Making my husband get a vasectomy
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I will preface this by saying I adore my husband and our sex life is amazing. I don’t believe in using sex to get things I want or withhold because I’m mad.
My husband and I are 2 kids and done. We are 100% sure of this but my husband is reluctant to get a vasectomy. I’ve had an IUD for all of our relationship and I do not want one again. I gave my husband and ultimatum of getting a vasectomy, using condoms, or abstaining because I’m not going back on birth control. He told me that it’s wrong of me to give him an ultimatum but I don’t. It’s his body, his choice, but it’s also my choice to decide on getting another IUD. I do not want to go through another pregnancy again. Am I in the wrong for this? |
Anonymous
| You are not wrong for this and it is a very common, simple procedure. Hopefully he realizes this and steps up, just as you have done throughout your sex life together. |
Anonymous
| Yup. It was condoms or vasectomy. So we did condoms post baby #2 until he got snipped and cleared. No more hormonal birth control for me. |
Anonymous
| No. To me, it's not really an ultimatum where you are telling him what to do with his body. You are making decisions about your body (no IUD) and then making decisions about how to handle not getting pregnant again. Only one of those choices involves him doing something to his body. If he doesn't want a vasectomy, cool. But just like you can't force him, he can't force you to go on birth control. So the reasonable consequence/compromise is other methods to not get pregnant. |
Anonymous
| Use Natural Family Planning (track your cycle) in combo with Pull and Pray. That's what we do! Works well as long as he's not a premature ejaculator. |
Anonymous
| What about having your tubes tied , OP? Since you no longer want kids |
Anonymous
OP here. I know 2 couples and a family member how got pregnant using this method. I don’t want any more kids, and for personal reasons, abortion won’t be in the cards if we end up with an accidental pregnancy. |
Anonymous
| You're not wrong at all. 15:25 is taking a gamble I wouldn't be comfortable with. |
Anonymous
OP here. It’s a major surgery and a risk. Vasectomy is much easier. |
Anonymous
|
I did this as well. His reluctance was religious. I had had 4 very high risk pregnancies and we even lost a late term pregnancy.
His reluctance and lack of willingness to be a partner in birth control yet still demanding the same sex life caused me to lose respect for him and we ended up divorcing. This was just one of the triggers. |
Anonymous
| I get why he would hesitate but I think condoms or abstinence is a fine compromise. Or a diaphragm. |
Anonymous
Not really. |
Anonymous
|
Contrary to the popular claim, good vasectomies are not really reversible. If, God forbid, you should be hit by a bus tomorrow, would you really want to preclude your husband from having children with his second wife? I think not.
Cycle tracking works very well. It's the people who aren't doing it carefully who get surprises. You can have something like the Flo app on your phone. Pretty easy. |
Anonymous
| I ended up getting a tubal. It was an easy procedure and no real recovery required. I would have much preferred him to get snipped but he refused. I guess I could have divorced him over it but I didn't |
Anonymous
Vasectomy is easy. I assume like most sane people that one doesn’t stop with kids because you only have X kids per woman…you stop because of how old you are and what you are comfortable raising. If one of us was hit by a bus tomorrow, I am 100% confident I don’t want any more kids with my next spouse and 99% confident my SO doesn’t want anymore either. Not that hard to find a new spouse that also has kids of similar age who is also done birthing. |