Dad’s girlfriend has officially taken over
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Anonymous
Yuck you. |
Anonymous
That is why it should be written into the will that when one spouse dies, the other gets half, and children get half. |
Anonymous
She is fine. You, on the other hand, sounds like a gold digger. |
Anonymous
You're the one that wants to control your parent's money. That sounds like a gold digger to me. |
Anonymous
Looks like dad’s GF got triggered. |
Anonymous
This is very, very common when the man, often widowed, gets a new wife or girlfriend. The women move vry quickly to cut him off from his kids and especially grandkids, while lavishing his money and attention on her family. Drop the rope and focus on your inlaws. My dad dumping our family and the grandkids resulted in all of my siblings and I to create stronger bonds with the inlaws, even if we didn't have tge best relationship with them prior. It is 20 years now in my rear view mirror, and thanks to my inlaws stepping up to the plate and filling the grandparent basket to the brim, I can say with certainty that it was a huge loss for my dad to miss out on all those moments with all of his (now teen and adult) grandkids, for her 2 grandkids and 1 daughter. Every friend I know whose mom passed first, went through the exact same thing with their dad and the new woman cutting them off. |
Anonymous
It doesn't work. Ask anyone who has been through it with their dad and a new woman. Even the most doting grandpa will cut out his original family in a heartbeat if the new woman wants. |
Anonymous
Agree. She got my mom's house, that was paid off the month after she died, by her earnings while my dad spent, spent, spent. That one stings tge most. Not because the house has a lot of value, but because it was the house we grew up in and our mom paid for, working even when her health was failing so the house would be paid off. 2nd wives suck. |
Anonymous
There are so many sociopaths in this thread. I was wondering if the posters here would cut off their parents if not for the expectation of inheritance, and then you came along and confirmed it. Thanks! |
Anonymous
So you're mad your father didn't pay for enough of the house? How much did you pay for? Or were also a source of "spend, spend, spend"? |
Anonymous
What kind of woman would want that? |
Anonymous
You win the thread. |
Anonymous
NP. You have poor reading comprehension. Did you miss the part that the new wife already cut them off so she instead focused on her kids and inlaws? You have to take that grief and anger/frustration and put it somewhere- it may as well be energy extended toward people who care about you and prioritize building/continuing a relationship. To the PP who wrote about her mother working to pay off her home- you are not alone- this just happened to a coworker of mine. It is a crazy juicy story- but apparently not uncommon. Apparently, after he passed, her and her siblings learned that her father had suddenly married someone in the last few weeks. No one had ever met her, heard of her or heard her name mentioned by him- he was a recent widower- not even dating as far as they knew and no evidence of it later- and he had recently been ill in hospital after a fracture. But it was a legal marriage- they confirmed at the courthouse. This was after they showed up at their dad's home to grieve, clean up for and plan the funeral and decide on a plan for the home/split the mementos- and she answered the door-with the marriage licence literally in hand and a nasty proud attitude. She told them to 'clean up this mess' and left. She wouldn't answer any of their questions but they found out later that she was apparently a care tech/lower level caregiver and he had been a patient she targeted when he was in rehab for a week before returning home after a fracture) and passed away very soon after. The background: He never worked a day in his life- her mother did it all- all her life- and she set him up with a paid-off home after she received a terminal diagnosis- as she knew he couldn't manage money.... this new person now owns the home and all belongings. She is selling the home/clearing it out to get it listed. She hired a junk truck and haulers to move all the belongings (aka childhood memories) out and so all his daughters (my coworker and her sisters) found out this person was even there-when neighbors called them- they showed up and wept their way through picking through the junk in the rented bin- for cherished belongings/photo albums they wanted. And had to be thankful this woman didn't call the police to boot them off the property- she could have. Right now our coworker and her sisters are processing their grief and anger- at this woman- but also at their dad for being so consistently foolish, but also at their mother for not avoiding this and just simply 'hoping for the best'- as she KNEW he was such a lout he'd run through the money- they wish in retrospect that she had set up a trust for the the three daughters, an allowance for the dad, put the house in the girls name and then this person would not have been entitled to anything. On the up side, they are using their anger as fuel to catch this woman before she strikes again. It's become kind of a hobby now and they post updates on their facebook. They can do nothing now- as it would be hard to even set about proving that he was manipulated because they did not have POA or documentation of severity of dementia. The sisters have been advised that as there was not a lot in the estate, this woman will likely strike again- as this appears to be her main source of income based on other deceased husbands- if you can believe it. They have paid an investigator to uncover who this woman even is, and the story is getting crazier and crazier. |
Anonymous
Don't kid yourself. The pp was clear his actions were inheritance-motivated. It's disgusting. And it's disturbing how many people here seem to share the view that their parents are only good for their inheritance. Inheritance has awful effects at both an individual level and a societal level. We really need to make dramatic changes to the practices and laws around it. |
Anonymous
You are responding to me and you have absolutely no idea how wrong you are. You have no idea how painful it has been to see my dad disappear emotionally, to see him shrink into himself, unable to connect, and for me to long for a connection that I once had, to see my kids wonder why their grandparents are so distant. You have no idea about the therapy I’ve done over years to work through grief and find a way to maintain some connection to my dad while also protecting myself. It’s really telling that you can read my post and only see money, maybe because *you’re* unable to imagine why else I would keep trying. (And frankly the amount of money he personally has —since his wife is the rich one—-would not be worth the effort if that’s what I was doing. If you want to see this in transactional terms, I probably have spent more than 50k paying for our trips out here last 10 years….flights hotels etc…just to try to maintain a connection, esp for my kids who have no other living grandparents now. I have actually dialed back, didn’t visit last summer, based on the realization (in part from a post here about a terrible thing they did to my kid) that I’ve been chasing him my whole life and I really need to focus on my own family. What will pain me, and what I’m bracing myself for, is the fact that in death, as in life, my father will have made it clear that my sibling and I (and his only grandkids) just didn’t matter enough. There is no amount of money that makes up for parental love. My advice to OP still stands: it’s fine to ask about plans but brace yourself for his decision (or lack of one, passivity is how my father avoids conflict). Keep open lines of communication but prepare yourself. |