without seeking input and approval from any other adult - whether is it a parent, adult sibling, adult relative or adult child??

DP. You’re deliberately missing the point.

No, I'm very clearly getting the point - which is, OP is upset because SHE wants to control her father, control his relationships, and control what he does with his assets/estate. She claims that his GF is doing this but she wants to do the exact same thing!

+1. It is very clear that's what is going on here. Many of you are just too focused on your own parents' inheritance that you can't see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get married you aren’t getting the house or any inheritance. It will go to the spouse (assuming she’s younger since you mention her kids, so presumably not adults). My father remarried a younger woman and I expect nothing. It doesn’t stop me from having a good relationship with both of them. On the plus side she is dealing with the issues of caring for an elderly spouse, which is helpful since I need to deal with my mothers aging issues.

This is why the OP needs to get in front of this now. Sabotage the relationship with GF at any cost. Hire a private investigator to dig up dirt. Create fake online dating profiles. Whatever she needs to do before she loses everything.

You're as bad as the gf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Read the post again. Does that sound like someone who is pleasant to be around? You don't think that's going to come out other ways?

NP. You are the one that sounds awful - looking for negativity where there is none. I suspect you are the gf or someone in that position. The OP seems way more reasonable than you.

This is just the typical dcum nasty nancy who is too cool for school and never believes any female poster.

Op I feel your pain. I experienced something similar with a relative who would not tolerate that person visiting anyone else. It was so bizarre and rude that a relative visited me in my home and the entire time the other relative called again and again so we could not visit. My relative chose to answer the phone though so she really was at fault.

Talk to your dad.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds perfectly reasonable and her pain about losing a relationship with her dad seems very real. OP, ignore the weird 2nd wife anger on here.

But does anyone have the link to the thread a while back from basically a similar dad’s point of view? He was seeking advice as his girlfriend made all the plans and they spent all their time with her kids. He missed his own kids and grandkids. I’m not sure I saw the end of the thread, but he just seemed incapable of taking some of the good advice he was getting. He just wanted to keep doing nothing and hope the situation just magically changed. It was sad for his kids/ grandkids that he couldn’t grow a spine and do the bare minimum in effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds perfectly reasonable and her pain about losing a relationship with her dad seems very real. OP, ignore the weird 2nd wife anger on here.

But does anyone have the link to the thread a while back from basically a similar dad’s point of view? He was seeking advice as his girlfriend made all the plans and they spent all their time with her kids. He missed his own kids and grandkids. I’m not sure I saw the end of the thread, but he just seemed incapable of taking some of the good advice he was getting. He just wanted to keep doing nothing and hope the situation just magically changed. It was sad for his kids/ grandkids that he couldn’t grow a spine and do the bare minimum in effort.

Go get that inheritance!