Making my husband get a vasectomy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If YOU don't want to get pregnant, then YOU use birth control.

She can choose not to have sex. That’s the most effective form of birth control.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If YOU don't want to get pregnant, then YOU use birth control.

They’re married you nincompoop.

So what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually talked mine out of it. I’ve never had an unintended pregnancy and can’t imagine my chances are increasing with age.

I told DH, what if I die, and you fall madly in love with another woman and you both want more kids?

He just looked at me very lovingly the way he does, didn’t say anything but he canceled the appointment.

I have no issues with men or couples who decide to go through with it. I just don’t see the big deal either way.

I admit to having a slight preference to staying away from any surgical or medical procedure if it’s not necessary (and a strong preference for having it when it is indicated!).

This is just freaking weird.

Those who have lost family members too early will understand.

I also don’t feel entitled to make the decision for DH, just like I don’t ask him whether I should go on hormonal BCP (I never will). I’m in a marriage, it doesn’t mean I own the person, and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Vasectomy is surgically a much simpler procedure than having your tubes tied. Every doctor will tell you that. You've already done your part in having the kids. It's his turn now. There is a psychological hurdle guys can have over this but he has to get over it. Good luck. I'm 52 and not in menopause and when I date someone who has been snipped it is a huge weight off of me. I don't have to worry about that. I got so tired of worrying about that after 30+ years of worrying about that.

[Anonymous]

Np. 45 year old here, two kids, together about 25 years. I used hormonal birth control and wasn’t ever really a fan then went off it and had trouble getting pregnant so between kids we used condoms until we were open to an “oops” and then actively were trying (over a year). We then used condoms for another tow years. When DH got vasectomy (he agreed with the logic that I’d carried the kids and done the birth control that long, and that tubal ligation is more involved) sex became (a) more comfortable (b) more spontaneous and (c) more appreciative that my partner was involved in family planning. I think it really helped our sex life. While there are no grantees, that can be an argument for it. I will note I used to think 3 kids would be nice but DH knew that he never wanted more than two so even if I were out of the picture he didn’t envision wanting more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually talked mine out of it. I’ve never had an unintended pregnancy and can’t imagine my chances are increasing with age.

I told DH, what if I die, and you fall madly in love with another woman and you both want more kids?

He just looked at me very lovingly the way he does, didn’t say anything but he canceled the appointment.

I have no issues with men or couples who decide to go through with it. I just don’t see the big deal either way.

I admit to having a slight preference to staying away from any surgical or medical procedure if it’s not necessary (and a strong preference for having it when it is indicated!).

This is just freaking weird.

Those who have lost family members too early will understand.

I also don’t feel entitled to make the decision for DH, just like I don’t ask him whether I should go on hormonal BCP (I never will). I’m in a marriage, it doesn’t mean I own the person, and vice versa.

Please. It’s weird to talk to tell your spouse how much you want them to have kids with your younger replacement after you die. You’re either making this up or you belong in a cult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually talked mine out of it. I’ve never had an unintended pregnancy and can’t imagine my chances are increasing with age.

I told DH, what if I die, and you fall madly in love with another woman and you both want more kids?

He just looked at me very lovingly the way he does, didn’t say anything but he canceled the appointment.

I have no issues with men or couples who decide to go through with it. I just don’t see the big deal either way.

I admit to having a slight preference to staying away from any surgical or medical procedure if it’s not necessary (and a strong preference for having it when it is indicated!).

This is just freaking weird.

Those who have lost family members too early will understand.

I also don’t feel entitled to make the decision for DH, just like I don’t ask him whether I should go on hormonal BCP (I never will). I’m in a marriage, it doesn’t mean I own the person, and vice versa.

Please. It’s weird to talk to tell your spouse how much you want them to have kids with your younger replacement after you die. You’re either making this up or you belong in a cult.

It’s weird that you’re twisting my words and that you find this so personally relevant. I said no such thing.

You don’t share the same opinion, move on, it’s the Internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np. 45 year old here, two kids, together about 25 years. I used hormonal birth control and wasn’t ever really a fan then went off it and had trouble getting pregnant so between kids we used condoms until we were open to an “oops” and then actively were trying (over a year). We then used condoms for another tow years. When DH got vasectomy (he agreed with the logic that I’d carried the kids and done the birth control that long, and that tubal ligation is more involved) sex became (a) more comfortable (b) more spontaneous and (c) more appreciative that my partner was involved in family planning. I think it really helped our sex life. While there are no grantees, that can be an argument for it. I will note I used to think 3 kids would be nice but DH knew that he never wanted more than two so even if I were out of the picture he didn’t envision wanting more kids.

Yeah, you touch on it with the “no guarantees,” but I really wouldn’t sell this as helping your sex life or anything else that will increase quality or frequency. That could even be your intention, but married life is married life, and you’ll hit menopause and you’re done. Better to frame as necessary, not sufficient, and emphasize the no future guarantees, especially with interest almost certainly to decline to nil on your part.