Revealing affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Important detail needed.

1) Is AP younger and/or more attractive than OP.

2) is AP more graceful and pleasant in the eyes of the general public than OP.

3) does the AP love the cheater more than OP does prior to exposure?

Need the facts.

What does that have to do with informing APs husband that she's a cheating whore?

Well since cheater is now bonded to AP and OP has outed herself as a vindictive shrew it’s a road map into how the future is going to unfold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I think it’s important for betrayed spouses to know, i think that the intent of sharing that information matters. It should come of a place of concern for THEM, not from a place of needing to offload or share the pain of the person who knows.

I feel like this case is the latter, and I also don’t think that sharing the information is truly as freeing as OP thinks it was.

I don't think it matters at all.

It can be a little bit of both. They can want the spouse to know so they have their ducks in a row, can protect their children from any potential crazies, get their affairs in order knowing they are married to someone that is going to likely file for divorce w/out their being clued in for years, and protect themselves against STIs. And, they can also be pissed and want this person out of their family, their lives. It's kind of honorable to take one off the market--maybe just maybe that won't do it to another person after getting caught. One can hope the revelation will cure them of their deficiencies and force some self introspection about how deceitful and morally corrupt they are.

If OP is to be believed, they intentionally did something without caring if they were hurting someone else just so they could feel better, not to help the other person. That someone was as innocent of blame as OP and yet OP punished them. OP didn’t call the AP and tell them off so the AP could mend their ways. They called the spouse so they could feel better about themselves.

It’s a human thing to feel and to want to do. But doing it is not noble.

That was the cheating, honey. She wouldn't have had to make a phone call, if you treated your spouse with respect and honesty. You don't get to have the moral high ground. Telling the truth vs going behind people's backs, lying and committing adultery....hmmm? Which one is wrong?

Sorry, sweetheart. I am neither a cheater nor someone who’s been cheated on. If you want to damage a stranger just so you can feel good about yourself, go right ahead. But don’t pretend you had to do it or it’s to help that stranger. You show just as much self-restraint as the cheaters did. Just as much disregard for another person. More than one thing can be wrong at the same time. And two wrongs don’t make you right.

NP but the stranger (cheater) damaged *themselves*. It’s shocking you can’t get this extremely simple concept through your thick skull.

I mean, if your kid was cheating on a test and another kid told, did that kid *damage* your kid? (Answer: no. Your kid did it to himself.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Important detail needed.

1) Is AP younger and/or more attractive than OP.

2) is AP more graceful and pleasant in the eyes of the general public than OP.

3) does the AP love the cheater more than OP does prior to exposure?

Need the facts.

What does that have to do with informing APs husband that she's a cheating whore?

Well since cheater is now bonded to AP and OP has outed herself as a vindictive shrew it’s a road map into how the future is going to unfold.

OP gets to decide how the future unfolds. And good for her! Any man that calls women "vindictive shrews" are probably cheaters themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Important detail needed.

1) Is AP younger and/or more attractive than OP.

2) is AP more graceful and pleasant in the eyes of the general public than OP.

3) does the AP love the cheater more than OP does prior to exposure?

Need the facts.

What does that have to do with informing APs husband that she's a cheating whore?

Well since cheater is now bonded to AP and OP has outed herself as a vindictive shrew it’s a road map into how the future is going to unfold.

OP gets to decide how the future unfolds. And good for her! Any man that calls women "vindictive shrews" are probably cheaters themselves.

The cheater is a total pig and OP is a vindictive shrew. It’s always important to have perspective of the big picture to evaluate a scenario

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I think it’s important for betrayed spouses to know, i think that the intent of sharing that information matters. It should come of a place of concern for THEM, not from a place of needing to offload or share the pain of the person who knows.

I feel like this case is the latter, and I also don’t think that sharing the information is truly as freeing as OP thinks it was.

I don't think it matters at all.

It can be a little bit of both. They can want the spouse to know so they have their ducks in a row, can protect their children from any potential crazies, get their affairs in order knowing they are married to someone that is going to likely file for divorce w/out their being clued in for years, and protect themselves against STIs. And, they can also be pissed and want this person out of their family, their lives. It's kind of honorable to take one off the market--maybe just maybe that won't do it to another person after getting caught. One can hope the revelation will cure them of their deficiencies and force some self introspection about how deceitful and morally corrupt they are.

If OP is to be believed, they intentionally did something without caring if they were hurting someone else just so they could feel better, not to help the other person. That someone was as innocent of blame as OP and yet OP punished them. OP didn’t call the AP and tell them off so the AP could mend their ways. They called the spouse so they could feel better about themselves.

It’s a human thing to feel and to want to do. But doing it is not noble.

That was the cheating, honey. She wouldn't have had to make a phone call, if you treated your spouse with respect and honesty. You don't get to have the moral high ground. Telling the truth vs going behind people's backs, lying and committing adultery....hmmm? Which one is wrong?

