Non-monogamy: dealbreaker? or am I being close-minded?

[Anonymous]

And honestly, maybe this will teach him a good lesson. If he’s serious about you he’ll come crawling back (though I won’t see why you should take him back). He needs to learn that serious women won’t be interested in his self-actualization bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can the STD, condom, herpes police go somewhere else? Why does every thread that has to do with even the possibility of sex devolve into this ridiculous conversation about STD's, condoms, and herpes etc? We are ALL adults. OP is in her 50's. Just cut it out.....

What a great idea! No bringing up condoms or STDs in any conversations about sex, especially sex with multiple partners. It just ruins all the fun! Maybe Jeff can make a rule about this!

You may be an adult but you are also a moron. And you are not in charge.

Exactly - it just seems to me that if everyone wears protection (as they should), the poly folks always restrict themselves to PIV or anal in condoms; they can’t have oral without dental dums. That to me reduces the quality of sex so much! I don’t need two wrapped Ds, I want one unwrapped.

Poly women, can you please clarify this to me?

The bolded should go down in the annals of DCUM as a classic principle of life.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, he would’ve shown more integrity and self-awareness if he had just ended it, painful as it would’ve been, rather than trying to drag you into something that made you uncomfortable and was all about him. The fact that he was shocked that you walked away shows that he has blinders on - and perhaps that’s a post-divorce haze but it makes him unworthy of you at this time,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Thanks for the advice and perspective. I finally told him I care about him but he needs to think through his priorities, and unless and until he decides he's okay with monogamy, I'm done and we're just colleagues. I think he was kind of shocked: he was expecting me to wait patiently while he tried to decide what he wants. I am treating this as a breakup and going no-contact beyond being courteous if we have to interact for work.

Honestly, reading the responses to my post helped me get some objectivity, and realize that I although I was trying very hard to see things from his perspective, the truth was that I was feeling hurt, angry and manipulated. I feel a little sad now, because I liked the time we spent together and built up some hopes about what might happen, but I also feel relieved. I don't think he is a horrible person. He's generally a kind person. But I do think he's a little on the entitled and self-centered side, and the more I think about it, the more realize I am probably better off without him, even if he suddenly decides he wants to be Mr. Monogamous. So thanks, DCUM!

But OP did the STD police persuade you or, as an adult, were you already well aware and informed of all the risks associated with multiple partners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, he would’ve shown more integrity and self-awareness if he had just ended it, painful as it would’ve been, rather than trying to drag you into something that made you uncomfortable and was all about him. The fact that he was shocked that you walked away shows that he has blinders on - and perhaps that’s a post-divorce haze but it makes him unworthy of you at this time,

He needs to grow the F up. Sure, he may get a few years of fun sex with a bunch of women too needy to see why he’s not worth it, but if he doesn’t wise up he will end up on his own and in an increasingly desperate chase after women who want nothing to do with his bullshit.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. And plenty of men who know how to value women. This man is too into himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, he would’ve shown more integrity and self-awareness if he had just ended it, painful as it would’ve been, rather than trying to drag you into something that made you uncomfortable and was all about him. The fact that he was shocked that you walked away shows that he has blinders on - and perhaps that’s a post-divorce haze but it makes him unworthy of you at this time,

He needs to grow the F up. Sure, he may get a few years of fun sex with a bunch of women too needy to see why he’s not worth it, but if he doesn’t wise up he will end up on his own and in an increasingly desperate chase after women who want nothing to do with his bullshit.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. And plenty of men who know how to value women. This man is too into himself.

OP - for you to compare - I had a similar “offer” from an actual billionaire, a Forbes name in tech. He also actively practiced threesomes and wanted it be part of our sex live. I bailed out - it wasn’t about sex but about my own time management and allowing it for someone who’ll never make me fulfilled in a way I needed. He was always “working” on weekends etc . Of course women’s stream was endless because of his status and money. But once you realize you are just part of some chess game with ever changing figures, and nothing there for you beside a part of a very rich charismatic man who will kick you out in no time, you are out.

Just total BS

[Anonymous]

Polyamory is just one type of ENM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Polyamory is just one type of ENM.

That is a very original thought

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in a non monogamous relationship and it’s working just fine. We never talk about our experiences so I’m clueless about who he might be with. I take infrequent opportunity to be non monogamous so it’s not like I’m out and about looking for sex. But I travel a lot for business and personal and sometimes it’s nice to connect with someone. I’m 54 and this relationship is 3 years old and it’s working for both of us. Neither of us have an interest in marriage or living together and that helps.

You never talk about your experiences? For me, this blew up an otherwise acceptable ENM relationship. One of the women I was with was very open with me and I was open with her. But the other got very uncomfortable whenever I asked her about other men. She was embarrassed when I asked her where she was the past weekend. At the same time, she was jealous when I said I was with another woman.