SIL constantly escaping her family life

[Anonymous]

More than one or two kids and there is a danger of kids being harmed by their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know this is none of my business (!), just curious if others have an opinion:

My brother and his wife have four kids <6. She escapes her life at any opportunity: camping with friends at least 1x/month (near & far - car&plane rides away), trains for marathons for hours at a time, volunteers at summer camp for several weekends - all q/o the family. They have 2x live in help so the kids are cared for but she is around inconsistently, relatively speaking. It was clear early that she loooved being pregnant but not the mothering. My brother asks her to stop the trips but she goes anyway. She goes to a women’s group therapy who cheer on her initiative. Neighbors have started to ask why she is on morning walks instead of walking the kids to school, why she isn’t around, etc. He wants to divorce but does not want to not have the kids everyday, he thinks that is what’s best for them. It might be! I’ve not offered any opinion/advice to him (and wouldn’t w/o his explicit request) but wouldn’t it be better to do it while they are young and don’t know any different?

She goes on a trip once a month and works out? And they can afford care? Exactly what is the issue?

[Anonymous]

I had a friend like this. Her husband was gone EVERY weekend hunting or camping without them. Gym every day. Yet, they managed to have 3 kids together. Eventually they divorced. I could have told you after kid 1 that their marriage wouldn't survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a SIL like this too.

Refuses to work, has a full time nanny 10 hours a day plus a different nanny on weekends. Plus a summer nanny plus babysitters to go out at night. She can’t be alone with the kids.

My parents *hate* her. Like, don’t even get them started on her because it puts them in such a bad mood. My brother “tolerates” her. They still do “date night” and go out to socialize but I know he sleeps in the guest bedroom and has talked to my parents about leaving her. Sometimes I feel like I should take her aside woman-to-woman to let her know what her husband and in laws are saying behind her back. He wants to divorce but doesn’t want to lose 50% custody of his kids. But I know that as soon as he meets a new (probably younger) woman who is into him and his $$$, SIL is out the door. She should probably start dusting off her resume because she is going to need it.

NP. And someone who understands divorce.

Your brothers are all screwed in a divorce (but they deserve to be). Dust off her resume? Sorry, she sacrificed her prime earning years to birth children. She’s getting a ton of alimony plus child support to maintain the lifestyle the kids are used to. Including live in help.

And who doesn’t dream of 50/50 custody so men like these who overestimate their own contributions have to actually be full time parents half the time without things set up for them? Just wait till they have to figure out the schedule for one summer. Or when the live in help has a family emergency and needs to head out for a few weeks. Or quits.

The next hot young thing is also going to want more kids, haha.

This isn’t the way divorce works these days. Alimony is much shorter lived than it used to be. Child support is serious, but if she attempts to have full time care including nights and weekends, she may lose custody entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a SIL like this too.

Refuses to work, has a full time nanny 10 hours a day plus a different nanny on weekends. Plus a summer nanny plus babysitters to go out at night. She can’t be alone with the kids.

My parents *hate* her. Like, don’t even get them started on her because it puts them in such a bad mood. My brother “tolerates” her. They still do “date night” and go out to socialize but I know he sleeps in the guest bedroom and has talked to my parents about leaving her. Sometimes I feel like I should take her aside woman-to-woman to let her know what her husband and in laws are saying behind her back. He wants to divorce but doesn’t want to lose 50% custody of his kids. But I know that as soon as he meets a new (probably younger) woman who is into him and his $$$, SIL is out the door. She should probably start dusting off her resume because she is going to need it.

NP. And someone who understands divorce.

Your brothers are all screwed in a divorce (but they deserve to be). Dust off her resume? Sorry, she sacrificed her prime earning years to birth children. She’s getting a ton of alimony plus child support to maintain the lifestyle the kids are used to. Including live in help.

And who doesn’t dream of 50/50 custody so men like these who overestimate their own contributions have to actually be full time parents half the time without things set up for them? Just wait till they have to figure out the schedule for one summer. Or when the live in help has a family emergency and needs to head out for a few weeks. Or quits.

The next hot young thing is also going to want more kids, haha.

This isn’t the way divorce works these days. Alimony is much shorter lived than it used to be. Child support is serious, but if she attempts to have full time care including nights and weekends, she may lose custody entirely.

Not at this level of wealth.