Sorry, sweetheart. I am neither a cheater nor someone who’s been cheated on. If you want to damage a stranger just so you can feel good about yourself, go right ahead. But don’t pretend you had to do it or it’s to help that stranger. You show just as much self-restraint as the cheaters did. Just as much disregard for another person. More than one thing can be wrong at the same time. And two wrongs don’t make you right.

NP but the stranger (cheater) damaged *themselves*. It’s shocking you can’t get this extremely simple concept through your thick skull.

I mean, if your kid was cheating on a test and another kid told, did that kid *damage* your kid? (Answer: no. Your kid did it to himself.)

Oh ffs. The person the OP does not care about hurting is the AP’s spouse who never harmed OP. Do at least try to keep up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I think it’s important for betrayed spouses to know, i think that the intent of sharing that information matters. It should come of a place of concern for THEM, not from a place of needing to offload or share the pain of the person who knows.

I feel like this case is the latter, and I also don’t think that sharing the information is truly as freeing as OP thinks it was.

I don't think it matters at all.

It can be a little bit of both. They can want the spouse to know so they have their ducks in a row, can protect their children from any potential crazies, get their affairs in order knowing they are married to someone that is going to likely file for divorce w/out their being clued in for years, and protect themselves against STIs. And, they can also be pissed and want this person out of their family, their lives. It's kind of honorable to take one off the market--maybe just maybe that won't do it to another person after getting caught. One can hope the revelation will cure them of their deficiencies and force some self introspection about how deceitful and morally corrupt they are.

If OP is to be believed, they intentionally did something without caring if they were hurting someone else just so they could feel better, not to help the other person. That someone was as innocent of blame as OP and yet OP punished them. OP didn’t call the AP and tell them off so the AP could mend their ways. They called the spouse so they could feel better about themselves.

It’s a human thing to feel and to want to do. But doing it is not noble.

That was the cheating, honey. She wouldn't have had to make a phone call, if you treated your spouse with respect and honesty. You don't get to have the moral high ground. Telling the truth vs going behind people's backs, lying and committing adultery....hmmm? Which one is wrong?

Sorry, sweetheart. I am neither a cheater nor someone who’s been cheated on. If you want to damage a stranger just so you can feel good about yourself, go right ahead. But don’t pretend you had to do it or it’s to help that stranger. You show just as much self-restraint as the cheaters did. Just as much disregard for another person. More than one thing can be wrong at the same time. And two wrongs don’t make you right.

NP but the stranger (cheater) damaged *themselves*. It’s shocking you can’t get this extremely simple concept through your thick skull.

I mean, if your kid was cheating on a test and another kid told, did that kid *damage* your kid? (Answer: no. Your kid did it to himself.)

Oh ffs. The person the OP does not care about hurting is the AP’s spouse who never harmed OP. Do at least try to keep up.

Just because OP told the spouse doesn't mean OP was hurting them. You are so myopic trying to cover up for cheaters, it's gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is ridiculous. You must have come from a very F*ed up family of origin. How very sad for you that you think this way. No one is under any obligation to keep a cheater’s secret. Especially when there is a health concern. A partner deserves to know that their spouse is cheating so they can get STD testing. Or are you dumb enough to believe a cheater and liar when they say they have never cheated before and both are disease free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Important detail needed.

1) Is AP younger and/or more attractive than OP.

2) is AP more graceful and pleasant in the eyes of the general public than OP.

3) does the AP love the cheater more than OP does prior to exposure?

Need the facts.

What does that have to do with informing APs husband that she's a cheating whore?

Well since cheater is now bonded to AP and OP has outed herself as a vindictive shrew it’s a road map into how the future is going to unfold.

Girl you need a check up from the neck up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I think it’s important for betrayed spouses to know, i think that the intent of sharing that information matters. It should come of a place of concern for THEM, not from a place of needing to offload or share the pain of the person who knows.

I feel like this case is the latter, and I also don’t think that sharing the information is truly as freeing as OP thinks it was.

I don't think it matters at all.

It can be a little bit of both. They can want the spouse to know so they have their ducks in a row, can protect their children from any potential crazies, get their affairs in order knowing they are married to someone that is going to likely file for divorce w/out their being clued in for years, and protect themselves against STIs. And, they can also be pissed and want this person out of their family, their lives. It's kind of honorable to take one off the market--maybe just maybe that won't do it to another person after getting caught. One can hope the revelation will cure them of their deficiencies and force some self introspection about how deceitful and morally corrupt they are.

If OP is to be believed, they intentionally did something without caring if they were hurting someone else just so they could feel better, not to help the other person. That someone was as innocent of blame as OP and yet OP punished them. OP didn’t call the AP and tell them off so the AP could mend their ways. They called the spouse so they could feel better about themselves.

It’s a human thing to feel and to want to do. But doing it is not noble.

That was the cheating, honey. She wouldn't have had to make a phone call, if you treated your spouse with respect and honesty. You don't get to have the moral high ground. Telling the truth vs going behind people's backs, lying and committing adultery....hmmm? Which one is wrong?

Sorry, sweetheart. I am neither a cheater nor someone who’s been cheated on. If you want to damage a stranger just so you can feel good about yourself, go right ahead. But don’t pretend you had to do it or it’s to help that stranger. You show just as much self-restraint as the cheaters did. Just as much disregard for another person. More than one thing can be wrong at the same time. And two wrongs don’t make you right.

NP but the stranger (cheater) damaged *themselves*. It’s shocking you can’t get this extremely simple concept through your thick skull.

I mean, if your kid was cheating on a test and another kid told, did that kid *damage* your kid? (Answer: no. Your kid did it to himself.)

Oh ffs. The person the OP does not care about hurting is the AP’s spouse who never harmed OP. Do at least try to keep up.

Just because OP told the spouse doesn't mean OP was hurting them. You are so myopic trying to cover up for cheaters, it's gross.

It’s not covering up. They’ve already been outed.

Reread OPs post. It was her agonizing about HER discomfort and HER pain, and nothing about what the other betrayed spouse may need, want or feel. The whole post has a cru grey feel of punishment and revenge, and the need to bring someone else into her pain in order for her to feel better. And obviously it does.

While I don’t disagree that it’s not always a bad thing for a betrayed spouse to know, again, I think the motivation in why the person disclosing wants them to know is important, as it will have an impact on how the information is delivered. It seems to being missed here that they are also an innocent person in this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is ridiculous. You must have come from a very F*ed up family of origin. How very sad for you that you think this way. No one is under any obligation to keep a cheater’s secret. Especially when there is a health concern. A partner deserves to know that their spouse is cheating so they can get STD testing. Or are you dumb enough to believe a cheater and liar when they say they have never cheated before and both are disease free.

OP isn’t worried about STDs or any of that. She just wants someone to share the pain, and to hurt the cheaters. SHE is worried about HER having to carry the secret, which isn’t hers to share or not share, other than her own experience.

Setting out knowing you’re going out to hurt someone else to make yourself feel better IS questionable.

And I’m saying this as someone who has pretty decent proof their partner is cheating ATM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Important detail needed.

1) Is AP younger and/or more attractive than OP.

2) is AP more graceful and pleasant in the eyes of the general public than OP.

3) does the AP love the cheater more than OP does prior to exposure?

Need the facts.

Any info available ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

And many others would. If you are fine with staying with a cheater, just ignore the information and keep your head in the sand. Don't shoot the messenger because you have no self respect

It's people like you who fall the hardest when life get messy. And it always gets messy. I often wonder what it's like living in a black & white world that you must protect by hurling meaningless insults at people you don't know.

New poster. People who tell the truth “fall the hardest when life gets messy?” You saying this is laughable- it’s the ultimate irony that someone who would prefer to live in denial than know the truth about their marriage and partner would say this. No, life gets hard for those that are so immature and have such little respect for themselves that they can’t cope with the truth about their spouse. And you dare bring kids into this? You are modeling low self esteem and hiding things. There’s a reason that people talk about generational trauma, sounds like you are a big proponent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is ridiculous. You must have come from a very F*ed up family of origin. How very sad for you that you think this way. No one is under any obligation to keep a cheater’s secret. Especially when there is a health concern. A partner deserves to know that their spouse is cheating so they can get STD testing. Or are you dumb enough to believe a cheater and liar when they say they have never cheated before and both are disease free.

OP isn’t worried about STDs or any of that. She just wants someone to share the pain, and to hurt the cheaters. SHE is worried about HER having to carry the secret, which isn’t hers to share or not share, other than her own experience.

Setting out knowing you’re going out to hurt someone else to make yourself feel better IS questionable.

And I’m saying this as someone who has pretty decent proof their partner is cheating ATM.

It doesn’t matter why OP did it, it is the right thing to do. And it’s no surprise that you’d say this while you share a bed with a cheater.

[Anonymous]

I would do that too fwiw

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

And many others would. If you are fine with staying with a cheater, just ignore the information and keep your head in the sand. Don't shoot the messenger because you have no self respect

It's people like you who fall the hardest when life get messy. And it always gets messy. I often wonder what it's like living in a black & white world that you must protect by hurling meaningless insults at people you don't know.

New poster. People who tell the truth “fall the hardest when life gets messy?” You saying this is laughable- it’s the ultimate irony that someone who would prefer to live in denial than know the truth about their marriage and partner would say this. No, life gets hard for those that are so immature and have such little respect for themselves that they can’t cope with the truth about their spouse. And you dare bring kids into this? You are modeling low self esteem and hiding things. There’s a reason that people talk about generational trauma, sounds like you are a big proponent.

NP here. “Generational Trauma”.. that’s a hot one. No wonder we keep losing wars. We’re populated by snowflakes who believe they just walked a thousand miles on the trail of tears barefoot tied to a mule.